- "There are now plans in Minnesota to build a floating nuclear power plant. Just like a regular nuclear power plant, but it floats on water. It's all part of a plan by city officials to have a huge disaster."
- His routine about death in his 2011 comedy special.
- Any time he got to play Burt Reynolds on SNL, especially when coupled with a Celebrity Jeopardy! sketch.
- "My dad caught me smoking a cigarette behind the house, so he pulled me into the house by my arm, stuck a gigantic cigar in my mouth and forced me to smoke that entire cigar! (Beat) So that's how I got started on cigars..."
- "I wanted to buy a new dog, and the guy was trying to sell me on a pit bull. I didn't want something that might rip my throat out, but the guy was like "You don't understand, this guy'll protect your valuables!" I said "If I were to buy this pit bull, it would be the most valuable thing I owned. I would have to buy something to protect it! Show me something in a wolverine, my good man!"
- His bringing on David Hasselhoff as a guest correspondent on Weekend Update to read a single line from a cue card: "Germans love me."
"Which once again proves my theory: Germans Love David Hasselhoff."