- According to the Trailer, Grif trains his men by leading them on infiltration missions into the mess hall, Simmons has the most incompatible team for him, and Caboose is simply not allowed to touch heavy weapons or machinery.... Kimball won't go into details.
- Episode 1: Grif's armor color gag returns, but this time it is referenced with his squad's name "Gold Team." and demanding it be renamed orange team.
Grif: You tell them it makes a big difference, Bitters, because I am orange! I am not gold! I am not yellow! I am fucking orange!
- Simmons having a bit of an anxiety attack:
Simmons: What would Sarge say at a time like this?
Grif: Shut it Simmons!
Simmons: Probably, yeah.
Caboose: Did we win?
- When Grif tells Simmons to man up about his girl issue (Since his entire squad is filled with girls.) this exchange occurs
Simmons: Oh man, this is just like junior high all over again!
Simmons: Why do I have to play in the women league!? I wanna be a mathlete, Dad! A mathlete!
- When Kimball halts the exercise, Caboose keeps yelling and shooting for a moment.
Kimball: What. The Hell. Was that?!
Caboose: [still yelling, then halts] Oh, we stopped.
- "On a scale of one to ten, I'd say we're pretty much fucked."
- Episode 2:
- Two New Republic soldiers talk about a cut power cable.
- Felix gets ambushed by a Fed, and immediately turns and throws a combat knife at the guy, killing him instantly. He then takes a Tiger Woods pose.
Felix: I am fucking awesome.
- Episode 3:
- Episode 4:
- Smith, Caboose's lieutenant, translating Caboose's rambling into something inspiring... And loving the idea of Kool-Aid on tap.
Simmons: My fellow soldiers. If you elect me as your leader, you're not just voting for a kind, well-mannered leader, you're voting for victory. I've overseen countless skirmishes and calculated my opponent's every move. And although some people may not count Dungeons and Dragons as an acceptable example of military expertise, I beg to differ. A vote for Dick Simmons is a vote for America!
Palomo: ...But we're not in America.
- Then there's Grif campaign pitch which was basically calling dibs.
- Jensen getting so nervous that she 'chokes on her own spit' and collapses momentarily.
Tucker: Simmons, what the fuck is this?!
Simmons: It was either her or the really hot one who plays volleyball!
Tucker: Then what the fuck is this?!
- Episode 5:
Caboose: *tosses a grenade* Fire in the hole.
- Episode 6
- Tucker finally tries to hit on Kimball it goes very badly.
- Kimball sheepishly admitting that the pond beside her "nice thinking place" is full of radioactive algae
- Grif is becoming Sarge due to the stress of leadership. He's horrified by this.
- Bitters stealing and eating a snack cake that Grif has been saving since basic training. It doesn't go too well for him.
Bitters: [weakly] Don't... let me drown... in my helmet. *gags*
- Episode 7
- Discussing plans for leaving:
Grif: Vehicle bay's got plenty of Warthogs I guess...
Caboose: Ah, you guys are just jealous.
- The guys at their 'truck stop'
- Caboose wanting a lottery ticket
- Grif wanting to loot the place and take the Slushee machine
- Tucker wanting magazines with 'pictures'
- Grif and Simmons talking about the worst super power.
- Episode 8
- The guys break into the Fed base, and when they're about to get caught, disguise themselves as snowmen.
- Made even better by Grif saying he used to do it in Bloodgulch, which didn't work for obvious reasons.
- Noticing that there weren't any guards around:
I don't know, doesn't look like there's anyone around to me. A siren blares off from the speakers around the outpost. Soldier on PA:
Alright, lunch breaks over. Back to your stations people. Feds start piling out of the base and moving to their posts. Soldier on a warthog:
Come on maggots, get the lead out! Move! Move! Move! Soldiers continue to move out of the outpost and set up stations around the base. Soldier in a tank:
Woo! Brand new tank, coming in! This will kill any intruders for sure! Tucker:
I hate my stupid mouth. Grif:
I hate it more.
- The Feds' Armed Farces moments when their lunchbreak ends and when they rush to save their possessions from being ruined by sewage.
This is what we've been training for!" Another Fed Soldier:
Christ! Last night was taco night! Yet Another Fed Soldier:
WE NEED TO SAVE OUR SHIT FROM THE SHIT!
- Episode 9
- Washington trying to stay composed while Sarge rants and raves while they are still 'captives':
Washington: I have an idea. Let's play the quiet game.
