Funny: Machete

  • Machete jabbing a mook in the neck with a thermometer = not funny. Whole house explodes and mook is hurled outside burning = not funny. Thermometer still in mook's neck and going up till it's all red = funny.
  • One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a weaponized weedwhacker, immediately says "I quit," hands his gun to Machete, and walks away. Possibly he is the smartest Mook in the history of fiction.
    • This is after that Mook, alongside a more clueless Mook, allowed Machete to visit Booth's home earlier in the movie:
    Clueless Mook: Hey, who are you?
    Machete (holding up a mean pick axe and weedwhacker): New gardener.
  • Pretty much everything Cheech Marin says as Padre.
    Padre: It's not safe for you to be here.
    Machete: I'm not looking for safe.
    Padre: No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!
    Padre: (Makes the Sign of the Cross) I absolve you of all your sins. (gestures to the door) Now get the FUCK out!
  • Machete don't text.
    • Except when he finally does, sending a message that makes Booth pretty much say Oh, Crap.
  • One of the Mexicans barging into battle was running with an ice cream cart.
  • "Machete... will return... in... Machete Kills! And... Machete Kills Again! "
  • How about the scene where Machete jumps out of building using the intestines of the Mook he just disemboweled as a rope? Crosses the Line Twice indeed.
  • From the trailer for Machete Kills: And introducing Carlos Estevez as The President!
    • In the second trailer, "Machete don't tweet."