Funny: Mark Does Stuff

  • The Tolkien reviews where Mark plays off how Tolkien originally wrote The Hobbit as a bedtime story for his kids. His portrayal of Christopher Tolkien (ie, the guy we have to thank for The Silmarillion and The Children of Húrin being published) as a slightly bratty and overly curious kid is hysterical.
  • The article on the final chapter of The Fellowship of the Ring, about how all the problems in it could be solved if the Fellowship included a Sassy Gay Friend, demonstrated with numerous pictures of himself making various facial expressions, and also wearing a tuxedo t-shirt.
  • From the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reviews: Mark has a habit for unknowingly anticipating the future, so when he made a few comments about how it would be so cute if Buffy and Faith became girlfriends or mentioned in early season 4 that he really latches onto any sign of a gay character in a work, there was some sniggering. But the high point was definitely in the review for Something Blue, literally one episode from Tara's introduction, when he goes off on this tangent about how much he identifies with Willow's heartbreak:
    ...I refuse to be judged for projecting my big ol’ gay life all over you Willow. I don’t even care that you’re straight, you are my big ol’ gay best friend and this is all I want from you and I would buy you the best tub of ice cream so we could sit and talk about how we don’t give a shit about sugar content and how all boys are silly and then we would sob each other to sleep, and this is clearly the greatest sentence I have ever composed in the history of Mark Watches, and if you disagree with this, then you are oppressing the wonderful and beautiful friendship that I have with Willow, and you don’t want to be a goddamn bigot, do you? No? You better not.
    • The levels of unpreparedness are off the charts!!
    • Just as funny is his off-the-cuff tumblr end-of-Buffy prediction a month and a half before he ended the show:
    .."I think the final scene will be Buffy, Dawn, and Giles standing on a cliff looking over a destroyed Sunnydale and smiling.
    because i like destruction
    also the earth better open up and eat something because i have been BEGGING for this to happen in the canon of ANYTHING for like three years"
  • Starting in 2012, he started making videos of him reading horrible books and fanfic for every thousand dollars the fans raised for his favorite charity. First up is Atlas Shrugged, with highlights including his automatically associating the word "bum" with "butt," and pausing during the sex scene to ask if this is really how straight people have sex, "because stop it now."
  • Seanan McGuire posting a photo of herself holding a copy of Feed and a picture of a nun (thanks to "hahaha" becoming "ununun" in rot13) with a condescending trollface.
  • Mark referring to backstabbing in Dragon Age as "buttstabbing"
  • Mark's reaction to the end of the first Wham Episode of Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
    "I don't know how to deal with that... {stops video} I am upset... What did I just watch? I'm gonna go moooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrn!"
  • While reading Countdown, he learns a character is in prison, says "He's fucking in prison!", then realizes how that sounded.
  • Mark falling off his chair in shock and bouncing back up again in responce to a Wham moment in Dollhouse episode "the public eye".
  • Spilling water on himself in his surprise while reading chapter eight of Wild Magic.
  • A poster compares Emperor Ozorne to Tony Soprano for being a horrible person who nonetheless loves animals. Tamora Pierce replies "Woke up this mornin, got myself an empire."
  • Mark's video of reading Fifty Shades of Grey has a few absolutely amazing moments where the awkwardness of the writing makes him cover his face in embarrasment, followed by him falling out of his chair.
  • His reaction to Caligula's performance as Dawn in I, Claudius. Throughout the whole thing, you can see him screaming in his head "What in god's name am I looking at?"
  • Protector of the Small opens up with a character called Wyldon explaining all the reasons women can't be warriors. Mark goes through each one, explaining just how wrong it is, before finally coming up to this reply for why she wouldn't let her other warriors "killed on some dark night".
    Right, so the very men you claim are better than women and stronger and the best material for knights die and you blame it on the woman? WHY ARE THEY BEING KILLED ANYWAY IF THEY’RE SO GREAT? What possible fucking scenario are you thinking about? That “some dark night,” someone will surprise Kel with a box of chocolates and she’ll just sit down and cry about her feelings while all her companions are slaughtered because she can’t use her arms and shoulders?
  • It took Mark three episodes to realise that Mandy had disappeared from The West Wing.
  • The video for the first episode of Pushing Daisies has him completely freaking out every 30 seconds or so.
    • The story of how he started watching the series. For years it was on his list of things he wouldn't watch, as he knew too much about it. Then one of his friends asked exactly what he knew, and it turned out he was under the impression it was a show about a circus that traveled to parallel universes in a hot air balloon, which as far as anyone can tell is a show that has never actually existed (though some of the fans now want to see it).
