Funny / Martha Speaks

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     Season One 

Martha Speaks

  • Martha kept talking and talking, until she starts saying "blah blah blah...".
    • Some of the things Martha said during the "blah blah blah" montage.
      (on the phone) "Hello! I'd like to make an order."
      Delivery Man: "Delivery!"
      Mariella: "But I didn't order any barbecue." (ties up the phone)

      Martha: (to Lucille) "[Mariella] said the Christmas fruit cake you made wasn't fit for a dog, but I thought it was delicious!" (Mariella shocked)

      Martha: "I've seen this programme! A giant reptile did it!" (ate part of a building) (the Lorraines groan, with the exception of Jake)

      Martha: "There's a poodle over on Circus Street I'd like to play with. He's small but what a dog!" (Helen annoyed because it's night and she's trying to sleep)

      Martha: "I'm sure you're curious about the early days of my life. Well, let me tell you something about them. I was born in a back alley." (Helen, who's trying to read, puts earmuffs on)

      Martha: "I understand Cat but I can't speak it. It's a nasal language."

      Martha: "My mom would tell us, 'you're a dog, not a cat'."

      Martha: "I remember someone was like 'Here, boy' and I'm like 'Hello, I'm a girl dog.'"
  • This dialogue:
    Helen: It's great that she's speaking. But there's speaking, and there's speaking, and speaking.
    TD: Helen.
    Helen: It's great that she can communicate. But does she have to communicate so much? It's like she wants to discuss and discuss and discuss.
    TD: Helen!
    Helen: And it's not even a discussion. Cause when you discuss, the other person gets to express her opinion too, you know what I'm saying?
    TD: I think you—
    Helen: It's like she's giving a lecture. Doesn't she know how annoying it is? (we pan out to see their teacher Mrs. Clusky standing besides Helen) Just hear someone jabbering on and on and— (Helen sees Mrs. Clusky with her hands on her hips glaring at her) Oops.
    TD: Class started five minutes ago.
    (Helen lowers herself in her seat in embarrassment.)
  • This line from Truman.
    Truman: "I didn't shout—THIS IS SHOUTING!!"

Martha Gives Advice

  • Carolina faints (or possibly fake-faints), not because she discovered Martha can talk, but because she's been listening to her advice, which includes dressing up like Helen.
  • The part where Martha starts giving advice that should only apply to dogs...and it also works for humans!
    "Well, whenever I have anything valuable, I just bury it in the backyard. Sure, I know where everything is and where to find it, plus I can get to it wherever I want, day or night. Of course, your stuff gets a little dirty, but you can always lick it off later."

    "Ah, forget the gym. I'm convinced the best form of exercise is chasing a stick."

    "When company comes, jump up! Shake your fanny! Sniff 'em up and down. Oh, and give them lots of kisses. They love the kisses."

    "Show the belly. That way they know you're friendly. If you meet someone new, just lie down on the ground and show them your stomach."

    "If you're feeling a little queasy or you have an upset stomach, I recommend eating a bunch of grass. That always makes me feel better."

    "If you're not sleeping well, it's usually the mattress. Stand up and walk in a circle three times. And then flop down. I would encourage you to give it a try."
  • Carolina "defending" Helen over how she dressed when really it sounds like an insult.
    Carolina: "Hey! Just 'cause she's dressed this weird doesn't mean she's weird!...Just 'cause it looks like she got dressed with a blindfold on doesn't mean she couldn't be fashionable if she wanted! Just 'cause it looks like her closet threw up on her doesn't mean that she's—(Helen muffles her, the ticket person looks confused)"
  • T.D. saying that even if Helen's outfit is "dorky", it doesn't get eaten by birds (he'd dressed as cotton candy last year).
  • The man just shrugging and saying "What the heck?" upon finding out Martha is a talking dog.
  • This conversation.
    Carolina: (groans dramatically and facepalms).
    Helen: "You think this is hopeless?"
    Carolina: "No, I don't. What makes you say that?"
    Helen: (pointing) "You just groaned."
    Carolina: (shaking her head) "I didn't groan."
    Helen: (pointing and nodding) "Uh-huh! You went—" (does an impression of Carolina's groaning)
    Carolina: "Okay, so I groaned. But that doesn't mean all is lost!"

Martha and Skits

  • Martha teaching Skits how to behave.
    Martha: "There are only two rules in this house! Rule number one: I'm the Alpha Dog! And that means I'm the boss so what I say goes. Rule number two: I need my alphabet soup to speak! So never touch my soup!
    Martha: "The people in that house are exceptionally nice! They give pats and treats! where Nelson lives. He is one super bad cat. Yeah, but Nelson is exceptionally bad. He specialises in being sneaky. He'!"
    Martha: "This guy we bark at. Why? No reason, we just do."
    Martha: (on circling before sleeping) "Some dogs just do two circles but I think the full three is better. Just to get the lumps out."
  • When Helen doesn't like her drawing.
    T.D.: "I don't see why you don't like it. It's the most excellent drawing of a tree!"
    (Helen groans)
    T.D.: "What?"
    Helen: (points at a picture in her magazine) "I was trying to draw that."
    T.D.: "It's the most excellent drawing of a guy tossing, uh, a whatsis that I've ever seen."
    Helen: "Discus."
    T.D.: "Right. A discus."
    Helen: "But you just said it was an excellent drawing of a tree."
    T.D.: "It is! It's an outstanding tree! It's a perfect tree!"
    Helen: "Wait, how could it be both?!"
    T.D.: "Why does it have to be one or the other? I once had a potato that looked just like Wayne Gratsky and it tasted great!"
  • Martha saying that "the world is [Skits's] chew toy".
  • Skits thinking "stupendous" means "stupid".
  • This
    Man on TV: "Drat that Courageous Collie Carlo. He has an impeccable talent for foiling my plans!"
    Other Man on TV: "He sure does. Only what does 'impeccable' mean?"
    First Man on TV: "No time for definitions, this isn't public TV."
    Mariella: "Helen! Are you picking up my clothes?!"
    Helen: "Yes! I am now."

