Funny / Maskerade

  • A swan is due to die, and of course before doing so it must perform its swan song. It's not cooperating, so Death tries singing himself and encouraging the swan to join in.
    Death: 'Ha ha ha, Hee hee hee, Little Brown Jug -'
  • Every single dialogue between Salzella and Bucket on opera.
  • The point when Agnes is showing off her singing abilities: The instructor sings. She sings it exactly the way he did... in tenor. He then asks her to sing it the way Christine would.
    Agnes: Kwesta?! Mallydetta?!
    Dr. Undershaft: ... Astute observation.
  • The entirety of Granny Weatherwax's turn as "Lady Esmeralda" - "She patronizes the opera?" "Lady Esmeralda patronizes everything." - culminating in Nanny Ogg's... special... chocolate pudding for desert.
  • The villain is stabbed in a sword fight (actually, the sword is under his arm, but everyone's so wrapped up in the madness of opera that he dies anyway). He staggers to centre stage, delivers a long death soliloquy and dies. Then he gets back up to decry the opera some more, and dies. Then he gets back up again, and again, and again, reaches the five-exclamation-mark threshold of madness and declares:
    "You know what really gets me down is the way everyone takes such a long!!!!! time!!!!! ... to!!!!! ... argh ... argh ... argh ..." *dies*
  • Nanny explains opera to Granny.
    Nanny: Well, basically there are two sorts of operas. There's your heavy opera, where basically people sing foreign and it goes like 'Oh oh oh, I am dyin', oh, I am dyin', oh, oh, oh, that's what I'm doin'', and there's your light opera, where they sing in foreign and it basically goes 'Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! I like to drink lots of beer!' although sometimes they drink champagne instead. That's basically all of opera, reely.
    Granny: What? Is that it? Either dyin' or drinkin' beer?
    Nanny: We-ell, there might be some other stuff, but generally it's stout or stabbin'.
  • The opera ghost wrote 'An opera about cats? Whoever heard of such a thing?' and 'An opera about a bloke called Les who's really miserable'.
  • Has anyone here got something to open a bottle of beer? Has anyone here got something to drink a bottle of beer out of? Now, has anyone here got a bottle of beer?
  • Nobby and Detritus as "undercover agents" ... correction, Count de Nobbes and Count de Tritus, patrons of the opera.
  • 'Greebo could commit sexual harassment sitting quietly in the next room.'
  • The names by which Granny Weatherwax is known among the races native to the Ramtops: The trolls call her "She Who Must Be Avoided" ... and the Dwarfs refer to her as "Go Around the Other Side of the Mountain."
  • Granny's aggravation with how quickly people assume something must be magic. At the beginning of the book she astonishes a patient by calling his name before he knocks and opening the door from her chair, privately wishing the man would notice that her window has a view of the road but not vice versa and that a bit of string can easily open the door... she sensed him on the path long before he was near the house, mind, but that's not the point. And after ranting that she could have achieved her Barehanded Blade Block by palming a bit of metal, but people just assume, Nanny points out that she did use magic... which fails to mollify her. It's not the POINT!

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/Maskerade