The opening film as well. Back when the movie was first released, it was a fairly common mistake by the cinemas to put in the wrong film and roll it anyway, since the audience had paid to see a movie. Here came this film that did it on purpose and people found it hilarious.
"A møøse once bit my sister."
The producers halt the credits in order to get rid of the Swedish subtitlers... only to have the second team of credit-makers still obsess over moose being in the film. THAT team gets sacked, with a third team of credit-makers hired on from some South American firm... that quickly inserts llamas into the credits. Somehow, this is ignored... or more likely the producers just gave up at that point.
They then state that, short on time and due to the lack of decent credits, the producers will insert their own cheap, last-minute credits. What follows is an epilepsy-inducing nightmare.
One last note, because the credit-makers were all sacked the ending credits didn't exist.
The very first scene after the credits. A sound of horses... followed by one guy pantomiming horse riding while another behind him claps coconut halves together.
The entire "Bring out your dead!" sequence...
"I'm not dead!" "You're not fooling anyone, you know." "I feeeeel happy!" *clonk*
And then the French dump crap all over him near the end. Literal crap.
In the scene with the monks hitting their faces with the tablets, there's one who's way too early. Watch him after and it's obvious the actor's trying not to screw up again by waiting for everyone else to hit first. Starts here at :22 on the right, second to last guy.
The chanting is a standard funeral rite meaning roughly "Merciful Lord Jesus, grant them rest." In context, though, you could interpret it as "Jesus Christ, make it stop!"
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king. Dennis: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony! King Arthur: Be quiet! Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you! King Arthur: Shut up! Dennis: If I went 'round sayin' I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Even when Arthur finally loses it and starts to drag him off, Dennis still won't shut up. "Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!"
Right at that part, keep your eyes on Cleese; he gets this manic look on his face... no wonder the others were almost corpsing while filming this part. (That's why Eric Idle suddenly starts biting down on his scythe; he was that close to losing it entirely.)
God: "Oh, don't grovel! One thing I can't stand it's people groveling... AND DON'T APOLOGIZE!! Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'Sorry this' and 'Forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'... WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW!? Arthur: I'm averting my eyes, O Lord! God: Well, don't! It's like those miserable Psalms, they're soooo depressing. Now knock it off!
God: Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times. Arthur: Good idea, O Lord! God: 'COURSE IT'S A GOOD IDEA!!
"I faaaart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-ah!"
Sir Galahad: What a strange person.
"What are you doing in England?" "MIND YOUR OWN BIZNESS!"
The French bombarding Arthur and his men with livestock. "Fetchez la vache!"
"EYY, THIS ONE IS FOR YOUR MOTHER!" *throws duck*
Which is funnier still for going back to the Burn the Witch! segment because they just called Your Mom a witch. Additionally, this means that at least one of the knights of the round table is a son of a witch.
At one point, at least one of the French soldiers is shown to be unable to speak French.
The failed attempt at entering the French castle in a "Trojan Rabbit", particularly Sir Bedvedere's reaction upon realising the problem (hint: he's supposed to be in the rabbit at the time). "I...uh... look, if we built this large wooden badger..."
"...Then, you must chop down the tallest tree in the forest. WIIIIIIIITH...A HERRING!" [Scare Chord]
Galahad the Pure meets the maidens of Castle Anthrax: "And after the spanking, the oral sex!"
Galahad wants to face the peril.
Launcelot: We were in the nick of time! You were in great peril. Galahad: I don't think I was. Launcelot: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril! Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. Launcelot: No, it's too perilous. Galahad: But it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can! Launcelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on! Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril? Launcelot: No. It's unhealthy. Galahad: ...Bet you're gay. Launcelot: Am not!
The script called for Galahad to give Lancelot a "knowing look."
Three-headed Knight: At least ours was better visually. Dennis the Peasant: At least ours was committed and wasn't just a string of pussy jokes. Old Man from Scene 24: Get on with it. Tim the Enchanter: Yes, get on with it! Army of Knights: GET ON WITH IT! Dingo: Oh, I am enjoying this scene. God: Get ON with it!
Lancelot running towards the castle with dramatic music, but making no ground. They cut between him and the guards five times before he suddenly gets there.
On his way up the stairs, he stops to chop a bouquet of flowers before proceeding with his rampage.
"You got my note!" "Well, uh... I got a note..."
"You see, I thought your son was a lady..." "Well, I can understand that!"
"Now then, now then, this is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!"
Lancelot going out of his way to kill people on his second trip up the stairs.
The King's description of building a castle in the middle of a swamp. The first one sank into the swamp. The second one sank into the swamp. The third one burned down, fell over and THEN sank into the swamp.
"There, they met sir Lancelot and Sir Galahad. And there was much rejoicing." "Yaaaay..." "In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. And there was much rejoicing." "Yaaaay..."
Bonus: the "Yaaaay" for eating Robin's minstrels was a bit less Flat Joy than the one for meeting Lancelot and Galahad.
Tim the Enchanter hyping up the Beast of Caerbannog:
King Arthur: If he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve "Aaaarrrgh"! He'd just say it! Brother Maynard: Well, that's what's written here. Sir Bedivere: Perhaps he was dictating. King Arthur: Oh, shut up!
All leading, of course, to the dramatic entrance of the legendary Black Beast of AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHH!