- Two churches arguing and debating ideologies back and forth in the most passive-aggressive form imaginable—the bulletin boards outside of their churches. It's not real though, but still very funny.
- In what can only be descibed as both this and a Crowning Moment of Trolling, MI-6 hacked into an al-Qaeda website and replaced bomb-making instructions with Ellen Degeneres' cupcake recipe.
- Ricky Gervais hosting the 2011 Golden Globe Awards, but especially this one:
- Shaun Micallef accepting a Silver Logie for Most Popular Presenter by reading Lawrence Olivier's 1979 Lifetime Achievement Academy Award speech.
- Mike Huckabee walks onto an airplane. A bunch of people say things to him like, "I'm sorry, Governor," and "I voted for you for President." Then, this one clueless guy says, "I know who you are—you're Mitt Romney."
- A tweet from a New Zealander in response to Harold Camping's failed rapture prediction in May of 2011: "No rapture here. Just as well. Another delay into the filming of The Hobbit would have been terrible."
- During a Texas-Oklahoma football game in the late 70's President Gerald Ford was walking down the tunnel with Oklahoma coach Barry Switzer and Texas coach Darrell Royal at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. A drunk Oklahoma fan looks down the tunnel and yells "Hey, who are those two guys with Switzer?"
- A Dramatic Reading of a Real Breakup Letter from a Real Person
- Anytime a prominent Politician or someone running for public office "gaffes" it's this. They are sometimes either Dude, Not Funny! or riddled with Unfortunate Implications, so your mileage may vary.
- Just look up anything from Jack Thompson's career as a lawyer while remembering he was taking this stuff very seriously, such as when he sent out photocopies to his legal opponents of his driver's license where he pasted Batman's face over his own.
- Barbara Walter's reaction to Hermann Cain, who, during her interview with him, said that if he were offered a cabinet position, he'd like Department of Defense.
- Hurricane Bawbag hitting Scotland, and the name hitting the net.
- A lot of the comments for The Editing Room's abridged scripts.
Dance Commander: can Kirk be blocked for taking life to seriously? Or at least have the link to his website removed? Link his comments, the website is bitter and a real buzz kill
Rod Hilton: I'm going to leave his fanfic link. I think the fact that he's written well over 45,000 words of fan fiction for The Princess and the Frog serves to provide a great deal of understanding of why he hated this script so much. In fact, his apparent obsession makes his lengthy criticism of Craig even easier to dismiss as fanboyism. Besides, it's fan fiction, which is literally the only form of fiction writing less legitimate than abridged scripts (novels > plays > short stories > poems > screenplays > musicals > songs > parodies > abridged scripts > fanfic. It's a fact).
- And some of the comments for the Hunger Games abridged script on Cracked:
Yayy, I finally found a new website to read when I'm bored (or in the toilet).
I'm never bored while on the toilet. Eh, eh? (Pooping is fun!)
We have an anally fixated individual here!
- This Yahoo! Answers answer to the question "What is your worst nightmare?"
I kept having nightmares about little angels pooping on my grill. I would come out back and open it up and there it would be, angel crap every freakin where. So then the tremors started...and the night sweats...then the hot flashes. Mainly had the hot flashes when little demons started giving me tips as to where these pesky angels were hiding. Long story short I ended up grilling the angels in their own crap and eating just their heads. Last few times I woke up with and of course I pooped the bed but what are u gonna do its 2012 who cares.
Popcorn became famous in movie theaters when fat people started to become addicted to the drugs they put in it. The drugs are microscopic and have no taste or smell, so most people don't even know they are there. The drugs are more effective on fat people because of the juices in their stomachs. But very rarely the drugs can kill healthy people instantly. Source(s): True rights only love living
Less demand means that it is less economically viable to produce meat. Farmers go broke, farm disappear, it's nor much but a start. Of course the fire bombings and vandalism help to drive our message home, so we will win eventually.