Martha Plays a Part

  • When Truman says, "You have a gift!", to Helen, Martha asks why Helen gets a present and not her.
  • Carolina acting excited that Helen has been selected to play as Hailley's Comet and Helen doesn't know so she's completely baffled.
    Carolina: "Hailey, wait up! (runs over to Helen) No wonder you're a comet. You're an extraordinarily fast walker! Aren't you excited?! I think it's excellent casting!"
    Helen: "What?!"
    Carolina: "'Cause we're related! I'm a big ball of gas. You're a little ball of gas."
    Helen: "I don't—"
    Carolina: (pinching Helen's cheek) "It's perfecto! We could be Cousins in Space! (walking off) See you around the solar system, you little comet, you."
  • Skits thinking "outstanding" means "needs to stand outside".
  • Martha mishearing "knack" as "snack" and "nap".

Martha Takes the Cake

Codename: Martha

Martha to the Rescue

Martha Camps Out

  • Martha keeps asking "Who's Big Minnie!?".

Down on the Farm

Martha Runs Away

Martha Blah Blah

  • Half the alphabet is subtracted from the soup, meaning Martha can only say the remaining letters. This leads "I want a burger" to sound like "I ug" and "Hello, Grandma Lucille, how's it going?" to sound like "H o g! u ow go g!", which sounds to the family like "you hog!".
  • This:
    Danny: "Martha's speech is becoming diminished!"
    Helen: "Diminished? Is that another language? I thought Martha only spoke English and Dog."

Skits Behaves

  • T.D. tries to show who's boss by making eye-contact with Skits. After 10 seconds of glaring at each other, T.D. gives Skits his other half of the sandwich.
    TD: I wasn't hungry anyway.

Martha and the Canine Caper

Perfectly Martha

  • Martha was watching a demonstration of a "perfect dog":
    Otis: You see, now he's perfect.
    Martha: That's not perfect, that's terrible!
    Otis: Who said that?!
    Dr. Paplum: Otis, calm down.
    Otis: I will NOT calm down!
    (the crowd is perplexed at his sudden outburst)
    Otis: I mean, how can I calm down when I am so excited to train. And by train, I mean, teach your imperfect dogs to be perfect.
    Martha: What is he talking about? Dogs are already perfect.
    Otis: Alright! Who said that? (confronts a random woman) Was it you?
    Lady: I think it was the dog. (points at Martha, who just stands there)
    Otis: "I think it was the dog." (threateningly) I'm onto you, lady.

    Otis: That's the same dog from this morning. Did that woman put you up to this?

Firedog Martha

Martha's Pickle

  • In the show there are a few times when a word is defined, however this is justified as the characters are kids and a dog and would therefore not know the meanings of some of the larger words. However, in the movie they are watching a grown woman is asking for the meanings of synonyms for "weird", which most native English speakers her age should know (such as 'unusual', 'odd', and 'bizzarre').
    Truman: "What's really strange is how this movie keeps defining things."

The Dog Who Came to Dinner

Martha Calling

  • Martha wins a competition and has to stay at the hotel with the rest of the Lorraines except Skits. Trouble is, pets aren't allowed, so Martha is dressed up in a wheelchair as Helen's grandma. This leads to three funny moments. The first is when an old man refers to himself as an "old sea-dog" and Martha says "really? What breed?". The second is when Martha is seen sleeping next to her wheelchair, dress, hat, and boots and also near her are some bones because she'd eaten some meat. The janitor thinks a mad dog has eaten Martha. And later, when everyone is in the lobby, hiding from the alleged "mad" dog Martha, she says something and a little boy says "Hey, cool, the mad dog talks!".

Oh, Noooo!

  • Helen says that if the alphabet soup business closed down, Martha would be in the doghouse. Martha takes it literally.
  • When Martha's trying to speak in 'o's and Helen gives her a biscuit. Martha says "That's not what I was trying to say, but if you're offering biscuits, I won't turn them down."
  • When Martha hears that Granny Flo's soup is taking a licking, she says, "Of course it's being licked."

Bye, Martha

Martha Walks the Dog

Martha's Got Talent

Martha the Hero Maker

Starstruck Martha

Truman and the Deep Blue Sea

Martha in Charge

  • When Helen got laryngitis:
    Helen's Mom: note  I hope Helen recuperates.
    Martha: She shouldn't do that! She should get better!
    Helen's Mom: That's what recuperates means.
    Martha: Really? But that sounds like a bad thing! Like "Don't come in, I just recuperated all over the floor..."
  • Heck, the entire episode was hilarious, Home Alone-style.
  • When Martha phones a psychologist, who thinks Martha is under a delusion that she's a dog.

