- Just about every time Carter does something stupid (in a funny way), courtesy of Chris Tucker.
- Carter doing his victory dance after shooting up Clive's car up with C4 had everyone in knots and doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
Captain Diel: Two officers were shot, one man lost a pinkie!
- Carter being confronted over the C-4:
Carter: But didn't nobody die!
Captain Diel: You destroyed half a city block!
Carter: That block was already messed up.
Captain Diel: And you lost a lot of evidence!
Carter: We still got a little bit left.
- The first day we see Soo Yung going to school in America (granted, two months after she and her father moved to L.A.), she's quite exuberantly singing Mariah Carey's "Fantasy" in the back of the car. The looks on the faces of her bodyguards in the front seats are just hilarious.
- Lee pretends he can't speak English: When Carter asks him, Lee sports a dorky grin.
Carter: Please tell me you speak English. I'm Detective Carter, Do you speaka any English? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!
- When Lee and Carter first meet, Carter spins into his car, and Lee imitates the move, only fancier. Carter responds: "I'm gonna kick yo ass. Don't nobody do that but me. You want me to kick your ass, don't you?"
- When Carter calls his captain to complain about the bullshit case, it's revealed that a good chunk of the force is in the same room, listening over the speaker and snickering:
Carter: Captain, I don't think this is funny. No, I'm serious, Captain. Tell the FBI you made a mistake.
Captain Diel: I can't do that. I'm sure that you and Mr. Lee will have a nice time together.
Carter: You better call the FBI or I drop his ass at Panda Express.
Captain Diel: You drop this case, Carter, you're suspended for two months without pay.
Carter: You can forget about being mayor then.
Johnson: Congratulations, Carter. Looks like you finally got yourself a partner. (hangs up; everyone in Diel's office bursts out laughing)
- The scene with the radio:
Lee: ("Surfin' USA" plays) Ah! Beach Boys!Carter: Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio!Lee: The Beach Boys are great American music.Carter: The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man! Let me show you real music.[He changes the song to Jay-Z's "Can I Get A..."]Carter: Yeah, that's real music. You hear that?[He starts moving his head like a snake, while Lee gives him a funny look]Carter: Now can you do that to the Beach Boys? Can you do that to the Beach Boys? Hell no!
- When Carter and Lee visit Clive in prison, the guard tells the white Clive, "Your two brothers are here to see you."
Clive: I don't know anything about that, so you can kiss my fat ass.
- Later in the scene:
Carter: Clive, it'd take me all day to kiss your fat ass, man.
Carter: You don't know nothing about no War.
Lee: Everybody knows War. [singing] Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Good God, you all!
Carter: It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!
Carter: Man you sound like a Karate movie, y'all!
- Carter arguing with the Chinese food vendor.
Carter: Damn, Chin, this some greasy shit. You ain't got no better food, like some chicken wings, some baby back ribs, some fries or something?
Chin: Chinese food, no soul food here!
Carter: I didn't say nothin' 'bout no soul food, I said you got some better food. I don't want that greasy shit. How you gonna sell a big box of grease?
[Chin complains in Chinese]
Carter: [turns cross] I'm chinny a what?
Lee: [grabs Carter] Come on!
Chin: I'm no punk bitch.
Carter: I ain't no punk bitch, neither! I'm about to knock that hat off your head, Chin.
- Carter pretending to be Juntao's lawyer at the Chinese restaurant:
Carter: I'm here for a meeting with Mr. Juntao.
Waitress: I'm sorry, I don't know Mr. Juntao.
Carter: Maybe you don't understand. I'm Mr. Juntao's lawyer. Legal advisor. He got into some shit again. I'm a very busy man. I ain't got time to be coming down here. My wife wants me to come home, baby's shitting all over the house. Would you please get Mr. Juntao?
Waitress: But I have already told you, I don't know-
Carter: You think I came here for nothing? You gonna give me gas money? You got $5.00 on you? Would you please go tell Mr. Juntao to get his ass here? (waitress has a baffled look) Thank you.
- While Carter's waiting, he stops another waitress carrying food and sniffs it, but is repulsed and gives a "get that away from me" hand gesture.
- Carter trying to blend in with Juntao's gang:
- "OK, you gonna kill me? Okay, put the gun down, fight me like a man. That's right, fight me like a man. Shit! Anybody can shoot somebody. That's what I'm talking about. Back. Give me some room. You don't know who you messing with. I'm gonna knock that yellow— (a foot comes from out of frame and smacks Carter in the face) ...Which one of y'all kicked me?"
