- This exchange in "Martha Spins a Tale":
Helen: You guys are so irritating!
Martha: Does irritating mean fun!?
- And Martha tells a fairytale where she imagines herself and the others as fairytale characters. She's "Goldie Martha", the three bears are Mariella, Daniel and Jake ("Jakey Bear") in bear suits, Alice is Sleeping Beauty's cousin Sleeping Clumsy, Truman is a random boy, T.D. is Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk, Pablum and Weaselgraft are giants, Nelson breathes fire, Mrs Demson is the Queen of Hearts, Skits is the "Skits Hatter", and Helen is "Little Red Riding-Helen".
- This conversation
Martha: "Once upon a time there lived three bears: Mommy Bear, Daddy Bear and Jakey Bear. Mommy Bear had ordered some pizza..."
Helen: "The Three Bears eat porridge, not pizza"
Martha: "Who wants to eat hot, lumpy porridge on a sweltering hot day?"
T.D.: "I wouldn't eat hot, lumpy porridge any day"
- This gem from "Martha in Charge", when Helen got Laryngitis:
Helen's Mom: note I hope Helen recuperates.
Martha: She shouldn't do that! She should get better!
Helen's Mom: That's what recuperates means.
Martha: Really? But that sounds like a bad thing! Like "Don't come in, I just recuperated all over the floor..."
- Heck, the entire episode was hilarious, Home Alone-style.
- An especially funny part is when Martha phones a psychologist, who thinks Martha is under a delusion that she's a dog.
- In "Carolina's Gifted," Carolina has a gift certificate that she says she's "squirrelled away" for nearly a year. Martha spends most of the rest of the story desperately trying to find out where the squirrel is. Also, later on, she's asked what she would "splurge on," if she could. She gets very upset, saying that she doesn't splurge on anything: she's housebroken. She becomes disappointed to learn there's no real squirrel.
- Similarly in "Martha Camps Out", Martha keeps asking "Who's Big Minnie!?".
- In "Martha Gives Advice", Carolina faints, not because she discovered Martha can talk, but because she's been listening to her advice, which includes dressing up like Helen.
- Also, the part where Martha starts giving advice that should only apply to dogs...and it also works for humans!
- Carolina "defending" Helen over how she dressed when really it sounds like an insult.
- T.D. saying that even if Helen's outfit is "dorky", it doesn't get eaten by birds (he'd dressed as cotton candy last year).
- The man just shrugging and saying "What the heck?" upon finding out Martha is a talking dog.
- This conversation.
: (groans dramatically and facepalms)
Helen: "You think this is hopeless?"
Carolina: "No, I don't. What makes you say that?"
Helen: (pointing) "You just groaned."
Carolina: (shaking her head) "I didn't groan."
Helen: (pointing and nodding) "Uh-huh! You went—" (does an impression of Carolina's groaning)
Carolina: "Okay, so I groaned. But that doesn't mean all is lost!"
- In Oh No, Helen says that if the alphabet soup business closed down, Martha would be in the doghouse. Martha takes it literally.
- And when Martha's trying to speak in 'o's and Helen gives her a biscuit. Martha says "That's not what I was trying to say, but if you're offering biscuits, I won't turn them down."
- And when Martha hears that Granny Flo's soup is taking a licking, she says, "Of course it's being licked."
- In "Wagstaff Races", TD and Alice's kart gets sent off by the wind and off to sea.
- In "Martha in the Doghouse", TD used his belt to hold something up, but it collapsed and his pants fell.
- In "The Missing Metal Mystery", TD believes HE stole his own trophy and the metals from the junkyard. He spends the entire episode trying to prove he's guilty.
- Martha's Blue Period was a bit of a Tear Jerker but had its moments.
- In the Imagine Spot that has Martha crying she says "All this crying makes it look like I had an accident on the rug"
- When T.D. comes over and asks "Are you feeling blue?", Martha replies "Nope, still yellow."
- T.D. meant to text "Martha is eating something inside the sofa." Instead, he texts "Martha is eating the sofa". This leads Helen to have an Imagine Spot of Martha eating the whole house. She phones Truman and asks "Is the house still there?". He says yes, but then sees T.D. dressed as a pirate and Martha and Skits tugging at his boots and says "It's being invaded by pirates. The dogs are fighting them off.", leading to another Imagine Spot.