- Quite a few laws in many nations, many of these are based on legitimate concerns that are long outdated. For instance, the one in New York City where it is illegal for you to wash your donkey in a bath. But then there are others that make zero sense no matter what time they were written in, such as the law in Ohio forbidding it's citizens from fishing for whales...but only on Sunday, the rest of the week you are in the clear. Or the laws regarding intoxicated fish. For non-American readers, Ohio is roughly 800 miles from the nearest ocean.
- Real Madrid wins the Spanish Cup... Then runs over it with a bus. Poor Sergio.
- Many of the CIA's plots against Fidel Castro in the 1960's and early '70's were truly hilarious and bizarre and read like material from a Saturday Night Live or Monty Python sketch. Several of these were not even assassination plots but attempts to merely humiliate Castro in the hopes that the Cuban people would no longer take him seriously and would then throw him out of power on their own (and presumably clear a path for a puppet dictator that the US could install). One such plot would have involved spraying the air ducts of the radio station where Castro made his weekly radio broadcasts with a hallucinogenic drug that would have caused him to have an acid trip and make a fool of himself on the air. Another plot—which is actually alluded to in the Oliver Stone film JFK—was a scheme to have a CIA operative, disguised as a shoe shiner, "clean" Castro's boots with a hair removal agent that, once Castro put the boots back on, would have caused his beard to fall out, hopefully destroying his macho image and charisma that way. Yet another plan, which actually involved taking Castro's life, was to disguise a bomb as a conch shell in a bay where Castro was known to go scuba-diving. However, for one reason or another, none of these plots ever came to fruition, obviously.
- Similarly, some of the plots to assassinate/discredit Adolf Hitler were also pretty bonkers. One involved flying an airplane over Hitler's private retreat/bunker and dropping bombs loaded with various poisonous snakes to either kill Hitler or scare the crap out of him on a daily basis. Another involved trying to spike Hitler's food with estrogen to feminize him.
- During World War 2, the Germans spent a good deal of time and trouble building a wooden decoy "town" complete with wooden housing estates, wooden factories with dummy (but smoking) chimneys, wooden cars in the streets, etc. The intent, to divert Allied air-raids away from genuine targets, was slightly subverted in that the only Allied bomber it attracted was a single RAF Mosquito which made a low-level run and dropped a wooden bomb on the town. But the story is a little fishy when you start to think about it.
- On 18 July 1944, during a strategy conference in the Wolfsschanze (Wolf's Lair), a fly began buzzing around the room, allegedly landing on Hitler's shoulder and on the surface of a map several times. Irritated, Hitler ordered his Waffen-SS adjutant, Fritz Darges to dispatch the nuisance. Darges snickered and suggested that, as it was an airborne pest, the job should go to the Luftwaffe adjutant, Nicolaus von Below. Hitler took Darges aside, dismissed him on the spot and had him transferred to the Eastern Front.
- What happens when you do not pay much attention to what your enemies do: during World War I, both the British Royal Navy and the German Kaiserliche Marine were using auxiliary cruisers (merchant ships armored and given guns to protect themselves from enemy commerce raiders. The ships would also be "hidden" with fake markings, smokestacks and others that might, from afar, make those ships look like those of the enemy. In the 1914 Battle of Trindade, the German SMS Cap Trafalgar faced the British RMS Carmania, and both of them were disguised. The fun part was that Cap Trafalgar was disguised as the ''Carmania''. Hilarity (and British victory) ensued (though are we sure the right Camania won?).
- Slavoj Žižek, confirming his status as an academic Memetic Badass in this interview:
For me, the idea of hell is the American type of parties. Or, when they ask me to give a talk, and they say something like, 'After the talk there will just be a small reception' – I know this is hell. This means all the frustrated idiots, who are not able to ask you a question at the end of the talk, come to you and, usually, they start: 'Professor Žižek, I know you must be tired, but …' Well, fuck you
. If you know that I am tired, why are you asking me?
- Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Connie Schultz epically owns the ass of a conservative blogger who accused her of being overly friendly with a member of the US Senate. Awesome ensues.
: We are doing an expose on journalists in the elite media who socialize with elected officials they are assigned to cover. We have found numerous photos of you with Sen. Sherrod Brown. In one of them, you appear to be hugging him
. Care to comment?
