- The opening credits with inserted subtitles. With said subtitles in faux Swedish having nothing to do with the movie or the credits at all.
- "A moose once bit my sister"
- The producers halt the credits in order to get rid of the Swedish subtitlers... only to have the second team of credit-makers still obsess over moose being in the film. THAT team gets sacked, with a third team of credit-makers hired on from some South American firm... that quickly inserts llamas into the credits. Somehow, this is ignored... or more likely the producers just gave up at that point.
- One last note, because the credit-makers were all sacked the ending credits didn't exist.
- The very first scene after the credits. A sound of horses... followed by one guy pantomiming horse riding while another behind him claps coconut halves together.
- The entire "Bring out your dead!" sequence...
- "I'm not dead!" "You're not fooling anyone, you know." "I feeeeel happy!" *clonk*
- As Arthur rides disdainfully by...
Peasant: Who's that then?Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.Peasant: Why?Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.
- And then the French dump shit all over him near the end. Literal shit.
- In the scene with the monks hitting their faces with the tablets, there's one who's way too early. Watch him after and it's obvious the actor's trying not to screw up again by waiting for everyone else to hit first. Starts here at :22 on the right, second to last guy.
- That scene in itself. Not only is it so bizarre as to be funny, but a loose translation of their chanting amounts to "Jesus Christ, make it stop." Or more literally, "Merciful Lord, give us a rest already".
- Dennis the peasant taking apart the legend of the Lady of the Lake and Excalibur, to the increasing annoyance of Arthur:
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
King Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
King Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: If I went 'round sayin' I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
- "Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!"
- "Bloody peasant."
- Arthur's duel with the Black Knight.
- "'Tis but a scratch!" "A scratch?! Your arm's off!" "I've had worse!" "You lie!" "Come on, you pansy!"
- "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" (...) "Just a flesh wound!"
- "Right! I'll do you for that!" *passionately exasperated* "You'll do what?!"
- "What are you gonna do, bleed on me!?" "I'm invincible!" "You're a loony."
- Two more missing limbs later... "Ooh, ooh, I see, running away, eh? YOU YELLOW BASTARD!! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!!"
- The "burn the witch" scene.
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!Sir Bedevere: A newt?Peasant 3: ...I got better...Crowd: BURN HER ANYWAY!!!
- Right at that part, keep your eyes on Cleese; he gets this manic look on his face... no wonder the others were almost corpsing while filming this part. (That's why Eric Idle suddenly starts biting down on his scythe; he was that close to losing it entirely.)
- The Camelot Song
- "It's only a model."
- "... On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."
- "It's only a model."
- King Arthur meet God...
God: "Oh, don't grovel! One thing I can't stand it's people groveling... AND DON'T APOLOGIZE!! Everytime I try to talk to someone it's 'Sorry this' and 'Forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'... WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW!?Arthur: I'm averting my eyes, O Lord!God: Well, don't! It's like those miserable Psalms, they're soooo depressing. Now knock it off!
God: Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.Arthur: Good idea, O Lord!God: 'COURSE IT'S A GOOD IDEA!!
- And then...
- Any appearance of the French.
- "I told them we've already got one."
- "I'm French! Why do you think I have zis outRAEgous aczent, you silly king?"
- "I faaaart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-ah!"
- "If you're French, what are you doing in England?" "MIND YOUR OWN BIZNESS!"
- The French bombarding Arthur and his men with livestock. "Fetchez la vache!"
- "EYY, THIS ONE IS FOR YOUR MOTHER!" *throws duck*
- At one point, at least one of the French soldiers is shown to be unable to speak French.
- The failed attempt at entering the French castle in a "Trojan Rabbit", particularly Sir Bedvedere's reaction upon realising the problem (hint: he's supposed to be in the rabbit at the time). "I...uh... look, if we built this large wooden badger..."
- "Brave Sir Robin ran away!"
- "We are the Knights who say... Ni!"
- Galahad the Pure meets the maidens of Castle Anthrax: "And after the spanking, the oral sex!"
Launcelot: We were in the nick of time! You were in great peril.Galahad: I don't think I was.Launcelot: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril!Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.Launcelot: No, it's too perilous.Galahad: But it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can!Launcelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?Launcelot: No. It's unhealthy.Galahad: ...Bet you're gay.Launcelot: Am not!
- Galahad wants to face the peril.
Three-headed Knight: At least ours was better visually.Dennis the Peasant: At least ours was committed and wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.Old Man from Scene 24: Get on with it.Tim the Enchanter: Yes, get on with it!Army of Knights: GET ON WITH IT!Dingo: Oh, I am enjoying this scene.God: Get ON with it!
- There was only a hundred-and-fifty of them.
- "Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worrried when the boys were writing it. But now we're glad! It's better than some of the previous scenes, I think."
- And in the theatrical release, that bit of the scene WAS cut.
- All of Sir Launcelot's Quest. No really, all of it.
- [Arrow hits his squire through the chest] "Message for you, sir!"
- "Someday, son, all of this will be yours!" "What, the curtains?"
- "All I want to do...is sing!" "NO SINGING!"
- "She's got huuuuuge...tracts of land..."
- "You got my note!" "Well, uh... I got a note..."
- "You see, I thought your son was a lady..." "Well, I can understand that!"
- "Now then, now then, this is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!"
- Lancelot going out of his way to kill people on his second trip up the stairs.
"There, they met sir Lancelot and Sir Galahad. And there was much rejoicing.""Yaaaay...""In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. And there was much rejoicing.""Yaaaay...."
- Bonus: the "Yaaaay" for eating Robin's ministrels was a bit less Flat Joy than the one for meeting Lancelot and Galahad.
- Tim the Enchanter hyping up the Beast of Caerbannog:
Tim: "And so, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage, come no further! For death awaits you all with nasty, sharp, pointy teeth!"Bedevere: "What an eccentric performance."
- The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog.
"Skip a bit, brother."
- "What, behind the rabbit?" "That is NO ORDINARY RABBIT!"
- "JEEZUS CHRYST!!!" "Ooh. I've done it again."
- "RUN AWAY!"
- "O Lord, bless this thy Holy Hand Grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy..."
- "And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu..."
- "...who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
- This dialogue:
King Arthur: If he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve "Aaaarrrgh"! He'd just say it!
Brother Maynard: Well, that's what's written here.
Sir Bedivere: Perhaps he was dictating.
King Arthur: Oh, shut up!
- All leading, of course, to the dramatic entrance of the legendary Black Beast of AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHH!
- The Bridge of Death.
- The Ending, because who the hell expected that?