- Martha on being called "morose".
Martha: "Sorry that I'm more ose, I'd be less ose if I knew what ose meant."
- More Literal-Minded Martha humor.
Danny: "Why the long face?"
Martha: "I'm a dog"
- In "Truman On the Ball", TD picks up a book at the library, and spends the rest of the episode commenting on how "I don't think I should have read this book at my age" and making jokes about the plot. The book? Moby-Dick.
- In "Dogs in Space", TD wears a jetpack but it flies off into the sky, as he forgot to buckle up. Helen tried to tell him that.
- In the same episode, T.D. adding a giant vacuum cleaner to his story because of he "vacuum of space", and suggesting that lost socks go into space.
- In "Alice Covers Up", TD gives Alice lemons to wipe off the orange dye. They don't work, but TD said she smells zesty. Alice throws a lemon at his head.
- Helen gets tired of Martha and Skits bickering over the flying squirrel toy in "Dog Fight" so she makes them watch a video about sharing that parodies Sesame Street. The dogs seem to get the moral when Helen asks them. Later, TD and Alice were still arguing about Martha and Skits' fight so they ended up getting the same treatment. Unlike the dogs, their response started with this:
Helen: What did you guys learn?
Alice: I learned that boy puppets are more selfish than girl puppets.
- In "Perfectly Martha", Martha was watching a demonstration of a "perfect dog":
Otis: You see, now he's perfect.
Martha: That's not perfect, that's terrible!
Otis: Who said that?!
Dr. Paplum: Otis, calm down.
Otis: I will NOT calm down!
(the crowd is perplexed at his sudden outburst)
Otis: I mean, how can I calm down when I am so excited to train. And by train, I mean, teach your imperfect dogs to be perfect.
Martha: What is he talking about? Dogs are already perfect.
Otis: Alright! Who said that? (confronts a random woman) Was it you?
Lady: I think it was the dog. (points at Martha, who just stands there)
Otis: "I think it was the dog." (threateningly) I'm onto you, lady.
Otis: That's the same dog from this morning. Did that woman put you up to this?
- In "Martha Sings", Helen's dad is obsessed with Martha's singing.
- In the first episode, Martha kept talking and talking, until she starts saying "blah blah blah...".
It's great that she's speaking. But there's speaking, and there's speaking, and speaking. TD:
It's great that she can communicate. But does she have to communicate so much? It's like she wants to discuss and discuss and discuss. TD:
And it's not even a discussion. Cause when you discuss, the other person gets to express her opinion too, you know what I'm saying? TD:
I think you— Helen:
It's like she's giving a lecture. Doesn't she know how annoying it is? (we pan out to see their teacher Mrs. Clusky standing besides Helen)
Just hear someone jabbering on and on and— (Helen sees Mrs. Clusky with her hands on her hips glaring at her)
Class started five minutes ago. (Helen lowers herself in her seat in embarrassment.)
- Some of the things Martha said during the "blah blah blah" montage.
(on the phone) "Hello! I'd like to make an order."
Delivery Man: "Delivery!"
: "But I didn't order any barbecue." (ties up the phone)
: (to Lucille)
"[Mariella] said the Christmas fruit cake you made wasn't fit for a dog, but I thought it was delicious!" (Mariella shocked)
: "I've seen this programme! A giant reptile did it!" (ate part of a building) (the Lorraines groan, with the exception of Jake)
: "There's a poodle over on Circus Street I'd like to play with. He's small but what a dog!" (Helen annoyed because it's night and she's trying to sleep)
: "I'm sure you're curious about the early days of my life. Well, let me tell you something about them. I was born in a back alley." (Helen, who's trying to read, puts earmuffs on)
: "I understand Cat but I can't speak it. It's a nasal language."
: "My mom would tell us, 'you're a dog, not a cat'."
Martha: "I remember someone was like 'Here, boy' and I'm like 'Hello, I'm a girl dog.'"
- In "Martha's No Dummy", Helen's dad laughs loudly at T.D. and Martha's knock-knock jokes. Helen's mom is embarrassed.
