Funny: Mark Does Stuff

  • The Tolkien reviews where Mark plays off how Tolkien originally wrote The Hobbit as a bedtime story for his kids. His portrayal of Christopher Tolkien (ie, the guy we have to thank for The Silmarillion and The Children of Húrin being published) as a slightly bratty and overly curious kid is hysterical.
  • The article on the final chapter of The Fellowship of the Ring, about how all the problems in it could be solved if the Fellowship included a Sassy Gay Friend, demonstrated with numerous pictures of himself making various facial expressions, and also wearing a tuxedo t-shirt.
  • From the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reviews: Mark has a habit for unknowingly anticipating the future, so when he made a few comments about how it would be so cute if Buffy and Faith became girlfriends or mentioned in early season 4 that he really latches onto any sign of a gay character in a work, there was some sniggering. But the high point was definitely in the review for Something Blue, literally one episode from Tara's introduction, when he goes off on this tangent about how much he identifies with Willow's heartbreak:
    ...I refuse to be judged for projecting my big ol’ gay life all over you Willow. I don’t even care that you’re straight, you are my big ol’ gay best friend and this is all I want from you and I would buy you the best tub of ice cream so we could sit and talk about how we don’t give a shit about sugar content and how all boys are silly and then we would sob each other to sleep, and this is clearly the greatest sentence I have ever composed in the history of Mark Watches, and if you disagree with this, then you are oppressing the wonderful and beautiful friendship that I have with Willow, and you don’t want to be a goddamn bigot, do you? No? You better not.
    • The levels of unpreparedness are off the charts!!
  • Starting in 2012, he started making videos of him reading horrible books and fanfic for every thousand dollars the fans raised for his favorite charity. First up is Atlas Shrugged, with highlights including his automatically associating the word "bum" with "butt," and pausing during the sex scene to ask if this is really how straight people have sex, "because stop it now."
  • Seanan McGuire posting a photo of herself holding a copy of Feed and a picture of a nun (thanks to "hahaha" becoming "ununun" in rot13) with a condescending trollface.
  • Mark referring to backstabbing in Dragon Age as "buttstabbing"
  • Mark's reaction to the end of the first Wham Episode of Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
    "I don't know how to deal with that... {stops video} I am upset... What did I just watch? I'm gonna go moooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrn!"
  • While reading Countdown, he learns a character is in prison, says "He's fucking in prison!", then realizes how that sounded.
  • Mark falling off his chair in shock and bouncing back up again in responce to a Wham moment in Dollhouse episode "the public eye".
  • Spilling water on himself in his surprise while reading chapter eight of Wild Magic.
  • A poster compares Emperor Ozorne to Tony Soprano for being a horrible person who nonetheless loves animals. Tamora Pierce replies "Woke up this mornin, got myself an empire."
  • Mark's video of reading Fifty Shades Of Gray has a few absolutely amazing moments where the awkwardness of the writing makes him cover his face in embarrasment, followed by him falling out of his chair.
  • His reaction to Caligula's performance as Dawn in I, Claudius. Throughout the whole thing, you can see him screaming in his head "What in god's name am I looking at?"
  • Protector of the Small opens up with a character called Wyldon explaining all the reasons women can't be warriors. Mark goes through each one, explaining just how wrong it is, before finally coming up to this reply for why she wouldn't let her other warriors "killed on some dark night".
    Right, so the very men you claim are better than women and stronger and the best material for knights die and you blame it on the woman? WHY ARE THEY BEING KILLED ANYWAY IF THEY’RE SO GREAT? What possible fucking scenario are you thinking about? That “some dark night,” someone will surprise Kel with a box of chocolates and she’ll just sit down and cry about her feelings while all her companions are slaughtered because she can’t use her arms and shoulders?
  • It took Mark three episodes to realise that Mandy had disappeared from The West Wing.
  • The video for the first episode of Pushing Daisies has him completely freaking out every 30 seconds or so.
    • The story of how he started watching the series. For years it was on his list of things he wouldn't watch, as he knew too much about it. Then one of his friends asked exactly what he knew, and it turned out he was under the impression it was a show about a circus that traveled to parallel universes in a hot air balloon, which as far as anyone can tell is a show that has never actually existed (though some of the fans now want to see it).
  • The Running Gag of calling the Philosopher's Stone the Sorceror's Stone in Fullmetal Alchemist.
  • Watch the video for episode 16 of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and you get to see him clap his hands over his mouth simultaneously with Maria Ross, and not even notice.
    • Then in episode 29 he does a "thinker" pose at the same time as Ed.
    • In episode 40 he tempts the preparedness gods by saying he thinks he knows what will happen next, and is prepared for once. Then Hohenheim shoves his hand into Izumi's gut and he shouts "I lied! I'm not, I'm not!"
    • His description of Ed's taste in cars: "It looked like a Hot Wheel threw up."
    • He ships Alex/Sig Curtis. They sparkled at each other.