- Also him trying to pass as Juntao's cousin and explaining that he's "blackinese" (he doesn't know that Juntao is British).
- Thomas Griffin, whom the audicene already know to be the villain behind Soo Yung's kidnapping, gives a helpful piece of advice to Consul Han and the FBI: Pay the money.
- Carter and Soo Yung "calling out the villain" is both funny and awesome.
Carter:: PUSH THE GODDAMN BUTTON!Soo Yung:: PUSH THE GODDAMN BUTTON!(Beat)Carter: You hear what she said.
- Lee does his very best to save a Priceless Ming Vase in the middle of a fight with two mooks... then gunfire shatters it moments after he's won.
- Carter's unabashed flirting with Johnson throughout the film. Particularly when he apologizes for spreading rumors that the two slept together on Christmas. and trying to initiate phone sex with her right after practically begging her to help them get Soo Yung back.
- After Carter saves Lee from a falling death and slides onto him at a fast speed:
Lee: Thank you, thank you! (kisses Carter on the cheek)
Carter: (pushes Lee off him) Man, what the hell are you doing?!
Lee: I was just being... polite.
Carter: Well next time, be polite to my nuts!
- Carter is stoked about going to Hong Kong for two weeks, until Lee informs him that the flight is fifteen hours. And Carter really loses it when Lee starts singing "War" while listening to his headphones.
Carter: Aw hell no! Stewardess! Stewardess, get me another seat!
Lee: (singing) Listen to me, y'aaaaaaaal!Title Drop appears
- This exchange:
Lee: In Hong Kong! I am Michael Jackson! You are Toto!
Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate last night for dinner!
Carter: What in the world is going on in here?! Am I the only one listening to this?! The man's destroying a classic!
- Before that, Carter was singing "Thriller" and did it in a hilariously impressionable manner that it attracted a good number of girls to the dance floor with him. Which is amusingly ironic when Lee told him about the later aforementioned line.
- And way before that, a generic Chinese man on the stage tried singing to the same song, but his hilariously awful, and tuneless performance outrages Carter, leading to this exchange:
- When Carter demands Ricky Tan's attention, he grabs his laptop and repeatedly stomps on it. After his goons surround Carter, he immediately changes his tune:
Carter: Oh, my Lord. I would like to pay you for that laptop. I think I should do that.
Ricky: No problem.
Carter: I seen it on the Internet, with a DVD player. That's an old model.
- During the spa fight, Carter yanks off the towel of a gangster, and takes a quick glance:
- And don't forget what happens after the fight. Lee and Carter are thrown out of a car on a busy freeway... buttnaked.
- The Camp Gay (played by Jeremy Piven) who mistakes Lee and Carter for a couple.
- Near the beginning, Carter tries to invite some Chinese girls to party with him and Lee, but his butchery of the language makes them drive off laughing at him.
Carter: All I did was invite them to have a drink.
Lee: You invited them to "get naked and sacrifice a small goat"!
Carter: Which word was "goat"?
Carter: What did I just say?
- And that's not the only time...
Lee: You just asked everybody to pick up their samurai swords and shave your butt.
- When Lee and Carter are hanging on a bamboo in Literal Cliffhanger-like situation:
- Carter's distraction in the casino, particularly the part where he winds up spinning in place with faux-outrage as he berates the employees.
- Carter spies on Isabella from the building across the street, and notice she has a tattoo that looks like Snoopy. Lee immediately comments, "I love Snoopy." and wants the binoculars.
- Lee, to Carter, "I'll... bitch-slap you back to Africa!"
- Lee manages to get free of the ropes and starts biting Carter's off.
Carter: Bite it like a little monkey!
- This scene after Carter saves Lee from a bomb in his mouth:
Carter: WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THERE WAS A BOMB IN YOUR MOUTH?!Lee: I did!Carter: NO YOU DIDN'T!Lee: I said 'Hmm!'Carter: WHAT THE HELL IS 'HMMMM'?!Lee: HMM! BOOM!
- The beginning of the film opens with Carter directing traffic..... all to the music of Prince.... while doing an almost perfect recreation of the late Michael Jackson's dance moves.
- After an intense chase sequence, Carter introduces his and Lee's double date for the evening, and informs Lee: "Fat one's yours."
- The fight with the tall Chinese guy, including the part where Carter hits himself with a nunchucku.