- In "Martha's Dirty Habit", all the dogs in the neighbourhood chase after Martha for getting them in trouble for digging up their owners' front lawns.
- During the chase, one dog walks up to Martha's bowl, eats from there, and walks away in a dignified manner.
- In "Skits Behaves", T.D. tries to show who's boss by making eye-contact with Skits. After 10 seconds of glaring at each other, T.D. gives Skits his other half of the sandwich.
TD: I wasn't hungry anyway.
- In "Camp Truman", Truman tries to get Milo to see how awful camping would be, so Milo wouldn't find out the camp he wanted to go to has been closed.
- Truman forcing Milo, Truman and Helen to wash dishes, but Truman and Milo were having fun with the soap bubbles.
Truman: Alright, kitchen patrol is over!
TD: Aww, but my fingers were just starting to get wrinkly.
TD: I got this great new comic book.
Truman: (blows whistle) No talking about comic books!
Milo: This is really nice. Just hanging out and relaxing.
(Truman blows whistle again)
Helen: Alright Truman, this is gone far enough!
Truman: (*whistle*) No standing up and saying "This is gone far enough!"
- After finding out Camp Winneka is opening at a new place (Truman made the page talking about that into a pirate hat):
(Helen, Martha, and TD glare at Truman)
Truman: Well, we can all learn something today.
- In "Never Forget to Remember", after Skits remembered where the ball was:
T.D.: If only we were as smart as Skits.
Martha: That sounds so wrong.
- In "T.D.'s Myth Take", Martha (as Medusa) decides to go to the palace party. She asked "who's with me?", the snakes nod in agreement, except for one who shakes its head, which Martha frowns on.
- In the show there are a few times when a word is defined, however this is justified as the characters are kids and a dog and would therefore not know the meanings of some of the larger words. However, in the movie they are watching in "Martha's Pickle", a grown woman is asking for the meanings of synonyms for "weird", which most native English speakers her age should know (such as 'unusual', 'odd', and 'bizzarre').
Truman: "What's really strange is how this movie keeps defining things."
- In one episode, Martha wins a competition and has to stay at the hotel with the rest of the Lorraines except Skits. Trouble is, pets aren't allowed, so Martha is dressed up in a wheelchair as Helen's grandma. This leads to three funny moments. The first is when an old man refers to himself as an "old sea-dog" and Martha says "really? What breed?". The second is when Martha is seen sleeping next to her wheelchair, dress, hat, and boots and also near her are some bones because she'd eaten some meat. The janitor thinks a mad dog has eaten Martha. And later, when everyone is in the lobby, hiding from the alleged "mad" dog Martha, she says something and a little boys says "Hey, cool, the mad dog talks!".
- In "Martha, Blah Blah", half the alphabet is subtracted from the soup, meaning Martha can only say the remaining letters. This leads "I want a burger" to sound like "I ug" and "Hello, Grandma Lucille, how's it going?" to sound like "H o g! u ow go g!", which sounds to the family like "you hog!".
- Hilarity Ensues in "Martha Gets Spooked", because an old couple have recently moved into a spooky old house that used to belong to the woman's great-aunt Martha, who died and when Martha delivers flowers to them, she says "It's me, Martha."
- Which leads to this
Martha: "Can you please let me out? I'd do it myself, but I don't have thumbs"
Mrs Parkington: "I didn't know ghosts didn't have thumbs!"
- This show has a habit of defining words. Most of the time, it's a logical time to define words (seeing as how the main characters are children and animals), but when someone or something defines a word and the other person actually knows, then Hilarity Ensues. Take this scene from "Secret Agent Dog".
Computer: "Initiating self-destruct sequence. Are you sure you want to self-destruct? "Self destruct" means something destroys itself so nothing will be saved. Are you sure you want to do it? Press 'yes' or 'cancel'."
Man: "Yes. And I know what it means."
Computer': "Okay, then. Self-destruct in ten seconds, but don't say I didn't warn you."
- Martha's daydream in "Secret Agent Dog". She's daydreaming about being a spy and gets given a drink of toilet water. She says the line "Shaken, not stirred", and then notes she didn't order a drink and throws it away. She orders another one, but this time hold the poison.
- In "Itchy Martha"
Danny: "Mind if you scratch somewhere else?"
