Funny / Martin

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    Season 1 (1992-1993) 

Beauty and the Beast

  • During their argument, Martin tells Gina to get out, but when Gina starts to leave, he jumps up and starts begging her to come back.

The Gift Rapper

  • At the end, Martin gives Gina a footstool as an anniversary present, and he lies and says he bought it for her six months ago (in actuality, he bought it that same night).

Things I Do For Love

Boyz 'R Us

Dead Men Don't Flush

  • Martin trying to revive the supposedly dead plumber by using a plunger.
  • When the paramedics take too long to get to the apartment, Martin calls 911 and disguises his voice to make himself sound "white." It works...until he's asked a question and then Cole gets on the phone and screws things up.
  • When the gang decides to have a funeral for the plumber at Gina's urging, they try to figure out what his name was. Martin finally suggests "D.P." Gina comments that it's beautiful, only for Martin to then explain that it stands for "Dead Plumber."
  • Martin's eulogy for the plumber, which includes the line "he laid pipe."
  • The episode ends with the gang all rushing to the bathroom.

Forever Sheneneh

  • Christopher "Kid" Reid (of Kid 'N Play) explaining how he got the nickname "Kid."

The Parents Are Coming, the Parents Are Coming

Woman with a Past

Baby, It's Cole'd in Here

  • Martin and Tommy acting out how Cole should stand up to his mother.
  • Martin and Gina's water-gun fight in the apartment. Gina wins.
    • And when Martin opens the door, he and Gina see Cole standing there holding up his arms defensively.

The Night He Came Home

  • This exchange:
    Gina: Are you saying men don't get scared?
    Martin: Only when you miss your period.
  • Cole relating the story of how he tried to scare his mother, only to cause her bladder to drop.
  • Martin's very concise scary story for the Halloween party that contains a major example of Take That.
    Martin: It was a dark and stormy...November. Bush got re-elected.
  • Tommy's ghost story actually starts out scary (with the exception of "his breath stank like all that be damned"), but Mood Whiplash ensues when he relates that someone asked if anyone had kissed a ghost and ends the story with another character asking "Ghost? I thought you said 'goat.'"
  • Gina tries to tell a scary story, only for Martin to interrupt her.
    • The first time, he asks what a banshee is, and Cole says he thought it had something to do with a banjo. When Martin asks why anyone would be scared of a banjo, Cole asks if he remembers Deliverance.
    • The second time, Gina makes a slicing motion towards Martin while telling her story, causing him to ask "Why's it gotta be directed toward me?"
  • During the seance, when the Ouija board starts spelling out the letters "A" and "C," Cole says the ghost wants them to turn on the air conditioning, earning a "Shut up, Cole!" from Tommy.
  • When Tommy acts like he is possessed by demons, everyone else freaks out...except Martin, who asks "Tommy, do you have sinus problems?"
  • Cole acting like he's getting beat up by invisible spirits, and Martin attempting to punch them in defense of his friend.

The Great Payne Robbery

  • The Running Gag of Officer Warren (played by Richard Moll) hitting his head on the door frame of Martin's apartment. The second time it happens, he complains, "Damn Japanese architects."
  • Martin is making a list of things that were stolen from his apartment, and he tries to add things he didn't own (like a big-screen TV).
  • Sheneneh trying to videotape Officer Warren as he's walking to Martin's apartment and make it look like he's hitting her. He refuses to go along with it and even turns to the video camera and says, in complete deadpan, "I am not hitting her."
  • Officer Warren mocking Martin's suggestion to act tough when faced with burglars.
  • Martin showing up in his apartment decked out in soldier gear, and forcing Cole to do push-ups for not being at his post on the roof.
  • Officer Warren, revealed to be the one who robbed Martin and many others, explaining why he robbed people: Basically, he didn't have anything growing up, so he stole from others. He even stole his brother's wife!
    • When the police ask Martin for Warren's ID and Martin (rather rudely) hands it to them, they laugh and remark it's written in pencil.
    • Before being hauled away, Warren remarks that Gina felt him up pretty good and laughing, prompting an angry response from Martin, who's held back by Gina, Tommy, and Cole.

