Funny / Monsters, Inc.
Rex: "Hey, how was that?! Was I scary? Do I get the part? Can I do it again? I can be taller!"
  • Harryhausen's getting "decontaminated."
    Mike: (as he, Sully and Boo make a mad dash for home) Well, that couldn't have gone worse!
    (Cue a gigantic, pulsating orb of plasma consuming a three-block radius around the restaurant)
  • The following scene with the "witnesses".
    Horrified Tall & Lanky Monster: Well, the kid flew right over me and blasted a car with its laser vision.
    • It's even funnier in the Latin American dub, because they gave him an Argentinian accent.
    • There's also a witness, who is a large slug with a southern accent.
    Slug Monster: I tried to run from it, but it picked me up with its mind power and shook me like a doll.
    Many-eyed Monster: It's true! I saw the whole thing!
  • "Oh, hey. We're rehearsing a - a scene for the upcoming company play called uh, Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me. It's a musical." (For added hilarity, during the credits a musical with that name is enacted...)
    Mike: Put that thing back where it came from or so help me... (Bom, bom, bom, bom...) so help me, so help me, and cut!
    • In the bloopers:
    Mike: Put that thing back where it came from or so help me! Get that thing away from me you guys! Put that thing back where it came from! Or I'll poke myself in the eye!
  • Later, after Boo is missing:
    Mike: What are you worried about? She's out of our hair!!
    (the two of them smash into Randall)
    Randall: What are you two doing?!
    Random Employee: They're rehearsing a play!
    Mike: (singing) SHE'S OUT OF OUR HAIR!!
    Randall: Can it, Wazowski!
  • For an added bonus, there was even a pamphlet about the musical in the DVD extras. Mike got credit for everything and the musical has gotten some bad reviews (except from Mike's ma, of course), which kinda contrasts the audience's opinion of the show in the end credits.
  • " I'm watching you, Wazowski, ALWAYS WATCHING. ALWAYS."
    Mike: Ooh, she's nuts!
  • Mike drilling Sulley's morning workout it starts with...
    Waternoose: I need Scarers who are confident, tenacious, tough, intimidating. I need scarers P. Sullivan.
    (Cut to Sulley sleeping in bed.)
    Mike: (imitating a radio reporter) Hey! Good morning, Monstropolis! It's now five after the hour of 6:00 A.M. in the big monster city. Temperature's a balmy 65 degrees - which is good news for you reptiles -and it looks like it's gonna be a perfect day to maybe, hey, just lie in bed, sleep in, or simply WORK OUT THAT FLAB THAT'S HANGING OVER THE BED! GET UP, SULLEY! [blows a airhorn in Sulley's face, promptly awakening him].
    • "Scary feet scary feet..kid's awake! Scary feet scary feet...kid's asleep!''
    • Eventually culminating in Sulley doing pull ups from the ceiling
    Mike: 118. Do you have 119? Do I see 120? Oh, I don't believe it!
    Sulley: I'm not even breaking a sweat!
    Mike: Not you! Look! The new commercial's on!
    Sulley: [yells and falls to the floor]
  • This gem:
    Mike: Using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city, and release it into the wild!
    Sulley: ...Spoons.
    Mike: That's it, I'm out of ideas. We're closed. Hot air balloon? Too expensive. Giant slingshot? Too conspicuous. Enormous wooden horse? Too Greek!
  • Randall making his deal with a terrified Mike in the hallway. He proceeds mafia-style interrogation where he twists Mike's arms like a clock and even gives the "capisce" hand gesture when he asks Mike if he's made himself clear.
    (Mike sprints across the hallway. He hides behind a corner with a portrait of Waternoose behind. Mike sighs in relief. Suddenly, Randall materializes beside the portrait. Mike turns around.)
    Mike: YIKES! (Randall lunges at Mike, pinning him to the wall)
    Randall: WHERE'S THE KID?!
    Mike: Kid? What kid?
    Randall: It's here in the factory, isn't it?