Escape From Flea Island

No Dogs Allowed

Ain't Nothin' But a Pound Dog

  • This line
    Mariella: "That dog is acting like...a dog"
  • Martha to Kazuo
    Martha: "Doesn't anyone understand Human"? (she meant English)
  • When Danny says that Martha has been gone longer than a few hours before and "probably has gotten a job at the radio or something"
  • This phone conversation
    Daniel: "I'd like to ask if you've picked up a talking dog"
    Kazuo: "Sorry, I can't check the records right now but...a talking dog?!"
    Daniel: "Yes, a dog that can speak human language"
    Kazuo: "Sir, is this some kinda joke?"
    Daniel: "It's not a joke, I'm looking for a talking—" (Kazuo hangs up) "I guess that's a no, then"
  • Kazuo seemingly ignoring the fact that Martha can talk and then asking how he's supposed to know she's the same talking dog Daniel called about.
  • Martha trying to get her friends adopted.
    Martha: "You'll come into the show dogs and come out...well, you'll still be dogs, but you'll have families!"
  • Martha teaching her pound friends to be cute.
    Martha: "If you wanna be adopted, messy isn't gonna cut it. No one goes into the dog pound saying, "Please give me a really messy dog", take it from me. People want cute and adorable. Like the low wiggle. It works like this: you see the person come in, they aren't looking at you, then suddenly, they turn in...POW! You turn on the charm! See how I'm making my face light up? 'I like you', that's what this says. 'I hope you like me'! Crouch low to the ground like this, then you start to wiggle and move towards them! It really helps if your back end starts to get ahead of your front end. Like this. And then for the big finish, you show the belly!"

Raiders of the Lost Art

Martha Says It with Flowers

Martha Doesn't Speak Monkey

Martha and Truman Get Lost

Best in Show

Truman on the Ball

  • TD picks up a book at the library, and spends the rest of the episode commenting on how "I don't think I should have read this book at my age" and making jokes about the plot. The book? Moby-Dick.

Martha Gets Spooked

  • An old couple have recently moved into a spooky old house that used to belong to the woman's great-aunt Martha, who died and when Martha delivers flowers to them, she says "It's me, Martha."
    • Which leads to this
      Martha: "Can you please let me out? I'd do it myself, but I don't have thumbs"
      Mrs Parkington: "I didn't know ghosts didn't have thumbs!"

Martha Changes Her Luck

Martha Runs the Store

Itchy Martha

  • When Martha is scratching her ear
    Danny: "Mind if you scratch somewhere else?"
    Martha: "That won't work. It's my ear that's itchy."
  • The fact that in T.D.'s story Space Dog Martha, the villain has a robot called the Take-a-Bath 5000 that has a water tank for a body, a soap dispenser for a head and showers for arms.

Martha and the Thief of Hearts

There Goes the Neighborhood

Ice Scream

Nurse Martha

T.D. Gets the Scoop

Alice Twinkle Toes

  • Alice's leotard, which reads "Careful-I make wide turns".

Martha Fails the Course

  • This conversation
    Alice: "Why is Martha not moving?"
    Helen: "Because she fell down and was made fun of"
    Alice: "If I stopped moving due to falling down, I would have stopped moving since I could walk. Once, I even fell down while standing still in an empty room."

Martha Sings

  • Helen's dad is obsessed with Martha's singing.

T.D. Makes the Band

Skits Under the Weather

Martha the Weather Dog

Martha in the Doghouse

  • TD used his belt to hold something up, but it collapsed and his pants fell.

Martha Models

T.D. and the Steak Tree

  • These two moments
    Truman: "Steaks don't come from trees, they come from-"
    Alice: "Cowabunga!"

    Truman: "Steaks don't come from trees, they come from-"
    T.D.: "Holy cow!"

T.D. and Martha Gopher Broke

  • All the gopher-related Imagine Spot's.
    • The first one involves a giant gopher chasing herself and T.D. and eating the barn they hide in.
    • The second one is due to a misunderstanding.
      O.G.: "Gophers burrow underground."
      Martha: "Burro? You mean like a donkey?" (imagines a gopher in a cowboy hat, bandanna and boots riding a donkey underground) "How do you get a donkey in there?"
    • The third one is when Martha learns that gophers eat underground and imagines them eating like in a fancy restaurant underground.
    • In the fourth one, Martha suggests T.D. dress up as a lady gopher to lure the gopher out. T.D. then imagines himself dressed as a gopher wearing a skirt and a flower and dancing, but then notes that "he wouldn't buy it, I'm way too big" and imagines himself being taken away by a giant walking stick.
      • Which leads to...
        Martha: "Why don't you dress up a potato like a lady gopher?"
        T.D.: "He'd probably just eat it." (imagines gopher eating a potato in a dress and sunhat.)
    • The fifth one is after the gopher takes T.D.'s MP3 player. T.D. imagines the gopher listening to it and dancing.
    • When O.G. says that gophers can swim, Martha imagines gophers synchronized swimming.
  • The episode's Punny Title.
  • Martha telling the plants, "Stay", then saying, "I knew I'd be good at this" when she sees they don't move.
  • While they're fishing and plotting ways to get the gopher.
    T.D: "I've got it?"
    Martha: "A fish? You caught one?"
    T.D.: "Are you kidding? I never catch anything in this lake. Nope, I've thought up a way to catch the gopher."
  • T.D. tries using music to get rid of the gopher, his logic being that his dad says that it "drives people out of the house".

Martha vs. Robot

Virtually Martha

Martha's Dirty Habit

  • All the dogs in the neighbourhood chase after Martha for getting them in trouble for digging up their owners' front lawns.
    • During the chase, one dog walks up to Martha's bowl, eats from there, and walks away in a dignified manner.

Helen's All Thumbs

Martha Bakes

  • Equal parts Funny and Tear Jerker was this conversation after Helen loses an art competition.
    Mariella: "Don't be sad, I'm sure your drawing was terrific"
    Helen: "You're just saying that because you're my mom"
    Martha: "No, she's not! You're an excellent artist!"
    Helen: "You're just saying that because you're my dog".
  • The dogs think "from scratch" means they scratch and a cake shows up.
  • The baker's confusion when Mariella says, "I'll call my dog and tell her about it."

Martha Makes Scents

Martha the Witness

Martha Takes a Stand

  • When T.D. says his mom wants him to bathe in the pond.
  • The comic book that Helen, Alice and T.D. were making about "rights" for their homework, where T.D. says "Why do we protect just our rights? What about our lefts?"

Martha Goes to School

  • Martha's dog logic on the phone.
    Mrs Clusky: "I want you to be my substitute."
    Martha: "But a substitute is when something takes another thing's place, right?"
    Mrs Clusky: "Right."
    Martha: "So if you don't have a ball to play with, you can use a stick for a substitute."
    Mrs Clusky: "Right."
    Martha: "So we can play fetch?"
  • T.D. when he learns that his report on animal behavior is due the next day.
    T.D.: "Animal behavior? That sounds ruff!"
  • Helen and T.D. noting that the previous substitute teachers have been weird like yellers (people with No Indoor Voice), smellers (people who sniff their food a lot), tappers (people who tap a lot) and rappers (people who rap instead of speaking normally).
  • When Martha arrives at school.
    Janitor: "No dogs allowed!" (points to a sign depicting a dog with a 'no' slash through it)
    Martha: "But that dog doesn't look anything like me!"
    • And when he chases her away and she tries to go through a window.
      Martha: "This is called dogged determination!"
  • More dog logic transpires when Martha's illiteracy makes her unable to call the roll the normal way.
    Martha: "Everyone who's here today, say, 'present'!"
    Class: "Present!"
    Martha: "And everyone who's not here today, say, 'absent'."
  • Martha has the whole class applaud by acting like dogs.

T.D. and the Lightbulb of Doom

  • T.D.'s villain was called "The Dark Lord of Really Dark Darkness"
  • When T.D. imagines Mrs Clusky's lesson as a movie.
  • When T.D. mishears "inspiration" for "perspiration" and "Thomas Edison" for "Thomas, Eddie's son".
  • Helen playing Alexander Graham Bell and pretending to telephone Alice with "S.O.S., tied up in my beard. Please bring scissors!"
  • When T.D. watches a movie about wizards to research Edison because Alice called him a "wizard".

Martha Treads the Boards

  • When the doorknob doesn't work in the dressing room, and Daniel sneaks out in costume, but police see him
    Police Officer: "A man in a cape? Must think he's a superhero!"
    Daniel: "Sorry, I must leave, there's a beautiful woman trapped in this building and I must save her"
  • While Daniel and Mariella are stuck, Helen who is their stage director and Martha who is playing the bully, improvise and start playing Mariella's character Maria and Daniel's character Hector respectively. Then, the real Daniel runs past in-costume followed by a cop, which Helen explains away as being a cop chasing a "phony Hector". Then, Daniel comes in wearing a different outfit, playing "Maria's sister" and Helen hands him the doorknob and Daniel and Mariella come in. They then come up with a slightly nonsensical, but it-will-have-to-do explanation that they were Hector and Maria showing up late for dinner, and the characters playing Maria's parents thought that Helen's and Martha's characters were Maria and Hector, but really they were talking to Maria's other sister and the bull. Then is this speech, which leads to it being a decent play after all.
    Martha as the Bull: "It's true. I am the bull. And I may just be a simple animal but even I can see that Hector and Maria love each other and I don't see why tradition or customs or anything else could stand in their way. Also, I don't think you can fight me"
    Daniel as Hector: "The bull's right. If tradition says I can't marry Maria then to heck with tradition!"
    Helen as Maria's Sister: "Yay! I mean 'hurra'!"
    Mariella as Maria: "Oh, Hector"
    Daniel as Hector: "Oh, Maria!" (he hugs her)
    Mr Parkington as Maria's Father: "It's true, darling. We must all be willing to change. Even if we are a man"
    Mariella as Maria: "A woman"
    Martha as the Bull: "A bull of tradition"
  • Also, when the character playing Maria's mother says "Have Hector in our family? I'd rather have this home come down around my ears" and then the set falls down to which everyone in the audience bursts out laughing.
  • Everybody in the audience are confused at Maria's parents thinking the bull was the bullfighter...except T.D.

Martha's Pack

  • Wen Martha, Skits, Burt and Cisco try to be like wolves, they try to hunt squirrels to eat and Martha tells them "We're the predators and you're the prey, that's important? What does it mean? Well, it basically means you let us eat you for dinner!"
  • Martha when asked what day of the week it is: "I dunno. Day names are a human thing"

Martha Smells

  • When Pablum and Weaselgraft have no money left
    Weaselgraft: "All that's left to do is get an honest job"
    (both shudder)
    Pablum: "Or..."
    Both in Unison: "Steal the talking dog!"
  • The double meaning of T.D.'s line "I wish I smelled like a dog"
    • To which Martha responds that smelling is good but it doesn't open refrigerator doors.