  • In chapter 14 of Squire he has to deal in quick succession with Raoul in a loincloth and unsheathed sword, Buri in his bed, and Joren's death.
  • His complete brain shutdown at just the first sentence of The Android's Dream.
  • Being introduced to the idea of chocolate pasta during chapter 3 of Untold. He reacts like this has altered his entire view of the world.
  • From chapter 3 of Trickster's Choice, one word: Cockpot.
  • His reaction to the Mood Whiplash opening credits in "Twenty Five".
  • The epic war with the desk light while watching "Drinking the Kool-Aid."
  • While watching Cress Williams' first appearance on Veronica Mars, Mark struggles to remember where he's seen him before...while wearing a Dillon Panthers shirt.
  • The Heroic BSOD while reading about Sarai running away in Trickster's Queen.
    • And in the comments, Tamora's response was to say 'Mark, my dear, oh, you just say the prettiest things!"
  • The Ford of Whispering Snapes from Chapter 13 of Dealing with Dragons.
  • His reaction to Sam's death in season 2 of Supernatural: "He's on other boxes!"
    • Having to deal with a case of Right Through the Wall while watching "It's a Terrible Life."
    • His written reaction to one of the more gruesome scenes from "My Bloody Valentine".
    THAT ENTIRE DINER SEQUENCE THAT MADE ME WANT TO EJECT OFF MY COUCH AND INTO SPACE
  • Around Discworld:
    • Speculating that Terry Pratchett created Discworld just because he came up with the "Big Bang" pun and wanted to put it somewhere.
    • Also, when he realizes the full implications of the series' name;
      Mark: It's literally a flat disc, oh my god.
    • His struggling to comprehend the setup of Great A'Tuin, the four elephants, and the Disc, finally just saying he needs to see a picture.
    • His epic three-minute-long freak out over the "horse d'oeuvres" pun in The Light Fantastic.
    • When he realizes that plot the plot of Equal Rites is about the world's first female wizard.
      Mark: It's a pun. THE TITLE IS A PUN!
    • He continually brings this fact up for the next five videos.
    • His complete inability to read the name of the town Bad Ass without giggling.
    • About thirty pages into Wyrd Sisters, Mark says, with dead seriousness, "I think there may be a Shakespeare reference in here somewhere", not having yet realized that the novel, right down to the very title, is a Whole Plot Reference to Macbeth and Hamlet.
    • His astonished laughter when he realizes how much of a Dirty Old Woman Nanny Ogg is, to the point where it takes a minute or two for him to be able to continue reading.
      Mark: ...oh my god. OH MY GOD. I just looked about my room and was like "someone look at me 'cause I just figured it out." ...does that mean Nanny is a size queen?
    • "True story: one of the first times I got drunk, I made out with a doorknob. You're welcome."
    • "So many books! But the next book is... Pyramids which is about....pyramids? I don't know." (He's right.)
    • The delayed reaction to the "mummy" pun in Part 2 of Pyramids.
    • The video for Part 7 of Pyramids. As he put it on Twitter, "I just recorded a Pyramids video where I 1. Googled a thousand things, including the worst twin names, 2. Mispronounced "pyramids" as "periods" and it is the worst slip-up in Mark Does Stuff history when you hear the whole sentence, 3. Told a story about my serial killer cat I used to have, 4. Had to awkwardly pause while someone knocked on my door and then SLID SOMETHING CREEPILY UNDERNEATH IT. I hope this is entertaining." To which someone replied, "It's the cat."
    • He shares a story of a friend who has the worst sense of direction he's ever seen, and had to call him for help getting out of a parking lot.
    • His utter joy at the pathetic, dog-like swamp dragons, or as he calls them, "DRAGON PUPPIES!"
    • Mark finally comes to The Reveal in Guards! Guards!...and still manages to come to the wrong conclusion. Namely that 1) Vetinari was behind the dragon plot the whole time and 2) Lupine Wonse was a well-meaning underling. Many face-palms were had that day.
  • The Epic Fail of trying to figure out the narrator of "Not the End."
  • Tamora Pierce making a Suspiciously Specific Denial when Mark reads a parallel into Terrier that she hadn't intended.
  • John Scalzi's inscription in Mark's copy of The Android's Dream, after finding out Mark hadn't actually read it yet.
    Dear Mark: AHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • In Part 14 of Terrier, Mark wrecks a very serious scene by saying "I slapped her house."
  • In Part 9 of Bloodhound, Mark tells a misogynistic character that "It's 2014, already." then remembers that the book is set in (kind of) The Dark Ages.
  • After being surprised at how good-looking William Shatner was in his prime, the reaction whenever Kirk gets mad is "I'll pretty you to death!"
    Kirk: Lang, over there, look for survivors.
    Mark: You're dead.
    Kirk: Kelowitz, that way.
    Mark: You're dead too.
    Kirk: O'Hurlihy, stick with me.
    Mark: But you're dead.
