- The whole "Removal Business" scene with Boss Rojeck.
Boss Rojeck: A fight is in rounds. This is Round One. *walks out in the prop hat*
- K.C. tries her hand at doing a stand-up joke. She fails, miserably.
- It's the Duck Joke she flubs. That's like Joking 101.
- Swann's panic attack on the moment he realizes the show he's doing is live.
- Benjy's first night baby-sitting Swann:
Swann: Alfredo, telephone the Stork Club, we'll be two for dinner.
Alfie: You sure you want the Stork Club, Mr. Swann?
Swann: It's been a year and a half. Surely they've repaired the wall of the bandstand by now.
- Swann arrives late at the writers' meeting, stoned out of his mind:
Sy: He's plastered!
Swann: So are some of the finest erections in Europe!
- Swann's rather suave way to use a restroom:
Lil: This is for ladies only!
Swann: (unzips his fly) So is this, ma'am, but every now and then I have to run a little water through it!
(Lil, played by the unflappable Selma Diamond, can only nod in agreement)
- Herb finally says something out loud. Even with a major fight going on, everyone in the control room turns in shock.
- After watching this movie, you will never again be able to listen to the 1812 Overture without laughing your ass off.