Funny: Martin

    open/close all folders 

    Season 1 (1992-1993) 

Beauty and the Beast

  • During their argument, Martin tells Gina to get out, but when Gina starts to leave, he jumps up and starts begging her to come back.

The Gift Rapper

  • At the end, Martin gives Gina a footstool as an anniversary present, and he lies and says he bought it for her six months ago (in actuality, he bought it that same night).

Things I Do For Love

Boyz 'R Us

Dead Men Don't Flush

  • Martin tries to revive the supposedly dead plumber. Using a plunger.
  • When the paramedics take too long to get to the apartment, Martin calls 911 and disguises his voice to make himself sound "white." It works...until he's asked a question and Cole gets on the phone and screws things up.
  • Martin's eulogy for the plumber, which includes the line "he laid pipe."

Forever Sheneneh

The Parents Are Coming, the Parents Are Coming

Woman with a Past

Baby, It's Cole'd in Here

  • Martin and Tommy acting out how Cole should stand up to his mother.
  • Martin and Gina have a watergun fight in the apartment. Gina wins.

The Night He Came Home

  • This exchange:
    Gina: Are you saying men don't get scared?
    Martin: Only when you miss your period.
  • Cole relating the story of how he tried to scare his mother, only to cause her bladder to drop.
  • When Tommy acts like he is possessed by demons, everyone else freaks out...except Martin, who asks "Tommy, do you have sinus problems?"
  • Cole acting like he's getting beat up by invisible spirits, and Martin attempting to punch them in defense of his friend.

The Great Payne Robbery

  • Martin makes a list of things that were stolen from his apartment, and he tries to add things he didn't own (like a big-screen TV).
  • Sheneneh trying to videotape Officer Warren as he's walking to Martin's apartment and make it look like he's hitting her. Warren refuses to go along with it and even turns to the video camera and says "I am not hitting her."

Three Men and a Mouse

  • Gina teasing Martin by singing "Ben" while playing the piano.
  • The exterminator (played by Little Richard) coming to Gina's apartment to complain to Martin about how he failed to kill the mouse in Martin's apartment.
    Exterminator: I tried everything! Smoke bombs! Tear gas! A .357 Magnum!
  • Sheneneh panicking after learning there's a mouse in Martin's apartment. She jumps into Tommy's arms and forces him into her own apartment against his protests. Luckily, Tommy gets free and exits Sheneneh's apartment just as Martin shows up.
    Martin: Tommy, I don't wanna know.

Radio Days

I've Got a Secret

I Saw Gina Kissing Santa Claus

Do the Fight Thing

  • An irate Martin's Cluster F-Bomb at a caller who insulted Gina and caused her to flee the studio. Stan even rushes to find a censor beep device to bleep out Martin's profanity.

Blackboard Jungle Fever

  • After Gina comes home right in the middle of Miss Trinidad trying to have sex with Martin, the three of them just stare at each other silently before an embarrassed Martin goes "H-Hey, baby. What's up?"

The Break Up, Part 1

The Break Up, Part 2

The Break Up, Part 3

I'm Not Your Superwoman

  • Gina trying to chop a whole chicken into pieces so she can make chicken noodle soup for Martin.
  • Gina complains to a sick Martin about how she can't do her work and take care of him all at once, and demands that Martin say something. Martin then proceeds to vomit on Gina's shoes, and Gina moans "Aw, damn!"

Credit Card Blues

  • Sheneneh's...contemplative(?) look after the rest of the gang asks her for the money to bail Martin out of jail.
  • Martin is accosted by a Scary Black Man who gets in his face, causing him to say "Stop the presses!"
    • And later, it's implied Martin hit the man.

Jerome's in the House

  • Cole's attempt to impress Pam by making a bird call. It fails.
    Pam: That was sweet, Cole. Now can you do a pigeon so I can run over it with my car?
  • After Cole and Jerome start fighting in the convenience store, the store owner and his wife break up the fight, and he has this to say:
    Store Owner: Have you learned nothing from the recent uprising in LA? Can't we all just...take this across the street to the Korean store?
  • Jerome's pimp award, a golden statue with a black Afro.

Your Arms Are Too Short to Box with Martin

  • This:
    Bartender: Hey! I don't want any fighting in here!
    Martin: Shut up, Gary Coleman!
    Bartender: (looks shocked)
  • Martin and Cole challenge Trey and the other little people in the bar, only for all of them to gang up on them, surrounding them.
    Martin and Cole: Aw, damn!
  • A police officer laughing hysterically at how Martin and Cole were beat up by little people.
  • Dragonfly Jones' antics, and him getting his ass handed to him by his assistant Kenji.
  • When Sean offers to aid Martin in the confrontation with the little people, Martin asks him if he's ever been in a fight, to which Sean answers that he used to get beat up all the time in school. Martin then wonders what good's that going to do him, and Sean reasons he can take blows for Martin. Stan then punches Sean in the face, sending him falling to the floor, and goes "Not!"
  • The episode ends with the gang and the little people mending fences and hugging, but then Trey ruins the moment by asking Martin if he can sleep with Gina.

Variety Show

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Checks, Lies and Videotape

  • Reverend Leon Lonnie Love tearfully confessing his misdeeds to his congregation. It's funnier than it sounds.

    Season 2 (1993-1994) 

Do You Remember the Time?

Really, Gina Is Not My Lover

Got to Be There

Beat It

Baby, It's You

  • After Thomasina delivers her baby by shooting said baby out of her body and Martin catches it, Tommy wonders where the umbilical cord is. Martin's reply?
    Martin: Dammit, Tommy, we don't need umbilical cords! (turns to the camera) This is TV!

Workin' Day & Night

Control

You've Got a Friend

To Kill a Talking Bird

Fat Like Dat

Hollywood Swinging, Part 1

Hollywood Swinging, Part 2

Thanks for Nothing

Whoop! There It Ain't

  • The Reveal that Martin is wearing an ice pack on his...lower regions during his and Gina's abstinence.

Holiday Blues

No Justice, No Peace

  • Everything that happens in the courtroom.

Suspicious Minds

  • Martin re-enacting New Jack City and making the rest of the gang play along by making them wear all-black clothes. When everyone starts to leave the apartment after he announces he knows who stole his CD player, he quotes Nino Brown by yelling "Cole, sit yo' five-dollar ass down before I make change!"
    • Martin tries using a stuffed dog to try and intimidate his friends, with little success. For bonus points, you can see Tichina Arnold and Thomas Mikal Ford corpsing while this goes on.
  • The Reveal that Bruh Man stole Martin's CD player.
    • The reason Bruh Man left a note under the bathroom sink is worth lots of giggles.
    Bruh Man: I figured you'd look there, since I used up all your toilet paper.

Love is in Your Face, Part 1

Love is in Your Face, Part 2

Arms Are for Hugging

Guard Your Grill

Yours, Mine and Ours

I Don't Have the Heart

  • Martin's reaction after Pam turns down Simon's marriage proposal.

Crunchy Drawers

  • Martin finding Bruh Man in his kitchen making a sandwich.

No Love Lost

The Hoe Down in Motown

  • After Red calls him "corny," Martin gets on the radio and launches into an insulting, vulgar speech about Red, with the more inappropriate words bleeped out. All the while Red starts laughing hysterically.
  • After Red fires him, Martin grabs a trashcan and tries to chuck it through the studio window while telling "RADIO!" The trashcan just hits the window and falls to the floor. When asked why he did that, Martin replies, "It looked fly when Spike did it in the movie."

Martin's on the Move

    Season 3 (1994-1995) 

In Search of...Martin

  • The Reveal that Martin joined a cult, got a new (and ridiculously awful) haircut, and even took a new name: Shaquille Sunflower.

Martin Returns

I've Got Work to Do

Martin Gets Paid

Break Up to Make Up

The Closer I Get to You

Movin' On In

Momma's Baby, Martin's Maybe

Whole Lotto Trouble

Get a Job

Feast or Famine

Lockin' Boots

  • Martin's "Air Wack" attire, and Tommy and Cole's (off-screen) reactions to seeing him wearing it.

Go Tell It on the Martin

'Xpress Yourself

Sophisticated Ladies

Ain't Nuttin' Goin' on But the Rent

The Ex-Files

All the Players Came

Best and Bester

High Noon

Mother of the Bride

C.R.E.A.M.

  • Cole's proposal of a "take-in" restaurant.
    Tommy: A-A take-in restaurant, Cole?
    Cole: Yeah, people bring their food in and we charge 'em to sit down. What do you think?
    Martin: I think you need help, Cole.
  • Cole then suggests "Rent-a-Spoons," causing Martin to attack him.

Girlfriend

Romantic Weekend

  • Martin vs. the rat.
  • When the rat returns, Pam grabs it and starts fighting with it, and Martin joins in.

The Bachelor Party

Wedding Bell Blues

Love is a Beach

    Season 4 (1995-1996) 

Martin in the Corner Pocket

Kill Him With Kindness

Blow, Baby, Blow

Ring a Ding, Ding, Gone

Love T.K.O.

He Say, She Say

Uptown Friday Night

Old School Loving

Cole on Ice

Housekeeper from Hell

Three Homies and a Baby

Headin' for Trouble

Swing Thing

The Bodyguard

Green Card

You're All I Need

Kicked to the Curb

The Best of Martin

The Love Jones Connection

Where the Party At?

Homeo & Juliet

The Cabin Show

The Tooth Will Set You Free

Martin, I Want to Sing

D.M.V. Blues

Why Can't We Be Friends, Part 1

Why Can't We Be Friends, Part 2

    Season 5 (1996-1997) 

Is You Is or Is You Ain't

Back in Trouble Again

Sophomore Jinx

Working Girls

Boo's in the House

Banging Hard in the School Yard

The Life You Save May Make You Rich

Snow White

Come on Over to My Place

Scrooge

Waiting, Debating and Ovulating

You Play Too Much

Ain't That About a Ditch

Goin' Overboard, Part 1

Goin' Overboard, Part 2

Power to the People's Court

I, Martin, Take Thee Pam?

Auction

Daddy Dearest

Stake-Out

Goin' for Mine

One Flew Over the Hoochie's Nest

California, Here We Come

    Meta