Funny / Mission Hill

  • The Republican Vampire: "I follow Marilyn Manson, but I obey Rush Lim-baugh!"
  • The defense attorney for Griff and C-Dog is hilariously biased against them. After declining to cross-examine the witness at all, he delivers this closing statement:
    "Attempted murder?" Ha! I put forth that if these two ruthless thugs had wanted to kill this young man, he'd be dead. I mean look at them, they're scum.
  • Ron's freak-out when Kevin tells him that his car got wrecked ("Ooh, you blockhead! I keel you whole family!") and the end when Ron runs into the Plexiglas barrier and knocks himself out.
  • Posey is about to learn the secret of inner peace when the sound of Andy dragging the gate he's been handcuffed to is starting to snap her out of her trance. Her spirit guide finally gets fed up with trying to explain it, and rips off the sheet before it cuts back to the real world. Inner peace looked suspiciously like Ronald McDonald.
  • Andy being revealed to have an incident similar to Kevin's infamous "Googer Geiger" night.
  • From the first episode, Posey stating that "there are dark forces at work" within Stogie.
  • Baby Nameless provides several great gags despite not being able to talk or even having an actual name yet. Among these can be mentioned the baby smacking Carlos across the face while imitating Natalie raising her arm, being allowed access into Andy and Jim's fake night club while the doorman rejects Natalie (who was in on the gag) to fool the hipsters standing in line outside, and making Carlos paint an entire painting in orange due to him thinking the baby's giggling was due to him approving of the color choice, while it was actually giggling at Carlos showing his buttcrack every time he reached up to add more paint.
  • From the unproduced "I Was A Teenage Pornstar", we have this gem: Kevin hears Wally and Gus arguing through the vents because Wally didn't buy tartar sauce for Gus's fishsticks. Later in the episode, Kevin is kept awake from a banging noise coming from the vent, which is coming from the porn film crew setting up downstairs, and yells "For heaven's sake, buy him some tartar sauce!!"
  • Posey pushing an obnoxious pimp off the roof after curing his back sprain, because she "didn't want him to fall off the roof and not feel it".
  • Andys complete disregard for the undefined world crisis in Day Of the Jackass, while everyone else is completely absorbed in the news broadcasts surrounding the events.
  • Andy is about to hook up with Gwen, but thinks he hears Kevin outside. Figuring he's probably fine, but since this is Kevin's first encounter with intoxication, he rolls up the curtain and looks into the living room just to be sure. Cut to Kevin rolling around on the floor with a potted plant shoved down the front of his pants and babbling the word "googer-geiger".
    Andy: Okay, it didn't make me feel better.
  • Kevin asking Andy to buy him some beer for the party in the pilot episode.
    Kevin So, will you buy me this?
    Andy: Sure! But that's olive oil.
    *Kevin grabs another bottle*
    "That's maple syrup."
    *Kevin grabs a third bottle*
    "That's shampoo."
    • The store they're shopping at is called "Food Hobo Discount Groceries". Kind of a red flag.
  • This scene from "Happy Birthday Douchebag"
    Jim: "Can you believe someone left these brownies on the subway?"
    *A large python cooing like a baby crawls by. (Actually the python Natalie rescued from a test lab earlier in the episode that has swallowed Baby Nameless' baby monitor)
    Jim: Heh, can you believe someone left these brownies on the subway?
  • Andy attempting to find Kevin a prom date in "Great Sexpectations", which leads to some rather... unfortunate misunderstandings. He resorts to bribing a teenage prostitute to take him.
  • Andy's attempts to finding another job after Ron's Waterbed World is seized by the government due to tax evasion:
    • Andy trying to live out his cartooning dreams by applying for an "alternative newspaper" that turns out to be a Neo-Nazi publication.
    • Andy again trying to put his drawing skills to good use by being a boardwalk caricaturist — and gets beaten up by a man who hated his caricature of himself as a pig with a tennis racket shoved up his ass (he was a lawyer who enjoyed tennis).
    • Andy getting a job as a butcher and his subsequent breaking down after hitting a cow on the head with a sledgehammer.
    • Andy's job as a roadside mascot shilling for an ice cream store. He passes out from breathing in too much car exhaust, and, as mentioned in a later scene, "And when I came to, there were all these kids standing around me crying."
  • Kevin and Andy have to resort to Dumpster diving in order to eat, and Andy picks up a dog food can written in Cyrillic.
    Kevin *tries reading the Russian text on the can* "Uh, are you sure this is dog -food-?"
    Andy: Its got a picture of a dog on it...
    *Stogie sniffs the meaty pulp in his bowl, before curling up and whimpering in fear*
    • The disgusting food Andy dug out of the dumpster, like "Compostina" and "Skunge" (which contains 8 essential forms of marrow). What makes it extra hilarious is that it seems like these products were made specifically to get thrown in the trash.
  • Kevins Sanity Slippage while trying to decipher a rumored pattern in the SAT tests.
    Andy: Hey Kev, you want some spaghetti?
    Kevin: Andy offers Kevin spaghetti at 9, if Kevin is seven years older than pudding, how many liters of Andy does it take to get to Denver?
    Andy: *Andy backs out of the room slowly* There's parmesan cheese in the... refrigerator...
  • Andy and Kevins straightlaced and conservative suburbanite parents being confronted with the colorful and occasionally frightening surroundings of Mission Hill, in the unfinished "I Was A Teenage Pornstar". Highlights include running into Baby Nameless and his/her boa constrictor in the hallway while Carlos is feeding it a raw chicken, running into Wally and Gus graphically making out in the elevator, and being accosted by the Penis Pervert at the Glass Eye Cafe.
