Funny / Police Academy

Police Academy

  • "DROP THAT STEREO BEFORE I BLOW YOUR GODDAMN NUTS OFF, ASSHOLE!!!"
    • "Tackleberry, we really need to talk."
  • Poor Tackleberry misses out on the riot, and throws a fit.
    Lassard: (watches Tackleberry curiously) What's wrong with this man?
    Barbara: Well there was gunplay, sir, and he missed it.
  • Poor Blankes and Copeland try to escape some rioters, and end up in the Blue Oyster, again!
  • During the climax, the cadets see that the rioter firing at them has Harris as a hostage. George half-jokingly asks Lassard if they should shoot back. Lassard actually thinks for a minute about it before replying in the negative.
  • Harris and the horse.note 
    • Next scene - note his hair, which has been washed so thoroughly it's laying flat:
    Harris: You told no one?
    Mahoney: Not a soul.
    Que to everbody Corpsing as Harris walks by. And Jones letting out a whinny.

  • Tackleberry taunting Leslie to punch him in the gut, Leslie slaps him in the face instead. Tack looks positively shell-shocked.
  • Larvell Jones using his vocal sound effects to various degrees, from 'playing' an arcade video game to imitating the sound of machine gun fire. This technically counts for all the Police Academy movies, especially when he uses this to troll almost anyone with, in particular Harris and Mauser.
  • The entire scene with Lassard having to give a speech while simultaneously receiving the attentions of a call girl is sidesplitting. And after the speech is done, he gets back to his senses, sort off and walks back to the podium to figure out what was going on. Mahoney emerges from beneath.
    • Lassard does get even with Mahoney at the end, with the call girl's help.
  • Mahoney smear shoe cream on Harris' speaker, making a ring around his mouth. Harris then talks to Lassard that some of the recruits will be exhausted and drop out, Lassard starts laughing at the mark, Harris thinks he's laughing of what he said and starts laughing with him.
  • Harris catches Mahoney looking at the women showering from the outside one night and Mahoney walks away. Harris then starts watching the women himself and gets caught.
  • The shooting gallery scene, mostly for the last part of the scene when we get to see the cadets in action. Hightower is careful and effective, Leslie is comically inept to the point of being a hazard to everyone else at the range, Thompson shows what she has to prove, while Tackleberry proves that he is a complete nutter.
    • When Barbara slowly turns in a circle, inadvertently pointing the shotgun at the crowd, everybody drops to the ground in a panic. Except Tackleberry.

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

  • Sweetchuck, before becoming a cadet, owns a shop in the worst part of the city. He locks up the store with vary of stuff, but most notable is a bear trap for the back exit and tops its off with an electrical barb wired gate.
  • Tackleberry and Kirkland having lunch at an outside deli.
    Kirkland: Look, you just worry about your own ass! (takes her garbage and turns around to throw it out turning her butt towards Tackleberry.)
    Tackleberry: That's a nice piece. (Kirkland turns around angry) I was referring to your sidearm.
  • Zed's gang robbing a supermarket.
    Zed: Thank you. I've gotten some very nice deals here.
    Check Out Girl: Excuse me sir, you forgot your food stamps!
  • This classic gem:
    Tackleberry: Mahoney, I'm a virgin!
    [Sees the entire bar he and Mahoney were in start to stare at him]
    Tackleberry: You people go about your business before I crack some skulls!
  • What exactly happens when Mauser uses epoxy instead of shampoo.
    Mauser: Can anyone explain to me how this happened? *holds up hands, covered in his own cemented hair*
  • After Captain Lassard gives a pep talk to rally the boys, an old cop yells "LET'S KICK ASS!!!" and fires his gun in the air.
  • The brothers Lassard meeting in a Japanese steakhouse has a few moments.
    • The chef performing for a stressed out Pete
    Pete: Is all that crap necessary?
    • Eric thinking it's Pete's birthday placing his goldfish on the grill.
    • Eric placing Pete's hand on the grill, burning it.
    • A shrimp hits Pete in the face
    Pete: YOU STUPID BASTARD!!
    • Finally the water in Eric's goldfish starts boiling.
    Pete: This fish is boiling.
    Chef: Oh, you want stir-fry?
  • Zed's gang destroys the street fair and Capt. Lassard's job. During which, Zed tells the female mayor "I voted for you." to which the mayor replies "That's very nice."
  • The horrified look on Tackleberry's face while he watches Kirkland's father and brother bare-knuckle box each other.
  • When Fackler accidentally knocks Mauser through the air vent giving him a long drop and leaving him hanging for dear life.