Martha Hears

  • When the two villains lose their money down the drain again and Weaselgraft says "Now what are we gonna do?"
    Pablum: "Steal the talking dog?"
    Otis: "Steal the talking dog! Good thinking!"
    • However, Pablum is not so sure as they have tried (and failed) to steal Martha before.
  • When the policeman says, "How would you like a ticket? A raffle ticket, that is?"
  • Weaslegraft using "Mother of pearl!" as an exclamation.
  • When T.D. pretends to be Santa Claus and asks for their address, but then Otis says "Hey, we're not on the nice list, we're on the naughty list!"
  • When Pablum misinterprets "creak" as "creek".
  • This conversation
    Police Officer: "Maybe you should go home, your pup might be waiting for ya there"
    Helen: "No, I don't think so. She would have called me"
    Police Officer: "Called you? I thought you were looking for a dog"
    T.D.: "We are. Her dog talks."
  • This conversation
    T.D.: "What does blaring mean?"
    Helen: "It's kind of a loud noise?"
    T.D.: "Like a baby crying?"
    Helen: "No. Because while babies are noisy when they cry, it wouldn't make sense to say 'my baby is blaring'"

Martha's Worst Best Day

  • This conversation from the end of the episode.
    Helen: "I learned a valuable lesson: follow directions on soup, they're there for your protection."
    Martha: "Especially if you have a talking dog!"
  • Over the course of the episode, Martha is forced to say the opposite of what she means (no, she's not a Deadpan Snarker, she's trying to be sincere but can't). This leads to some funny moments including being forced to call Nelson her best friend and being forced to wish Grandpa Bernie a bad birthday and very few more.

Truman's Brother

  • When Alice imagines Truman accidentally making O.G.'s head invisible.
    Imaginary O.G.: "I'm fine. My head's just invisible"
    Imaginary T.D.: "Our Christmas card is gonna look really weird this year"
  • This conversation.
    T.D.: "Hey, bro, whattaya know? I got myself some yo"
    Truman: "Yo?"
    T.D.: "Yoghurt"

Here's Martha!

  • Slappy thinking "understand" meant "to stand on".

Dog Fight

  • Helen gets tired of Martha and Skits bickering over the flying squirrel toy so she makes them watch a video about sharing that parodies Sesame Street. The dogs seem to get the moral when Helen asks them. Later, TD and Alice were still arguing about Martha and Skits' fight so they ended up getting the same treatment. Unlike the dogs, their response started with this:
    Helen: What did you guys learn?
    Alice: I learned that boy puppets are more selfish than girl puppets.

Therapy Dog

Martha's Duck Trouble

Truman's Secret

  • This conversation.
    Martha: "No, it's not a big egg yolk (at the centre of the Earth), Skits. That doesn't make sense".
    Carolina: "Everyone knows the centre of the Earth is filled with molten lava"
    Helen: "No digging in the yard!"
    Martha: "Then how will we find out what's in the middle of the Earth?"
    Carolina: "It's lava. Don't believe me? Ask Truman?"
    Helen: "Have you seen Truman?"
    T.D.: "I saw him once, but it was only his eye" (he was peeking out)
    Helen: "I saw him once, but it was only his hand" (he was waving)
    Martha: "You don't think someone's chopped Truman into little pieces, do you?!"
    • And later, Martha asks how they will find Truman if he "only shows up one piece at a time".
  • When T.D. says that he and Martha would track Truman down, Helen says "Or we could just go to his house and ask".
  • When Truman is narrating his flashback and says there was lightning.
    Helen: "Lightning?! But it hasn't rained in weeks"
    Truman: "I was trying to be dramatic".

Skits Monkeys Around

  • When the dogs are watching TV
    Woman on Television: "He's tipping his hat and he's making his way. He's gonna get to the top some day. He's goofy, he's dotty, he's goony and blue. Who doesn't love Malcolm? Who, who, who?"
    Martha: "I'll tell ya who! Me, me, me!"

What's Bothering Bob?

Martha Spins a Tale

  • This exchange:
    Helen: You guys are so irritating!
    Martha: Does irritating mean fun!?
  • Martha tells a fairytale where she imagines herself and the others as fairytale characters. She's "Goldie Martha", the three bears are Mariella, Daniel and Jake ("Jakey Bear") in bear suits, Alice is Sleeping Beauty's cousin Sleeping Clumsy, Truman is a random boy, T.D. is Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk, Pablum and Weaselgraft are giants, Nelson breathes fire, Mrs Demson is the Queen of Hearts, Skits is the "Skits Hatter", and Helen is "Little Red Riding-Helen".
  • This conversation
    Martha: "Once upon a time there lived three bears: Mommy Bear, Daddy Bear and Jakey Bear. Mommy Bear had ordered some pizza..."
    Helen: "The Three Bears eat porridge, not pizza"
    Martha: "Who wants to eat hot, lumpy porridge on a sweltering hot day?"
    T.D.: "I wouldn't eat hot, lumpy porridge any day"
     Season Two 

Martha's Chair

T.D. the Pack Rat

Painting for Peanuts

Martha's No Dummy

  • Helen's dad laughs loudly at T.D. and Martha's knock-knock jokes. Helen's mom is embarrassed.