  • The Running Gag of calling the Philosopher's Stone the Sorceror's Stone in Fullmetal Alchemist.
  • Watch the video for episode 16 of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and you get to see him clap his hands over his mouth simultaneously with Maria Ross, and not even notice.
    • Then in episode 29 he does a "thinker" pose at the same time as Ed.
    • In episode 40 he tempts the preparedness gods by saying he thinks he knows what will happen next, and is prepared for once. Then Hohenheim shoves his hand into Izumi's gut and he shouts "I lied! I'm not, I'm not!"
    • His description of Ed's taste in cars: "It looked like a Hot Wheel threw up."
    • He ships Alex/Sig Curtis. They sparkled at each other.
  • In chapter 14 of Squire he has to deal in quick succession with Raoul in a loincloth and unsheathed sword, Buri in his bed, and Joren's death.
  • His complete brain shutdown at just the first sentence of The Android's Dream.
  • Being introduced to the idea of chocolate pasta during chapter 3 of Untold. He reacts like this has altered his entire view of the world.
  • From chapter 3 of Trickster's Choice, one word: Cockpot.
  • His reaction to the Mood Whiplash opening credits in "Twenty Five".
  • The epic war with the desk light while watching "Drinking the Kool-Aid."
  • While watching Cress Williams' first appearance on Veronica Mars, Mark struggles to remember where he's seen him before...while wearing a Dillon Panthers shirt.
  • The Heroic BSOD while reading about Sarai running away in Trickster's Queen.
    • And in the comments, Tamora's response was to say 'Mark, my dear, oh, you just say the prettiest things!"
  • The Ford of Whispering Snapes from Chapter 13 of Dealing with Dragons.
  • His reaction to Sam's death in season 2 of Supernatural: "He's on other boxes!"
    • Having to deal with a case of Right Through the Wall while watching "It's a Terrible Life."
    • His written reaction to one of the more gruesome scenes from "My Bloody Valentine".
    • In "Blade Runners", he gets annoyed at the gong sound that shows up every time an Asian woman is ogled, so he suggests that the show play the sound of hipsters squeeing whenever a white woman is ogled.
  • Around Discworld:
    • Speculating that Terry Pratchett created Discworld just because he came up with the "Big Bang" pun and wanted to put it somewhere.
    • Also, when he realizes the full implications of the series' name;
      Mark: It's literally a flat disc, oh my god.
    • His struggling to comprehend the setup of Great A'Tuin, the four elephants, and the Disc, finally just saying he needs to see a picture.
    • His epic three-minute-long freak out over the "horse d'oeuvres" pun in The Light Fantastic.
    • When he realizes that plot the plot of Equal Rites is about the world's first female wizard.
      Mark: It's a pun. THE TITLE IS A PUN!
    • He continually brings this fact up for the next five videos.
    • His complete inability to read the name of the town Bad Ass without giggling.
    • About thirty pages into Wyrd Sisters, Mark says, with dead seriousness, "I think there may be a Shakespeare reference in here somewhere", not having yet realized that the novel, right down to the very title, is a Whole Plot Reference to Macbeth and Hamlet.
    • His astonished laughter when he realizes how much of a Dirty Old Woman Nanny Ogg is, to the point where it takes a minute or two for him to be able to continue reading.
      Mark: ...oh my god. OH MY GOD. I just looked about my room and was like "someone look at me 'cause I just figured it out." ...does that mean Nanny is a size queen?
    • "True story: one of the first times I got drunk, I made out with a doorknob. You're welcome."
    • "So many books! But the next book is... Pyramids which is about....pyramids? I don't know." (He's right.)
    • The delayed reaction to the "mummy" pun in Part 2 of Pyramids.
    • The video for Part 7 of Pyramids. As he put it on Twitter, "I just recorded a Pyramids video where I 1. Googled a thousand things, including the worst twin names, 2. Mispronounced "pyramids" as "periods" and it is the worst slip-up in Mark Does Stuff history when you hear the whole sentence, 3. Told a story about my serial killer cat I used to have, 4. Had to awkwardly pause while someone knocked on my door and then SLID SOMETHING CREEPILY UNDERNEATH IT. I hope this is entertaining." To which someone replied, "It's the cat."
    • He shares a story of a friend who has the worst sense of direction he's ever seen, and had to call him for help getting out of a parking lot.
    • His utter joy at the pathetic, dog-like swamp dragons, or as he calls them, "DRAGON PUPPIES!"
    • Mark finally comes to The Reveal in Guards! Guards!...and still manages to come to the wrong conclusion. Namely that 1) Vetinari was behind the dragon plot the whole time and 2) Lupine Wonse was a well-meaning underling. Many face-palms were had that day.