Donut: Ohohoho. It. Is. On!
Sarge: Great Monopoly's top hat, Wash. Now is not the time for games! Now is the time for action! Come on, help me get out of these cuffs. There's a certain someone in this room that I feel like bludgening to death!
Donut: Just use your feet, Sarge. If he fights back, I'll beat him off ya!
Sarge: You're not thinking, Donut! That'll just alert more guards.
Donut: Well if I can't beat off a room full of dudes, then what have I been training for this whole time?
Washington: I would really like to play the quiet game, please.
- Donut's safe word: It's "Chrysanthemum".
- General Dorian Doyle meeting the captive Red and Blues. Followed shortly after by him fainting in front of the captive Red and Blues in his own base, surrounded by several of his men.
- Washington, Sarge, and Donut confronting General Doyle:
Washington: So you sent your men to kill us?!
Doyle: Absolutely not!
Sarge: I've got a few cracked ribs that beg to differ! And a headbone that strongly disagrees.
- Lopez's triumphant return:
: Bienvenidos, Robo-buddy! You're back in the world of the living! Viva... la Viva. Lopez
: Yo no estaba muerto. Mis miembros simplemente dejaron de funcionar y ellos tiraron mi en la basura. Fue la experiencia más agradable que he tenido en años. Translation
: I wasn't dead. My limbs just stopped working and they put me in the trash can. It was the most enjoyable experience I have had in years.
- And the follow up reaction:
Sarge: No need to thank us!
- Episode 10
- Donut's idea of setting up a perimeter.
Donut: (yelling) Hey! Just so you guys know, you better not come over here!
Lopez: Usted avergonzar a ti mismo. <You embarrass yourself.>
- The uncomfortable and somewhat shocked reaction of the Reds and Blues seeing a FED soldier disintegrated in front of them.
- Tucker's reaction to seeing Epsilon Church.
Church: Miss me, assholes?!
Tucker: You fuck! (Jumps at him, passing right through the hologram and falling on his face)
Church: Huh... Wasn't expecting that.
- Episode 11: While Church is working on a game plan for Carolina's fight, he's having a conversation with all the other AI. Which includes Delta suggesting he get a dog to combat loneliness, and Theta getting all excited about the idea.
- Church's snarkiness has not gone down in the slightest.
Carolina: How long until transfer?
Church: About forty-five seconds.
Carolina: And you can't make that go quicker?
Church: That should give you enough time to deal with the three security personel who are about to come through the door.
Carolina: What? Which door?!
Church: (exasperated) There's only one door! They just set a breaching charge by the way.
Church: Detonates in three
Carolina: Why didn't you tell me?!
Church: Two I just did!
Church: One Oh, you'll be fine!
- Episode 12:
- Episode 13:
- Grif refusing to part with his new laser weapon has a few highlights:
- Donut cheerfully accounting how Grif broke down after the UNSC confiscated the "Grif-Shot" (Meta's old grenade rifle).
- Grif and Sarge butt heads over handing the weapon over:
Sarge: Damn it, Grif! Hand over that laser this instant!
You can't tell me what to do! I out-rank you! Again!
What the—?! (Angry muttering
, followed by hefting his shotgun) Well, let's see you out-rank the end of my shotgun!
Grif: (Raising his laser weapon) Uh, done. Fucking space-laser, bitch.
- Church ends up ghosting into Grif to make him hand over the weapon...which is covered in grease, much to Carolina's disgust. And apparently, Grif himself is pretty greasy, much to Church's disgust.
- Caboose's little talk with Wash about the fate of Freckles.
Washington: ...Caboose. I'm not really sure how to tell you this without both confusing you... and breaking your disturbingly fragile heart.
Caboose: I'm an emotional ticking time bomb!
Washington: (under his breath) Jesus Christ!
- Caboose treating the flashdrive Freckles like a real dog.
- Afterwards, Wash is privately reflecting on how it's nice to have everyone back together. Cue the Moment Killer:
Grif: (Off-screen, shouting) Back off, lady, or I will put you in the ground!
Washington: Aaand the moment's passed.
- Grif's teleporter cubes make a return appearance...along with a reminder that they were inadvertently used to teleport Doc to God-knows-where.
Lopez: (In Spanish) And Doc. You accidentally transported Doc.
Lopez: (In Spanish) Oh, for fuck's sake...