Martha: "That won't work. It's my ear that's itchy."
- The fact that in T.D.'s story Space Dog Martha, the villain has a robot called the Take-a-Bath 5000 that has a water tank for a body, a soap dispenser for a head and showers for arms.
- The hotel's name is funny: The Come On Inn.
- Alice's leotard, which reads "Careful-I make wide turns".
- In "Martha Fails the Course"
Alice: "Why is Martha not moving?"
Helen: "Because she fell down and was made fun of"
Alice: "If I stopped moving due to falling down, I would have stopped moving since I could walk. Once, I even fell down while standing still in an empty room."
- Helen's Valentine of a pickle which says "you mean a great dill to me" was Actually Pretty Funny.
- Equal parts Funny and Tear Jerker was this conversation from "Martha Bakes" after Helen loses an art competition.
Mariella: "Don't be sad, I'm sure your drawing was terrific"
Helen: "You're just saying that because you're my mom"
Martha: "No, she's not! You're an excellent artist!"
Helen: "You're just saying that because you're my dog".
- From the same episode, the dogs think "from scratch" means they scratch and a cake shows up.
- The baker's confusion when Mariella says, "I'll call my dog and tell her about it"
- These two moments from "TD and the Steak Tree"
Truman: "Steaks don't come from trees, they come from-"
Truman: "Steaks don't come from trees, they come from-"
T.D.: "Holy cow!"
- All the gopher-related Imagine Spot's from "Martha Gopher Broke".
- In "Martha Takes a Stand" when T.D. says his mom wants him to bathe in the pond.
- From the same episode, the comic book that Helen, Alice and T.D. were making about "rights" for their homework, where T.D. says "Why do we protect just our rights? What about our lefts?"
- From "Martha the Witness", when the defendant says that dogs can't speak as they only have four things they can do by the way their brains work: eat, sleep, play, and, if they're well-trained enough, obey. He says that Martha must be able to talk because she's too badly-trained to realise she shouldn't be able to speak.
Martha: "That makes no sense!"
- From "T.D. and the Light Bulb of Doom":
- T.D.'s villain was called "The Dark Lord of Really Dark Darkness"
- When T.D. imagines Mrs Clusky's lesson as a movie.
- When T.D. mishears "inspiration" for "perspiration" and "Thomas Edison" for "Thomas, Eddie's son"
- Helen playing Alexander Graham Bell and pretending to telephone Alice with "S.O.S., tied up in my beard. Please bring scissors!"
- When T.D. watches a movie about wizards to research Edison because Alice called him a "wizard".
- From "Martha's Pack", when Martha, Skits, Burt and Cisco try to be like wolves, they try to hunt squirrels to eat and Martha tells them "We're the predators and you're the prey, that's important? What does it mean? Well, it basically means you let us eat you for dinner!"
- Martha when asked what day of the week it is: "I dunno. Day names are a human thing"
- From "Martha Treads the Boards", when the doorknob doesn't work in the dressing room, and Daniel sneaks out in costume, but police see him
Police Officer: "A man in a cape? Must think he's a superhero!"
Daniel: "Sorry, I must leave, there's a beautiful woman trapped in this building and I must save her"
- And while Daniel and Mariella are stuck, Helen who is their stage director and Martha who is playing the bully, improvise and start playing Mariella's character Maria and Daniel's character Hector respectively. Then, the real Daniel runs past in-costume followed by a cop, which Helen explains away as being a cop chasing a "phony Hector". Then, Daniel comes in wearing a different outfit, playing "Maria's sister" and Helen hands him the doorknob and Daniel and Mariella come in. They then come up with a slightly nonsensical, but it-will-have-to-do explanation that they were Hector and Maria showing up late for dinner, and the characters playing Maria's parents thought that Helen's and Martha's characters were Maria and Hector, but really they were talking to Maria's other sister and the bull. Then is this speech, which leads to it being a decent play after all.
Martha as the Bull: "It's true. I am the bull. And I may just be a simple animal but even I can see that Hector and Maria love each other and I don't see why tradition or customs or anything else could stand in their way. Also, I don't think you can fight me"
Daniel as Hector: "The bull's right. If tradition says I can't marry Maria then to heck with tradition!"