    Mike: You're not pinnin' this on me! It never would've gotten out if you hadn't been cheating last night!
    Randall: CHEATING?! WHY, I— (calms down) Cheating. Right. Okay, I think I know how to make this all go away. What happens when the whistle blows in five minutes?
    Mike: I... get a time out?
    Randall: Everyone goes to lunch! Which means the Scare Floor will be...
    Mike: ...painted?
    Randall: EMPTY! It'll be empty, you idiot! [points at the clock hanging on the wall] See that clock? When the big hand is pointing up... [forces Mike's arm up] and the little hand is pointing up... [forces the other arm up] the kid's door will be in my station. But when the big hand points down... [forces Mike's arm down; Mike groans in pain] the door will be gone. You have till then to put the kid back. Get the picture?
    Mike: (whimpering) Uh-huh...
    • What sells it is Mike tentatively forming the "p" sound while looking nervously, as if he was hoping Randall to say "Yes, it'll be painted."
  • Mike is strapped into the chair by Randall:
    Randall: Say hello to the Scream Extractor.
    Mike: Hello. (Randall makes his way to the control panel) C'mon, wait! Where you going? We'll have a latte!
  • When Mike decides to come back from exile and tries to have a heart-to-heart with Sulley, oblivious to the fact he's being choked to death by an invisible Randall. Annoyed, he throws a snowcone at him but hits Randall, who Sulley quickly backhands.
    Sulley: [is fighting the invisible Randall when he is hit with a snowball] Mike?
    Mike: Look, it's not that I don't care about the kid.
    Sulley: Mike, you don't understand.
    Mike: Yes, I do. I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think, but you shouldn't have left me out there.
    Sulley: I'm being attacked!
    Mike: No, I'm not attacking you. I'm trying to be honest. Just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship. (Boo approaches Mike, frightened) I-I-I know, kid. He-he's too sensitive. (Sulley is being strangled) Come on, pal. If you start crying, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now. Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. The least you can do is pay attention! (Throws snowball; it hits Randall, making him visible enough for Sulley to punch him in the face) Hey, look, it's Randall- ohhhhhh...'
  • When Mike is trapped in the scream extractor, and tries to bribe Fungus to release him by offering... a ride in his car.
    • This line:
    Randall: Where is she, you little one-eyed creh-tin?
    Mike: Okay, first of all it's "cree-tin". If you're going to threaten me, do it properly.
    • "I'm sorry, Wazowski, but Randall says I'm not allowed to fraternize with victims of his evil plot."
    • Mike's discovery that Randall has more on his mind than the top scarer competition:
    Mike: You're nuts if you think kidnapping me is gonna help YOU cheat your way to the top.
    Randall: [Evil Laugh] You still think this is about that stupid scare record?
    Mike: [Faltering] Well... I did. Right up until... you chuckled like that. And now I'm thinking I should just get out of here.
  • During the door chase when Mike and Sully go through a door laying on the ground:
    Mike: (lands horizontally on the ground) That was weird.
    [Sulley then lands on him]
    Sulley: Mike? (looks down) Oh! Sorry, buddy.
    Mike: (dazed) Okay...
  • This hilarious bit when Sulley and Boo are in the bathroom.
    Sulley: "Ready or not, here I come! I'm getting warmer. Any second now! (crawling along the floor, deep voice) FEE FI FO—"
    Mike: (comes in) "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
    • That's funny on its own, but imagine just how awkward that would have been if someone else had come in instead of Mike.
  • Sulley watching what he mistakenly thinks is Boo getting mashed in the trash compactor.
    • Made even better if you're a die-hard Looney Tunes fan, as the entire scene is basically one long Shout-Out to Chuck Jones. The icing on the cake is when Sulley stops the compactor after everything is over - why didn't he think of that from the very beginning?
    • Mike meeting back up with Sulley, who is mourning over the cube of garbage after he thinks Boo ended up in the trash compactor.
    Mike: Sulley? That's a cube of garbage. (One of her fake eyes bugs out) Uh oh.....
    Sulley: (Tearfully) I can still hear her little voice!
    Boo : Mike Wazowski!
    Mike: Wait, I hear her too!
    Monster Children: (off-screen) Mike Wazowski!
    Mike: Hey how many kids do you got in there?!
    • The gaggle of monster-children and "Mike Wazowski!" Chomp!
  • Mike in regards to Boo:
    Mike: That thing is a KILLING MACHINE!
    Boo: [Dancing around in a circle happily] La la la la. *giggle*
  • Mike is talking to Sulley about his date that evening with Celia.
    Mike: That face of hers, it just makes my heart go-[turns and comes face to face with Roz] YIKES!!!
    Roz: Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight?
    Mike: Well, as a matter of fact-
    Roz: And I'm sure you filed your paperwork correctly, for once? (Mike gulps) Your stunned silence is very reassuring.
  • Pete "Claws" Ward goes into a door but the kid apparently fails to be scared.
    Pete "Claws" Ward: The kid almost touched me! She got this close to me!
    Assistant: She wasn't scared of you? She was only six!
    Pete "Claws" Ward: (grabbing assistant) I could've been dead! I COULD'VE DIIIIIIED!
    Assistant: (slaps him) Keep it together, man!
    • Bonus points for the rock music coming out of the closet before he slams the door. Must've been one hell of a kid...
  • Mike going all smug as he reveals Waternoose's plot... The expression on his face is the best part.
    Mike: Let's watch my favorite part again... shall we?
  • "23-19! We have a 23-19!"
    • "Oh dear..." (gets tackled)
      • On the second time, a squad of CDA agents happen to be in the locker room in the bathroom stalls.
    • For bonus points, George catches on the third time and stuffs the sock into Charlie's mouth before tossing him through the door and closing it, then casually walks away whistling.
  • The Abominable Snow Man and his snow cones.
    • Later on, when Sulley and Mike have a moment he says this to excuse himself.
    • The really funny part, however, is that it wasn't just an excuse - he really DID go make new ones.
    "Take my buddy, Bigfoot; when he was banished, he fashioned an enormous diaper out of poison ivy. Wore it on his head like a tiara. Called himself 'King Itchy'!"
  • Mike's stand-up routine that fails to amuse a child.
    Mike: Dodgeball was the best - I was the fastest one out there! Of course, I was the ball... but I... was the ball.
  • The scene in the locker room where Sulley just walks away, not even realizing that Boo is hanging onto his back until he goes around a corner and then runs away screaming. And just to make it even more funny, part of the Psycho theme is playing.
    • Sulley placing Boo in her room, he closes the door, turns around...and Boo's right in front of him! Becomes even funnier when he glances at her door in confusion and then at her.
  • Sulley: (using sign language) (mimics snoring)
  • Randall has just made Top Scarer of the day, only to be interrupted by a sudden scream from another door. Cut to Mike filling up several canisters, rapid-fire, before Sully comes out, cracks his knuckles and turns smugly to Randall.
    Sulley: "Slumber party."
  • Randall's defeat.
    Mike: Alright, let's see the old stuff here! Chuck him, baby!
    Randall: Wait, please don't! Don't! Don't! NOOOO! (Sulley tosses him into the door and Mike slams it)
    Mike: And he is... OUTTA HERE!
    (Cut to a trailer in a southeastern swamp at night; the silhouettes of Randall and two hillbillies can be seen from the windows)
    Hillbilly Son: Mama, 'nother gator got in the house!
    Hillbilly Mom: 'nother gator?! Gimme that shovel! C'mere! (repeatedly whacks Randall with the shovel)
    Randall: Ow! Ooh! Ouch!
    Hillbilly Son: Get him, Mama! Get that gator!
    Randall: Ow! Ow! Ow! AAAAH!
  • Mike's Oh, Crap! moment when Boo is let loose in the restaurant.
    Mike: Celia, please try to understand!! I have to...(Boo escapes from the bag) DO SOMETHING!!!