- "He's Mi, and I'm Yu."
Carter: And I'm about to whoop your old ass, man, because I'm sick of playing games! Yu? Mi? Everybody's asses around here, him! I'mma kick his ass, I'm sick of this!
- Carter finally puts a stop to it:
- Carter's words to Yu before he leaves: "I don't know what you're feeding him [the giant], but he's TOO DAMN BIG!"
- The scene where the duo confront a Triad member who refuse to speak either Chinese or English. He only speaks French, so they have to get a nun to translate for him, who tries to soften the Cluster F-Bomb the goon is leveling at them. And eventually during the T-Word Euphemism session, Lee (who previously convince Carter not to use any swear words in front of the nun) loses patience when the goon insulted him and hypocritically says "Just call him asshole!" to the nun.
Lee: Sister Agnes, please ask who send him.
[Sister Agnes and the Triad assassin speak French to each other]
Sister Agnes: He said you're both making a big mistake, that one day you will beg for mercy. He also said... [beat]
Lee: What? Please, Sister, we have to know.
Carter: There's lives at stake.
Sister Agnes: Well, he used the N-word.
Carter: What? The N-word? You tell this little mother...
Lee: Carter! [whispering] She's a nun.
Carter: Sister, you tell this piece of S-word, that I will personally F-word him up.
[Sister Agnes and Triad assassin speak French]
Carter: Did he say negro?
Sister Agnes: He used the N-word again, but this time he mentioned your grandmother.
Carter: Well, you tell him that his mama's an H!
Lee: [whispering] Carter, I believe "whore" is spelled with a W.
Carter: Right W, and his sister's a W, and his grandmama is a two-bit W who makes double cause she got no teeth! You tell him I said that!
[Sister Agnes and Triad assassin speak French]
Carter: Did he say it again?
Sister Agnes: No, this time he called this gentleman [Lee] a word that means cat and another word that rhymes with maggot.
Lee: What?! Well, you can tell him he's a A.W.!
Carter: [whispering] Lee, "hole" is spelled with an H.
Sister Agnes: I have a dictionary upstairs.
Lee: Just call him an asshole!
- Also the fact that Carter and Lee need the nun to be a translator in the first place to find out who's the goon's boss, but the goon only keeps insulting the duo, and the nun had no choice but to translate the insult anyway.
- For some dark humor, there is when Carter lose his patience and attempt to kill the goon out of anger. But the gun which Lee gave him has no bullet. Carter's response? "I'm trying to kill somebody, man! Damn!"
- On the airplane:
Carter: Did you know the average Frenchwoman is naked 34 percent of the time?
- In the same scene, Carter thinks Lee is too wound up and "constipated" from too much rice in his diet, so he asks the flight attendant for some Gefilte Fish and some Ex-Lax.
- When Carter overhears the intense fight scene between Lee and Dragon Lady, and assumes they're having wild sex.
Carter: Come on, Crouching Tiger, don't hide that Dragon!
Carter: (to Lee) You are a Super Freak!
- Then, when he opens the door and sees Dragon Lady crawling across the floor to retrieve her knives:
- George, the cab driver that is at first disgusted with Carter and Lee (and Americans in general), but after getting roped into a car chase, can't get enough of the "super spy" lifestyle. There's a great moment during the chase scene when he successfully rids their car of a mook, and he gives a smug grin of accomplishment.
- Carter forcing George (at gunpoint!) to sing the Star Spangled Banner after he trashes Halle Berry.
- After a car chase:
Carter: Lee, I'm alive! My whole life flashed in front of me. In three years I'll be married to a Chinese woman. We had three kids, look just like you, only a little darker."
- Carter and Lee smelling like shit on the elevator, and offending a woman sharing the ride with them. Yeah, it's an old joke, but what gives it an added twist is how Carter complains that the woman's dog peed on his foot.
- Lee is despondent over his brother Kenji, so Carter tells him a story:
Carter: I understand, man. I got a brother. My little brother Perry. We used to be best friends. Now we don't even speak. He think I tipped off the cops about his chicken fights in his garage. Can you believe that? My own brother think I'm a snitch. Just 'cause my chicken lost in the semifinals. I didn't even really care.
Carter: Fight was fixed, man. My bird was fightin' a chicken that didn't make his weight. And he still went the distance. He had a lotta heart. And he was delicious.
- Carter and Lee sing "The Closer I Get to You" by Roberta Flack.
