Funny: Paranoia

  • One RPG group has a standing house rule that any briefing that goes by without a death is regarded as a failure. As such, much hilarity has ensued. Par example, these 3 consecutive sessions:
    • Friend Computer: The medical chimpanzees are waiting outside. Who would like to play a game of ping pong?
      Two-thirds of the players assent to this, albeit cautiously.
      Friend Computer: Ping pong is an unsanctioned game. Only sanctioned games provide sufficient happiness. Report for re-education.
      • Re-education, incidentally, consisted of being attacked by the aforesaid (Computer controlled) monkeys.
    • Friend Computer: This concludes the briefing. Who would like to play a game of poker?
      Friend Computer: A desire to play poker indicates a desire to spread wealth. Spreading wealth is communism. Communism is treason.
      Turret drops from the ceiling and frags him
      Friend Computer: Have a nice daycycle.
    • Friend Computer: Who would like to play a game of Trivial Pursuit?
      The players, wary by now, keep silent
      Friend Computer: Unwillingness to play games indicates an unnaturally low level of happiness. Happiness is mandatory. You will all be dispatched to the Happiness Enhancement room.
      • A death trap obstacle course, naturally.
  • Thirty years later, going up to a person who once played Paranoia and even mentioning the title "Me and My Warbot, Mark IV" can cause that former player to immediately collapse into a gale of laughter.
  • One RPG group got midway through a mission before deciding they needed a ladder. As their GM was feeling particularly benevolent, she told them one of their roommates was walking by with a ladder. However, the GM was not feeling that benevolent, and this exchange ensued:
    GM Your roommate informs you that he has fallen madly in love with this ladder and will not part with it.
    Player: I inform him that... the ladder has been cheating on him. With me.
    GM: Your roommate does not believe you and reminds you that lying is treason.
    Player: I remind him that only lying to Friend Computer is treason.
    GM: Your roommate informs you that he is Friend Computer.
    Player: ...I remind him that lying is treason.
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