Martha Puts Out the Lights

The Penguin Always Rings Twice

The Martha Code

Martha in the Hold

Git Along, Little Dogies!

Martha in the White House

The Jakey Express

Martha, Sled Dog

Paws and Effect

The Trouble with Teddy

?Que Pasa, Martha?

T.D. is Talking Dog

Dogs in Space

  • TD wears a jetpack but it flies off into the sky, as he forgot to buckle up. Helen tried to tell him that.
  • T.D. adding a giant vacuum cleaner to his story because of he "vacuum of space", and suggesting that lost socks go into space.

Dogs from Space

Martha's Life in Crime

Martha Plays Favourites

Martha and the Doggie Lover

Skits on Ice

Martha's Steamed

Martha and the One Thousand Fleas

Nice and Crabby

Martha: Secret Agent Dog

  • This show has a habit of defining words. Most of the time, it's a logical time to define words (seeing as how the main characters are children and animals), but when someone or something defines a word and the other person actually knows, then it's hilarious, as this scene proves.
    Computer: "Initiating self-destruct sequence. Are you sure you want to self-destruct? "Self destruct" means something destroys itself so nothing will be saved. Are you sure you want to do it? Press 'yes' or 'cancel'."
    Man: "Yes. And I know what it means."
    Computer': "Okay, then. Self-destruct in ten seconds, but don't say I didn't warn you."
  • Martha's daydream. She's daydreaming about being a spy and gets given a drink of toilet water. She says the line "Shaken, not stirred", and then notes she didn't order a drink and throws it away. She orders another one, but this time hold the poison.
     Season Three 

The Martha Show

Martha's Millions

Carolina's Gifted

  • Carolina has a gift certificate that she says she's "squirrelled away" for nearly a year. Martha spends most of the rest of the story desperately trying to find out where the squirrel is. Also, later on, she's asked what she would "splurge on," if she could. She gets very upset, saying that she doesn't splurge on anything: she's housebroken. She becomes disappointed to learn there's no real squirrel.

Truman's Mad

Dog for a Day

Martha: Deadline Doggie

It's the Giant Pumpkin, Martha

The Dog Did It

Martha Out West

T.D.'s Magic

Scaredy Cat

The Opera Contest

Maestro Martha

Skits and Mr Scruffles

Brave Truman

Martha Acts Up

Ronald Is In

Patrol Dog Martha

The Crooning Crook Caper

Myth Me?

Myth Take

  • Martha (as Medusa) decides to go to the palace party. She asked "who's with me?", the snakes nod in agreement, except for one who shakes its head, which Martha frowns on.

Alice Covers Up

  • TD gives Alice lemons to wipe off the orange dye. They don't work, but TD said she smells zesty. Alice throws a lemon at his head.
  • TD has an idea of getting dog-vision sunglasses for everyone at the pool party to wear so Alice wouldn't be embarrassed.
    Helen: Do those sort of glasses even exist?
    TD: No. But it would be nice if they did.
    [Alice slams her head on the table.]

Carolina Picks a Lily

Wagstaff Races

  • TD and Alice's kart gets sent off by the wind and off to sea.

The Missing Metal Mystery

  • TD believes HE stole his own trophy and the metals from the junkyard. He spends the entire episode trying to prove he's guilty.

Martha's Slumber Party of the Weird

Return to Martha's Slumber Party of the Weird

The Long, Rotten Summer

The Case of the Shattered Vase

     Season Four 

Billy Collins Speaks

Milo's Reading Buddy

Verb Dog, When Action Calls

  • Helen, Alice and T.D. thinking that there must be something wrong with Martha as they heard she'd been "ambulating", when really it just means walking.
  • Martha claiming that the bullies "use words like some evil superpower".
  • A man trying to teach Martha what a verb is.
    Martha: "Explain it again, doc. My powers don't work with all words."
    Doc: "That is correct. Only verbs. Verbs are the words that tell you what something is doing. Words like 'jump' and 'run' and even 'think' and 'wonder'."
    Martha: "So if I say, 'fire hydrant-yellow!'? Uh, did it change?"
    Doc: "No. Verbs are things you do. You talk, you dance, but you can't yellow."
    Martha: "So if I say, 'hamburger!'?"
    Doc: "Nothing happens. 'Hamburger' is a noun. It's a thing, not an action."
    Martha: "(annoyed) Oh, figures. (happy) So how about 'gently'?"
    Doc: "You cannot gently. 'Gently' isn't a verb, it's an adverb. 'Gently' says how you do something."
    Martha: "An adverb?! Ugh! All these rules are starting to make my head spin! (her head literally spins)"
  • The dreamed-up version of Alice Boxwood is (thought to be) evil and has ice powers and her name is Al-Ice. She also gets described as being "as much fun as an ice cream headache."
  • Even though (as the doc pointed out) it was bad timing, the robot having robot arms and being described as "armed" is funny.
  • Martha and the Doc's goofy Happy Dance, followed by Martha making Baby Talk when he's sad and calling him "doctor frowny-face".
  • When meeting the dream version of Helen.
    Martha: "Helen, fly to Hackensack instantly! (Dream Helen flies away) Whoa, that was easy! Victory dance! (Martha and "Dr. R" break into a Happy Dance, Martha is Scatting) Come on, Doc, what's the problem?"
    "Dr R": "'To Hackensack', that's not really a verb, y'know. And 'instantly' is an adverb."

