Funny: Once upon a Time in Mexico

  • "Are you a MexiCAN... or a MexiCAN'T?"
  • El Mariachi and several Barillo Cartel Mooks are involved in a massive shootout in a church where an elderly woman is praying the Rosary. When she gets up to leave, El and the mooks stop to allow her to leave, unharmed (with one of the mooks making a "shh" gesture at her). After El defeats the mooks and receives a phone call from Sands, he gathers the money the mooks have in their pockets, stuffs it into the church donation box, and leaves.
  • Two Mooks are watching over ex-FBI agent Ramirez and argue over whether they should begin torturing him. The Second Mook answers "I was tortured once. I didn't like it. You know what the really fucked up part was? They tore out my left nut. That really turned me off to the whole thing."
  • "I can't see, fuck-mook, I have no eyes!"
    • In the next scene, Sands is getting ready, putting on the things his helper is giving to him. It's all very serious, until he gets handed the right glove and tries to put it on his left hand.
  • Sands staggering out of a building right after being blinded - dramatic. Sands almost immediately smacking into a windowsill - hilarious.
  • Sands gives a speech to El Mariachi about how he "restores balance," and as an example of this says his meal is too good for the restaurant they're in, so when he leaves he's going to shoot the cook. He gets El to try it as he leaves, and he spits it out. Sands calmly pays his bill, walks out through the kitchen, and does indeed pause to shoot the cook before leaving.
  • Sands paying his contact via a lunchbox full of money. "I couldn't find a briefcase small enough for $10,000."
  • "Any suggestions, Miss 'Let's get a room on the fifth floor so we can watch the beautiful sunset'?!?"