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Gears of War 3
- On the COG armor:
Mike: Those chestplates indicate the actual size of their nipples. Yeah, the future is gross.
- When Cole Train enters his old locker room.
Bill: (as Cole) My old locker room! (sighs dreamily) Saw a lot of nude men in here, yep.
Mega Man 8
- Mega Man: Dr. Light, how's it going? Will he be okay?
Mike: Today's episode: "Mega Man hits a Wino With His Car"!
- This exchange:
Mega Man: But where is Dr. Wiley?Dr. Light: That's a good question.Kevin: Another good question: Why is Mega Man voiced by a grade-school girl?
Final Fantasy X
- When Yuna tries getting Tidus to laugh out loud:
Yuna: Come on, show me!Bill (as Yuna): Shouldn't be hard! Just look down at what you're wearing.
Yuna: You probably shouldn't laugh anymore.Mike (as Yuna): And while you're at it, maybe cut out breathing and all other life functions as well?
Sonic The Hedgehog 2006
- "He died from having a really stupid nose."
- Before Elise kisses Sonic to bring him back to life.
Elise: Sonic, come back. To me... to us!Mike (as Elise): Disgrace your once-proud franchise with one more terrible game before you die.
- When Elise kisses Sonic:
Kevin: And God smote them for their unholy woman-hedgehog sexy time.
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
- After Akiba gets caught relieving himself in a barrel, Snake proceeds to inspect it.
Bill: Nick Nolte's real estate agent checks out an exciting new prospect.Mike!Old Snake: ...Getting too old for this shit... (Laughs) I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. But seriously, I just put my whole head into some weapons-grade fecal stink and should be hospitalized immediately.
The Complete Peanuts 1995- 1996
Lucy: I've often wondered...Riff: "Am I my brother in a black wig?"Lucy: In all your life, what have you done that you're most proud of?Riff: "I'm a DOG who WRITES NOVELS, what more do you want from me?!"Snoopy: In all my life, I've never kissed a cat!
National Geographic Total Riff Off
Killer Shrimp N' Friends
- During the segment about Marley, the untrainable, thong-swallowing dog.
Mom: My daughter called to me saying, "Mom! Mom! Something's wrong with Marley!"Mike: She's behaving!
- The crew react at the horrifying habits of koalas.
Bill: So they're a ball of diarrhea, wrapped in chlamydia? Still no different than David Spade.
- During the first segment about the mantis shrimp:
"The mantis shrimp is the little Joe Pesci of the animal kingdom."Mike: He carries a shine box.
- The whole setup even without the riffing as Richard Terry tries to come off as some kind of action hero on a grandiose adventure gives the riffers plenty of material to work with.
- When announced that a mysterious bat-like creature was terrorizing a Central American village.
Kevin: That's just Christian Bale getting in character.
Richard Terry: He described the bat as big as a vulture and having huge black beady eyes.Kevin: It sounds like he was describing Gary Busey.
Bill: The only flying demon was the huge loogy he hocked up!
- The Running Gag of Richard Terry overhyping creatures.
Bill: Birds, or as I call them, Mayan Beak Demons!Kevin: (on a snake) A wingless monster bat!
Richard Terry: I'm trying to find something frightening with large eyes that would frighten the local populace.Kevin: You know, something that would cause a billionaire orphan to wear tights and fight crime.
Mike: I was just decapitated by a huge demon bat! Oh, wait, I just hit my head on the bathroom stall door.
- After Richard Terry describes his sweat combining with bat guano to form "a lovely, thick guano soup".
Mike: Okay, now the program has become truly scary.
Richard Terry: I wanted to learn more about vampire bats.Mike: So I read a book called Twilight.
- On a shock-cut to a close-up of a grinning bat:
Mike: (as bat) Hi. Now I'm in your dreams forever!
Richard Terry: They believe that there are good bats that protect the village and demon bats that attack them.(shock-cut to a grinning bat)Kevin: (high-pitched voice) I'm the good bat!
- Earlier there's another shock-cut bit:
- Near the end of the show, we're introduced to "one of the world's foremost experts on vampire bats."
Kevin: Whom they really should have hired in the first place instead of Our Host.
- Translating what a local is really telling Terry: "Do... something else... with... your life."
- Noting the oddity of Richard's quest:
Richard: I'm searching the cave's of Mexico for a monster bat...Bill: (deadpan) As one does.
- On an old man's relationship with a goose named Maria:
Kevin: Even Joaquin Phoenix's character in Her thinks this relationship is kinda pathetic.
- On finding out Maria is actually Mario.
Kevin: The goose's hatred of Koopas should have been a clue.
- The entire Running Gag of the legend that is PAUL!
- On a cocker spaniel named Bullwinkle that specializes in finding cadavers.
Bill: Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a cadaver out of my hat!
Dog Trainer: (holding human foot) I'm gonna bury it. I'm gonna put it in some rubble...Mike: That's what Fred Flintstone said during his affair with Betty.
- Several riffs on the fact that they have actual human remains on hand to test the dog with:
Bill: "I notice that they're still not addressing the question where these remains are coming from."
- When they first announce that they'll be using human remains, Bill gives a startled "Huh?"
- Slow-motion close-up of a barking Malinois:
Kevin: I'm from Hell!
Richard Terry: It's just... thick brown soup down there.Mike: Welcome to "Some Guy Says Vaguely Gross Phrases"!
- As Richard talks ominously about his search.
Kevin: AAAH, A MONSTER!!! Oh, wait, that's just a small weed.
Kevin: Man V. Common Species just doesn't have the same ring to it.
- "Richard Terrry summed up in five seconds:"
Richard: "There's something black floating past us!" (horror sting, dramatic zoom) "That's a log."
- While Richard is fishing for catfish:
Kevin: "Only Richard Terry would talk about being in the 'firing line' of a catfish."
- They laugh at how it apparently took an old Thai woman weeks to realize that her food had become necrotic.
Bill: "Tough old bird!"
- A snake suddenly lands on a car hood while it's driving down a highway.
Narrator: Sometimes they find themselves starring in an unofficial sequel to Snakes on a Plane.Bill: But with much higher production values.
- On raccoons.
Narrator: They don't make good pets.Bill: But they do make Guardians of the Galaxy, however.
- As a turtle humps a workman's boot.
Mike: (as turtle) Yeah, call me Dr. Scholl, baby!
- After numerous disgusting and disturbing clips, we cut to an obviously heavily pregnant elephant: