Funny / Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

  • Duncan is blind, and kind of racist. And he has been unwittingly hanging out with Azeem for some time now.
    Duncan: A curse on Moors and Saracens! If it were not for their ungodly ways, Master Robin would never have left. (Beat) What manner of name is "Azeem"? Irish? Cornish?
    Azeem: Moorish.
    (Duncan cringes in fear.)
  • "Fuck me, he cleared it!"
  • The Sheriff is storming around Mortianna's quarters, flailing a whip at the walls, and ends by picking up a knife and stabbing several pieces of raw meat on a plate. Mortianna's response: "Something vexes thee?"
    • This outburst from the Sheriff:
    Nottingham: Cancel all the kitchen scraps for the lepers, no more merciful beheadings... and call off Christmas!
  • During the Final Battle, a guard on the castle battlements charges Azeem, who pulls out his sword and makes a few threatening gestures with it. The guard immediately turns around and runs away.
    Baron: My Lord Sheriff, is this your idea of control?
    Sheriff: Shut up, you twit!
  • When Robin firsts meets Little John, he notices Wulf (whom he'd saved from the Sheriff's men earlier) calling John "father"-
    Robin: HE'S your father?!
    Wulf: (nods and smiles)
    Robin: (Oh Crap! face and weird nervous laugh)
  • Azeem's frustration with typical British Weather:
    Azeem: Is there no sun in this cursed country?!
  • Azeem handing a telescope to Robin, who promptly is wigged out by this strange device he's never encountered before. (In this case, "wigged out" = "trying to stab the men who are over a mile away because the telescope shows them close up".)
    Azeem: How did your uneducated kind ever take Jerusalem?
    Robin: God only knows.
  • After Robin cuts the Sheriff's cheek during an early confrontation, some unidentified smartass in the castle evidently has a bust of the Sheriff defaced to include the new scar. The Sheriff takes notice of this and distractedly tries to buff it out during one of his rants, and during the Storming the Castle sequence Robin is momentarily pulled out of the moment when he stops and does a Double Take at the scar on the statue.
  • "LOCKSLEY! I'm going to cut your heart out with a spoon!"
    Guy of Gisborne: Why a spoon, cousin?
    Nottingham: Because it's dull, you twit! It will hurt more!
  • The frustrated Nottingham to two women he passes by.
    Nottingham: You, my room, 10:30. (to the other woman) You, 10:45... And bring a friend!
  • Friar Tuck's first encounter with gunpowder.
  • The Sheriff's epic eye roll when Robin crashes his wedding.
  • Maid Marian stumbles over Robin bathing in a waterfall and gets an eyeful. Helped by her nursemaid happily commenting, "Oh, my lady, look!"
  • The Sheriff and his cousin, Guy of Guisbourne, eye-rolling during church when the bishop asks for blessings for the Sheriff. Considering they're devil worshippers, this isn't surprising.
  • "There was a rich man from Nottingham who tried to cross a river! What a dope, he tripped on a rope! Now look at him shiver!"