Helen as Maria's Sister: "Yay! I mean 'hurra'!"
Mariella as Maria: "Oh, Hector"
Daniel as Hector: "Oh, Maria!" (he hugs her)
Mr Parkington as Maria's Father: "It's true, darling. We must all be willing to change. Even if we are a man"
Mariella as Maria: "A woman"
Martha as the Bull: "A bull of tradition"
- Also, when the character playing Maria's mother says "Have Hector in our family? I'd rather have this home come down around my ears" and then the set falls down to which everyone in the audience bursts out laughing.
- Everybody in the audience are confused at Maria's parents thinking the bull was the bullfighter...except T.D.
- From "Martha Smells" when Pablum and Weaselgraft have no money left
Weaselgraft: "All that's left to do is get an honest job"
Both in Unison: "Steal the talking dog!"
- The double meaning of T.D.'s line "I wish I smelled like a dog"
- To which Martha responds that smelling is good but it doesn't open refrigerator doors.
- When the two villains lose their money down the drain again in "Martha Hears" and Weaselgraft says "Now what are we gonna do?"
Pablum: "Steal the talking dog?"
Otis: "Steal the talking dog! Good thinking!"
- However, Pablum is not so sure as they have tried (and failed) to steal Martha before.
- And in the same episode when the policeman says, "How would you like a ticket? A raffle ticket, that is?"
- Weaslegraft using "Mother of pearl!" as an exclamation.
- When T.D. pretends to be Santa Claus and asks for their address, but then Otis says "Hey, we're not on the nice list, we're on the naughty list!"
- When Pablum misinterprets "creak" as "creek".
- And this conversation
Police Officer: "Maybe you should go home, your pup might be waiting for ya there"
Helen: "No, I don't think so. She would have called me"
Police Officer: "Called you? I thought you were looking for a dog"
T.D.: "We are. Her dog talks."
- This conversation from the end of "Martha's Worst Best Day".
Helen: "I learned a valuable lesson: follow directions on soup, they're there for your protection."
Martha: "Especially if you have a talking dog!"
- Over the course of the episode, Martha is forced to say the opposite of what she means (no, she's not a Deadpan Snarker, she's trying to be sincere but can't). This leads to some funny moments including being forced to call Nelson her best friend and being forced to wish Grandpa Bernie a bad birthday and very few more.
- When Alice imagines Truman accidentally making O.G.'s head invisible.
Imaginary O.G.: "I'm fine. My head's just invisible"
Imaginary T.D.: "Our Christmas card is gonna look really weird this year"
- Slappy thinking "understand" meant "to stand on".
- This conversation
T.D.: "What does blaring mean?"
Helen: "It's kind of a loud noise?"
T.D.: "Like a baby crying?"
Helen: "No. Because while babies are noisy when they cry, it wouldn't make sense to say 'my baby is blaring'"
- This conversation from "Truman's Secret"
Martha: "No, it's not a big egg yolk (at the centre of the Earth), Skits. That doesn't make sense".
Carolina: "Everyone knows the centre of the Earth is filled with molten lava"
Helen: "No digging in the yard!"
Martha: "Then how will we find out what's in the middle of the Earth?"
Carolina: "It's lava. Don't believe me? Ask Truman?"
Helen: "Have you seen Truman?"
T.D.: "I saw him once, but it was only his eye" (he was peeking out)
Helen: "I saw him once, but it was only his hand" (he was waving)
Martha: "You don't think someone's chopped Truman into little pieces, do you?!"
- And later, Martha asks how they will find Truman if he "only shows up one piece at a time".
- When T.D. says that he and Martha would track Truman down, Helen says "Or we could just go to his house and ask".
- When Truman is narrating his flashback and says there was lightning.
Helen: "Lightning?! But it hasn't rained in weeks"
Truman: "I was trying to be dramatic".
- This line from "Ain't Nothing But a Pound Dog"
Mariella: "That dog is acting like...a dog"
- Martha to Kazuo
Martha: "Doesn't anyone understand Human"? (she meant English)
- When Danny says that Martha has been gone longer than a few hours before and "probably has gotten a job at the radio or something"
- This phone conversation
Daniel: "I'd like to ask if you've picked up a talking dog"
Kazuo: "Sorry, I can't check the records right now but...a talking dog?!"
