Funny / Rush Hour

First Film

  • Carter doing his victory dance after shooting up Clive's car up with C4 had everyone in knots and doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
    • Carter being confronted over the C-4:
    Captain Diel: Two officers were shot, one man lost a pinkie!
    Carter: But didn't nobody die!
    Captain Diel: You destroyed half a city block!
    Carter: That block was already messed up.
    Captain Diel: And you lost a lot of evidence!
    Carter: We still got a little bit left.
  • Lee pretends he cannot speak English: When Carter asks him, Lee sports a dorky grin.
  • The scene with the radio:
    Lee: Ah! Beach Boys!
    Carter: Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio!
    Lee: The Beach Boys are great American music.
    Carter: The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man! Let me show you real music.
    [He changes the song to "Can I Get A..."]
    Carter: That's real music. You hear that?
    [He starts moving his head like a snake, while Lee gives him a funny look]
    Carter: Now can you do that to the Beach Boys? Hell no!
  • Just about every time Carter does something stupid (in a funny way), courtesy of Chris Tucker.
  • WAR!
    Carter: You don't know nothing about no War.
    Lee: Everybody knows War. [singing] Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Good God, you all!
    Carter: It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!
    Lee: Yaw.
    Carter: Y'all!
    Lee: Yaw!
    Carter: Man you sound like a Karate movie, y'all!
    Lee: Yoll.
  • Carter arguing with the Chinese food vendor.
    Carter: Damn, Chin, this is some greasy shit. You ain't got no better food, like some chicken wings, some baby back ribs, some fries or something?
    Chin: Chinese food, no soul food here!
    Carter: I didn't say nothin' 'bout no soul food, I said you got some better food. I don't want that greasy shit. How you gonna sell a big box of grease?
    [Chin conplains in Chinese]
    Carter: [turns cross] I'm chilly a what?
    Lee: [grabs Carter] Come on!
    Chin: I'm no punk bitch.
    Carter: I ain't no punk bitch, neither!
    Carter: I'm about to knock that hat off your head, Chin.
  • Carter trying to pass as Juntao's cousin and explaining that he's "blackanese" (he doesn't know that Juntao is British).
  • Carter and Soo Yung "calling out the villain" is both funny and awesome.
    Carter: You hear what she said.
  • Lee does his very best to save an ancient giant vase in the middle of a fight with two mooks... then gunfire shatters it moments after he's won.
  • The first day we see Soo Yung going to school in America (granted, two months after she and her father moved to L.A.), she's quite exuberantly singing Mariah Carey's "Fantasy" in the back of the car. The looks on the faces of her bodyguards in the front seats are just hilarious.
  • When Lee and Carter first meet, Carter spins into his car, and Lee imitates the move, only fancier. Carter responds: "I'm gonna kick yo ass. Don't nobody do that but me."
  • Carter's unabashed flirting with Johnson throughout the film. Particularly when he apologizes for spreading rumors that the two slept together on Christmas. and trying to initiate phone sex with her right after practically begging her to help them get Soo Yung back.

Second Film

  • This exchange:
    Lee: In Hong Kong! I am Michael Jackson! You are Toto!
    Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate last night for dinner!
  • In the second movie, during the spa fight, Carter yanks off the towel of a gangster, and takes a quick glance:
    Carter: "No wonder you mad!" (and then he proceeds by slapping the gangster's crotch with a towel)
    • And don't forget what happens after the fight. Lee and Carter are thrown out of a car on a busy freeway... buttnaked.
  • The Camp Gay (played by Jeremy Piven) who mistakes Lee and Carter for gay.
  • Near the beginning, Carter tries to invite some Chinese girls to party with him and Lee, but his butchery of the language makes them drive off laughing at him.
    Carter: All I did was invite them to have a drink.
    Lee: You invited them to "get naked and sacrifice a small goat"!
    Carter: Which word was "goat"?
    • And that's not the only time...
    Carter: What did I say?
    Lee: You just asked everybody to pick up their samurai swords and shave your butt.
  • When Lee and Carter are hanging on a bamboo in Literal Cliffhanger-like situation:
    (cue the bamboo begins to tear apart)
    Carter: "W-Whoaa! L-Lee, are you sure!?"
    Lee (hopelessly): "Y-Yes, I'm sure!"
    (and the bamboo tears apart in two and the duo falls)
  • Carter's distraction in the casino, particularly the part where he winds up spinning in place with faux-outrage as he berates the employees.
  • Carter spies on Isabella from the building across the street, and notice she has a tattoo that looks like Snoopy. Lee immediately comments, "I love Snoopy." and wants the binoculars.
  • Lee, to Carter, "I'll... bitch-slap you back to Africa!"
  • This scene after Carter saves Lee from a bomb in his mouth:
    Lee: I did!
    Carter: NO YOU DIDN'!
    Lee: I said 'Hmm!'
    Carter: THE HELL IS 'HMM'?!
    Lee: 'HMM! BOOM!
  • In the Hilarious Outtakes, after a bad guy suffers a Disney Villain Death, Carter says "Damn...he ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3!"