  • Like some other Pixar movies, the Hilarious Outtakes. See them here.
    • Especially notable is Roz's continued appearance. Like when the bathroom stall is opened,
    • The monsters falling over in slow-mo.
      • A Funny Background Event shows Randall pointing and laughing at Sulley tripping until Randall trips himself.
    • "Go ahead. Go throw up."
    • Sulley trying to turn a corner...only to skid off screen.
    • Also the previously mentioned show from earlier on in the movie.
    • Needleman and Smitty try to use the door shredder, only for it to shred the door way too fast and go out of control across the Scare Floor before eventually knocking the camera over.
    • When the CDA first enter the Scare Floor through the windows, one window doesn't fly open, resulting in a CDA agent smacking against the glass and sliding down.
    • Fungus pulling not only the wallpaper, but also an artistic portrait for Randall to blend into, making him look like he's wearing the outfit in the portrait, which Randall actually finds to be pretty funny himself, when out-of-character at least.
    • Rex makes a cameo in one of the outtakes.
  • During the international/interdimensional door chase, Mike and Sulley end up in a tropical paradise.
    Mike: Why couldn't we get banished here!?
  • Sulley: (while trying to make Boo stop crying) 'Oh, he's a happy bear, and he's not crying, and neither should you, or we'll be in trouble, 'cause they're gonna find us. So please stop crying.
  • "It's 'Bring An Obscure Relative To Work' Day!"
    • And Waternoose bought it.
      Waternoose: Hm. Must've missed the memo.
  • The scene immediately after the restaurant chaos when Sulley and Mike are trying to deal with Boo in their apartment. For Sulley and Mike, it's like they've got a wild, lethal snake loose in the place. For Boo, it's basically the best game of peek-a-boo ever.
  • Sulley and Mike banter with each other throughout the credits song "If I Didn't Have You", and it's all very funny (You can just hear Billy Crystal and John Goodman having a BLAST!)
    Sulley: Yes, I wouldn't have nothing if I didn't have you
    Mike: I know what you mean, Sulley! Because-
    Sulley: I wouldn't know where to go
    Mike: Me too! Because I-
    Sulley: Wouldn't know what to do
    Mike: Why do you keep singing my part?
    • Also, when it sounds like they're dancing.
    Mike: Don't you dare dip me! Don't you dare dip me! Ow, I should have stretched.
    • This part towards the end of the song:
    Mike: ONE MORE TIME! (music continues) IT WORKED!
  • When Mike reveals that he and the CDA were watching Waternoose's every move, he loops his "favorite part" of the security camera footage. It's Waternoose saying "I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die!—I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die!—I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die!" For some reason, the repetition of that line is hilarious.
    • The one CDA guy whose eye stalks exchange a look with one another while all this is going on.
    • And a bit afterward...
    Mike: Man, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. I hope we get a copy of that tape.
  • At the sushi restaurant when Mike tries to woo Celia right before Sulley shows up.
    Mike: Why, just last week I was asked who I thought was the most beautiful monster in all of Monstroppolis and you know what I said?
    Celia: What did you say?
    Mike: I said, (sees Sulley out the window) Sulley?
    Celia: Sulley?!
  • Sulley matter-of-factly picking up Mike's bag because his friend is too busy singing to Celia to carry it himself.
    • Also Sulley making gagging noises when Mike and Celia greet each other with their pet names.
    • "Hi, Celia... W-Welia."
  • Celia angrily demanding that Mike tell her what's going on as they're running from Randall (dragging Celia behind them), so Mike does. This is what follows.
    Celia: You expect me to believe that pack of lies, Mike Wazowski?!
    Boo: (Pops up) Mike Wazowski!
    Celia: (Screams and lets go)
    Mike: (Meekly) I love you smoochy poo.
  • Mike's response to Sulley claiming they're going to get Boo to her door, while they both ride a door into the door vault;
    Mike: What a plan! Simple, yet insane!
  • As all the monsters watch Waternoose arrested and taken away
    Smitty: I bet we get the rest of the day off!