    • "Shower of ass" from Part 1 of Moving Pictures.
    • Declaring Ridcully to be the Discworld's Ron Swanson.
    • After a ton of Gone with the Wind references, he says without a trace of irony "All the Casablanca references are hilarious."
    • After an unfortunate technology fail erased his original readings of a few chapters of "Wyrd Sisters", he decided to read them again, but at various con panels, and the audience reactions 100% make up for it. For example, his sheer glee at having people being able to tell him how a word is pronounced real time, and the result when he needs helps pronouncing the onomatopoeia 'ttccch'.
    Mark: Y'all sound like a plague of locusts, it's great.
    • During the first scene of Lords and Ladies, after passing plenty of hints to the main character's identity, including her name: "I feel like Granny Weatherwax would appreciate this. Who is this young girl?"
    • Much like the mistake he made in Guards! Guards!, he takes a hell of a long time to figure out who the titular characters of Lords and Ladies are, and why Granny and Nanny are so sure that anyone would falsely believe they're heroes rather than villains upon hearing their name. This despite several explicit mentions of elves in the same breath, which incidentally also completely proves the witches' point.
  • The Epic Fail of trying to figure out the narrator of "Not the End."
  • Tamora Pierce making a Suspiciously Specific Denial when Mark reads a parallel into Terrier that she hadn't intended.
  • John Scalzi's inscription in Mark's copy of The Android's Dream, after finding out Mark hadn't actually read it yet.
  • In Part 14 of Terrier, Mark wrecks a very serious scene by saying "I slapped her house."
  • In Part 9 of Bloodhound, Mark tells a misogynistic character that "It's 2014, already." then remembers that the book is set in (kind of) The Dark Ages.
  • After being surprised at how good-looking William Shatner was in his prime, the reaction whenever Kirk gets mad is "I'll pretty you to death!"
    Kirk: Lang, over there, look for survivors.
    Mark: You're dead.
    Kirk: Kelowitz, that way.
    Mark: You're dead too.
    Kirk: O'Hurlihy, stick with me.
    Mark: But you're dead.
    • In "Tomorrow Is Yesterday" he wants Kirk and Sulu interrupted every five minutes, forcing Spock to beam the person aboard, until there's forty or so people crammed into the transporter room. "Hire me to write TV shows. This is what you'll get."
    • While watching "Space Seed," he finds the name Khan familiar but can't place it. He's figured it out by the next video, and reveals that a DVD of The Wrath of Khan is sitting directly across from him as he watches the episodes.
    • His declaring "The City on the Edge of Forever" to be "very Harlan Ellison" upon seeing his credit, which is absolutely hilarious if you know anything about Ellison's own opinion on it.
    • While watching "Catspaw" he manages to inadvertently make a gay joke and a beastiality joke, followed by marvelous Oh Crap! reactions.
    • His reaction to the Logic Bomb from "I, Mudd." It's like his brain is getting melted right along with the androids'.
    • The multiple Twilight jokes while watching "Obsession."
    • The entire video for "The Trouble with Tribbles," making an already hilarious episode even better.
    • The written review for "A Private Little War" is quite somber. So he ends it with a picture of Mugatu.
    • His stunned disbelief at the big twist of "The Omega Glory," ending with saying through a huge grin "That was fucking garbage!"
    • After his adoration of "The Trouble with Tribbles," two fans separately sent him Tribble toys. He was quite amused by his one initial Tribble managing to reproduce just like in the show.
    • Declaring "The Enterprise Incident" better than "Spock's Brain" after literally one second.
    • Constantly taking the piss out of "The Paradise Syndrome." "Oh my dear white lady in brownface makeup, we're fridging you because we can't deal with the implications of what just happened."
    • Until the box from "Is There No Truth In Beauty?" opens, he's under the impression that Kollos is the box, and won't let it go.
    • In "Plato's Stepchildren": "Is this whole episode a vehicle for Captain Kirk to roll around on the ground?"
    • During the Kirk vs. Kirk fight in "Whom Gods Destroy," he quickly picks up that it's just Shatner and a stuntman, and tells Spock to shoot the one who's clearly not Kirk.
    • The entire video for Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, where he spends the whole time reveling in what he eventually names "The Wacky Capers of the Enterprise Crew."
  • All his videos for the goofy filler episodes of Revolutionary Girl Utena. By the last one he's understandably asking, "Am I still on planet Earth?"