Three Men and a Mouse

  • Gina teasing Martin by singing "Ben" while playing the piano.
  • The exterminator (played by Little Richard) coming to Gina's apartment to complain to Martin about how he failed to kill the mouse in Martin's apartment.
    Exterminator: I tried everything! Smoke bombs! Tear gas! A .357 Magnum!
  • Sheneneh panicking after learning there's a mouse in Martin's apartment. She jumps into Tommy's arms and forces him into her own apartment against his protests. Luckily, Tommy gets free and exits Sheneneh's apartment just as Martin shows up.
    Martin: Tommy, I don't wanna know.

Radio Days

I've Got a Secret

I Saw Gina Kissing Santa Claus

Do the Fight Thing

Blackboard Jungle Fever

  • After Gina comes home right in the middle of Miss Trinidad trying to have sex with Martin, the three of them just stare at each other silently before an embarrassed Martin goes "H-Hey, baby. What's up?"

The Break Up, Part 1

  • After he and Gina break up, an angry Martin draws a mustache on a picture of Gina as revenge for Gina earlier commenting about Mama Payne's mustache.
  • Cole hitting his nose on the door as he leaves Martin's apartment.

The Break Up, Part 2

The Break Up, Part 3

I'm Not Your Superwoman

  • Gina trying to chop a whole chicken into pieces so she can make chicken noodle soup for Martin.
  • Gina complains to a sick Martin about how she can't do her work and take care of him all at once, and demands that Martin say something. Martin then proceeds to vomit on Gina's shoes, and Gina moans "Aw, damn!"

Credit Card Blues

  • Sheneneh's contemplative look after the rest of the gang asks her for the money to bail Martin out of jail.
  • Martin is accosted by a Scary Black Man who grabs him and gets right in his face, causing him to pinch his nose and say "Stop the presses!"
    • And later, it's implied Martin hit the man.
  • Martin's speech to the other prisoners, while wearing a pair of Nerd Glasses.

Jerome's in the House

  • Cole's attempt to impress Pam by making a bird call. It doesn't work.
  • After Cole and Jerome start fighting in the convenience store, the store owner and his wife break up the fight, and he has this to say:
    Store Owner: Have you learned nothing from the recent uprising in LA? Can't we all just...take this across the street to the Korean store?
  • Jerome's pimp award, a golden statue with a black Afro.

Your Arms Are Too Short to Box with Martin

  • The dwarf bartender calling Martin "Shaquille."
    • The bartender's shocked expression after Martin tells him "Shut up, Gary Coleman!"
  • Martin and Cole challenge Trey and the other little people in the bar, only for all of them to gang up on them, surrounding them.
    Martin and Cole: Aw, damn!
  • A police officer laughing hysterically at how Martin and Cole were beat up by little people after taking their statement, and then mocking them by saying he has to give a ticket to "the UFO double-parked in the handicapped spot." After the officer leaves, he's heard saying "I love this job!"
  • Dragonfly Jones' antics, and him getting his ass handed to him by his assistant Kenji.
  • When Sean offers to aid Martin in the upcoming confrontation with the little people, Martin asks him if he's ever been in a fight, to which Sean answers that he used to get beat up all the time in school. Martin then wonders what good's that going to do him, and Sean reasons he can take blows for Martin. Stan then punches Sean in the face, sending him falling to the floor, and goes "Not!"
  • The episode ends with the gang and the little people mending fences and hugging, but then Trey ruins the moment by asking Martin if he can sleep with Gina, prompting the two groups to start fighting.

Variety Show

  • Martin, the Prima Donna Director.
    • A candidate for the talent show pulls off a pretty impressive dance routine, and receives enthusiastic applause from Tommy, Gina, and Pam. But Martin has this to say:
      Martin: I think you out your damn mind. Comin' in and jumpin' around like you ain't got no home training! Oh, hell, no!
    • Martin griping at Tommy for bringing him the wrong sandwich, and then fake-slapping Tommy across the face with said sandwich.
    • Martin's reply to Tommy calling him out for his arrogant behavior after he ends up causing Gina to run off during her rehearsal.
      Martin: That's exactly what you said 'bout George Washington Carver and his peanut, but yo' asses still eatin' Skippy!
  • Cole's Michael Jackson impression.
  • Stan going onstage and singing "Meet Me with Yo' Drawers Off," prompting the audience to jeer and throw stuff at him as he keeps on singing undaunted.

