- When the smith is trying to figure out a power source for his combination harvester, and the pot boils over, creating a large cloud of steam. Then he bitches about how he always gets interrupted when he's trying to think.
- Many, many books later, Raising Steam reveals that he did make the connection eventually. He didn't achieve much with the insight except his own gruesome death, but his son does.
- Death getting the stereotypical flowers, chocolates and diamond ring as gifts for a lady, including him buying one of everything from a totally oblivious florist, interrogating the candy-seller because he knows nothing about chocolate (What for is this box padded? Is it to be sat on? Can it be that it is cat flavoured?) and invading a temple to steal the biggest diamond in the world because a jeweller told him it was the friendliest diamond he could think of (Death had been told, unwisely, that diamonds are a girl's best friend). The break-in involves the high priest, the other priest who was not high, and Indiana Jones jokes.
- Made even funnier when the two priests, upon realizing that the intruder is making it past all of the traps, are afraid that it'll turn out to be "Mrs. Cake!"
- Pointing out that Mrs. Flitworth died when he came back to give her one last dance.
Bill Door: You know when you said that seeing me gave you quite a start?
Mrs. Flitworth: Yes?
Bill Door: I gave you quite a stop.
Bill Door: You know when you saw me and said I gave you a stroke?
- As well as the italian version's Woolseyism:
Mrs. Flitworth: Yes?
Bill Door: Quite.
- Reading the approach to the lair of the strange creatures and realizing that it's a shopping mall.
- The footnote about shopping cart wranglers:
It is generally thought, on those worlds where the mall life-form has seeded, that people take the wire baskets away and leave them in strange and isolated places, so that squads of young men have to be employed to gather them together and wheel them back. This is exactly the opposite of the truth. In reality the men are hunters, stalking their rattling prey across the landscape, trapping them, breaking their spirit, taming them and herding them to a life of slavery. Possibly.
- The wizards becoming action heroes: Yo! Hut!
Ridcully: And incidentally, if you say "yo" one more time, Dean, I will personally have you thrown out of the University, pursued to the rim of the world by the finest demons that thaumaturgy can conjure up, torn into extremely small pieces, minced, turned into a mixture reminiscent of steak tartare, and turned out into a dog bowl.Dean: Y— Yes. Yes? Oh, go on, Archchancellor.
- This exchange:
Chief Alchemist: I tell you, it's hell in my workshop! There's stuff whizzing everywhere! Just before I came out, a huge and very expensive piece of glassware broke into splinters!
General Secretary and Chief Butt of the Guild of Fools and Joculators: Marry, 'twas a sharp retort.
- Even funnier, the Fool has to be led away by kind people when the Chief Alchemist points out that it was actually an alembic.
- Yes, it can get quite confusing, can't it.
- Every time Ms. Cake starts to answer someone's questions before they ask them because of her 'premature precognition'.
- The wizards trying to exorcise Windle Poons with garlic, sunlight, and various religious symbols, including "the flying plaster ducks of Ordpor the Tasteless" and "the three-headed fish of the Howondaland three-headed fish religion".
- The wizards eventually try to bury Windle at a crossroads with a stake through his heart, which leads to a series of hilarious events:
- First, they make the mistake of burying him at the busiest intersection in Ankh-Morpork... in the middle of the day. A huge traffic jam ensues, leading to an altercation between the Dean and an angry carter: "A lot of things are going to get bruised around here..."
- Then Sgt. Colon shows up and, thinking that his long-term policing strategy of guarding crossroads, bridges, and other city monuments from theft has finally paid off, nearly tries to arrest the wizards for stealing a crossroads.
- The wizards get a bit confused and try to bury Windle with a steak through his heart. And the Bursar ends up bringing a bundle of celery because he couldn't find steak on such short notice. Archchancellor Ridcully is all but stated to be trying very hard not to lose his patience.
- And when the wizards finally get Windle buried: "Can you keep it down? There's people down here trying to be dead!" And they do. Given the circumstances, can you blame them?
- Even the blurb at the back of the book has one:
Blurb: Death is missing - presumed... er... gone.
- Windle's intimidating response to being cornered by a bunch of freelance thieves:
- Bill Door showing Miss Flitworth a note saying "Oooooooeeeeeoooooooooeeeeeoooooo", and announcing with his usual unimpeachable gravitas that he has received the badly-written note of the banshee.
- The Banshee shyly putting the Badly-Written Note of the Banshee into the Mall just before it ex/implodes.