Police Academy 3: Back in Training

  • Zed making Sweetchuck's time at the academy miserable.
    • Zed scares Sweetchuck with his flashlight, then shines it on his face.
    • Zed holding a tube of his shampoo in a way like he's holding a knife while Sweetchuck is in the shower.
    Zed: You wanna borrow my shampoo?
    Sweetchuck: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
  • "Listen, the busboys are shoo—" [a gun points at his nose] "--ting my nose."
  • Proctor screaming in pain when the elevator closed.
  • Proctor holding the mirror in front of Mauser in different directions, similar to the scene in Police Academy 2.
    Proctor: Look at this. Look at this angle. Look it at this angle. All angle-
    Mauser: I CAN'T SEE!!
    Proctor: (giving him the mirror) It's yours!
  • Bud Kirkland and Mrs. Fackler watching TV late at night. When Tackleberry comes to send the cadets to bed, a voice on the tv yells "YOU'RE DEAD MEAT COPPER!!!" Tackleberry quickly turns and fires at the TV, nearly shooting his brother in law.
  • Zed patrols the streets, with the female inspector. Some gang members approach themnote :
    Zed: (to the inspector) You take the big guy, I'll take the little guy.

    Zed: I like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Zed.
    Inspector: AAAAAAAHHH!!

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol

  • The scene where the inmates trick Proctor into releasing them, under the pretense that they are playing Simon Says:
    Inmate: Simon says take two steps back!
    [Proctor does so, getting himself back-to-back with the bars of a cell]
    Inmate: Now put your hands up!
    Proctor: Simon didn't say!
    Another inmate: [puts his gun to Proctor's head] But Smith & Wesson did.
  • "DON'T TOUCH THOSE! DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH MY BALLS WITHOUT ASKING!"
  • In one of the pranks Mahoney pulls on Proctor, the former waits until the latter has entered a port-a-potty and has it hooked to a crane, and dropped in the middle of a crowded football stadium. Afterwards, the bottom bolts get unscrewed and the shell of the port-a-potty is pulled off, revealing Proctor sitting on the toilet in full sight of everyone. To cap it off, when the Star-Spangled Banner starts playing, he stands up and puts his hand over his heart. Without even considering pulling up his pants first.
  • Proctor squees about a gang of ninjas in what appears to be a throwaway gag. Turns out there really is a gang on ninjas locked in the cells.
  • The amazonian Callahan jumping into the pool to simulate a drowning victim in need of rescue, which also shows that she isn't wearing a bra under her now very wet and translucent shirt, then asks who wants to rescue her. Every single male cadet, including the nerdy Sweetchuck, jumps into the pool after her and she has to swim away from them for her dear life.
    All the men: Oh yeah!
    Callahan: Oh shit!
  • After Mahoney super glues Capt. Harris' megaphone to his lips, they pull the megaphone off in surgery. Proctor later visits Harris with the mouthpiece still glued to his lips.
    Proctor: Hi sir, how are you feeling?
    Harris: (mumbles something incomprehensibly)
    Proctor: I didn't catch that. Was that "The dim shoe to snare off."?
    Harris: I said, I have to wait for the damn glue to wear off!
  • The last lines
    Zed: You know, you look a little like Tom Cruise in Top Gun?
    Sweetchuck: Yeah? You...! (attacks Zed)