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

  • Jerome chasing Gina as she drives off and jumping on the hood of her car.
  • Sheneneh and her friends taunting another driver while Tommy's giving them a ride.
    Sheneneh: Is that yo' wife or is yo' dog runnin' backwards?!
  • Cole trying to rein in Mama Payne, his mother, and another elderly woman when they start arguing, only for Mama Payne to threaten to hit him, followed by his mother chiding him for speaking disrespectfully to Mama Payne.
  • When it's Pam's day to drive the car, Officer Otis overreacts to her being parked in an unauthorized spot, and he proceeds to shatter one of the windows with his nightstick before jumping up and down on the car.
    • Before that, Officer Otis accosts a burly man at the ATM and sends him off.
  • At the end, everyone griping at each other about the damage done to the car. It's topped off with Cole moving up front and causing the car to reverse and crash, prompting everyone to say "AW, DAMN!"

Checks, Lies and Videotape

  • Martin getting into a brief scuffle with Miss Gerri in church.
  • Mama Payne's reaction to receiving Reverend Leon Lonnie Love's "blessing."
  • Reverend Leon Lonnie Love tearfully confessing his misdeeds to his congregation. It's funnier than it sounds.

    Season 2 (1993-1994) 

Do You Remember the Time?

  • The gang's differing perspectives of how Martin and Gina first met.
    • Martin fancies himself a smooth-talking, saxophone-playing ladies man with a large black hat. In his fantasy, Pam shows an attraction towards him before fainting.
    • Cole's account doesn't even involve Martin and Gina at all; it just involves him making out with Pam.
    • In Gina's account, she dates a rich snob until she sees Martin who, in her fantasy, is a stereotypical nerd. She even goes over and acts like she's trying to coax a shy pet out of hiding.
    • Pam's version of events has Martin and Cole as criminals who crash the fancy party, and Martin takes Gina hostage.
  • Tommy calling out everyone else for their skewed perspectives, ending with him telling Cole "you need prayer."

Really, Gina Is Not My Lover

  • Gina's disastrous makeover, which includes getting an avocado mask (resulting in an allergic reaction) and receiving an injection of novocaine which causes her to drool, much to Martin's disgust.
    • When Gina assures Martin he can still go, Martin gives her a long look before saying "Hell, no!"
  • Every time Martin mentions his old school rival Rick, he always adds "'Pretty Ricky' what they called him."
  • Pam agrees to be Cole's date to the class reunion, but she quickly gets fed up, splashes a drink in his face, and storms off.
  • Gina, still suffering the effects of her avocado allergy and/or novocaine injection, giving (or, more specifically, mumbling) the other class reunion guests a "Reason You Suck" Speech for disrespecting Martin.

Got to Be There

Beat It

Baby, It's You

  • After Thomasina delivers her baby by shooting said baby out of her body and Martin catches it, Tommy wonders where the umbilical cord is. Martin's reply?
    Martin: Dammit, Tommy, we don't need umbilical cords! (turns to the camera) This is TV!

Workin' Day & Night

Control

You've Got a Friend

To Kill a Talking Bird

  • Ruby repeatedly calling Gina "Heifer."
    • She later calls Gina "Muscle Butt."
  • "RUBY DEAD!"
  • Martin telling Gina he hates her father but "the damn dog's still alive!" after Ruby dies due to Gina leaving the window open.
  • Cole casually tossing Ruby's dead body into a box Martin is holding before Martin and Gina leave to find a replacement.
  • Martin dumping Ruby's body in front of a pet store clerk when the latter keeps saying he needs more specific details as to what kind of bird Martin and Gina are looking for.
  • When Gina decides to tell Mama Payne the truth about Ruby, Martin says he loves her too much to lose her.
  • Before telling Mama Payne about Ruby's death, Gina takes a moment to back away from her a few feet, then backs away more.
  • Mama Payne's reaction after finding out the truth ("DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!").
  • Gina overhearing Mama Payne beating up Martin because she incorrectly believes that Martin killed Ruby.
  • Cole's bird call at Ruby's funeral.
  • Martin asking everyone to say "Bye, my mama's bird," which everyone does.