- This, when they spot Genevieve undressing:
Lee: Maybe we should put on a dirty movie.
Carter: (shocked) Lee!
Lee: Only $9.95.
Jackie Chan: I like the ones with a story. (take two) I like the ones with a locker room scene. (take three) I like the one with a prison scene. (take four) I like the one with a shower scene. (take five) I like the ones with a white girl. (take six) I'm into feet. (take seven) I like the one with the horses. (take eight) I like the one with hairy women.
- The outtakes portrays multiple takes of this scene, with Jackie Chan making up all sorts of variants.
Chris Tucker: What's wrong with you?!
Jackie Chan: I don't know. Brett Ratner tell- teached me that.
- Genevieve is putting on something more comfortable, so Carter calls room service: "Send up a bottle of honey and some Red Bull."
Genevieve: I have never been with an American man before.
- When Carter is in bed with Genevieve:
Carter: Neither have I!
Genevieve: I'm a bad girl.
Carter: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi...
- And Carter says the lyrics to "Lady Marmalade" during the same scene.
- Carter, Lee, and Genevieve briefly hide out at George's house, where his wife is none too happy to be harboring them.
George: From this point on, never ask me about my business! (wife slaps him)
- Carter's reaction to Genevieve taking off her wig:
Carter: Holy mother of Jesus, she's a man! I went to second base with a damn French man! It's the Crying Games! I'm Brokeback Carter!
Genevieve: I'm not a man, it's just a wig!
Carter: You sure about that? Huh?! Lee, go over there and check the hardware! If she got anything in her bag bigger than a 3 ounce, we gon' beat his ass!
Carter: You're messed up in some weird shit, lady. I mean, man, whatever the hell you are.
- And later in the scene:
Genevieve: (annoyed) I'm a WOMAN!
- When Reynard is revealed to be a bad guy:
Carter: It's over, Reynard. You know what it's like to be an old man in prison? They call you "pops". They make you work in the library. Your best friend, gonna be a mouse.
- Roman Polanski as the French chief of police, who gives Carter and Lee a cavity search upon their arrival to France, and casually tells them, "Welcome to Paris." Then Smash Cut to Carter and Lee walking awkwardly out of the police station.
Chief: Congratulations! It seems we finally managed to bring down the triads!
- And then he shows up at the end of the movie, after everything's over, leading to this exchange:
Carter: You didn't do shit!
Lee: My butt still hurts!
- And then they punch him out and walk away while "War" plays over the scene.
- Lee, I'm gonna kill you if we don't die!
- "Carter, I'm not constipated anymore!"
- "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!" and its Call-Back: "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!" "Nobody understands the words that are coming out of your mouth!"
- The bloopers, from all three movies...seriously. You will bust a gut.
Chris: I'm staring Jackie Chan right in his eye!... No, you can't speak to Jackie Chan!"Jackie: You're wasting all our film!
- Special mention: "Jackie always OK!"
- Chris accidentally calling Jackie by his real name instead of his character's name. Multiple times. The second film's outtakes even show a frustrated Don Cheadle reminding Chris "His name is Lee, goddammit!"
- "Filter fish"
- GEFILTE FISH!
- Similarly, in the third movie, Chris cannot say "El Pollo Loco" correctly...but Jackie gets it right the first time.
- In the first movie, Jackie flubs one of his lines in Chinese, but what really makes it hilarious is, with the take already ruined, Chris then walks in the room in a silly way and, imitating the tempo of Chinese speech, goes "What is this shit about your daughter?"
- The Camp Gay going off on a kinky tangent.
- Chris gets a call in the middle of a scene because he forgot to turn off his cell phone.
Chris: "I'm sick of you, Kenji! You've been trying to kill us ever since the start of this damn movie!
- Gets funnier when he finally acquiesces to let the caller speak to Jackie, at which point the film crew also crack up.
- Chris struggles to say a simple Chinese phrase (xièxie nĭ, "thank you", for the record), and Jackie rubs it in: "See, how difficult is that? My English? He even cannot say three words, Chinese!"
- "That's right, Lee. For the last 3 years, I've studied the ancient teaching of booty... (cracks up) " Note
- In one outtake from the third film, Jackie runs in, except he's carrying a little kid. He tells the crew, "The mom's gone."
- "Damn...he ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3!"
- Chris gets another one.
- "SHOW YOUR ASS!" "Show your ass?!"
- "Y'all some gay ass Cops!"