    Needleman: YOU IDIOT! They're gonna shut down the factory!
    (crowd gasps)
    • "Come on, we did it! We got Boo home. Sure, we put the company in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?"
  • Mike wearing a pair of mittens on his horns.
  • The opening sequences wherein a monster walks into a child's bedroom, gets freaked out when the child starts screaming and starts knocking things over, and then it's revealed we're in the training simulator and the training instructor immediately begins critiquing him on his mistakes.
  • Mike trying to make Boo laugh again after the doors' power goes out.
    Mike: All right, I got a move here. It'll bring down the house. (does a flip, and lands with the beam between his legs)
    Sulley: (lifts up Boo's hood) Oh, sorry, she didn't see that.
    Mike: WHAT?! What'd you do?! Forget to check if her stupid hood was up, ya big dope?! (Boo crosses her arms, offended)
    Sulley: (sing-songy) Uncle Mike, try not to yell in front of her! You know we need her to laugh!
    Mike: Right. Hey, Boo! Just kidding. Look! (Slams the door on his own face; muffled) Funny, right? See, with the... (Boo doesn't laugh; she just continues to scowl) ...These are the jokes, kid.
  • This conversation:
    Needleman: So I said, "If you talk to me like that again, we're through."
    Smitty: Oh! What did she say?
    Needleman: You know my mom. She sent me to my room.
  • The opening lines of the movie.
    Flint: All right, Mr. Bile, is it?
    Bile: Uh, my friends call me Phlem.
    Flint: Uh-huh, Mr. Bile, can you tell me what you did wrong?
    Bile: I fell down?
    Flint: No, No, before that. (turning to the trainees behind her) Can anyone tell me Mr. Bile's big mistake? Anyone?
    Trainees (confused look)
    Flint: (playing the footage on the screen of Bile entering the room) Alright, let's check footage. Right...there. The Door! He left it wide open. And leaving the door open is the worst mistake that any employee could make, because...
    Bile: could let in a draft?
    Waternoose: It could let in a child!
  • An early CGI test for the movie involving Mike (who has no arms here) and Sulley (named Johnson at the time) picking out a tie for Johnson to wear.
    Mike: (pointing to a tie with his foot) That one!
    Johnson: Oh. Really? Because I wasn't even sure I should have put that one out.
    Mike: Oh, you always do this! You ask me for my opinion and then you ignore it! Besides, it's just a tie!
    Johnson: Just a tie!? Neck-wear can make a very important first impression! You wouldn't understand.
    Mike: Oh, I wouldn't understand. *angrily jumps at Johnson* Just because I can't wear a tie, you think I wouldn't understand, is that it!?
    Johnson: No no no! Not at all! Uh, here, is this the tie you wanted?
    Mike: That's the one! That's the big packin'!
    Johnson: It's kind of...big.
    Mike: Proportions Johnson, proportions! It's attitude that makes the monster! *puts on an oversized cowboy hat* Let's go.
  • Mike's meltdown after he and Sulley are banished may be a Tear Jerker, but still has a bit of comedy shaved in:
  • The teaser trailer has plenty of brilliant moments:
    • Sulley and Mike stumbling through the door after the narrator comments on scaring being "just their job".
    • Mike getting Mongolia confused with Magnolia.
    • Despite causing a Series Continuity Error with the existence of Monsters University, there's this hilarious exchange regarding Sulley and Mike's school days.
    Sulley: Okay, you remember the fifth grade?
    Mike: Yeah.
    Sulley: When you spent all your time passing notes to Suzie Boils?
    Mike: Loved it.
    Sulley: The rest of us were studying geography, this is not Mongolia!
    Mike: Oh, would-would you listen to this, blame it on the little guy, how original, he must have read the schedule wrong WITH HIS ONE EYE!
    Mike: Nice doggy, he he... nice... big doggy... Sulley! SULLEY, OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! NOW! Aah! (Sulley grabs Mike and yanks him through the door)