: I am surprised you did not find a photo of me kissing U.S. Sen. Sherrod Brown so hard he passes out from lack of oxygen. He’s really cute. He’s also my husband
. You know that, right? (technically, that is some pretty deep socializing. You could say they are even in bed together).
- A historical example - Christina, Queen of Sweden, had two older sisters, and there were expectations that her mother would have a boy for the third child. When she was born, Christina was mistaken for a boy because she had a bunch of hair and screamed with a hoarse voice - but then it was discovered that the boy was actually a girl, which embarassed the women. However, they decided to let the king find out himself. King Gustavus Adolphus, rather than react in anger, actually smiled and said, "She'll be clever - she's made fools of us all!"
- Any time someone films themselves showing off their nunchuck "skills." More often than not, they end up either hitting themselves in the head or the crotch because holding it by the end allows for only minimal control. People trying to show off some advanced martial arts move with no actual training also tend to fail in hilarious fashion.
- This report on Tropical Storm Kirk:
- You just know that someone at the NOAA has waited years to say that.
- On a similar note, the announcement of Tropical Storm Gaston in 2016 resulted in a flurry of puns on Twitter.
- One year after winning two Golden Globes for The Reader and Revolutionary Road, Kate Winslet was interviewed for Sky News at the Golden Globes. The interviewer said "so you're not nominated for anything tonight?" to which Kate threw her arms up in the air and said "I know, YES!!!"
- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell tried to embarrass the Democratic party by presenting a piece of legislation that would allow the president to raise the debt ceiling without a vote from Congress. He believed that Senate Democrats would not bring the bill to a vote and would allow him to attack the president's desire for this exact piece of legislation. However, the Senate called his bluff, decided to bring the bill to a vote and McConnell was forced to filibuster his own bill. Whoops.
- This classic report on an attempt to dispose of a dead beached whale by dynamiting it.
- The White House responds to a petition to build a Death Star.
- The police department in the West Midlands, England got a request from the Crown Protection Agency (the guys that prosecute criminals in England and Wales) for a testimony from a witness named PC Peach. Turned out "PC Peach" was actually PD Peach, with PD meaning police dog, but the CPA still demanded a testimony. One of the cops then wrote up a testimony in the character of Peach, reading as follows: "I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach."
- These 25 Yahoo! Answers questions. The answers, when there are any, are often just as funny as the actual questions (though some, like #5, may be Dude, Not Funny! if serious).
- British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli once declared in Parliament that 'half the cabinet are asses'. When the Speaker asked him to withdraw, he replied, "Mr Speaker, I withdraw. Half the cabinet are not asses."
- Apparently, we as humanity drew a penis on Mars.
- Distractions in Space, a blog highlighting hilarious moments from old NASA transcripts.
- "DON'T USE MICHAEL MILKEN'S INTERNATIONAL JEW BRAND LEAPFROG!"
- Missing man found by walking past news crew ready to report on missing man.
- The Apollo 17 crew having fun on the Moon.
- Camden, New Jersey, June 2009. A building superintendent places a freaked out call to 911: He thinks he's just found a terrorist cell. An apartment he just rented has been filled with nothing but two beds, maps of the city, surveillance gear, pictures of nearby buildings, and police radios. The Camden Police promptly call the FBI, who raid the place... thus taking down a secret NYPD operation that was illegally spying on Muslim college students in and around Camden. And just to add insult to injury? The superintendent who busted them is distinctly brown skinned and has an Arabic first name.
- A zoo in China tried to pass off a dog as a lion. The ruse was revealed when the "lion" barked at the zoogoers.
- The Cornfield Bomber: Gary Foust, a fighter pilot on a routine training mission, found his F-106 entering a flat spin. After trying unsuccessfully to recover, the pilot decided to eject from the plane, but the loss of weight and the ejection process changed the center of gravity of the plane, and it recovered and went into a gentle dive. As he watched his plane gliding towards a cornfield, one of the other pilots radioed him, saying "Gary, you better get back in it."