Martha's Adverb Adventure

  • Otis Weaselgraft has a daydream in which Martha's his pet and they love each other, then he absentmindedly takes a bite out of a snowball whilst imagining eating a peach. Then, he says, "Why must the end of a daydream taste so bitter?!".
  • When Helen, Martha and T.D. notice that Weaselgraft and Pablum are on TV, Helen says in an annoyed voice, "Guess there are no rules about who can be on TV anymore."
  • This episode features the "adverb-alizer", where if you say an adverb into it at a person doing an action, it will (if applicable) make the person do the action in that way. Weaselgraft uses it to make Pablum eat his spaghetti "sloppily", which he does without utensils or his hands, getting it all over his clothes and face. Then he makes him eat "completely, totally, awfully sloppily", which results in him getting spaghetti all over him. Then, Weaselgraft makes him clean up "instantly", which makes the spaghetti just disappear.
  • O.G. only lets T.D. buy something weird if it's really weird.
  • Martha's response to "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" is "It's lunchtime".
  • When Martha is sniffing Pablum disguised as a bush (to see if she can catch his scent), he thinks she's sniffing to explore or wants to pee on him or something.
    Pablum: "Go find a nice tree!" (pushes Martha)
    Martha: "That tree just pushed me!"
  • When Martha uses the adverb-alizer to make someone fail (by using the word "unsuccessfully"), it emits frowny faces.
  • Pablum watering a bush costume.
  • When Helen makes the snowballs move slowly with the adverb-alizer, she, T.D. and Martha comment on the weirdness of it.

Bulldozer vs. Dinosaur

Carolina Tackles Football

  • When Carolina tells T.D. to pass books over so they can "tackle" something, T.D. throws the books (using the American football definition of "pass") and the others literally tackle her.
  • T.D. thinks that a four-leaf clover is bound to make him win the game, but Helen says they need a strategy, not a superstition.
  • Carolina claiming that she "lathers, rinses, repeats AND repeats" while washing her hair.

Martha's Market

Bye Bye Burger Boy

Return of the Bookbots: The Case of the Missing Words

Monkeyshines Martha

Dog Daze

  • When Carolina turns into a dog (but it was All Just a Dream), she starts to feel itchy and Truman finds out she has fleas.
    Truman: "It's just as I suspected. I don't know how to break this to you, but Carolina...has fleas."
    Martha: "It happens to the best of us."
  • Martha thinks sniffing, chasing squirrels and eating out of the trash is important, and when she teaches Carolina how to do it...
    Helen: "Martha! Bad dog! You know you aren't supposed to eat out of the trash! Carolina! Bad girl! I can't believe I'm talking to my cousin like this."
  • Martha suggesting Helen lick her injured ankle to heal it, and when she points out that humans can't lick their own ankles, Martha offers to lick it herself.
  • T.D. wonders if Carolina is a were-dog. Nobody takes this seriously, and eventually he gives it up when somebody points out that there was no full moon. He then suggests that maybe Carolina swapped bodies with a dog and imagines the real Carolina acting like a dog because she has a dog's mind.
  • The dog-pound's probably made-up rule: "A dog cannot adopt another dog, even if that dog can speak."

Martha's Thanksgiving

  • This line from Martha.
    Martha: "I can't wait to trace my brothers and sisters. Oh no, not 'trace' like draw an outline around them."

Eyes on the Skies

Camp Truman

  • Truman tries to get Milo to see how awful camping would be, so Milo wouldn't find out the camp he wanted to go to has been closed.
    • Truman forcing Milo, Truman and Helen to wash dishes, but Truman and Milo were having fun with the soap bubbles.
    Truman: Alright, kitchen patrol is over!
    TD: Aww, but my fingers were just starting to get wrinkly.
    • While swimming:
    TD: I got this great new comic book.
    Truman: (blows whistle) No talking about comic books!
    Milo: This is really nice. Just hanging out and relaxing.
    (Truman blows whistle again)
    Helen: Alright Truman, this is gone far enough!
    Truman: (*whistle*) No standing up and saying "This is gone far enough!"
    (Helen groans)
  • After finding out Camp Winneka is opening at a new place (Truman made the page talking about that into a pirate hat):
    (Helen, Martha, and TD glare at Truman)
    Truman: Well, we can all learn something today.

Cora! Cora! Cora!

Cora Encore

Too Many Marthas

  • When somebody phones up Martha and asks her to "do a little number" for his fundraising drive. She then starts counting.
  • Martha practicing singing, then she gargles water.
  • The woman freaking out to Martha.
    Woman: "You're talking and you're singing and I still can't find my dog!"
  • The animal shelter people rolling on the floor, imitating the other Martha.
  • A woman defining an aria.
    Woman: (singing) "This is an aria! It's so big and dramatic!"

