Funny / NewsRadio

  • During a fight in Dave's office, Lisa removes her blouse (which was actually a shirt borrowed from Dave), throws it at him, then storms out. She walks past Bill, who is reading a newspaper and reacts not at all to the sight of Lisa in a black bra and nothing else on top. Lisa comes back and delivers a stinging hard slap across Bill's face.
    Bill: [aghast] I didn't say a word —
    Lisa: [angry] You were thinking it!
    [A huge grin spreads over Bill's face as Lisa storms off again...]
    Bill: ...fair enough!
  • The noise that the Goofy Ball makes.
  • "Super Karate Monkey Death Car" from Season 4 milks Intentional Engrish for Funny for all the laughs it's worth. Although Jimmy's autobiography, Jimmy James: Capitalist Lion Tamer, hasn't been selling well in the USA, the Japanese translation has been a big hit, but the result of Jimmy's decision to commission a Recursive Translation back into English has... lost something in the process. Jimmy realises he may be in trouble when he sees that the book is now called Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler:note 
    Jimmy: [taking the podium at a reading of his book at a bookstore] Thank you. Thanks a lot, everybody, uh... [long pause as Jimmy stares incredulously at the cover of the book, which he is seeing for the first time] Uh... the, uh, the original title of, of this book was, uh, Jimmy James: Capitalist Lion Tamer, but... I see now that it's... Jimmy James: Macho Business... Donkey Wrestler. [tries to smile it off as a bookstore employee brings forward a blown-up poster of the book cover, complete with mistranslated title] You know what it is, I had the book translated into Japanese, then back again into English, so... [sees poster] Macho Business Donkey... Wrestler, well, there you go, got... got kind of a ring to it, don't it? [forced laugh] Anyway, I wanted to read from Chapter 3, which is the story of my first rise to financial prominence. [opens book to a bookmarked page and begins reading] "I had a small house of brokerage on Wall Street. Many days, no business comes to my hut. [looks confused] My... hut. But... Jimmy has fear? A thousand times no! I never doubted myself for a minute, for I knew that my... [furrows brow] monkey strong bowels were... girded with strength, like the... loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo... [turns page] dung."
    [later; most of the audience members have left, while Dave looks deeply uncomfortable as he listens to Jimmy read]
    Jimmy: [with a "Please kill me now" tone to his voice] "Glorious sunset of my heart was fading. Soon, the... super karate monkey death car would... [Dave sighs] park in my space. [attempting to sound energetic and failing] But Jimmy has fancy plans!... And pants to match. [three more audience members get up and leave] The monkey clown horrible karate... round and yummy, like a cute small baby chick, would... meet the donkey."
    Bookstore Employee: [jumps up to the podium and applauds politely] Mr. James will, uh, will now answer any questions you might have.
    [there are now three audience members left; one raises his hand]
    Jimmy: [unenthusiastically] You.
    Audience member: [stands up, holding a pad and pencil] Uh, yeah, Mr James... what did you mean when you wrote, [reads from the pad] "Bad clown making like super American car racers, I would make them sweat. War, war!"? [sits down]
    Jimmy: [long pause] Well, you know what it... it's like when the clown... is, is making like a car... racer. It's sort of... like... the FCC. [perking up; he apparently remembers how this passage originally read] It's sort- the clown, the clown is, is like the FCC, and I was opposed to the FCC at the time, so it was like I was declaring war. [Beat] WAR. So I guess that's about it. [the man raises his hand again] Yeah.
    Audience member: [standing up again] So, then did the American yum-yum clown monkey also represent the FCC? [sits down again]
    Jimmy: [another long pause] Yeah, it did. Thanks a lot!
    Audience member: [raises his hand and stands up yet again] One more, one more question. What did you mean when you said, [reads] "Feel my skills, donkey donkey donkey donkey donkey!"? [sits down again]
    Jimmy: [after a very long pause, his shoulders sag and he heaves a sigh of resignation, admitting he can't even BS his way through this one]
  • Season 3's "Office Feud" sees Bill taking on new corporate sponsorship:
    • His live ads for Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor get on Catherine's bad side in two different ways; first, he all but admits he doesn't actually drink it, and second and more importantly, he panders to African-American racial stereotypes with both his choice of words and his delivery:
      Bill: [jingle music plays] Wazzup y'all, Bill McNeal here sayin' there's a party all up in here and you need to get with the flow. Oh yeah, Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor's got the heavyweight power, whether you got the ee-yotch to rip it up to some phat booty beats, or just chill with the honeys! So get on the rocket and see the stars! Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor! DAMN! [removes headphones] Well?
      Catherine: [with utter disgust] Oh. My. LORD.
      Bill: Ha-haa! Billy Dee Williams, watch out.