- The Order of Transfer by Judge Samuel Kent from the Galveston Division of the district court of the Southern Division of Texas to the district courts of Washington, DC of Republic of Bolivia v. Phillip Morris Companies may very well be the funniest ruling ever issued by any court in the history of jurisprudence. It is too long to quote in full here, but here's a choice bit:
[T]his humble Court by the sea is certainly flattered by what must be the worldwide renown of rural Texas courts for dispensing justice with unparalleled fairness and alacrity, apparently in common discussion even on the mountain peaks of Bolivia!
- Another one from NOAA: Fed up with the 2013 Government Shutdown, one weather report hid a message to everyone in it. NOAA can be really snarky, can't they?
- This guy messing with a telemarketer. The real gem is at the end:
Telemarketer: You are interested in our debt consolidation program?
Telemarketer: You are a resident of New York State?
Telemarketer: You are also a moron?
Telemarketer: Ah, good. Just checking. Wanted to make sure we had that on record. [hangs up]
- A weather reporter ate cat vomit from his shoe on live TV. Why? He thought it was Grape Nuts.
- A Facebook group calling for the lynching of Barack Obama has been hacked with pictures of goats and goat memes.
- Washington State legalized the use of recreational cannibis in 2012. The Seattle Hempfest is one of the largest marijuana legalization rallies in the world. The Seattle police department wanted a painless and easy way to get 50,000+ stoners to read and abide by the state's laws on pot (yes, it's legal, but don't smoke in public or drive while high). How do they send out the message? By stapling a quick "dos and donts" flyer on bags of Doritos.
- Hugely-talented-but-wasted N.I. footballer George Best. On being discovered one morning by room service at the London Hilton, on a bed covered with both cash (won at gambling) and the newly-crowned Miss World (1974 Miss USA Marjorie Wallace), the waiter asked: "George, where did it all go wrong?"
- This parenting story:
"Our children kept most of their belongings in their rooms - so rather than sending them to their own rooms as punishment when they were fighting, we sent them to each other's
rooms. Our intention was for them to go around touching each other's stuff or mess the room up and they would have to clean it up themselves. Instead, they learned that if they shouted into the air vents they could hear each other - so rather than trash each others' rooms they just continued yelling at each other through the vents. They also didn't realize that we could hear them from the downstairs kitchen - where we spent the next ten minutes stifling laughter
and realizing how it failed."
- George Takei and his response to a homophobic basketball player's public statement. "As a gay man and a human being, I was shocked and saddened. But I want you to know, Tim. On behalf of gay people everywhere, that despite your ugly words, we don't hate you. As a matter of fact, we like you. We like you very much." *porn music starts playing* Just watch it. Someone on the Internet calls this announcement "setting phasers to PWN," and it's not hard to see why. (It turned Awesome and Heartwarming a few years later, as the player in question has rethought and has spoken in favor of gay rights and in support of politicians who do.)
- Takei did it again to a school administrator who posted on line that gay kids "should all get AIDS and die". Takei's response? "Mr. McCance, you are... a douchebag", followed by a countdown to when McCance would be revealed to be gay himself (alluding to numerous anti-gay bigots who have been outed, like Ted Haggard). Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
- Takei's speech about the "Don't Say Gay" law being passed in Tennessee. Remember kids, it's okay to be Takei.
- The epic livetweeting of the night someone spent at the hospital... with a dildo up his ass.
- When you're a reporter standing next to a burning pile of drugs, expect the report to be a Stoner Flick. This is what happened to BBC reporter Quentin Sommerville.
- The Chicago Transit Project, which is a real project dedicated to renting ad space on the Chicago subway and then putting up completely ridiculous messages. The project was masterminded by comedian Ben Larrison, and features such gems as:
- "FACT: Statistically speaking, at least one ‘person’ on this train is actually 7 squirrels dressed up in human clothing. Don’t be a victim."
- "Vanessa, please take me back. I wear button down shirts now. It’s a good look for me, I think."
- After Fox News' "report" on "no-go zones" in France, a French TV show called Le Petit Journal sent people pretending to be Fox reporters to explore Paris, "the most dangerous city in the universe."
