- Mikey: (drops one of Albert's ceramic soldiers) Yeah! Let's trash this place! (stomps on it) Take that, Tonto.
Mikey: Ugh, too much fruit.
- Before that, Mikey needs a diaper change:
Albert: Is he taking a dump?
Mollie: No, he's thinking really hard!
- Mollie slamming Mikey's shitty diaper on Albert's desk.
Albert: For Christ's sake, Mollie, that's a $10,000 desk.*shlorp!*Mollie: Now it's junk!
- As Mikey sees his mom and James kiss at the end of the film:
Mikey: Should I tell them I need a new diaper? (beat) Nah, I'll wait.
- Mikey looking at a pair of huge breasts: "They come in different sizes? What are these, jumbos?"
- Mikey's first interaction with his grandma.
Grandma: Who's got a wet tushy?
Mikey: I give up.
(Grandma baby talking Mikey)
Mikey: Oh yeah. She's gone.
- Mollie is informed that as far along as her pregnancy is, the baby's gender will now become apparent. Cut to inside the womb:
Mikey: Hey, look at that. I've got another arm growing there. What's it doing way down there? Now how am I going to get that in my mouth?
- At the end of an argument James and Molly are having in her apartment:
James: Now that's it! NOW GET OUT!Molly: I LIVE HERE!James: I KNOW IT! *storms out*
- Molly's demonic turn during her contractions in the second movie.