Third Film

  • The beginning of the film opens with Carter directing traffic..... all to the music of Prince.... while doing an almost perfect recreation of the late Michael Jackson's dance moves.
  • Carter and Lee sing "The Closer I Get to You" by Roberta Flack.
  • Lee, I'm gonna kill you if we don't die!
  • "He's Mi, and I'm Yu."
    • Carter finally puts a stop to it:
    Carter: And I'm about to whoop your old ass, man, because I'm sick of playing games! Yu? Mi? Everybody's asses arpund here, him! I'mma kick his ass, I'm sick of this!
  • The scene where the duo confront a Triad member who refuse to speak either Chinese or English. He only speaks French, so they have to get a nun to translate for him, who tries to soften the Cluster F-Bomb the goon is leveling at them. And eventually during the T-Word Euphemism session, Lee (who previously convince Carter not to use any swear words in front of the nun) loses patience when the goon insulted him and hypocritically says "Just call him asshole!" to the nun.
    Lee: Sister Agnes, please ask who send him.
    [Sister Agnes and the Triad assassin speak French to each other]
    Sister Agnes: He said you're both making a big mistake, that one day you will beg for mercy. He also said... [beat]
    Lee: What? Please, Sister, we have to know.
    Carter: There's lives at stake.
    Sister Agnes: Well, he used the N-word.
    Carter: What? The N-word? You tell this little mother...
    Lee: Carter. [whisper] She's a nun.
    Carter: Sister you tell this piece of S-word, that I will personally F-word him up.
    [Sister Agnes and Triad assassin speak French]
    Carter: Did he say negro?
    Sister Agnes: He used the N-word again, but this time he mentioned your grandmother.
    Carter: You tell him that his mama's an H.
    Lee: [whisper] Carter, I believe whore is spelled with a W.
    Carter: Right W, and his sister's a W and his grandmama is a two bit W who makes double cause she got no teeth you tell him I said that.
    [Sister Agnes and Triad assassin speak French]
    Carter: Did he say it again?
    Sister Agnes: No, this time he called this gentleman [Lee] a word that means cat and another word that rhymes with maggot.
    Lee: What?! Well, you can tell him he's a A.W.
    Carter: [whisper] Lee, hole is spelled with an H.
    Sister Agnes: I have a dictionary upstairs.
    Lee: Just call him an asshole!
    • Also the fact that Carter and Lee need the nun to be a translator in the first place to find out who's the goon's boss, but the goon only keeps insulting the duo, and the nun had no choice but to translate the insult anyway.
    • For some dark humor, there is when Carter lose his patience and attempt to kill the goon out of anger. But the gun which Lee gave him has no bullet. Carter's response? "I'm trying to kill somebody, man! Damn!"
  • After a car chase:
    Carter: Lee, I'm alive! My whole life flashed in front of me. In three years I'll be married to a Chinese woman. We had three kids, look just like you, only a little darker. They'll be "blackanese."
  • Genevieve is putting on something more comfortable, so Carter calls room service: "Send up a bottle of honey and some Red Bull."
    • When Carter is in bed with Genevieve:
    Genevieve: I have never been with an American man before.
    Carter: Neither have I!
    • And:
    Genevieve: I'm a bad girl.
    Carter: Halle-LUJAH!
    Carter: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi...
  • On the airplane:
    Carter: Did you know the average Frenchwoman is naked 34 percent of the time?
    • In the same scene, Carter thinks Lee is too wound up and "constipated" from too much rice in his diet, so he asks the flight attendant for some Gefilte Fish and some Ex-Lax.
  • Carter's reaction to Genevieve taking off her wig
    Carter: Holy mother of Jesus, she's a man! I went to second base with a damn French man! It's the Crying Games! I'm Brokeback Carter!
    Genevieve: I'm not a man, it's just a wig!
    Carter: You sure about that? Huh?! Lee, go over there and check the hardware! If she got anything in her bag bigger than a 3 ounce, we gon' beat his ass!
  • This, when they spot Genevieve undressing:
    Lee: Maybe we should put on a dirty movie.
    Carter: (shocked) Lee!
    Lee: Only $9.95.
    • The outtakes portrays multiple takes of this scene, with Jackie Chan making up all sorts of variants.
    Jackie Chan: I like the ones with a story. (take two) I like the ones with a locker room scene. (take three) I like the one with a prison scene. (take four) I like the one with a shower scene. (take five) I like the ones with a white girl. (take six) I'm into feet. (take seven) I like the one with the horses. (take eight) I like the one with hairy women.
    Chris Tucker: What's wrong with you?!
    Jackie Chan: I don't know. Brett Ratner tell- teached me that.
  • When Carter overhears the intense fight scene between Lee and Dragon Lady, and assumes they're having wild sex.
    Carter: Come on, Crouching Tiger, don't hide that Dragon!
    • Then, when he opens the door and sees Dragon Lady crawling across the floor to retrieve her knives:
    Carter: (to Lee) You are a Super Freak!
  • Carter and Lee smelling like shit on the elevator, and offending a woman sharing the ride with them. Yeah, it's an old joke, but what gives it an added twist is how Carter complains that the woman's dog peed on his foot.
  • Roman Polanski as the French chief of police, who gives Carter and Lee a cavity search upon their arrival to France, and casually tells them, "Welcome to Paris." Then Smash Cut to Carter and Lee walking awkwardly out of the police station.
    • And then he shows up at the end of the movie, after everything's over, leading to this exchange:
      Chief: Congratulations! It seems we finally managed to bring down the triads!
      Lee: We?!
      Carter: You didn't do shit!
      Lee: My butt still hurts!
  • The fight with the tall Chinese guy, including the part where Carter hits himself with a nunchucku.

