- Trooper: Now, J.W., this feller's from England, see, he's workin' in cooperation with our boys, he's a, a, secret agent.Sheriff J.W. Pepper: Secret AGENT?!? On WHOSE SIDE?!?!?Sheriff J.W. Pepper: WE GOT SOME BLACK RUSSIANS!
- Kananga using Bond's compressed air bullets to over-inflate Whisper's couch.
- Kananga's own death. It has to be seen to be believed.
- An ad-lib by Roger Moore.
- "By the power invested in me by this parish, I do hereby commandeer this vehicle and all those persons within. And that means you, smartass."
- Felix Leiter (deadly serious): "Get me a make on a white Pimpmobile!"
- When Bond draws The Fool from Solitaire's tarot deck, she quips, "You have found yourself."
- M and Bond's bickering at the beginning of the film, including Bond's attempts to keep him from finding a VERY prominent Italian operative that he was sleeping with. A highly amused Moneypenny even joins in.
- M's shock at Bond using his magnet watch to pull the sugar spoon from his plate and Bond's claim that the watch can deflect bullets. M wishes he could test that theory "right now."
- Rosie Carver's freakout at finding a dead snake in the bungalow.
Bond: Oh, I forgot! You should never go in there without a mongoose.
Bond: It's just a hat belonging to a small-headed man of limited means who lost a fight with a chicken!
- Promptly followed up by his deadpan reaction to finding a hat with a bloody chicken feather (a voodoo warning).
- The sheer directness of Mr. Big's handling of Bond.
Bond: My name is—Mr. Big: Names is for tombstones, baby. Take this honky out and waste him! NOW!
- When Tee Hee uses his prosthetic arm to crush Bond's PPK, Bond then nonchalantly dumps it in a garbage bin.
- Before that, Bond gets owned by the waiter. He asks for information and hands the man a hundred. Bond's question is interrupted by his table turning around and placing him in Mr. Big's secret base. The waiter silently pockets the money and goes back to work.
- Bond tries to escape by commandeering a small plane, and a student pilot:
Bond: Let's just wing it, shall we, Mrs. Bell?
Leiter: [on the phone] Yes, Mr Bleeker. [listens] Yes, sir. I know you just can't glue the wings back on.
- Miss Caruso, Bond's beautiful Italian lover in the opening, trying to hide in the closet in the hopes that her affair with Bond won't be discovered, stunning Ms. Moneypenny in the process. And then Bond undresses her again anyway ("Sheer magnetism, darling.").
- Although Bond's tricking Solitaire into giving up her virginity is one of the most callous things he's ever done, his deadpan 'confession' afterwards is pretty hilarious:
- As Bond makes his escape:
Adam (over the radio, addressing the mooks): "Bond ripped off one of our boats. He's headed for the Irish bayou. The man who gets him stays alive. Now MOVE, you mothers——-!"(cut to the various mooks scrambling towards speedboats of their own to begin the chase).