Funny / Red River

• When poor Groot loses his false teeth to Quo in a card game.
  Groot: Now wait a minute, Quo. You really ain't gonna take a man's only set of teeth, are you?
  Quo: Uh huh.
  Groot: Yeah, but I gotta use 'em for eating!
  Quo: Come grub, you get 'em.
  Groot: What are you gonna do with 'em?
  Quo: My name now Two Jaw Quo.
  Groot: Two Jaw Quo. That's what I get for playing with an injun.
  • And when Groot complains about the dust.
    Groot: Bet I ate ten pounds in the last sixteen days. Before this shenanigan is over, I'll probably eat enough land to incorporate me in the Union. The state of Groot.
  • Quo's advice to Groot? Stop talking so much, that way no dust will get into his mouth. For his part, Groot is not amused.
• Near the end of the film, when Matt and Dunson cool off and everything appears to be alright. Tess walks in with a gun loaded for bear and in such a bad mood that she seems ready to go into hysterics.
  Tess: Stop it! Stop it! Stop makin' a holy...Stop it I said. I'm mad, good and mad. And who wouldn't be. You Dunson, pretendin' you're gonna kill him. Why, it's the last thing in the world you...(Dunson tries to stand up) Stay still! I'm mad I told ya! And you Matthew Garth, gettin' your face all beat up and all bloody. You oughta see how, you oughta see how silly you look, like, like something the cat dragged (both men try to straighten themselves out as they're sitting on the ground) STAY STILL! What a fool I've been, expectin' trouble for days when, when anybody with half a mind would know you two love each other! (to Dunson) It took somebody else to shoot ya. He wouldn't do it. Are ya hurt?
  Dunson: No, just nicked the...
  Tess: Then stay still! No, don't stay still. I changed my mind. Go ahead. Beat each other crazy. Maybe it will put the sense in both of ya. Go ahead. Go on. Do it! Here use this (tries to give them her gun only to discover she used up all the bullets) No you can't (tosses the gun to one of the men so hard that he stagers as he catches it, then storms off)
  Dunson: You'd better marry that girl, Matt.
  Matt: Yeah, I think I... Hey! When are you gonna stop telling people what to do?