"Early in the morning counts as late at night, and we agreed no reggae music late at night!"
"Quantocking": Mark and Jeremy accidentally wandering onto the moors, arguing about geography, rationing their Mark's chocolate bar, and Jeremy advising Mark not to give up on women entirely because there are still "she-males, Thai brides, all of God's rich tapestry!"
"Piss yourself, stop pissing yourself, it's not that simple; the floodgates are open!"
"Look, I've surprised you. What a... brilliant joke!"
"That's it. I'm alone. Tomorrow morning I'll wake up in my bed alone. Unless... I hire a prostitute? Just for the night? Kind of like a wedding present?"
On Mark's stag weekend, when Jeremy kills a dog by accident, they both burn it, and then later Jeremy eats it in front of the owners all while trying to convince them it's 'turkey', despite it being huge, hairy...and having the dog's name tag on it.
"'Mummy' is probably the turkey's nickname! It could easily be!"
The episode "Nether Zone" where Mark and Jeremy get locked in the hallway outside Zahra's flat. Jez wastes some of his phone's remaining battery to order pizza, which has to be mailed through the letterbox piece by piece between the pages of a magazine so it doesn't get "fucked with the brush". As Jez answers his phone and the delivery-man continues mailing the pizza through, Mark is reduced to acting as "Jeremy's mad pizza butler".
"Maybe I could make the jump...more than likely I'd just splatter like a blood-filled pumpkin."
Whatever is happening inside Super-Hans' flat on New Year's. We never see it or find out what it was, but it prompts hardcore drug user Super-Hans to say:
Super-Hans: Don't do it, it's the Heart of Darkness in there Jez! [...] I just wanna mong out with a tuna sandwich and listen to some Snow Patrol, be in a controlled environment, y'know?
Jeremy is contemplating drowning his love-interest's girlfriend and resolves that it would 'be so much easier if she wasn't a human being, with hopes, dreams, and clinging, grasping arms.'
The things that go through Mark and Jeremy's heads when he's lost on the Quantocks is just down right hilarious.
Mark: This is definitely the way tot the hotel. I haven't been walking around in cricles for the last hour. That would be ridiculous. That's just not going to happen. That tree does look very familiar. Don't panic! Of course it does! It's just a tree, they all look alike. That's why you don't have celebrity trees. Actually, i bet soon they will have celebrity trees. Tsk!
Jeremy: I really wish i hadn't smoked that joint before i came out here. It's a very bad time to have the munchies. I don't want to be the first person to die of the munchies [...] Wow! A dead...big rabbit?! My god that is a massive rabbit. Maybe i should eat it. Why not? It's meat. If it was shaved and had its head and feet cut off, and put in a polystyrene tray, it would probably go for £11.99 in Tesco's Finest. Plus, it's probably really healthy. Cavemen lived off stuff like this and they weren't going around complaining of bad backs and diabetes. They were running away from lions and hiding in trees and jumping on gazelles. Yeah! Lovely, rotting carrion. (Lifts a stick and begins poking it) I could toast it with my lighter for a bit, part by part. Big rabbit kebab. Be something to tell people. Although, not necessarily in a good way. Actually...might leave it. Not because it's probably bursting with maggots, because it's disrespectful (lifts it up) to a fallen comrade of the night. God speed you, oh giant rabbit. (throws it into a bush)
After Jeff makes a crack at Mark about Sophie living in Bristol:
Mark: Good one, mate.
Inner voice:When was the last time Sophie sent you a template, fuckface?
Mark is trying to stop Jeremy having sex with Big Suze:
During the paintball episode, Super Hans and Mark are the final members of their team and attempt to make one final push. Mark quotes Napoleon for inspiration. However the quote has nothing to do with warfare.