Fat Like Dat

  • Martin banging a pot to wake Gina up. When Gina complains it's early in the morning, Martin covers his nose and tells her she just woke up.
    • When Gina starts to talk to Martin, he again covers his nose, and she covers her mouth before continuing.
  • Gina tells Martin that women have more body fat than men, leading to this gem from Martin:
    Martin: You and Oprah can believe that if you want to.
  • "Lips that touch swine will never touch mine, 'cause baby, I feel so divine!"
  • Martin's broccoli pops.
  • When Bruh Man comes out of the bathroom after using the shower, Martin strides into the bathroom to check before confronting Bruh Man.
    • Martin then notices Bruh Man is wearing his robe and orders him to take it off. Bruh Man opens the robe, revealing he's naked, so a disgusted Martin tells him to keep the robe.
    • THEN, when he watches Bruh Man climb out the window, Martin races to the back, saying he's "gonna get mine!" It's funnier when you remember his line about "coming up into people's apartments unannounced will surely get a cap in yo' ass!"

Hollywood Swinging, Part 1

  • Cole gets the rest of the gang some tickets for a getaway, then informs them that, as far as everyone else is concerned, they're the Weinbergs while Tommy is their Danish nanny Uta.
    • Tommy going "Oh, I think Uta comin' down with somethin,'" followed by Gina and Pam saying they're coming down with a "five-day Hawaiian flu."

Hollywood Swinging, Part 2

  • Pam going crazy over seeing who she thinks is Denzel Washington climbing into a limo. How crazy does she get? She steals a car and follows the limo to a beautiful estate, where she's dismayed to learn that the man isn't Denzel but an African man. The African then invites Pam to lunch, which Pam accepts after being convinced that he's indeed rich. After Pam gets into the limo, the African comments that her "buck shots" make him homesick and asks if he can call her "Beady-Bead." Cue Pam giving the camera a frustrated look.
  • Martin and Tommy visiting Varnell Hill's green room, where they interact with a number of celebrities.
    • Martin sniffs the air and remarks that it's the smell of Hollywood, only for Tommy to reply that it's actually Madonna, who's getting...freaky with a couple of scantily-clad guys.
    • Martin remarking that Burt Reynolds has "the white man's weave."
    • Martin bumping into Michael Jackson and challenging him to a fight, telling him "Call your papa, Joe! I'll show him what an ass-whuppin' is all about!"
  • When Tommy wants to stay behind and cozy up to an attractive woman, Martin cautions to check for an Adam's apple.
    • Later, Tommy checks the woman's neck and notes it looks swollen. After the woman explains she's recovering from a cold, Tommy brushes off her explanation before getting up and giving everyone else in the green room a brief but stinging speech as he storms out.
      Tommy: All you Hollywood people make me sick! (to one of Madonna's guys) And you, YOU NEED JESUS! (leaves)
  • Martin eating up the scenery on Varnell Hill's show during Jodeci's performance.
  • Varnell going off on Martin for crashing his show and generally being a "pain in my ass since this whole thing started."
  • Martin hollering about how there aren't any black people present and yelling for "my Latino brothers," complete with going "Andale! Andale!" as he's being dragged offstage by Varnell's bodyguard Snookie.
  • Martin getting into a scuffle with Michael Jackson on the street.
    Martin: I bought LaToya's album—Michael Can Rumble!

Thanks for Nothing

Whoop! There It Ain't

  • The Reveal that Martin is wearing an ice pack on his...lower regions during his and Gina's abstinence.

Holiday Blues

No Justice, No Peace

Suspicious Minds

  • Martin re-enacting New Jack City and making the rest of the gang play along by making them wear all-black clothes. When everyone starts to leave the apartment after he announces he knows who stole his CD player, he quotes Nino Brown by yelling "Cole, sit yo' five-dollar ass down before I make change!"
    • Martin tries using a stuffed dog to try and intimidate his friends, with little success. For bonus points, you can see Tichina Arnold and Thomas Mikal Ford corpsing while this goes on.
  • The Reveal that Bruh Man stole Martin's CD player.
    • The reason Bruh Man left a note under the bathroom sink is worth lots of giggles.
    Bruh Man: I figured you'd look there, since I used up all yo' toilet paper.

Love is in Your Face, Part 1

Love is in Your Face, Part 2

Arms Are for Hugging

Guard Your Grill

Yours, Mine and Ours

I Don't Have the Heart

  • Martin's reaction after Pam turns down Simon's marriage proposal.
  • Martin acting like he's going to be sick after lamenting being nice to Pam so he could sit in the skybox.

