Funny / Red vs. Blue
aka: Red Vs Blue The Project Freelancer Saga
Wash: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.
Caboose: Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.

Virtually every episode of Red vs. Blue has a Crowning Moment of Funny. These are the best ones. Warning: Each folder will contain unmarked spoilers for the previous seasons.
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    Mini Series
"I have no idea what I'm doing."

Out of Mind
  • Delta is analytical, but proves to be quite human in his quips.
    Tactical matrix is incalculable, outcome is uncertain, chance of success is unknown... but a little payback would be nice.
    (in response to "Just one of the things that makes us human") Excellent point, York. I was not looking at it from a flawed perspective. I will try to do so in the future.
    Oh, so it is pride. I was registering an emotion, but I incorrectly categorized it as stupidity.
  • The final dialogue:
    Tex: You know what? You don't have to tell me. All I have to do is pummel you senseless, rip off your helmet, and access your communication logs. I'll know exactly where he is.
    Wyoming: Uh, hm. I see. Well in that case, perhaps I shall tell you.
    Tex: Nah, I like my way better. [bashes Wyoming's head]

Recovery One

  • Sarge, wanting to get their new base in Valhalla up and running, sends Grif up to the very top of the structure. Eventually, Grif finds that some wreckage is blocking something, and Simmons suggests using a grenade to clear it.
    Grif: Is that safe?
    Simmons: None of this is safe! You wanna start analyzing now?
    • Earlier, Sarge sends Simmons to spy on Blue Base, where Simmons has an encounter with Caboose. He returns to report...
      Simmons: Well, [the base] isn't running on brain power, I can tell you that.
      Sarge: Oh, good! That means Grif can still be used as a reliable fuel source!
    • Grif climbs up the tower to examine the port, and yells his findings down to Sarge and Simmons at ground level:
      Grif: I think it's blocked!
      Sarge: What?
      Grif: It's blocked!
      Sarge: What's blocking it?
      Grif: It looks like a bunch of pieces of a ship!
      Sarge: That's disgusting! Who would climb all the way up there just to do that?
      Grif: I said shi-puh!

  • In "Episode 3: There Goes the Neighborhood" Sarge and Grif finally make it to the Reach version of Blood Gulch after being stranded across the map and getting stuck in Firefight Mode, respectively. There, Simmons reveals that he's had to defend Red Base from the Blues, and in the background the Blue Team is attacking each other.
    Sarge: Simmons, why are they shooting at each other?
    Simmons: Oh, I told them that if they didn't attack us, I would trade them my pre-order code for the exclusive chest piece. Now they're fighting each other to see who gets it.
    Caboose: Marco!
    Grif: But you already used your code. You're wearing it!
    Simmons: Yeah, but they don't know that.

Where There's a Will, There's a Wall
  • Sarge wants to take down the wall behind Red Base to see what's on the other side. His first idea? send a Warthog (Driven by Grif) down a ramp to smash through it. Lopez's Hispanic deadpan commentary only drives the humor home.
    • Meanwhile, the Blues have gotten a Pelican chopper. Each soldier has an Imagine Spot;
      • Church wants to pull a Screw This, I'm Outta Here!.
      • Tucker wants to pick up chicks.
      • And Caboose? His thought balloon just has a floating wreckage of what the Pelican used to be. Thought!Caboose looks down at Real!Caboose and says, "I have no idea what I'm doing."
    • At the end, Lopez has his own Imagine Spot: He's in the tank, and uses it to kill both the Reds and Blues in one shot.

  • When Grif is apparently kidnapped, Sarge calls Command and and VIC (!) forwards him to Doc. Sarge wants Doc's to fill in, but runs into a problem.
    Sarge: Don't tell me you're still one of those lame Paci-whatevers.
    Doc: Pacifists. Yeah, Sarge, I still am. You don't just turn it off when it's convenient. It's not like being a vegan.

  • The Commissioner is hilarious, due to his smug voice and how swiftly he diverts any criticisms towards his management style.

