Funny: Machete

  • Machete jabbing a mook in the neck with a thermometer = not funny. Whole house explodes and mook is hurled outside burning = not funny. Thermometer still in mook's neck and going up till it's all red = funny.
  • One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a weaponized weedwhacker, immediately says "I quit," hands his gun to Machete, and walks away. Possibly he is the smartest Mook in the history of fiction.
    • This is after that Mook, alongside a more clueless Mook, allowed Machete to visit Booth's home earlier in the movie:
    Clueless Mook: Hey, who are you?
    Machete (holding up a mean pick axe and weedwhacker): New gardener.
  • Pretty much everything Cheech Marin says as Padre.
    Padre: It's not safe for you to be here.
    Machete: I'm not looking for safe.
    Padre: No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!
    Padre: (Makes the Sign of the Cross) I absolve you of all your sins. (gestures to the door) Now get the FUCK out!
  • Machete don't text.
    • Except when he finally does, sending a message that makes Booth pretty much say Oh Crap!.
  • One of the Mexicans barging into battle was running with an ice cream cart.
  • "Machete... will return... in... Machete Kills! And... Machete Kills Again! "
  • How about the scene where Machete jumps out of building using the intestines of the Mook he just disemboweled as a rope? Crosses the Line Twice indeed.
  • During the final battle, Torres brings out Sartana, Bound and Gagged. She's clearly protesting through the gag, and he asks if she has something to say, brandishing his katana at her. She remains silent, so he politely slices the gag open.
    Torres: Now you have something to say?
  • From the trailer for Machete Kills: And introducing Carlos Estevez as The President!
    • In the second trailer, "Machete don't tweet."