    • In "Tomorrow Is Yesterday" he wants Kirk and Sulu interrupted every five minutes, forcing Spock to beam the person aboard, until there's forty or so people crammed into the transporter room. "Hire me to write TV shows. This is what you'll get."
    • While watching "Space Seed," he finds the name Khan familiar but can't place it. He's figured it out by the next video, and reveals that a DVD of The Wrath of Khan is sitting directly across from him as he watches the episodes.
    • His declaring "The City on the Edge of Forever" to be "very Harlan Ellison" upon seeing his credit, which is absolutely hilarious if you know anything about Ellison's own opinion on it.
    • While watching "Catspaw" he manages to inadvertently make a gay joke and a beastiality joke, followed by marvelous Oh, Crap reactions.
    • His reaction to the Logic Bomb from "I, Mudd." It's like his brain is getting melted right along with the androids'.
    • The multiple Twilight jokes while watching "Obsession."
    • The entire video for "The Trouble with Tribbles," making an already hilarious episode even better.
    • The written review for "A Private Little War" is quite somber. So he ends it with a picture of Mugatu.
    • His stunned disbelief at the big twist of "The Omega Glory," ending with saying through a huge grin "That was fucking garbage!"
    • After his adoration of "The Trouble with Tribbles," two fans separately sent him Tribble toys. He was quite amused by his one initial Tribble managing to reproduce just like in the show.
    • Declaring "The Enterprise Incident" better than "Spock's Brain" after literally one second.
    • Constantly taking the piss out of "The Paradise Syndrome." "Oh my dear white lady in brownface makeup, we're fridging you because we can't deal with the implications of what just happened."
    • Until the box from "Is There No Truth In Beauty?" opens, he's under the impression that Kollos is the box, and won't let it go.
    • In "Plato's Stepchildren": "Is this whole episode a vehicle for Captain Kirk to roll around on the ground?"
    • During the Kirk vs. Kirk fight in "Whom Gods Destroy," he quickly picks up that it's just Shatner and a stuntman, and tells Spock to shoot the one who's clearly not Kirk.
    • The entire video for Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, where he spends the whole time reveling in what he eventually names "The Wacky Capers of the Enterprise Crew."
  • All his videos for the goofy filler episodes of Revolutionary Girl Utena. By the last one he's understandably asking, "Am I still on planet Earth?"
  • On his Twitter, he mistakenly said he would be reading Pyramids after finishing Sourcery. The result was numerous Discworld fans having an existential crisis and wondering if they just imagined another book between those two.
  • All of his video on the Supernatural episode "The French Mistake," especially the line "Nobody says penultimate," given that Mark points this out every time.
  • His discovery that Briar from Circle of Magic also has X tattoos on his hands.
    • The whole video, really. He was under the impression that Sandry's Book was only going to cover Sandry, so he's incredibly confused when four separate characters get a viewpoint. And since the first chapter details not one, but four Dark and Troubled Pasts, he quickly realizes "This book is going to break me."
    • "Frostporn" from Chapter 3 of Tris' Book.
    • In his prediction for Daja's Book, he wants everyone to have a backstory. Frostpine's comes with a note saying "Bonus points if he marries me!"
  • For the first few minutes of The Terminator, he can't stop talking about how weird it was to have Arnold Schwarzenegger as his governor.
    • In the second film, he completely fell for the misdirection that Arnold was playing the villain again, resulting in tons of great comments in the first half hour. "No, he's here to help you!"
    • He didn't catch on that Kyle is John's father until the end of the film, resulting in a disgusted "You're making out with your best friend's mom!"
  • While reading all of Fifty Shades of Grey, he starts by getting overly wrapped up in the path of Anastasia's trip to Seattle, clearly desperate to delay what's coming as long as possible.
    • "Does he collect sex people?"
    • "It sucked. He sucked. I didn't suck."
    • "Is he the Tenth Doctor? What is happening?"
    • "You can't clean your teeth with a dick."
    • The Chapstick blowjob.
    • His impromptu Google search for "Fifty Shades of Grey Smurfs."
  • Around December, folks can commission Mark to write holiday cards where he gets to write things about a theme of the commissioner's choosing, which usually ends up being short fanfic. Crossover fanfic. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the cast of Series/Brooklyn99 had to deal with the Wizarding World? Or what Welcome to Night Vale candidate the folks from The West Wing would support? No? Well, he's written it anyway, and they're hilarious.
  • The banner for Leverage, with an animated sparkly heart around Hardison's face. Even better, the artist had also made a version without the heart, but Mark begged her to use the "ridiculous" one.
  • On the saucer separation from the pilot of Star Trek: The Next Generation: "Goodbye, pizza disc. Your breadstick brethren shall miss you."
    • Upon seeing Diane Duane's credit for "Where No One Has Gone Before," he compliments her ability to write a completely infuriating Jerkass like Kosinsky, then quickly realizes how that might have sounded.