Crunchy Drawers

  • Martin finding Bruh Man in his kitchen making a sandwich after deciding to sleep on the couch when Gina grows tired of his bad dreams.
  • In the final dream sequence, after Pam lays back on his bed, Martin reaches over and pulls a lever, causing a VERY large weight to fall and squash Pam (who lets out a scream with a comical face).
    • The episode ends with the same scene, only it's Martin who gets squashed by the weight. It turns out to be a dream Pam is having.

No Love Lost

The Hoe Down in Motown

  • After Red calls him "corny," Martin gets on the radio and launches into a highly insulting, vulgar speech about Red, with the more inappropriate words bleeped out. All the while Red laughs hysterically.
  • After Red fires him, Martin grabs a trashcan and tries to chuck it through the studio window while telling "RADIO!" The trashcan just hits the window and falls to the floor. When asked why he did that, Martin replies, "It looked fly when Spike did it in the movie."

Martin's on the Move

    Season 3 (1994-1995) 

In Search of...Martin

  • The Reveal that Martin joined a cult, got a new (and ridiculously awful) haircut, and even took a new name: "Shaquille Sunflower."
  • Even though he claims he's a different person now, Martin still insults Pam.

Martin Returns

I've Got Work to Do

Martin Gets Paid

Break Up to Make Up

The Closer I Get to You

Movin' On In

Momma's Baby, Martin's Maybe

Whole Lotto Trouble

Get a Job

Feast or Famine

Lockin' Boots

  • Martin's "Air Wack" attire, and Tommy and Cole's (off-screen) reactions to seeing him wearing it.

Go Tell It on the Martin

'Xpress Yourself

Sophisticated Ladies

Ain't Nuttin' Goin' on But the Rent

The Ex-Files

All the Players Came

Best and Bester

High Noon

Mother of the Bride

C.R.E.A.M.

  • Cole's proposal of a "take-in" restaurant.
    Tommy: A take-in restaurant, Cole?
    Cole: Yeah, people bring their food in and we charge 'em to sit down. What do you think?
    Martin: I think you need help, Cole.
  • Cole then suggests "Rent-a-Spoons," causing Martin to attack him.

Girlfriend

Romantic Weekend

  • Martin vs. the rat.
  • When the rat returns, Pam grabs it and starts fighting with it, and Martin joins in.

The Bachelor Party

Wedding Bell Blues

Love is a Beach

    Season 4 (1995-1996) 

Martin in the Corner Pocket

Kill Him With Kindness

Blow, Baby, Blow

Ring a Ding, Ding, Gone

Love T.K.O.

He Say, She Say

Uptown Friday Night

Old School Loving

Cole on Ice

Housekeeper from Hell

Three Homies and a Baby

Headin' for Trouble

Swing Thing

The Bodyguard

Green Card

You're All I Need

Kicked to the Curb

The Best of Martin

The Love Jones Connection

Where the Party At?

Homeo & Juliet

  • After Gina and Pam inform him that no one's getting paid for appearing in a production of Romeo and Juliet, Cole replies that the Jacksons got paid, "even Randy!"
  • Martin constantly interrupts the play's director while he's rehearsing a scene with Gina and eventually causes him to fall to the floor.
  • The director then shows up stoned out of his mind due to overdosing on prescription pills.

The Cabin Show

  • Gina threatening the park ranger after he says they have to recite the Ranger's Oath.

The Tooth Will Set You Free

  • Pam's reaction to meeting Michaelangelo.
  • Gina and Cole bring Pam to Dr. Friendly who, as it turns out, treats only kids. When Gina gripes at him about it by asking "You brought Pam to a kid dentist?", Cole replies, "No, Gina. He's not a kid, duh; he's an adult who takes care of kids."
  • Gina getting distracted by a toy she once played with as a child.
    • And Cole mistaking a cow's mooing for another animal.
    • AND a little girl telling Pam she's too old to play with one of the toys and demanding she give it to her. Pam tries to sweetly tell the girl she'll hand it over, only for the girl to run back to her mother and insult Pam.
  • Dr. Friendly's over-friendly demeanor.
  • Everything involving Pam after she's hypnotized into thinking she's Martin.
  • One of Michaelangelo's art pieces is called "Tig Ol' Bitties."
  • The episode ends with Dr. Friendly curing Pam of her hypnosis...only for Cole to start acting like Martin after Gina claps her hands to make sure the cure takes.