    PSAs and Other Videos 
  • The end of the "Real Life vs. The Internet" PSA:
    • Where they come to politics:
      —REAL LIFE—
      Church: Look, that's just the way I feel about it.
      Sarge: Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.
      Church: You deserve to DIE! Die and go to hell and be burned!
      Sarge: Oh, yeah?! Well, I hope you get raped! Twice! Maybe then you feel different! Jerk!
      Grif: We don't need to find any weapons of mass destruction! We just need to WANT to find them! That's the way it works!
      Doc: Would you like to change your home page to
      Donut: Politics make me soooo horny! Check out my webcam picks at!
    • The best part of this whole exchange is that the domain name is registered to Geoff Ramsey, Grif's voice actor.
    • Or when they discuss checking your mail:
      —REAL LIFE—
      Church: Bills, bills, bills... coupon. Great.
      Simmons: Pardon me, my friend, but I am Nigirean Roylty, and I need you to send me money. Please ignore the fact that I can't spell "Nigerian." Or "royalty."
      Doc: Would you like to refinance your home? Mortgage rates have never been lower! 
      Grif: Hey, Church! We have all the filthiest sluts on the internet. They're hopped up on herbal Viagra and waiting for you!
      Doc: You could put it in escrow!
    • Earlier in the vid is Gustavo Sorola's (Simmons' VA) favorite quote of the series:
      Simmons: I hate you! And I hate the bands you like!
  • One word: Grifball. Eventually became an Ascended Meme.
  • The "Game On" PSA. "Can we stop that fucking horn already!"
  • Everyone was busy during the "Columbus Day" PSA... so they let Caboose host it. Epic Hilarity Ensues.
  • The Valentine's Day PSA. Caboose mourns over celebrating without Church and remembers their "tradition".
    Caboose: Hey Church! Happy Valentine—
    Church: Get the fuck away from me.
  • Outtakes from Reconstruction. Notable moments are "AUTOBOTS, TRANSFORM!" (followed by his absurdly deep "OH MY GOD"), Scottish!Wash, and the Meta teabagging. Not to mention Church's terrible singing of "I Kissed a Girl."
  • Church attempting to describe Sergeant Johnson's Memetic Badassitude in the last Halo 3: ODST promotional video.
    Church: Sergeant Johnson is as tough as they come. They say he's a strong as an ox, and as agile as... a... smaller ox.
    Sarge: What?
    Church: He moves like a whisper, that you only say to the wind at midnight.
    Simmons: Why would you do that? That doesn't make any sense.
    Church: He's as cunning as a fox, taking a... pottery class at a... Ivy League university... that accepts foxes!
    Grif: Wow. You're not very good at analogies, are you?
  • From the Sixth Anniversary PSA:
    Sarge: Why are you still in character?
    Lopez: Don't Fuck with my Method.
  • The Fire Safety PSA in all of its glory.
    "You may be asking yourself: what is fire? If you're asking that, it's because you're an idiot. You'll probably ask things like 'What am the sky?' and 'How does eat food?' Even cavemen knew what fire was, you dumbass."
  • In their Olympics PSA, Sarge gets the idea to give medals of enriched uranium to the losers.
  • "What I Did On My Summer Vacation.": Caboose gets caught up in the Halo: Reach campaign.
    • When Caboose and Jorge are blasting into space.
      Caboose: Man, I can't wait to touch all of these buttons.
      Jorge: Don't touch any buttons.
      Caboose: ...Touch.
      Jorge: (Ejected into space) Cabooooose~!
    • In Dr. Halsey's introductory cutscene:
      Dr Halsey: Do you have it? (referring to the package)
      Caboose: No, you won't let go of it.
      Dr Halsey: Say the words please.
      Caboose: The words please.
      Jun: What?
    • When Caboose gets dropped off back at Blood Gulch from orbit.
      Caboose: Goodbye. Thank you for the ride. You are my new best friends and I will never forget you. You probably can't hear me though because everyone knows there's no oxygen on a rollercoaster. I am yelling quieter now because I am further away from you.
  • The Blood Gulch team plays Firefight.
  • Donut's Image Song Donut: The Musical will never not be funny.
  • The Higgs Bozos PSA has Sarge's idea of a scientific demonstration, followed by Caboose going on a lengthy and somewhat eloquent speech about the nature of knowledge, closing with the thought that "People will always look up at the sky, and just wonder why we're here". Then he shouts "WATER BISON POWERS ACTIVATE!" and runs off at super speed. Simmons and Sarge's reactions, both to the speech and Caboose's exit, seal the deal.