  • On his Twitter, he mistakenly said he would be reading Pyramids after finishing Sourcery. The result was numerous Discworld fans having an existential crisis and wondering if they just imagined another book between those two.
  • All of his video on the Supernatural episode "The French Mistake," especially the line "Nobody says penultimate," given that Mark points this out every time.
  • His discovery that Briar from Circle of Magic also has X tattoos on his hands.
    • The whole video, really. He was under the impression that Sandry's Book was only going to cover Sandry, so he's incredibly confused when four separate characters get a viewpoint. And since the first chapter details not one, but four Dark and Troubled Pasts, he quickly realizes "This book is going to break me."
    • "Frostporn" from Chapter 3 of Tris' Book.
    • In his prediction for Daja's Book, he wants everyone to have a backstory. Frostpine's comes with a note saying "Bonus points if he marries me!"
    • His epic minute-long freak-out during Street Magic when he realizes, chapters before Briar does, what the "good fertilizer" actually is.
    • One of his predictions for Cold Fire was that Daja would get a crush on a guy, which was funny on two levels. First, the main plot of the book being based around an older guy having a super inappropriate attraction to Daja, and Daja actually being a lesbian.
    • His expression of dawning horror when he realizes that Bennat, far from being a mentor figure, is actually an creepy arsonist.
    • Upon Daja noticing Rizu as "the most beautiful woman of the Empress' court," he's taken aback for a moment, then, likely thinking of how he was blindsided by Korrasami, whines "I don't want to react to a thing yet!"
      • And when Daja wonders if she's coming down with something: "Yes you are. It's called the gay."
  • For the first few minutes of The Terminator, he can't stop talking about how weird it was to have Arnold Schwarzenegger as his governor.
    • In the second film, he completely fell for the misdirection that Arnold was playing the villain again, resulting in tons of great comments in the first half hour. "No, he's here to help you!"
    • He didn't catch on that Kyle is John's father until the end of the film, resulting in a disgusted "You're making out with your best friend's mom!"
  • While reading all of Fifty Shades of Grey, he starts by getting overly wrapped up in the path of Anastasia's trip to Seattle, clearly desperate to delay what's coming as long as possible.
    • "Does he collect sex people?"
    • "It sucked. He sucked. I didn't suck."
    • "Is he the Tenth Doctor? What is happening?"
    • "You can't clean your teeth with a dick."
    • The Chapstick blowjob.
    • His impromptu Google search for "Fifty Shades of Grey Smurfs."
  • Around December, folks can commission Mark to write holiday cards where he gets to write things about a theme of the commissioner's choosing, which usually ends up being short fanfic. Crossover fanfic. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the cast of Series/Brooklyn99 had to deal with the Wizarding World? Or what Welcome to Night Vale candidate the folks from The West Wing would support? No? Well, he's written it anyway, and they're hilarious.
  • The banner for Leverage, with an animated sparkly heart around Hardison's face. Even better, the artist had also made a version without the heart, but Mark begged her to use the "ridiculous" one.
    • The video for "The Office Job," where you can actually see the gears spin in his head as he struggles to comprehend the concept of the show doing a riff on The Office.
  • On the saucer separation from the pilot of Star Trek: The Next Generation: "Goodbye, pizza disc. Your breadstick brethren shall miss you."
    • Upon seeing Diane Duane's credit for "Where No One Has Gone Before," he compliments her ability to write a completely infuriating Jerkass like Kosinsky, then quickly realizes how that might have sounded.
    • In "Where Silence Has Lease," he notes that he'd either be the worst or best starship captain ever, always hitting on his officers while running from the first sign of danger.
    • Immediately upon finishing "Shades of Grey," he declared on Twitter that it was the worst TNG episode that could ever exist, and said the video would be mostly just him playing games on his iphone, and some guitar.
      • The video also features an epic amount of eye rolling during the montage of Riker's romantic conquests, after which he concludes "This episode sucks. A lot."
      • And finally, his actual review of the episode is incredibly terse with him refusing to spend any real effort thinking about a throwaway Clip Show. It's the closest he's come to his threat to one day write a review that's just the word "No."
    • Despite the excitement of Dr. Crusher's return, he spends the entirety of "Evolution" struggling not to fall asleep. Keep in mind this is a guy who was enthralled by every second of The Motion Picture.
    • His predictions for Season 3 include "Picard is kidnapped at some point," "We’ll get another episode centering on the Borg," and "We will get our first The Next Generation cliffhanger."
    • His utter hatred of Riker's constantly sleeping with the female guest stars by Season 3, to the point that he preemptively says "Please don't fuck her" whenever Riker meets them.