    • The incredibly lame excuse Mr French comes up with to explain how they found out Kevin accidentally appeared in a porno; the tape was left in their VCR when it came back from the repair shop.
  • Ron starts putting people's personal calls at the waterbed store on speakerphone after Andy's repeatedly ignoring the "No Personal Calls" policy.
    Ron:" Now if you get personal call, everybody gonna hear! We all listen to your shame! SHAME!!!"
  • Andy Vs The Real World
    • "The Skiz" gets run over by a truck while crossing the street while insulting Andy.
      • In the aftermath, Andy can be seen in the background stealing The Skiz's boots
    • This exchange from
      Kevin: "Hey Jim, do you have any trouser hangers?"
      Jim: Trouser hangers? Sure, they're right between my shoe trees and my collar stays
      Kevin: "Thanks, I really appreciate...Oh...
      *Jim chuckles*
    • Also from that episode, the revelation that Andy has been wearing Kevin's clothes, because he's too lazy to clean his own.
    • In "Andy Vs. The Real World" Andy and Jim end up in the same elevator with one of the cast members. She lights up a cigarette, picks her nose and farts. This interests Jim enough to introduce himself.
    • Andy has been in the Real World house for less than 5 minutes before he ends up getting two of the other cast members to cry by accident.
    • When asked to share some inner pain on the show, Andy makes up a story about Kevin having died the year before in "a tragic lawnmower accident" and how hard it was to pick up all the pieces from the lawn (although the rake made it easier).
      Kevin: You told them I was dead?!
      Andy: I didn't want to come off as unsympathetic! Entertainment Weekly would have torn me apart!
    • Jim refused to be part of the show, but the MTV exec didn't seem to understand what his issue was.
    Jim: I can't be a part of this, man! I don't want my life to be used to sell M&M's!
    Exec: Could you say "I don't want my life to be used to sell Reese's Pieces"? Even better, say "I DO want my life to be used to sell Reese's Pieces!"
    • The ending scene where all the gathered friends and neighbors sing "Everybody Hurts" to Andy after he sulks over his humiliation. (This scene makes no sense in the DVD version since it's a callback to the Skiz getting loaded into an ambulance with the song playing in the background, which was changed to a public domain song to avoid copyright in the DVD release)
  • The Bortchmore College chant:
    We've got fire, we've got wheel, we've got caveman sex appeal! Ooga chucka ooga chucka ooga ooga ooga chucka
    • When Kevin makes fun of Borchmore, Andy and Jim defend their alma mater.
    Andy: Hey! We were Playboy's #6 party school! AND we had more fraternity drinking deaths than all of your Ivy League schools put together!
    Jim: And that doesn't include hazing deaths! *Andy and Jim headbump*
    • In the script for the unfinished "Death Of A Yale Man", Borchmore would have been mentioned again; while shopping for clothes for Kevin's acceptance to Yale (long story), Andy discovers that the salesman is one of his classmates from Borchmore. When Kevin insults his position as assistant manager and asks if he was the class valedictorian, the guy starts crying about how his best friend was valedictorian but died in a keg stand incident.
  • Jim jumping off the landing to his room and crashing through the table in the pilot episode.
    Jim: Ow! What happened to the couch?!
    Andy: We moved it over there last week, remember?
    Jim: Oh yeah...
  • In Episode 3, we have a short scene featuring Vampirina, an expy of Vampira and/or Elvira, as she sits at her booth waiting to sign autographs. She's surrounded by a gathering of nerds, all too nervous to approach her.
    Vampirina: C'mon, who wants an autograph?
    (She looks around, and all the nerds try to avert their gaze from hers)
    Vampirina: You don't have to be afraid of me, I'm just a woman.
    (One nerd nervously approaches her)
    Nerd: I-I-I-I'm a b-big fan of your work. (Hands her a picture to autograph)
    Vampirina: Aw, that's sweet.
    (She taps his hand, causing him to freak out and run away, knocking over George in the process)
    Dr. Zaius Cosplayer: You can't go into the Employees Only Zone!

    Police Officer: Hey, are those the kids who causes all the damage?
    Dr. Zaius Cosplayer: Yes, but let them go! They must find...their destiny.
    (A car pulls up beside him)
    His Mother: Jeremy, get in the car! You're gonna be late for the orthodontist!
    (He pulls off his mask, revealing himself to be the nerd who was scared away from Vampirina earlier)
    • A cosplayer dressed as a Klingon mistake George's R2-D2 costume as a garbage can and shoves a cup into him.
    George:Damn Klingons.
  • Andy and Kevin's first fight from the Pilot. Andy gets mad at Kevin for rolling his suitcase over his foot and not apologizing, causing the two to roll on the ground fighting, while their parents and Jim just look on with the dad saying that "they'll be fine," and then asks what time the movers are coming.
  • Kevin's failed attempts at bowling in "Happy Birthday, Kevin."
    • First try: He accidentally throws his ball to a group of Spanish bowlers, where the ball crushes one bowler's foot and spills the other bowler's beers onto them. They then all yell at Kevin in their native language and eave their fists, while Kevin runs off in fear and hides behind a drinking fountain.
    • Second try: He's only able to knock down one pin. Toby then congratulates him on getting a two.
    • Third try: The ball just stops in the middle of the lane. What makes it even funnier is that Jim manages to get TWO strikes in the time it took Kevin just to roll the ball.
    • The fact that, as bad as Kevin was, he's still leagues better than Toby who threw the ball too early, smashed the pin replacer and set off the sprinklers.
    Andy: Kevin, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. Now that kid, HE should be ashamed.