Funny / Major League

  • Phelps' list of potential players includes one who's dead. When this is pointed out to her, she rather dismissively says "Cross him off then!"
  • A bombed-out Jake Taylor gets a phone call inviting him to Indians spring training and he assumes it's one of his buddies pranking him:
    Taylor: I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.
  • Rick Vaughn's first pitch at training camp. It goes high and wide above the catcher's head...and completely obliterates a sign reading "No Pepper" hanging on the backstop fence.
  • When Hayes gets on base to lead off the season, Harry Doyle gives a thumbs up to the press room, who all give a thumbs up back as a sign of optimism for the season. When Hayes is promptly picked off first base, the press room looks at Doyle and all of them make a wanking motion.
  • When Dorn refuses to accept Lou's punishment of 40 push-ups for every fielding error during training, the prima donna player breaks out his contract to point where it says he's not forced to do any calisthenics. Lou silently tosses the contract to the ground and pisses on it.
  • Pretty much everything Doyle says announcing the games. "Juuuuuuust a bit outside" is merely the capper.
    • It gets better when the color guy gets into the act:
      Doyle: Indians had no runs on one hit? That's all we got, one God damn hit?
      Monty: You can't say "God damn" on the air!
      Doyle: Aah, don't worry, nobody's listening anyway!
    • "Post-game show brought to you by..." *shuffles papers* "Christ, I can't find it, the hell with it!"
    • Doyle calling home runs.
      • First movie:
        Doyle: Tomlinson's gonna need a visa to catch this one!
      • Second movie:
        Doyle: Cerrano back to the wall... He'll need a rocket up his ass to catch this one!
    • And, of course, this sequence from the second movie:
      Doyle: That looked like the Terminator, only slower. Maybe it was the Outta-Stater? Or it could have been the Hibernator... that baby's definitely going away for the winter. However, for Vaughn, it could be See-ya-later; he's probably going to become a Spectator.
  • "Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?!"
  • When the lineup of players gets made, there's a montage of various Clevelanders complaining about the lack of big-name talent, ending with the Japanese-speaking ground crew at the stadium noting "They're shitty." As the team improves and starts threatening to make the postseason, another montage of those same Clevelanders show them celebrating the team they've got... except for the groundskeepers who note "They're still shitty." Then, in the crucial tie-breaking game, they finally come round and are seen whooping it up with the rest of the crowd.
    • When the team nosedives in the second movie, the groundskeepers crop up again: "They're shitty again."
  • The team's American Express commercial, where they hang a lampshade on the fact that even their town doesn't recognize them.
  • When Ricky is getting shelled in his first game, giving up three walks and then a grand slam, one of Lou's coaches asks if he wants to pull Vaughn, but Lou wants to see how Ricky responds. Vaughn promptly plunks the next batter and gets ejected, which Vaughn escalates into a screaming match with the umpire.
    Lou: I think you can go get him now.
    • Taylor then adds on by condescending to the pissed-off Yankees hitter
    Taylor: All right, Coleman, take it easy, accidents will happen, you showed a lot of heart shaking it off like that!
    Coleman: Fuck you, Taylor!
  • During final cuts at spring training, Taylor tells the rookies not to celebrate making the team in the locker room as to not rub it in to the ones who did get cut. Hayes learns he made it, but plays it cool as he walks outside the complex...then does a jig.
  • Jake and Lynn are arguing in the library about their breakup, with Jake trying to reason that he slept with a flight attendant because "she bet me fifty bucks she had a much better body than you and I had to defend your honor!" to which Lynn yells, "OH WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT, I HAVE A MUCH BETTER BODY THAN SHE DOES!" All the library patrons turn to look at Lynn, while Jake can only respond with, "She's right."
  • After Lou gets Ricky a pair of unsightly red glasses:
    Harris: Hey, man, they look nice. I had a pair just like them.
    Vaughn: Well after the game, I'm gonna go pick out a pair a little more me.
    Harris: Good luck.
    Lou: They look good; besides, seeing is the most important thing, son.
    Hayes: I don't think it's that important.
    Vaughn: (looking at how ridiculous he is with his glasses on).......Fuck.
  • Taylor getting into the head of an opponent to help Ricky end the game:
    "You got a chance to be a hero on national television... if you don't blow it. By the way, saw your wife last night, hell of a dancer, you must be very, very proud. I mean that guy she was with, I'm sure he's a close personal friend and all. But tell me...what was he doing wearing her panties on his head?!"
    *distracted, the batter hits a pop up in front of the plate*
    "Uh-oh, Rexy, I don't think this one has the distance!"
  • As Hayes was not invited to spring training, security removes his bunk (with him asleep in it) off the grounds in the middle of the night. Hayes awakens the next morning as workouts have commenced with him on the outside: "Shit! I've been cut already?!"
  • Harris's failed clubhouse prayer, thanks to Cerrano's rituals turning on the fire sprinklers and sending everyone running for the exit.
    • Harris also fails to heed Cerrano's warning about stealing Jobu's rum; as soon as he emerges from the dugout ("Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill!"), he promptly takes an errant bat to the back of the head.
    • Later on, Harris has apparently adopted Jobu as a good luck charm, as we see the doll next to Harris on the warm up mound.
  • During the Spring Training montage, Hayes attempts to steal second, but his slide leaves him about a foot short of second base. The Giants shortstop taunts him ("Come on") and all Hayes does is flip him off while he's tagged out.
  • Vaughn's bullpen session with the stand-in wood dummy; his first pitch knocks it over. When it cuts back to him a few shots later, the entire dummy is covered in ball dents; Vaughn then uncorks a pitch that decapitates it.
  • "I hate this fucking song."
  • Before the big game, Hayes tells Taylor that Cerrano wants to sacrifice a live chicken for more power. Later, Jake presents Cerrano with "one chicken" the form of a bucket of KFC.
    • Becomes a Brick Joke later. When it looks like Cerrano is on the verge of striking out in the clutch, Hayes laments: "We should've got the live chicken!"
  • During the tryouts, Cerrano employs a python to use as part of a voodoo ritual on his locker, to keep the dreaded red tag out of it. When it seems to work, Hayes does the same...with a little garter snake. When Hayes opens the locker door to reveal that he hasn't gotten a tag, Cerrano can be seen nodding in approval in the background.