Funny / Orcs Must Die!

  • Easily one of the best quotes of the game:
    Sorceress: Weak, pathetic, small child...why will you not let me teach you?
    Apprentice: That's what the old man used to say.
    Sorceress: I will feast on your heart and bathe in your blood!
    Apprentice: He used to say that, too, when he got a little drunk.
    Sorceress: Ugh. I am done. You will never know the pleasures we could have had together.
    Apprentice: Wow...yeah, he never said that.
  • So much of the Apprentice's dialogue:
    Shaken, and stirred! Also stabbed.
    Spring traps, fullfilling orcs' dreams of flight since 1191.
    Let's take a moment to reflect on my mistakes.. AH who am I kidding? I didn't make any!
  • This is a game that allows players to make their OWN crowning moments of awesome/funny. Some kills and trap combinations are so wonderfully efficient and nifty that you will probably laugh in amusement and amazement at your orc killing prowess.
    • For Instance: First game, The Balcony. The Orc entrance doorway is already choked with tar traps, the first bridge is choked with Elf archers, and the first archway has several arrow traps for those pesky flyers. It's the final wave. What's missing from this picture? Spring traps pointed at the door, of course, so they can do it all over again!
  • The Apprentice dancing when he completes a level. Never mind the gravity of the situation - he's loving every moment taking his enemies down.
  • The sequel gives us this exchange upon the discovery that the Old Mage didn't die:
    Sorceress: So you just... left him there?
    Apprentice: ...Yeah.
  • During the advanced tutorial for Unchained, Maximillian describes the rifts as "sparkly blue cotton candy."
  • In the prologue for Unchained, there's the loading screen for the Academy Dungeons stage. The third objective of the map is "Wonder why the Academy has a dungeon."
  • In the Dungeons stage itself, Maximillian wonders why Cygnus teleported him to the dungeon.
    Max: Wait, did you find all that stuff under my bunk?
  • It turns out that yes, not only did Cygnus know about Max's stash, but he has his own huge stash of Playwizard magazine. Which he kept for the articles.
  • When Cygnus teleports Max into the library, Max stares in awe, because he's never seen one before.
  • The description for the Decoy trap in Unchained:
    Zoey: I was talking with Professor Maximillian for 25 minutes before I realized he was asleep under the desk!
  • Going by Zoe's bio, Maxamillian's teaching style is... exactly in line with how he was in the first two games. He sleeps in the corner while she gets to do all the studying on her own without any supervision. It turns out that this works.
  • Zoey herself kept getting bumped up through the various classes because between her and her Chaos Tome, she was absurdly over-powered for each class. When she first cast a magic missile, the classmate she was practicing with was launched through the wall. Then the next wall. Then out of the castle. Then through the forest. And the mountain beyond it.... Later, when she was supposed to work through a maze with Orc targets, she instead resolved the whole thing by blowing up the whole maze.
  • The description for the Floor Scorcher: The dwarves originally made it to vent heat, until a very productive axe-forging day unintentionally repelled an entire Orc invasion.
  • Cygnus laying out his funeral arrangements: Gabriella has to carry the urn, instead of Maximillian, because he's pretty sure Max will try to "spike" the urn and "do that bizarre dance of his." Also:
    Maximillian may eulogize me at the service if he promises to not say the following words in reference to me or the Order: Buttloads, Geezer, Old Fart, Mr. Wrinkles, Adm. Greybeard, Wench, Moist.
  • Blackpaw's backstory would be extremely dark and depressing, seeing how his entire clan were murdered by death cultists looking to harness the gnolls' apparent power over death itself, except for the fact that the whole thing is written in a series of newsletters sent by a bunch of cryptid enthusiasts looking for sightings of the "Hawkinwulfman," and they are somehow convinced that the angry humanoid wolf monster ranting about revenge is actually their beloved human-chicken-hawk-wolf hybrid that they're trying to prove actually exists.