- Though it's sad that it happened to a church, the fact that there's a real life graffiti version of Rouge Angles of Satin is hilarious.
- A British fascist tries burning an EU flag, but fails to use kerosene or anything to speed up the process. The result? Three or so minutes pass and he's only singed the corner, in between his holding the flag up and staring in bemusement.
- Even funnier: The reason the flag wasn't flammable? Because of EU fire safety regulations.
- After rumors cropped up of a Russian submarine being spotted in Swedish waters, people called for an increase in the military budget, but The Swedish Peace and Arbitration Society wanted to find a non-violent solution. Their idea? Play on Russian homophobia with The Singing Sailor, an electronic sign with a sailor wearing nothing but a hat and loincloth, captioned with "Welcome to Sweden. Gay since 1944."
- As stated in Absent-Minded Professor's real life section, some famous flighty scientists (such as Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein) occasionally did hilarious things thanks to their flightiness.
- DRIVING AND I'M SPEEDING AND I'M VIGOROUSLY MASTURBATING!
- A sousaphone player provides some accompaniment to a KKK/Confederate sympathizer march.
- A news reporter broadcasting the demolition of the Alfred P. Murrah Building declares that it will come down in about five minutes. A split second later...
- A man attempted to get the CIA to release Osama Bin Laden's collection of porn.
"I’ll be damned. I just successfully wasted the time of the world’s most powerful spy agency."
- Anonymous hacked an ISIS website and replaced it with a Viagra ad. To put the cherry on top, the ad could actually be used to purchase Viagra with bitcoins.
- Samuel Johnson's famous response to a heckler:
Dr. Johnson: Sir, your wife, under pretence of keeping a bawdy-house, is a receiver of stolen goods!
- The top-rated critical Amazon review on a packet of sugar-free Haribo's Gummy Bears goes into great detail on the "gastrointestinal experience" that ensued after eating them. Excerpt What settles it, though, is the top-rated positive review, by DeleriouslyHappyTaxPayer [sic]:
The reviews are so helpful. It is so difficult to be sure you are buying something over the internet that is exactley [sic] what you are searching for.
I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude.
- Speaking of which, here are the customer reviews of Katie Price and Peter Andre's A Whole New World. Many of them claim that the album can, among other things, cure such ailments as asthma, baldness and erectile dysfunction. They're not all glowing with praise, though. These ones in particular needs to be seen to be believed.
- The U.S.S Zumwalt, the first ship of the U.S Navy's high-tech new Zumwalt-class guided missile destroyers, is going to be helmed by Captain James Kirk. The Star Trek fandom and the media jumped on this fast, and William Shatner even sent a letter of encouragement to the crew.
- This actual court transcript. Sadly, there doesn't appear to be a video of it, but Justin Roiland was kind enough to reenact it as Rick and Morty.
- 5 Words: ''The Salt and Pepper Diner''
- Another example from the most devastating conflict in human history, this time from the Lapland War. Late in the evening of October 1st, 1944, the same day that Finnish forces arrived in the town of Tornio, they encountered a major impediment in their advance: a massive store of German booze.
The Other Wiki
: Order and discipline disappeared from the 2nd battalion of and from most of 1st battalion as well. Later on even the newly arriving 2nd battalion of Infantry Regiment 53 was also accidentally directed to the same location with similar results
- "how is prangent formed", a compilation of many people misspelling the word "pregnant" on Yahoo! Answers. They range from possible typos to downright bizarre errors that leave one wondering how one can misspell the word that badly.
J.T. Sexkik: 38 + 2 weeks... [pause] PREGANANANT?
- In response to Microsoft's draconian DRM policies for the XBox One, Sony delivers the greatest burn in console war history.
- Wade Watts, head of the Oklahoma NAACP in the 1970s, was a regular target of threats from the KKK but chose to respond with an olive branch at all times. One night he was at dinner when a group of 30 Klansmen showed up at his table and told him to "think long and hard about what you're going to do to that piece of chicken" because they would do the same. He chose to pick it up and kiss it. Even the Klansmen laughed.