    • To get revenge against him, Catherine gives him a bogus lesson in African-American slang, so that his new spiel insults the product instead of endorsing it and throws in some utter gibberish for good measure (unsurprisingly, a representative from the company shows up at WNYX within hours and fires Bill as their spokesman):
      Bill: [jingle music plays] Gazizza dilznoofuses! Bill McNeal here sayin' get with the crizz-appy taste of Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor. [Catherine smiles triumphantly] Rocket Fuel's got the upstate prison flava' that keeps you ugly all night long! So you wanna get sick, remember, nothin' makes your feet stank like Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor! DAMN, it's crizz-appy!
  • From "Bitch Session", Bill's impression of Dave, whilst Dave is secretly listening underneath his desk. "I'm from Wisconsin, where taxi cabs are feared and hunted for their delicious flesh."
  • In the cold open to "Led Zeppelin II", Dave announces that security cameras have been installed in the stairwell and foyer, prompting a rant from Joe about the Big Brother Is Watching You aspect of this move, topped off with a claim that the cameras are part of some grand social experiment run by an unnamed agency based inside a mountain in Virginia. Dave's response is priceless:
    Dave: Wait a minute, Joe. If what you're saying is true, then I... still... don't... care.
  • The complaint box episode. When everyone breaks down at "Help, I'm trapped in a complaint box", that's actually the cast breaking down after trying to hold it in for an entire scene of Dave Foley reading cards like, "Matthew has been staring at me all day... and I like it" and "I have doobie in my funk." Maura Tierney in particular is visibly struggling to hold in her laughter before Dave even begins reading the cards.
    Dave: All right, I- I take the complaint box very seriously, and I seem to be the only one who does.
    Bill: A complaint about the complaint box... delicious. [grins]
    Dave: Bill, I'm serious, I'm not amused, all right? I happen to be the one who has to deal with all of these complaints, no matter how stupid they are.
    Beth: Well, Dave, how stupid could they be?
    Dave: Well, let's have a look here. [reading] "You suck". "You suck". "Howard Stern rules". "If you can read this you are a dork". "Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a girl". "Need more complaint cards". "Coupon for one free kiss from Joe... If you are a guy".
    Joe: Hey!
    Dave: [pulls out cookie fortune] "You will go on a journey, happy long time". "Matthew is a moron". "No, I'm not". "Yes, you are". "No I'm not infinity". [Matthew looks triumphant] "Yes you are infinity... Plus one". [Matthew's triumphant look fades] And this one... "I have Doobie in my funk" which I assume is some kind of reference to the Parliament-Funkadelic song "Chocolate City".note  [Beth gives a double thumbs up] Let's see, "You got peanut butter in my chocolate". "You got chocolate in my peanut butter". "Together they taste like crap". [Beth mouths along with the last one and gives another double thumbs up] "Matthew has been staring at me all day... and I love it". [Matthew looks disturbed] I don't quite get this one, it says, "I... I try to be good hard worker man but refrigemater so messy... So, so messy"?
    Lisa: I think that one's probably from Milos, the janitor.
    Bill, Beth, Catherine, Matthew, Joe: [nodding] Ohhh./"Refrigemator." [etc.]
    Dave: Oh, then that- then that one's legitimate. [sets the card aside] Uh, "Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine with all the chicks."
    Everyone: Shaft!
    Bill: I thought we'd all enjoy that one.
    Dave: Okay. And, "Help, I'm being held prisoner in a complaint box." [everyone laughs, including Dave] Which is actually kind of funny.
  • The Cane. That entire episode...just brilliant. "This one displeases me."
  • Dave asking Matthew if he's ever been bitch slapped.
  • "The Real Deal with Bill McNeil", and Bill's pre-recorded tapes. He even keeps several in his pocket for when the producer takes the loaded ones away, including:
    Hey, good question!
    Hey, don't mention it!
    Well screw you too!
  • At a staff meeting:
    Dave: As usual, I'm going to have to ask you all to ignore Bill. [beat] Looking around, I see you're all two steps ahead of me.
  • In "Who's the Boss Part 2", Joe gets in fights with his two brothers, until Sal steps in. The three are shamed into realizing how raucous they've been acting in the office, and want to talk. Sal's reply:
    Sal: The time for talk is over. (pulls out a baseball bat) Now come over here and get your medicine. (the trio runs out)
  • "Coda": Dave, Bill, and Jimmy have to edit a radio ad down to less than 30 seconds, and spend endless hours experimenting on how to do it. On one take, they take out only but the most important words, resulting in a mess of random words ("Crack, bat, roar, crowd"), and on another they deliberately arrange the words to make fun of Bill ("I'm Bill McNeil. I'm on crack. I like boys.")
  • In the "Arcade" episode, Dave advises Jimmy to get better at the game by pretending all the NPCs (whom the player has to save from being abducted by aliens) are members of his family. Jimmy takes the advice a little too literally and breaks down in tears the next time he loses the game.
  • In "Presence", Joe gives Lisa a Boba Fett figure that he has (unbeknownst to her) rigged up with a camera to help her cheat at poker. At the end of the episode, she tosses it out a window at the top of a building and Joe, watching through a visor several floors down, suddenly begins screaming and flailing helplessly.
  • Jimmy's epic freakout when Matthew reveals he accidentally lost all Jimmy's money.