- In one of the Narmiest moments of any Bond film, Bond's Tarzan yodel.
- "Fill 'er up, please?"
- In a movie loaded with groaners, we get this gem:
Bond: I trust you can handle this contraption, Q.
Q: It goes by hot air.
Bond: Oh, then you can.
- Kamal and Gobinda getting in their car to escape an imminent nuclear explosion... and the car doesn't start.
- Before that, as Gobinda is guarding the bomb, a circus worker accidentally knocks its side with a boulder, making him nearly panic.
- Vijay reporting to bond about his tail of Kamal:
Vijay: I tailed him all the way to the tennis club this afternoon.
Bond: Did you learn anything?
Vijay: My backhand's improved.
- Q and Vijay waiting for Bond as he visits Octopussy's island lair:
Q: 007 on an island populated exclusively by women? We won't see him 'til dawn!
- Vijay gets a few one-liners in of his own:
Bond: Vijay! We've got company!
Vijay: No problem. This is a company car! (revs the tuk tuk for slow-speed chase)
- Bond sliding down the marble stairwell, realizes there's a rather painful-looking marble knob at the stop, and shoots the knob out of the way before he hits his marbles with it. Chuckle at the obviousness.
- What really sells it is the look on Bond's face.
- Bond says, "Hiss off!" to a large, menacing snake. The snake meekly complies.
- Lets not forget the tiger. It sits!
- Bond's classy English way of saying, "I don't have time for this bullshit!"
Bond (dressed as a circus performer): Where can I find the base commander? It's urgent!
Guard: Let's see your circus pass.
Bond: DAMMIT MAN! I said it's urgent!
- As Kamal and Gobinda are fleeing in a plane, they see Bond clinging to the wing, yanking the wires out of the engine.
Kamal: He'll kill us all! Go out, and get him.Gobinda: Out there?Kamal: GO!Gobinda: ...Yes, Excellence.
- Bond's face at the new Bond Girl describing her octopus tattoo as "My little octopussy." One of the few times he responds to a sexual joke with complete bafflement.
- After Bond wins backgammon against Kamal using his own fixed dice, letting everyone know Kamal's a dirty cheater, Bond tells the British commander who complained "always a double six!" while playing him, "It's not really in the wrist" - referencing Kamal's claim of being able to roll them.
- Bond hiding in a body bag supposedly containing one of Khan's mooks... and letting out a diabolical laugh as two mooks attempt to dump him away for tiger food. The mooks, apparently thinking they're dealing with a member of the undead, run away screaming.
- Ladies and Gentlemen, the Angry Fakir!
(on spotting the dead mook) GET OFF MY BED!
- Bond looking positively repulsed when served stuffed sheep's head, complete with its eyeballs. We know it is not Gobinda's stare that causes Bond to "lose his appetite".
- Even more so when Kamal helps himself to an eyeball and eats it with no problem! Bond's baffled reaction says it all.
- In an extremely tense moment, Bond has defused a nuclear bomb seconds before it goes off. After a few moments, Francisco the Fearless pops out of the cannon to wonder why he hasn't been fired from it yet: "Now???"