    Caboose: Yeah, the universe sure is mysterious. But, you know, what if we did solve all the problems? What then? Would we just live on, forever, happy in our triumph over ignorance? Or is ignorance just a common enemy that, once destroyed, would leave our species without a reason to carry on? I guess it doesn't really matter what the answer is, because even if we could attain supreme knowledge, the thought of it just wouldn't keep us together. In the end, people will always look up at the sky, and just wonder why we're here. WATER BISON POWERS, ACTIVATE!
  • From the Online Survival PSA:
    • Discussing how to deal with Internet Trolls with a Red and Blue Battle Creek Zealot each playing the role of a troll. Just hearing SARGE saying this is hilarious:
      Sarge: (trying not to retaliate) Frowny emoticon...!
  • During the PSA's released to announce Halo 4's release date, Sarge and the Reds are trying to keep the release date secret from the Blues so they won't know to pre-order. The camera then cuts to Tucker and Church, who then casually reveal that they already knew the release date and have pre-ordered. Also, Sarge's song about the date so that they remember.
  • The Gadgets PSA, providing a satire against how new seeming gadgets get replaced by even newer ones.
    Simmons: Ah, Jesus!
    Church: What's that noise?!
    Simmons: It's my cellphone. Donut must have borrowed it. He's always overclocking the vibrate setting and calling himself.
    Church: Gross...
  • The Voting Fever PSA; it's a Call-Back to their Halo 4 announce date videos; with Grif and Simmons trying to trick Sarge into thinking they were out to vote. Sarge forces them to do a pro-voting musical number; with a chorus of ODSTs joining in and Grif having no clue about how elections work. To top it all off, it's revealed Sarge used the song as a distraction to steal their place in line to buy Halo 4. And it turns out the two of them actually did get sick. note 
  • York's Image Song "Come On Carolina", where he complains she's "always being such a bitch" and asks if she could "please stop kicking me", and suggests "playing Halo 4 naked" and "having babies with green eyes".
  • During a live event, the RT crew did a live table read for the then upcoming 'MIA' miniseries. While the regulars were doing the assorted voices (with Bernie doing Vic), they had a pair of audience members doing 'naration' and 'sound effects'. At one point, when Vic is dialing the phone, the sound effects guy made the touch tone sounds play Mary Had a Little Lamb.
    Gus: Hey, don't steal the spotlight.
    Sound effects guy <bows to the crowd>
    • Also, at the end of the 'call', 'Vic' ab libs that Sarge and Doc sound alike. 'Sarge' replies that they don't, but why doesn't he call up Church, or even Lopez.
    • Once, it strays off the script, so 'Simmons' has to note 'Sarge' cut him off earlier.
  • The 'Match Breaking' PSA with Tucker and Simmons giving advice on how to get a date/to get laid. Funny overall, with a guest appearance of Sister, it ends with a Warthog driven by Carolina, with Grey and Kimball, running Tucker down.
    Tucker: Lavernius Tucker, love doctor extraordinHURGWAAauh
    Carolina: Nobody here had a problem with that, right?
    Kimball: Not at all.
    Dr. Grey: Nope!
    • Prior to this, Simmons runs off after a date he'd stood up because she'd sent him a ;) emoticon, which was "getting too serious". She shows up again - after having spent the night with Tucker working the rebound.
    • Prior to that, Tucker approaches a woman at a club.
      Tucker: [narrating] You can then make your presence known by delivering a well thought-out and rehearsed pick up line. Such as...
      Tucker: [shouting over the loud music] HEY HOT STUFF! NICE LEGS! WHAT TIME DO THEY OPEN? SO WE CAN—
      [She shoots him in the face]
  • Sarge and Caboose go camping. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Except that they go camping in Minecraft.
  • In the Relocated commentary Burnie Burns stated flat-out that if a joke is funny enough, the continuity gets temporarily suspended so it can be used, in the particular case the "Sister falling through the ice" joke.
  • Red vs. Blue Blockbuster Trailer
