Funny / Potter Puppet Pals

  • Pretty much anything that comes out of Hagrid's mouth.
    • "I still keep mah placenta in da shack."
    • "Got 'em a dead pig."
  • Harry introducing the new Puppet Pals channel, offhandedly mentioning the Sesame Street Riots.
    Harry: Come join us, as we take control of our lives and endeavor to destroy humanity!
    Hermione: (In an extremely bored tone) We're not destroying humanity.

Bothering Snape
  • "It's naked time!"

Trouble at Hogwarts
  • Ron's plan for defeating Voldemort, which involves gunning down Voldemort with Uzis.

Potions Class
  • Snape's Potion Class, where he gives a long monologue about all the mystical properties that potions and elixirs can bestow. And then ends it by mentioning how it can help pick up chicks before dismissing the class. Harry pauses and asks Snape to teach him. He says no. It feels a lot like Snape was just trolling Harry.

Wizard Angst

The Mysterious Ticking Noise
  • "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape..." "DUMBLEDORE!"
    • Heerrrmione!!!!!!!!!!
    • "Harry Potter! Harry Potter! YEAH!"
  • I've found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe bomb! Yaaaaaaaaay! KABOOM!!!
  • "Voldemort. Voldemort. Ooh Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldemort!" * da da da da da... dum...*

Wizard Swears
  • Neville's introduction as......a butternut squash.
  • "Your grandmother is a blast-ended skank!" Cue a long gasp from Neville.
  • Leprechaun taint!
  • Muggle fucking troll shit, Snape! You floppy wanded Dementor buggerer!
  • Dobby's Sock!
  • "I mean everything I've ever said, ever. Because I'm. Harry. Potter." *cue lightning strike*
  • Voldemort yelling at Harry, Ron, and Hermione over the phone.
  • The Elder Swear.
    • Here you go: Your mother is a ____ing_____lorem ipsum___admittum venium____tragula____hippopotamus____Republican____and Daniel Radcliffe____with a bucket of_____in a castle far away where no one can hear you____soup____with a bucket of____Mickey Mouse____a stick of dynamite____magical____ALAKAZAM!!!

School is for Losers
  • Harry punches Snape with an actual human fist, and proceeds to play saxophone before the background changes and displays "Harry Potter is awesome".

The Vortex
  • The episode kicks off with Snape describing a pretty messed-up dream he had the other night. Dumbledore then tells him about a dream he had about being a pig on a farm, complete with sound effects. Snape tries to tell Dumbledore the mental scars the dream gave him, only to be inevitably ignored and interrupted.
  • Ron trapped in the vortex. "I think I'm going through puberty!"
  • Dumbledore and his old friend, "the Problem Stick".
  • Cool Ron.
    Now let's have a beach party. In. London.

Ron's Disease
  • "Look! It's a giant furry mattress! May I jump on it?" "Yes, do as you wish, you diseased child."
  • Hagrid's song.
  • The one time the Weasley family's poverty is brought up:
    Nice song Hagrid! But I can't afford mayonnaise!
    • The sound Hagrid responds with, which is similar to someone gargling.
  • According to Harry, Ron's scalp was filthy before the lice got to it.
  • Hogwarts can't handle another infestation of wizard lice.
  • The Reveal that Dumbledore is an android. A gay android.

Snape's Diary
  • "I asked her to dance, she asked me to die. Would that I could, Lily... would that I could..." "My mum was awesome!"
  • This exchange after a passage mentioning prunes:
    Ron: I like prunes!
    Dumbledore: (coming out of nowhere, naked) Did somebody say prunes?
    Ron: I said prunes! How did he know?
    Dumbledore: So what are you students up to? Studying for your classes?
    Harry: Actually, we're reading from Professor Snape's private diary that we stole from his room!
    Harry: Afraid not, Professor.
  • Harry's hilarious fake diary entry.
    Harry: I am Snape! I'm so sad because I poop my pants, all the time. I don't have any friends because I stink like broccoli and poop. I teach potions to Harry Potter, and it's real boring —eghkh— because he's so cool, and it makes me have depression. Okay, I think I'll go cry now, —ughkh— b-but not before I poop my pants, bye!
  • "Someone BEAT ME UP and RANSACKED my room!"
  • "I hope you find your button, Snape." "So do I orange one, so do I." "...I like buttons!"

Mustache Buddies
  • Snape's reaction to Voldemort's proposal of the mustache.
  • The main trio's reaction to Snape's new mustache.

Ron's Parents
  • "Dear Mr. and Mrs. my parants."
  • "Does it feel nice, Ron?! I bet it feels nice."
  • Harry's statement on money.
    Harry: It's also nice to be able to afford things! I can afford things! Can you afford things?
    Ron: Not much.
    Harry: (in extremely disquieting manner) I can afford happiness.

Harry's Nightmares

Draco Puppet
  • The way they say "No!" to a Draco Malfoy puppet.
  • Draco likes fire.

  • Harry realizing that Ron and Ginny look exactly like each other after Ginny gets a haircut.
    Harry: *holds wand against his head like a gun* Well, Avada Kedavra!

Neville's Birthday
  • Harry's immediate response to Dumbledore.
    Dumbledore: May I have your attention please?
    Harry: YOU CAN HAVE MY FIST IN YOUR FACE! I'm sorry Dumbledore, go on.
  • "What the slash-fic?"
  • This epic Gilligan Cut:
    Harry: At least [the party] it's not for three hours!
    (cut to them at the party)
    Harry: I need to stop taking my three hour naps!
  • Harry and Hermione note how everyone in Hogwarts is at the party, like Cedric Diggory, and... Ron.
    Harry: Small world.
    • Cedric... the foot.
  • Neville guilt-tripping Harry and friends into playing "Walk in Circles", plus the part where they succumb.
    (while Neville cheers) Walk in circles! Walk in circles! Walk in circles 'round the birthday boy!
  • Dumbledore got Neville a magic yo-yo that wards away girls.
  • This gem:
    Harry: Where's the wizard booze?
    Neville: (gasp) We're not old enough to drink grown-up water, Harry! My grandmother-
  • Drunk Snape.
    • "It's my birthday? I didn't get myself anything. Oh, noooo..."
    • "It's just a cake."
  • "We're almost half way there!" "FUCK!"
  • Naked!Dumbledore popping out of Neville's cake.
  • Neville self-destruct!
    • "He just wanted to be your friend, and you exploded him."

  • At one point, Harry apparates to the same spot he's standing in. Hermione asks if that's exactly what he did, and he replies with a "Yes" with absolutely no shame in his voice.
  • Harry Potter in Japan. [cue sparkly anime eyes] So kawaii!
  • The last minute of the episode where Harry's frivolous use of Apparating goes horribly wrong. Made even funnier with Hermione walking in while Harry's panicking and immediately turning around and walking out.
  • Snape: (fused with Ron and Harry as Hermione walks into the room) Hermione, please help me! (Hermione quickly walks out)