In General

  • "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!" and its Call Back: "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!" "Nobody understands the words that are coming out of your mouth!"
  • The bloopers, from all three movies...seriously. You will bust a gut.
    • Special mention- "Jackie always OK!"
    • Chris accidentally calling Jackie by his real name instead of his character's name. Multiple times. The second film's outtakes even show a frustrated Don Cheadle reminding Chris "His name is Lee, goddammit!"
    • "Filter fish"
      • Similarly, in the third movie, Chris cannot say "El Pollo Loco" correctly...but Jackie gets it right the first time.
    • In the first movie, Jackie flubs one of his lines in Chinese, but what really makes it hilarious is, with the take already ruined, Chris then walks in the room in a silly way and, imitating the tempo of Chinese speech, goes "What is this shit about your dog?"
    • The Camp Gay going off on a kinky tangent.
    • Chris gets a call in the middle of a scene because he forgot to turn off his cell phone.
    Chris: I'm staring Jackie Chan right in his eye!... No, you can't speak to Jackie Chan!"
    Jackie: You're wasting all our film!
    • Gets funnier when he finally acquiesces to let the caller speak to Jackie, at which point the film crew also crack up.
    • Chris struggles to say a simple Chinese phrase (xièxie nĭ, "thank you", for the record), and Jackie rubs it in: "See, how difficult is that? My English? He even cannot say three words, Chinese!"
    • "That's right, Lee. For the last 3 years, I've studied the ancient teaching of booty... (cracks up) " Note 
    • In one outtake from the third film, Jackie runs in, except he's carrying a little kid. He tells the crew, "The mom's gone."
    • "Damn...he ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3!"
    • Chris gets another one.
    Chris: "I'm sick of you, Kenji! You've been trying to kill us ever since the start of this damn movie!
    • "SHOW YOUR ASS!" "Show your ass?!"
      • "Y'all some gay ass Cops!"