Martin, I Want to Sing

D.M.V. Blues

  • Martin gets into a brief fight with Miss Gerri, who bests him by slapping him across the face.
  • Martin switches the driver license tests, so that Poindexter ends up having to re-take the test...and Martin ends up needing to get glasses.
    • Poindexter yelling at Martin "I did study!" and then adjusting his underwear as he walks off.

Why Can't We Be Friends, Part 1

Why Can't We Be Friends, Part 2

    Season 5 (1996-1997) 

Is You Is or Is You Ain't

  • Pam's suggestions for Martin and Gina's baby, which she reads from a book titled Names from the Motherland (the "Motherland" being Africa).
  • Martin names both Tommy and Cole as his child's godfathers, but Cole thinks it has something to do with The Godfather, since he later shows up at Martin and Gina's apartment dressed like a gangster and talking like Marlon Brando.
    • Tommy then calls Cole "Dumb Corleone."
  • When Pam says she has a home pregnancy test in her purse, everyone else stares at her in Stunned Silence.
  • Martin's brief misadventures at the pharmacy while looking for another home pregnancy test.
    • The elderly pharmacy clerk goes to check the price on a product, but he moves VERY slow, shuffling his feet. This causes Martin to stop him and remark "You move any slower, you gonna be moving backwards!"
    • Martin has a brief row with a woman who buys calamine lotion and complains it costs too much. When Martin says the pharmacy isn't a free clinic, the woman then lifts her skirt and shows him...something she says the free clinic couldn't do anything about, prompting a repulsed reaction from Martin, who then tells the woman "Whatever it is, you need to take it out to the field and shoot it, put it to sleep."
    • He then gets into yet another altercation with Miss Gerri, whom he sees is buying condoms. Miss Gerri then pinches the clerk's cheek and tells him "See you later, big papa!" before leaving, though not before sticking her tongue out at Martin.
    • After Martin disrespects him, the clerk takes out a baseball bat and starts to pursue Martin, moving as slow as he did before as Martin makes a speedy getaway out of the pharmacy.

Back in Trouble Again

Sophomore Jinx

  • Martin referring to Gina's mother's attorney, whom he thinks Gina hired to help divorce him, as "Chris Darden."

Working Girls

Boo's in the House

  • Martin dresses up as Ike Turner for Halloween and, for a brief moment, he engrosses himself deeply in the role until he's snapped out of it by Gina. He then comments that Ike got him for a moment.
  • Martin and Tommy's cracks about Cole dressing up like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz.
  • Pam crashing right through the bedroom door while running away after Tommy gets abducted in the closet.
  • The episode ends with an actual ghost appearing and telling the gang to "Get to steppin'!"

Banging Hard in the School Yard

The Life You Save May Make You Rich

  • The African prince's aide commenting, in their native language, how big Gina's head is.
  • Cole mistaking the word "concubine" or "porcupine."

Snow White

  • Everything Pam's militant black supremacist boyfriend does in this episode:
    • After they arrive at the skiing lodge, he takes out a can of black spray paint and announces his intentions to spray the snow black.
    • Later, he returns to the lodge while arguing with Cole and Shainece about destroying their snowman. Cole refers to him as "Mr. Get on the Bus" and Shainece laments that Pam's boyfriend destroying their snowman before he could come to life while holding up a carrot.
    • He's later seen doing army-style marches in the background.
    • At dinner, he angrily questions the others about why a dish has to be called "black-eyed peas" and stalks off.
    • To top everything off, the episode ends with him making out with Tommy's attractive white co-worker.
  • Shainece's Mathematician's Answer to Gina's question as to how Tommy thinks he's going to marry Aquanetta.
    Gina: Wait a minute! How is Tommy gonna marry someone that he just met?
    Shainece: In a church, Gina. Duh!
  • Pam and Cole's dinner prayers.
  • Everyone acting silly in an attempt to stop Tommy from supposedly proposing to Aquanetta.