Police Academy 5: Assignment-Miami Beach

  • Sugar, the fat jewel thief, is eating a jelly doughnut, accidentally squirts one of the other two jewel thieves in the face.
    Mouse: Egh, you squirted me with the donut, you moron!
    Tony: [hitting him with a map] You are disgusting! You're such a pig!
    Sugar: Boss, I'm sorry!
  • Harris and Proctor's "private plane".
    Proctor: This is great! Our very own airplane! Animals to play with!
    Harris: Proctor, why do I put up with you?
    Proctor: Because my sister married your nephew. So that makes us-
    Harris: Shut up, Proctor! (three chickens jump down at him, in a row)
    Proctor: I think they like you!
  • Dork.
  • Sugar farted in the elevator, with the other crooks and hostage Lassard still inside.
    Sugar: What? WHAT?!
  • Proctor throws an unconscious Harris to the ground in anger for the thieves' escape.
  • Lassard accidently dropping golf balls from an open side pocket in his golf bag all over the airport terminal, causing quite a bit of pratfalls.
  • The three thieves breaking into the museum, with Sugar descending his rope too quickly.

Police Academy 6: City Under Siege

  • Fackler playing pool. He hits one guy in the head with a ball, hits another guy in the groin with the cue stick, and hits another guy with it in the head.
    Fackler: Its okay if you guys are tired. I'll shoot again.
  • This dialogue:
    Ox: Knock knock.
    Hightower: Who's there?
    Ox: Boo.
    Hightower: Boo who?
    Ox: Quit crying. It'll be over in a moment.
    Hightower: That's it!
    Ox: Huh?
    Hightower: Fighting is one thing, but bad jokes is where I draw the line.
    * POW*
  • The cadets seeing two Commissioner Hursts.
    Fake Hurst: That man is an imposter!
    Real Hurst: Me? No! He's the imposter!
    Harris: (and Proctor walks up to the Fake Hurst) Move it! Move it! Commissioner Hurst! These people have violated their suspensions, and I demand that they'd be brought up on charges!
    Real Hurst: Oh Harris, shut up!
    (Harris and Proctor looked behind them)
    Fake Hurst: Oh shut up, Harris!
    (Then quickly looks back)
  • Two of the Wilson Heights gang members get behind the car Harris and Proctor are in, sticking their tongues and making faces.
    Harris: I have a sixth sense-
    Proctor: Sir?
    Harris: Will you let me finish? I have a sixth sense-
    Proctor: But sir-
    Harris: Will you let me finish? I have a sixth sense when it comes to-
    Proctor: But sir-
    Harris: Stop interrupting me! I have a sixth sense when it comes to crime!
    (one of the gang members stick a raccoon tail on the car antenna and both wave good-bye. Proctor waves back)

    Officer: You mean you were here during the robbery?
    Harris: No, of course not!
    Proctor: Yeah we were sir, they came and went just a few minutes ago. [overlapping with Harris] I tried to tell you. Don't you remember, when we were inside the car?
    Harris: [overlapping with Proctor] Shut up, Proctor. Shut up, Proctor. Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up...
    Harris: SHUT UP!
  • Harris is stuck in the hole and has to run at the truck's speed, Flintstones-style.
    Proctor: You know, running is the best form of an aerobic exercise.
  • This scene tops it all.
    Hearst: Thank you for your... contribution, Captain Harris.
  • Proctor picks up passengers while chasing after the Mastermind.
    Harris: What... are you... doing!?
    Proctor: I'm picking up passengers.
    Harris: WHYY!?
    Proctor: (takes a paper down) I have to, sir. They're on my route.
    (crumples the paper and throws it to the floor)
    • And then the final passenger to get off the bus is a little girl, who tells Proctor that he's much better than the regular driver, to Proctor's delight.
  • When Lassard and Fackler go inside a Bad-Guy Bar, many of the patrons threw their weapons and stolen wallets over the counter. Then three guys ran out of the bar.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/PoliceAcademy