Too Much Martha

  • Martha wondering if "restricted" meant "delicious".
  • Martha's dream where she is literally paper-thin and Helen flies her like a kite.
     Season Five 

Puppy Skits

Dinosaurs in Trouble

The Puppy Tooth Fairy

Martha's Blue Period

  • This episode was a bit of a Tear Jerker but had its moments.
    • In the Imagine Spot that has Martha crying she says "All this crying makes it look like I had an accident on the rug"
    • When T.D. comes over and asks "Are you feeling blue?", Martha replies "Nope, still yellow."
    • T.D. meant to text "Martha is eating something inside the sofa." Instead, he texts "Martha is eating the sofa". This leads Helen to have an Imagine Spot of Martha eating the whole house. She phones Truman and asks "Is the house still there?". He says yes, but then sees T.D. dressed as a pirate and Martha and Skits tugging at his boots and says "It's being invaded by pirates. The dogs are fighting them off.", leading to another Imagine Spot.
    • Martha on being called "morose".
      Martha: "Sorry that I'm more ose, I'd be less ose if I knew what ose meant."
    • More Literal-Minded Martha humor.
      Danny: "Why the long face?"
      Martha: "I'm a dog"

The Puppy Show

Never Forget to Remember

  • After Skits remembered where the ball was:
    T.D.: If only we were as smart as Skits.
    Martha: That sounds so wrong.

My Mother, the Dog

  • Helen doesn't want a picture of herself sneezing as she doesn't like the way it looks. She asks why she wants a photo of her sneezing. Martha's reply?
    Martha: "To know what you look like when you're sneezing."
  • Polly, the Boxwoods' parrot, is loose and flew through the Lorraines' window. Martha, Helen, and Mariella are searching for her and Mrs Demson arrives, but they think her voice and doorbell-ringing is Polly.
    Martha: "Don't try to fool us, you crazy bird!"
    Mrs Demson: "Crazy bird?!"
    Mariella: "Downstairs."
    Mrs Demson: "Hello?"
    Mariella: "Who let you out of your cage?"
    Mrs Demson: "I beg your pardon!"
  • When Martha phones Mrs Clusky, doing an impersonation of Mariella, to have Helen's school photo replaced (the parents are at work, Helen's at school, the slip had gotten all wet, Mariella left her phone at home and they don't have Danny's number). When Mrs Clusky points out that she sounds a bit like Martha, Martha claims in her Mariella voice that she is trying to impersonate Martha. That's a talking dog pretending to be a human pretending to be a talking dog. Not something you see every day.
  • When Martha, pretending to be Mariella again, asks for the recipe for lemonade over the phone.
    Mrs Demson: (offended) "You lost it?!"
    Martha: (awkwardly in Mariella's voice) "I didn't lose it. I just can't see it 'cause...I'm stuck."
    Mrs Demson: (in a voice which suggests she doesn't believe her) "Stuck?"
    Martha: (awkwardly in Mariella's voice): " head is stuck between the stair rail."
    Mrs Demson: "That's ridiculous! How did you manage to do that?"
    Martha: (in Mariella's voice) "Uh, I was trying to get a piece of food."
    • When Mrs Demson then shows up to get Mariella unstuck, Martha must impersonate Mariella again to convince her that Mariella is already unstuck.
      Martha: "She got out."
      Mrs Demson: "Why don't I believe you?"
      Martha: (goes behind the door) "Well it's true? Right? (as Mariella) Right! (peeks out, normal voice) See?"
      Mrs Demson: "No, I don't! Mariella, are you OK?"
      Martha: "(as Mariella) I'm fine (as herself) Really? (as Mariella) Really! (as herself) You sure? (as Mariella) I'm sure! (as herself) Absolutely? (as Mariella) Absolutely!"
      Mrs Demson: "Why doesn't she come out?!"
      Martha: (normal voice) "Oh, uh, I think she just lost the use of her legs."

Martha's Must-Have

  • When Helen and the dogs are watching "Courageous Collie Carlo" instead of going to the park because of a thunderstorm...
    Helen: "Watching Courageous Collie Carlo is like being with other dogs, isn't it?"
    Martha: "Well, it would be if TV had smell."
  • This aversion of No Inner Fourth Wall
    TV: "Would you like to have a dog like Courageous Collie Carlo?"
    Helen: "Not really."
    TV: "Well, now you can."
    • Also during the ad, Helen points out that "Courageous Collie Carlo collar" is a bit of a tongue-twister and Martha practices saying it.
  • When Martha and Helen are wondering why the collar is so expensive and Martha wonders if it's because it's made of "noggapleather hide", Helen doubts that because she thinks noggapleather is artificial. Then, Martha asks if "artificial" means "expensive".
  • When Helen won't let Martha have the collar because it's poorly-made and expensive, we get this.
    Helen: "I'm not spending that much money on some bogus collar."
    Martha: "But I don't want a collar for a bogus. I want a collar for a dog."
  • Martha thinking that "phony" means "like a phone".

Martha's Puppy

The Cheating Chum Caper

Mouse Patrol

The Big Knockover

Stanley Saves the Day

Milo Goes for Gold

The Return of Ralph

Little Bo's Sheep

     Season Six 

Alice Writes a Story

Pirates and Princesses

Martha's Sweater

The Mystery of the Missing Dinosaur

Bookbots 3: Fit Fights Fat

Grandpa Bernie Cleans Up

Thou Callest Me a Dog

Martha's Paper Chase

April Fools

Bully for You!

Tomato You Say

Martha Questions

Martha's Holiday Surprise

We're Powerless

T.D. Gives a Report

Martha's Canine Cleaners

     In General 
  • Whenever Martha teaches someone to do something.
  • The hotel's name is funny: The Come On Inn.