- And Sarge admits that they found said cubes while trying to find a way to defeat the Blues—er, their giant robot, Freckles.
- Episode 14
- Caboose's excitement at seeing his life flash before his eyes.
- Grif and Simmons bantering is called pillow talk. By everyone.
- Gray promises to make food out of fungi and algae when the group returns. Wash kindly asks her not to.
- Episode 15
- Wash talking to Tucker at the beginning after watching Grey chew out Carolina about using her speed enhancement with a bad leg.
Agent Washington: You know, I don't think I've ever seen a civilian lecture a Freelancer like that. It was pretty entertaining, actually.
Tucker: Hey Wash, you got a second?
Wash: I swear if you want me to look at another rash I'm gonna kill you.
- After Washington gives Tucker his best attempt at a pep talk, Simmons walks up to ask the ex-Freelancer to help with Carolina's interrogation of their new prisoner. More specifically, Simmons is hoping that Wash can calm Carolina down:
Carolina: (shouting off-screen after hitting something) "WHY WON'T HE TALK?!"
She's a little
- And when they get there, Carolina has resorted to throwing things. Church (who just had a metal crate thrown through his holographic form) dryly remarks that she takes after her mother.
Church: Yeah, you'd better be happy her mother's not around to hear you say that.
(Outside, the assembled team is listening to the prisoner's shrieks of pain, and Dr. Gray cheerfully humming to opera all the while.)
Simmons: (Nervously) Sarge? I'm scared.
(Dr. Gray walks out and joins them.)
Dr. Gray: (Cheerfully) His name's Zachary Miller, he's ex-military, and he was polite enough to hand over the coordinates to a nearby radio jamming tower.
Carolina: ...All right. Think he's...in a position to answer a few more questions?
(Dr. Gray walks off, and Tucker looks at Caboose.)
Tucker: Don't ever stick your dick in crazy.
Caboose: I have no idea what that means.
Tucker: (sadly) I know.
Zachary: It was like the ship tried to jump to slipspace, change course and power down, all at the same time. It didn't make any sense! Instead of pulling you down, the ship got...ripped apart.
Washington: ...I'm...gonna go ahead and claim partial responsibility for that.
- Episode 16
- Carolina's exasperation at Church and Tucker's apology to each other.
- Freckles is debugged. Now he just needs to get 'fixed'.
- This moment between Bitters and Smith after a Rousing Speech from Kimball.
- Episode 17
- Palomo tries to think of the "Super Elite Team" as The Avengers, citing that Smith is Captain America, Jensen is Black Widow, and he's Tony Stark. Bitters disagrees and claims that if anything, Palomo is Hawkeye...movie Hawkeye, which prompts a violent response from him.
- Episode 18
- Doyle is "a leader, not a fighter".
- Even in an episode of him being awesome, Washington still can't get a break in some areas.
Wash: If it's not a car, its a cliff.
- Dr Grey trying to help the Reds when they gang-tackle one of the pirates.
Aim for the jugular! Grif:
[offscreen fighting] Ow! Grey:
The Jugular! Grif:
OW! Grey: PUNCH HIM IN THE GODDAMN THROAT! Grif:
Well why didn't you just say so?
- And after easily sidestepping Tucker's first sword swing, Felix has this to say.
Felix: Round one, Felix. (bowing with a mockingly wise voice and his hand holding the knife in his other hand.)
Tucker: God you're a fucking tool.
- Lopez being reduced to just a head again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me!
- And then he remembers that he can control the body remotely.
- Episode 19
- Sarge makes Doyle promote him to Colonel so he outranks Grif again.
- In the credits, he is listed as Col. Sarge.
- Epsilon giving Carolina a hard time about her performance against the Mercs.
- "From your friends, the incredibly badass and sexually attractive, Red and Blue soldiers of Project Freelancer. PS: Suck our balls."
- Caboose put Freckles in his gun.
- Lt Smith revealing that his middle name is Elizabeth.
Tucker: Oh god, is it?!
- Deleted Scenes
- Sarge and the rest of Red Team decide to interrogate Zachary instead. Highlights include
- Simmons discussing his personal life. He got beat up by a girl, trying to tryout for women's wrestling.
- Donut talking about his armor and musicals. He knows all the words and lyrics by heart.
- Lopez doing celebrity impressions... of machines.
- Grif pushing his work off on Caboose, who just keeps repeating tell me your secrets.