    • In "Remember Me" he immediately suspects that Wesley's experiment is the cause of the disappearing people, and refuses to let this go for the whole episode.
    • Almost missing the reveal of Denise Crosby's face in the Season 4 finale because he's overly concerned with his food.
    • After hearing that Wesley's been in an accident in "The First Duty": "One of his ugly sweaters strangled him!"
    • At Riker goggling over Kamala in "The Perfect Mate": "No! No Riker, no! It's like you have to smack him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper!"
  • Pounded By the Gay Color Changing Dress, aptly described as the story he was born to read.
    • Someone actually throws him a mini plastic trophy at one point.
    • His numerous existential crises over the fact that he's being paid to read gay porn.
    • Someone comes in late and grants a first time reaction to the premise all over again, to which Mark freaks out so much that his hat flies off.
  • Any time he brings up how he managed to avoid learning anything that happened in The Legend of Korra after season one, except that a certain thing happened that “broke the Internet.” This is going to be good
    • In the video for "A Breath of Fresh Air", he's basically laughing and grinning ear-to-ear for entirety of the Asami and Korra car-ride. At the end, he says:
    Can these two hang out forever? 'Cause this is great!
    • His reaction to P'Li's Family-Unfriendly Death: "There is a zero percent chance she survived that!"
    • In the Season 3 finale he finally gets his first inkling of The Thing during a "strangely intimate moment" between Korra and Asami, visibly reading the vibe between them and then pulling himself back from it five or so times in a row before saying "I read into things" and clearly having no hope it'll actually go anywhere.
    • During one part of "Remembrances", where Mako is telling his life history and explaining, "But everything changed-"
    • During this same episode's final section, Mark can do nothing but sit there is pure, overjoyed awe: "I... don't even know what to say about this. It's amazing. This is a work of art.... I just don't even have words."
    • Mark beginning to really pick up on the sub-text between Korra and Asami. His reactions are a mixture of joy and sadness as he starts to ship them.
    Oh....oh OH! Don't do that to me. That's not fair.
    Quit... quit playing games with my heart. Quit it.
    • In "Beyond The Wilds" he says "No! Why would you do that?!" at the exact same time as Ryu does in-show about the guy poking a threatening vine with a stick.
    • During the series finale, he's at one point absolutely sure that Mako's apparent Heroic Sacrifice is what everyone's been talking about.
    • At the begining of the finale episode, saying how he figures this is where he'll learn about what broke the internet. He mentions how hard he and others have been working to keep him unspoiled (apparently, at one panel, somebody actually threw something at someone who was about to tell him), and then talks about how awkward it would be if he reached the end and still didn't know.
    • When Kuvira attempts to kill Baatar Jr, he just goes, "Damn, that's cold."
  • His reactions during the entire "thing on the bed" scene from the Doctor Who episode "Listen." He seems five seconds away from a heart attack the whole time.
  • In the Kings pilot, when Sebastian Stan gets captured in a warzone: "Dammit Bucky, get your shit together!"
    • In the "Pilot, part II" reaction, he notes that there doesn't seem to be a single queer character in this world, and it's bugging him. Cue the revelation that Jack is gay.
  • Mark's boyfriend Baize sits in on the videos for Sense8, and often camps it up in the background. By the start of the second one, he's already saying "I regret allowing you to be in these. I regret so much."
    • At the shot of the Golden Gate Bridge in the credits, he says "I used to live there," then clarifies he doesn't mean he literally lived on the bridge. Then Baize pipes up that he lived under it.
    • His confused feelings over the "gorgeous stereotyping" of the Bollywood number.
    • The wide-eyed shock at first the reveal that Lito is gay, and then that Daniella is perfectly fine with it.
    • Baize making a frame around Mark's face with his hands on the last note of the theme song, twice.
    • During "Art Is Like Religion", Mark is so absorbed in how sad Kala's wedding is, then promptly gets sidetracked by Wolfgang showing up completely naked.
    Baize: This is better than HBO!
    • Baize mentions in an early episode that he wants to recreate the shot from the opening of two men eating an ice cream cone. In the last episode, he's still arguing for it.
    Mark: Why would I waste ice cream in my beard?
    Baize: For the straight gaze!
    • Mark wondering in the written review of the penultimate episode whether or not Steiner will go after Wolfgang. Either he mixed up Steiner and his father, or he completely forgot that Wolfgang blew him up in the last episode.
  • The sheer joy he takes in Peggy's love for Improvised Weapons, spending most of the first written review gushing over the part where she smacks a guy with a stapler.
    • Baize's idea for Season 2, a fish getting Cap's powers from the blood Peggy poured into the river.