Come on Over to My Place

  • Cole arguing with his mother in the kitchen about his new girlfriend, Rhonda, disliking pig knuckles. He's heard telling his mother "Not everybody black eat pig knuckles!"
  • Martin fixes the lock on his apartment door and tells Gina that no one can come in...only for Cole to barge in anyway.
    • He then tells Cole to remind him to "give you an ass-whupping later," to which Cole takes out a pen and paper and asks "What time's good for you?" Martin sets a time and tells Cole he'll be busy then, but "wait on my ass-whupping."
  • Martin putting a chain and a flashing light on the refrigerator.
  • After Martin and Gina return home, the couple squabbles about how their hotel got turned into a topless bar. Gina demands to know what took Martin so long to get out of the bar, and Martin replies they had a two-drink minimum.
  • Martin and Gina reacting in disgust to the odor caused by Cole putting on Martin's cologne.
    • After smelling Cole's bad breath, Martin asks "Are you wearing the cologne or did you drink it?"
  • After Gina questions him about the photos he put up in the Paynes' apartment (so Cole could pretend to Rhonda that Martin and Gina's apartment is his), Cole tells her, "I don't know, Gina. You live here."
  • Martin's speech to Cole about getting his own place.
  • Martin telling Cole about his new apartment, "This place is so small, you have to go outside to change your mind!"
  • Cole mispronouncing "hors d'oeuvres" as "horse divers."
  • Martin telling Cole the next time he decides to move, he doesn't want to hear about it. "Don't call me."

Scrooge

  • Tommy pointing out Martin's stinginess by saying that Martin buys a Christmas card, makes a photocopy of it, and sends the original back for a refund.
    • And Gina admitting that, when she and Martin go to the movies, he buys her a child's ticket.
  • Martin's vision of his possible future as a lonely, senile old man who's looked after by an elderly Pam. Old!Pam force-feeds him some food and, after Old!Martin insults her, she pushes him down a flight of stairs as he yells "No!"

Waiting, Debating and Ovulating

  • A Ready for Lovemaking Gina being startled by Sheneneh after unknowingly letting her into the apartment, thinking she's Martin.
  • Martin attempts to leave jury duty, only to promptly be caught by guards and dragged back into the room.

You Play Too Much

  • Martin pranking Tommy and Pam.
    • Martin pranks Tommy by placing a rubber mouse by his feet. When Tommy sees the mouse, he hollers and jumps onto the couch.
    • At Nipsy's, Martin puts crazy glue on Pam's glass, napkin, and chair. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Pam, while insisting to Martin she didn't send the robber to his apartment, tells him to look at her, to which he says "Don't make me!"
  • The other detectives laughing at Martin after he admits he helped the robber rob his apartment. Martin then asks them "Shouldn't you be out lookin' for the other glove?" (referring O.J. Simpson).
  • Martin trumping his friends by telling them to "Get on the bus!"

Ain't That About a Ditch

Goin' Overboard, Part 1

  • Pam demanding "What is everyone so damn happy about on this cruise?" after she and Cole meet Isaac at the bar.
  • Martin and Pam screaming in terror at the end after Martin's stalker shows up outside his room Ready for Lovemaking while Pam wakes up in bed with Cole after they both got drunk the night before.

Goin' Overboard, Part 2

  • When Tommy arrives outside Pam's room and Pam tells Cole to hide, Cole tries hiding behind a curtain with his lower body still visible.
  • Tommy acting Camp Gay after his love interest's tall, burly husband catches them together.
  • Tommy, while fleeing from the angry husband, tells Martin to cover for him and Martin declares that "It's on" if anyone else interrupts his game, but when the husband approaches him and questions him about where Tommy went, he immediately tells the man what he wants to know and adds that "[Tommy] doesn't have a job."
  • Martin's reaction after his stalker flashes him: "I say, hot damn!"
  • Pam attempting to punch Cole after he wonders why they still can't get married.
  • After Martin insults her after thanking her for defending him against his stalker, Pam decides to leave him tied to the bed. Martin is then overheard saying he has to use the bathroom.

