Funny / Norm MacDonald

  • "There are now plans in Minnesota to build a floating nuclear power plant. Just like a regular nuclear power plant, but it floats on water. It's all part of a plan by city officials to have a huge disaster."
  • His routine about death in his 2011 comedy special.
  • Any time he got to play Burt Reynolds on SNL, especially when coupled with a Celebrity Jeopardy! sketch.
  • "Well, another New Year's Eve is fast approaching, and tourists visiting Times Square to watch the ball drop will be in for quite a surprise: Crazy people will be shooting at them!"
  • "My dad caught me smoking a cigarette behind the house, so he pulled me into the house by my arm, stuck a gigantic cigar in my mouth and forced me to smoke that entire cigar! (Beat) So that's how I got started on cigars..."
  • His Weekend Update punchline to a human-interest piece about a man giving one of his kidneys to his wife for Valentine's Day:
  • "I wanted to buy a new dog, and the guy was trying to sell me on a pit bull. I didn't want something that might rip my throat out, but the guy was like "You don't understand, this guy'll protect your valuables!" I said "If I were to buy this pit bull, it would be the most valuable thing I owned. I would have to buy something to protect it! Show me something in a wolverine, my good man!"
  • His bringing on David Hasselhoff as a guest correspondent on Weekend Update to read a single line from a cue card: "Germans love me."
    "Which once again proves my theory: Germans Love David Hasselhoff."
  • The Moth Joke. Proof, in case anyone needed it, that he can structure and tell a classic joke.
  • His 1998 appearance on Conan O'Brien. Courtney Thorne-Smith was being interviewed about her new film, Chairman of the Board, starring Carrot Top, and she was making a brave try to look enthusiastic about it. As if sensing that she was less than proud of having done the film and wouldn't be overly offended, Norm...intervened.
    Conan: You have a scene where you and him embrace?
    Courtney: Yeah, lots of making out.
    Conan: Oh, for god's sake...
    Courtney: Nothing but making out. It's like 9½ Weeks , but Carrot Top.
    Conan: [laughs] Wow! I gotta check out that movie.
    Norm: Is it called 9½ Seconds? [Audience laughs; Courtney cracks up] Like he's a premature ejaculator.
    Courtney: [smiling] I got it.
    Conan: You know what happens? This is what happens. You know what happens, he says "9½ Seconds", and I'm looking at him, 'cause...I know there's more. And I wait, and I wait, and I see the glimmer in the eye, and then, bang! I thought you were going to "crack whore", but no. [to Courtney] What's the movie gonna be called?
    Norm: I know what it's gonna be called.
    Conan: Yeah? What's that?
    Norm: If it's got Carrot Top in it, you know what a good name for it'd be?
    Conan: What's that, Norm?
    Courtney: It isn't true! Come on. What about my career?
    Conan: Courtney Thorne-Smith, the girl sitting to your left, is in the movie!
    Norm: I'm gonna go see it, for her! [pointing at her]
    Courtney: [laughing] After you scare everybody else away?
    Norm: No, I love this girl. I'd go and see any movie with this girl in it. She's a beautiful lady and a talented, nice...talk show guest. [Courtney is cracking up]
    Conan: [...] There's this movie coming out, title undetermined at this point.
    Courtney: Chairman Of The Board.
    Conan: Oh? All right. [Beat, to Norm] Do something with that, ya freak.
    Norm: [Beat] I, I've got it. "Board" is spelled B-O-R-E-D.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/NormMacDonald