Daniel: "Yes, a dog that can speak human language"
Kazuo: "Sir, is this some kinda joke?"
Daniel: "It's not a joke, I'm looking for a talking—" (Kazuo hangs up) "I guess that's a no, then"
- Kazuo seemingly ignoring the fact that Martha can talk and then asking how he's supposed to know she's the same talking dog Daniel called about.
- Martha trying to get her friends adopted.
Martha: "You'll come into the show dogs and come out...well, you'll still be dogs, but you'll have families!"
- Whenever Martha teaches someone to do something. Examples...
- Teaching her pound friends to be cute in "Ain't Nothing But a Pound Dog"
Martha: "If you wanna be adopted, messy isn't gonna cut it. No one goes into the dog pound saying, "Please give me a really messy dog", take it from me. People want cute and adorable. Like the low wiggle. It works like this: you see the person come in, they aren't looking at you, then suddenly, they turn in...POW! You turn on the charm! See how I'm making my face light up? 'I like you', that's what this says. 'I hope you like me'! Crouch low to the ground like this, then you start to wiggle and move towards them! It really helps if your back end starts to get ahead of your front end. Like this. And then for the big finish, you show the belly!"
- Teaching Skits how to behave in "Martha and Skits"
Martha: "There are only two rules in this house! Rule number one: I'm the Alpha Dog! And that means I'm the boss so what I say goes. Rule number two: I need my alphabet soup to speak! So never touch my soup!
Martha: "The people in that house are exceptionally nice! They give pats and treats! This...is where Nelson lives. He is one super bad cat. Yeah, but Nelson is exceptionally bad. He specialises in being sneaky. He's...run!"
Martha: "This guy we bark at. Why? No reason, we just do."
Martha: (on circling before sleeping) "Some dogs just do two circles but I think the full three is better. Just to get the lumps out."
- Giving tips in "Martha Gives Advice"
"Whenever I have anything valuable, I just bury it in the backyard. I know where everything is and where to find it. Plus, I know where to find it whenever I want! Of course, your stuff gets a little dirty but you can always lick it off later."
"Ah, forget the gym. I think that the best form of exercise is chasing a stick!"
"When company comes, jump up! Shake your fanny! Sniff 'em up and down! Oh, and give them lots of kisses. They love the kisses!"
"Show the belly. That way, they know you're friendly! If you see someone new, just lie down and show them your stomach."
"If you feel a little queasy or have an upset stomach, I recommend eating a bunch of grass! That always makes me feel better."
"If you're not sleeping well, it's usually the mattress. Stand up and walk in a circle three times and then flop down. Let's encourage you all to give it a try!"
"I don't believe in brushes for hair or teeth. Let the fur fly and give me a good ol' biscuit!"
- In "Skits Monkeys Around"
Woman on Television: "He's tipping his hat and he's making his way. He's gonna get to the top some day. He's goofy, he's dotty, he's goony and blue. Who doesn't love Malcolm? Who, who, who?"
Martha: "I'll tell ya who! Me, me, me!"
- From "Martha and Skits"
T.D.: "I don't see why you don't like it. It's the most excellent drawing of a tree!"
Helen: (points at a picture in her magazine) "I was trying to draw that."
T.D.: "It's the most excellent drawing of a guy tossing, uh, a whatsis that I've ever seen."
T.D.: "Right. A discus."
Helen: "But you just said it was an excellent drawing of a tree."
T.D.: "It is! It's an outstanding tree! It's a perfect tree!"
Helen: "Wait, how could it be both?!"
T.D.: "Why does it have to be one or the other? I once had a potato that looked just like Wayne Gratsky and it tasted great!"
- Also Martha saying that "the world is [Skits's] chew toy".
- Skits thinking "stupendous" means "stupid".
Man on TV: "Drat that Courageous Collie Carlo. He has an impeccable talent for foiling my plans!"
Other Man on TV: "He sure does. Only what does 'impeccable' mean?"
First Man on TV: "No time for definitions, this isn't public TV."
Mariella: "Helen! Are you picking up my clothes?!"
Helen: "Yes! I am now."