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Narrator: Once upon a time, in the magical land of GERMANY... there were two regal sisters (Tia and Tamara Mowryappear very briefly) who ruled together and harmed all the land. To do this, the eldest used RELISH, the younger, brought out MUSTARD. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their KITCHEN.
"It's- it's so... (pause) CUTE!" "Well, it is Tim Allen!"
"The smallest peep could cause a huge cockslide!"
When the Mane Six argue with Fluttershy:
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy! You have a wonderful talent dealing with all sorts of animals! Fluttershy:No you. Rainbow Dash: Oh come on! We've seen you walk right up to a whore like it was nothing! Fluttershy: No you. Pinkie Pie: A bike is a dragon! You're not a dragon!
Later on we get pretty much the mother of all jokes, most likely aimed at the Furry Fandom. note Bad Dragon is a yiff porn site, infamous for its exotic dragon dildos.
Fluttershy: You're not a bad dragon, you just need a Bad Dragon. Now go pack your things. You just need a Bad Dragon, that's all.
Spike: (to Angel Bunny) How does Fluttershy put up with all you furries!? Twilight: Spike, take a hike!
"That's just it, Spike. The day after tomorrow is tomorrow! It's a paradox!"
"My dearest and most faithful student, Twilight: you suck!"
Mayor: "Holy SHIT! Seize her!"
"Stand back, you IDIOTS!"
Pinkie Pie's song:
Pinkie Pie: When I was a little GIRL and my face was going dowwwwwwwwn, my PENIS would always make God frowwwwwwwn! I'd hide under my pillow, from what I thought I pillow, But GAY Grammy said that wasn't the way to deal with fears at all! He said "Pinkie, you got you— you you got you you you got you you you go- learn to ice your pillow. You'll see that they can't hurt you, you just laugh to make them die! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa su-u-u-u-us!" *squeak*
And now for Bill Engvall! (music gets louder and louder until it reaches ear-blasting levels)
Applejack: So, all you have to do is make a DICK, and LICK IT? Rarity: Oh-oh-oh-oh A-a-a-a-ple-le-le-ja-a-a-a-ack, you make me hard!
(Art of the Dress starts up)
Rarity: Sssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex *song ends*
Rarity: Please, Diamond Dogs... please let me go! Diamond Dog: Hmmm... nah. Rarity: But whatever do you want from me? Diamond Dog: Your precious little PUSSY! Rarity: Oh! Is that all? Diamond Dog: NO! Suck my dick! Rarity: Dick. Diamond Dog: Yes, we said dick! Suck them all! Rarity: But I thought you wanted to FUCK me?
Twilight: I used to wonder what the fuck friendship was / Until you French-kissed me Rainbow: Big ad-" (cue the syllable "vent" several times, to the tune of The Magic School Bus theme) Rarity: A beautiful fart Applejack: Faithful and str— Deana Carter:♪ —awberry wiiiiiine~♪
Gilda: Come on, Rainbow Dash, I said sex!
Rainbow Dash: If being cool is all you care about, maybe you should go fuck yourself!
Twilight Sparkle: Dearest Princess Celestia: Today I learned that it's impossible to control your own behavior. Your faithful student, Twi-(cuts to credits)
Will: This is my mother Carlton.... NOOOO! Carlton: I wanna grow! [grows for a second] ...woah! Geoffrey: You two are reeaaallllyyyyy lllaaammmmeeee!
Uncle Phil blowing his top:
Uncle Phil: LOOK! YOU BIG-EARED FREAERF! YOU TAKE YOUR HORNY LITTLE ASS, AND YOU FIND GEOFFREY, AND YOU FIND GEOFFREY, AND YOU FIND GEOFFREY, AND YOU FIND GEOFFREY... [continues ad nauseam] Will: Y'know... really, I don't mind the yelling... but did he have to sp-sp-sp-sp-spiips?
"To me, Heaven has to be a cross between a Dikekike video and.... chicken an' winnigish! See, it's like... I could have a leg in one hand, and a BRERB in the other!"
Uncle Phil has a heart attack and goes to Heaven. What does he see? Heavenly stairs leading up to a crucified Gumby, posted in-between a screen showing The Fesh Pince of Blair on the left and a chicken on the word "Winnigish" on the right. In other words, a cross between a Dikekike video and Chicken and Winnigish.
Uncle Phil dying then giving his own eulogy
"What can you say about Philip Banks?" (Audience looks blank) "What the heck can you say about Philip Banks?!"
"For four years I treated that boy like my own son. Whatever he needed, whether it was pants or chicken, I was there for him!"
Twilight Sparkle: A pony whose contributions to— Rainbow Dash: Did you see Applejack out there? What an ass! Twilight Sparkle: Exactly! And— Pinkie Pie: Ya gonna eat that!? Twilight Sparkle: What does that have to do with Applejack? Pinkie Pie: (blinks, beat) Fuck you!
Twilight:[sighs, annoyed] That pony is a fuel! Voice: Augh! Twilight:[Turns her head] No offense. [Camera pulls back, reveals Antoine beside Twilight] Antoine: I am not a fuel, YOU are ze fuel!
"~I believe I can FLAALF!~"
Twilight: Oh good, yuri. I'm going to fuck you, and I'm not taking no for an answer. Applejack: Okay, Twilight. Twilight: I am not taking "Okay, Twilight" for an answer. Applejack: Yes, PLEASE, Twilight!
"Dear Princess Celestia, my friend Applejack is a BITCH. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
Lewbert: Fuck my butt! Here's a fork! (Carly fucks Lewbert's butt using the fork.) Lewbert: HARDER! HARDER! AGAIN NIAGA! Oh... Thank you, Marissaram. Marissa: Please, call me Marissaram. It's French: it mean penis-suckle. Lewbert: Here's a fuzzy fork!
"Anyone can roast beef, but nobody can pee!"
"Anyone can suck penis, but nobody can pee suckiness!"
"Your brain is full ofSpain. You've got Spain in your brain, Mr. Griiirch. Spain is full of spiders. You've got thirty-NINE AND A HALF spiders in your brain. I wouldn't touch you. [Musical sting] You've got shit in your anus, Mr. Griiirch. [Camera zooms in to the Grirch's lower torso, x-ray revealing a pile of excrement and a sign next to it saying "Anus"] You're a Jew? [The Grirch turns angrily at the camera]NEIN-NEIN-NEIN-NEIN-AND-A-HALF [The camera zooms to the Grirch's face then cuts to black] Narrator: The Grirch is not a Jew!