Power to the People's Court

  • When Tommy asks Cole and Shainece to testify for him, they start shouting and hollering as though they're in church, leading to this:
    Pam: Will you two shut up?! He's not talkin' about that kind of testifying, you idiots!
    Tommy: I'm talking about testifying in court, Cole!
    Cole: (beat) Oh, yeah, we can do that.
  • Sheneneh's lawyer is Ronnie Cochran, Johnnie's relative.
  • After Cole gives his testimony, Ronnie Cochran out-manuevers him by getting him to admit that his eyes were closed while he was making out with Shainece, meaning he didn't see the accident.
  • Pam attempting to attack Sheneneh in court after she insults her, to the point where she jumps onto the plaintiff's table, only to be stopped.
  • Ronnie Cochran commending Sheneneh for her courage and remarking to the audience there should be a movie called Waiting to Sheneneh.
  • After Tommy calls Sheneneh out for lying to the court, Sheneneh, panicked, ends up throwing away her crutches and running out of the courtroom.
  • The judge saying he never wants to see any of the people involved in the case again.

I, Martin, Take Thee Pam?

  • Pam's reaction to finding out that she signed on the wrong line on Martin and Gina's marriage certificate.
    • And Martin tries to get her to wake up by calling her "Scooby" and offering her "Scooby Snacks."
  • Martin's Imagine Spot about being marrying to Pam.
  • Cole is overheard saying he doesn't recognize the island where Martin and Gina were wed, only for Tommy to tell him "That's because you missed the plane."
  • Martin banging Reverend Love's gavel on his desk so hard, he breaks it, after Love refuses to change the certificate.
  • Tommy commenting that if Cole keeps following island women around, they'll throw him into a volcano.
  • Martin and Pam's reaction to kissing each other during their "wedding."
  • The episode ends with Martin attempting to attack Reverend Love, only to be held back by Tommy.

Auction

  • Martin's "happy dance" after finding out he can make lots of money from the cuckoo clock because it was built by Benjamin Banneker.
  • Martin constantly getting his hand hit by the nun when he tries to take back the cuckoo clock.
  • Martin finding out that the clock wasn't made by Benjamin Banneker, but Benjamin Fanneker.
  • It turns out that Martin beat up the cuckoo bird inside the clock, and Pam remarks that Martin finally picked on someone his own size.

Daddy Dearest

  • After hearing that Tommy's father, an army sergeant, is in town, Cole tries to leave Martin's apartment, only to hear Sergeant Strong yell "Ten-hut!" Cole freezes as the sergeant enters the apartment and hollers at him. He then excuses himself and rushes to the bathroom.
  • Sergeant Strong gives Martin a very strong handshake. After the sergeant lets go, Martin, shocked, asks "What the hell's wrong with you, man?"
  • Pam picks up a land mine in Sergeant Strong's hotel room. After his father takes the mine and Pam leaves the room, Tommy calls his father on keeping a land mine in his hotel room, to which Sergeant Strong answers, "Always expect the unexpected."
  • Cole running out of Nipsy's after seeing Sergeant Strong.

Stake-Out

  • Martin asking Pam if they "celebrate the day the egg was laid, or the day it hatched?"
  • Martin's reaction to watching Miss Jerri have sex with the man they think is Dynamite Willy.
  • This:
    Cole: [Dynamite Willy]'s pointing at us!
    Martin: Naw, fool, he's givin' us the finger, man!
  • Martin and Tommy decide to get the jump on Dynamite Willy, only to end up nabbing Pam returning home, leading to this exchange:
    Martin: That ain't no Pam! That's the Bogeyman!
    Cole: (while hiding) Well, whoever it is, tell 'em to get the hell outta here!
  • Martin telling Pam to "lock jaw" on Dynamite Willy.
  • The Reveal that Martin, Tommy, and Cole were looking in the wrong window because Cole moved the telescope, and everyone glaring at Cole after this comes out.
  • Martin, Tommy, and Cole fleeing from the elderly man who pursues them with his belt and yells "Don't you y'all run from this old-fashioned ass-whuppin'!"

Goin' for Mine

One Flew Over the Hoochie's Nest

  • One of the orderlies jokingly tells Pam he's Uncle Fester.
  • Martin calling Cole and Shaniece "Dumb and Dumber" when he comes to collect them while preparing to escape the mental hospital with Pam.
  • Cole leading the other patients in doing his bird call, and telling them "Thank you very much," Elvis-style.
  • Pam and Tammy preparing to fight at the end.

California, Here We Come

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