  • Sleeper, a live-action skit, features Sarge, Caboose, and Grif in cryogenic stasis being awoken by a nameless scientist type (as played by Burnie Burns). Not only is it hilarious to actually see everyone in Spartan armor Head Bobbing like in the games, but Grif treats cryosleep like regular sleep, including installing a snooze button on his tube's alarm and begging off for "five more minutes" when Sarge tries to wake him. When the scientist notes that the taste of cryofluid should keep him from going back to sleep, Grif reveals that he "got bubble gum flavor" and a cut to the scientist's Data Pad reveals that he really has flooded his tube with bubble gum flavored cyrogenic fluid. Everyone else apparently got "scrotum flavor."
  • Simmons interrupting the ASMR PSA (just in time to cover up Caboose removing his helmet) with an Anonymous-style warning. He then leaks all of their personal files to each other, including his own. He gets tackled by Tucker and Grif after they feign sympathy for him and walk off-screen to find him inside the base under the pretense of giving him a hug.
    • Caboose wanting to role-play as a dragon and book-ending the video by asking if they were still going to do that.
    • The content that Simmons leaks is ridiculous:
      • Tucker's Slash Fic collection about himself.
      • Nude pictures of Sister, much to Grif's embarrassment.
        Tucker: Aaaand saved. You know, for later. To give back to her.
      • A screenplay for a Sarge movie sequel written by Simmons himself, though Simmons didn't mean to leak that.
      • A nude picture of Donut, though not leaked by Simmons, but by Donut himself unsurprisingly.
  • One bonus video proported to show that before Nathan Zellner was cast as the alien in Blood Gulch Chronicles, they had the other cast members audition for the role. The result was a video of the various VAs doing it in character of their roles.
    Caboose: I AM AN ALIEN!
  • From their Season 6 outtakes. "Butts" by Burnie Burns.
  • After Season 14, RT put out a short non-machinima video using a 360 setup. It's pretty simple, with Grif and Simmons talking on top of their base, with Grif going over what he thinks would be the perfect way of robbing somebody: Wearing a clown mask and escaping in a hot air balloon. Meanwhile, if you take advantage of the 360 system, you can turn the camera around, and while the guys are talking, the Blues are in the base stealing the Red Army flag with Grif and Simmons being utterly clueless about what's going on.
  • The next 360 video involves the teams dividing the contents of a supply ship that "crashed" in Blood Gulch i.e. it was shot down by the Reds. This includes the viewer probably the ship's unfortunate pilot, who also doesn't survive the next two minutes.
  • The third 360 video is about Tucker and Caboose and Church and Sarge trying to teach Junior about sex. We could try to list the funny moments but every moment is a funny one.
    Tucker: He can't die a virgin! That's Simmons' job!
  • The fourth 360 video is from Caboose's perspective. The result is hearing Church suddenly talk about friendship at the drop of a hat and Sarge having a pirate accent. Not too mention the drawings that keep popping up.
  • On the Youtube channel, after every episode, the usual shilling of the channel has the cast saying funny stuff. The best is Caboose: "Where am I? [sees the SUBSCRIBE \ WATCH NEXT EPISODE text] Well, that looks nice... [ turns to the viewer ] Oh my god! A giant person! *ducks scared*"
  • This interview has Jack Lee answering in character as the Chairman saying he's not evil, just misunderstood - everyone else is in stitches, even as genocide is brought up. Another highlight is Yomary Cruz channeling F.I.L.S.S. answering "I'm sorry, I'm not able to reveal that information".
  • Caboose's Guide To Finding Your Home, as if the one about making friends in season 14 wasn't enough...
  • And now we have ''Lopez's Guide to Technical Empathy'', which shows the viewer just how much crap Lopez has to put up with because of the Teams' clueless tomfoolery.
  • Sister is now a real estate agent, selling only the best homes on Earth... which has gone to shit thanks to climate change. Arizona is a Lethal Lava Land, Florida is underwater, the Pacific Northwest is a desolate wasteland, and the Canadian forests are populated by white supremacists.
    • Sister's opinion on greenhouses.
    Sister: It gives you the chance to grow your own food, and the sense that you're better than everyone else for doing so!
    Simmons: I think we just figured out how to make the Earth a better place again!