Funny / Judge Judy

  • Any particularly egregious Bad Liar.
  • His window hit my elbow.
    • For that matter, everytime Judy laughs.
  • Anytime Judy goes into snark mode.
  • What has been (incorrectly) referred to as her quickest court case: the plaintiff came in asking for restitution from two guys who stole her purse and the items inside, though they denied they had it.
    Plantiff: I had gift cards in there, my earpiece, and a calculator.
    Defendant: [speaking up] There was no earpiece in there, ma'am.
    Judge Judy: I love it! I love it. [to Byrd] That's Dumb and Dumber. Judgment for the plaintiff for the amount of $500. That's what I think it's worth, madam. Goodbye.
    • NOTE: The case is actually standard length. Based on the YouTube clip that has gone viral, people assume the YouTube clip is the entirety of the case. It isn't. Nevertheless, the trope still does apply.
  • This particular exchange, as seen in Judyisms:
    Plaintiff: But he cheats all the time!
    Judge Judy: Are you trying to justify to me the fact that you're an idiot?!
  • In a case from 2007, a woman lost a case against another woman who had shot her dog, primarily because she didn't have a leash on the dog and blew the case out of proportion, realizing she was responsible for her dog being shot (there were signs up too). Judy was full of her usual gems, including this particular gem (when the plaintiff was asked why she kept changing her story about there being no leash):
    Judge Judy: Oh, I get it, it was snatched by the leash fairy!!!
  • In one case, a woman ruined her boyfriend's clothes by pouring bleach all over them. She then goes on a 30 second rant, which consisted of almost nothing but insults directed at him. Judge Judy gloriously and hilariously put her in her place - and then proceeded to rule against her in the full $5,000 amount of the plaintiff's complaint (thus also instantly dismissing the defendant's counterclaim) when the defendant still refused to shut up.
    Judge Judy: LISTEN TO ME! (Beat) Where do you think you are? You think you're on Springer? YOU'RE NOT!
  • The cell phone eBay scamming case. After Judge Judy questions the scammer, who claims that the auction was for two photos of the cell phone instead of two cell phones, the scammer insists that that's what they paid for.
    Judge Judy: YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
    Judge Judy: Listen to me. I'm older, smarter. If you live to be a hundred and fifty, you're not going to be as smart as I am in one finger!
  • The 1997 case of Williams v. Lydon. Drummer Robert Williams (who played with such bands as Captain Beefheart, Tex and the Horseheads, and Zoogz Rift) was suing John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols) for assault and lost wages. Lydon's courtroom antics were epic; he even made JJ herself laugh at one point. Here's a few excerpts.
  • A 2015 case saw a former boyfriend and girlfriend against each other. Judy asks when they started dating, but he does not know the answer. She then proceeds to ask him when his birthday was, followed by his mother's birthday. While it may be expected that a son might have a bit of a problem remembering his mother's birthday, Judy then pointedly asks when the girlfriend's birthday was. He doesn't have a clue that her birthday is the Fourth of July! Not even Judy can resist laughing.
  • In a 2015 case, Judy had no patience for a crybaby suing her own son for breaking her Grandma's china.
    Judge Judy: You say no, I say yes. I win. I'm the Judge. Goodbye.
    • The taper even squeezes in one at the end with his reaction: "Murdered".
  • One defendant answers Judge Judy's rhetorical question about rocket science. You know you've really stuck your foot in your mouth when Byrd is shaking his head.
    Defendant: Rocket science is when the scientists find out things about space...I think.
  • Circa 2001: The judge heard a case from a teenage girl suing her boyfriend for damaging several music compact discs. The plaintiff brought the ruined albums to court with her, which turned out to be mostly hip-hop and R&B albums. Judge Judy examined the discs, which included titles such as DMX's Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood (the cover of which featured the rapper nude and covered in blood), which led to this exchange:
    Judge Judy: [to Byrd] Whatever happened to Benny Goodman?
    Byrd: He was replaced by "Bootleg Booty."
    Judge Judy: "Bootleg Booty"? [to plaintiff] Have you ever heard of Barry Manilow?
  • Circa 2005: Her Honor threw the defendant and his witness out of the courtroom when the defendant wouldn't stop interrupting the plaintiff's testimony.
    Judge Judy: I have other things to do today. I have to get home! [points to her watch] "Judge Judy" is on! [audience laughs]
  • In a case involving a very young little girl, Judge Judy spoke very gently and calmly to her. After asking her questions about the case, she asked a few others (either to get a laugh or to judge the child's ability to tell the truth), including asking if the child thought she (JJ) was beautiful. The child answered "no," prompting laughter in the court and a grin and snicker from JJ. When asked to clarify why she thought that, the child responded, "You're old." Cue more amusement from everybody present.
  • Circa 2003?: The smallest judgment ever awarded in Judge Judy's courtroom... one nickel, in a case involving a firearms sale in which the defendant testified that the plaintiffs had originally been willing to let him have the firearms for five cents. Judge Judy literally had the defendant take a nickel out of his pocket and give it to Byrd to hand to the plaintiffs (who had been suing for several hundred dollars for the return of the firearms or their value).
  • April 23, 2018 case: a middle-aged couple were being sued by a relative for the return of a loan, and their defense was that they'd done things to help out the plaintiff as well, which ought to cancel out the debt. It turned out she was correct since the defendants were talking about chores such as mowing the lawn, not money.
    Judge Judy: I'll bet you, on Byrd's life [cue mock outraged look from Byrd], that the two of you never gave him any money!
  • May 2018 case: a man is suing another driver for backing into his car. While describing the car he was driving, the man delved into the history of the car. Judge Judy cuts him off by saying "T.M.I." The litigants and the extras cracking up is a given. Byrd cracking up is Adorkable. Even better, Judge Judy is audibly confused as to why everyone is laughing and can't get a straight answer from Byrd.
  • An example given to a defendant who claimed she had waived a guarantee in a case involving a beauty salon visit:
    Judge Judy: Let me give you an example. Let's say I buy a car - no, let's make it better, Byrd buys a car, because I want him to pay attention. The car is guaranteed for 100,000 miles from stem to stern. Byrd has the car for three days. The car blows up. Byrd takes the car back to the dealership and complains, saying, "You gave me a guarantee." The dealer tells him, "We waive the guarantee. Because we knew that the person who put the car together wasn't wrapped too tight, so we waive the guarantee." What do you think Byrd would do? [to Byrd] What would you do?
    Byrd: I'd take it to Judge Judy.
    [Judge Judy and the audience laugh]
    Judge Judy: Someone gave you very bad legal advice if they told you that you, and not the customer, could waive a guarantee. And I don't know whoever said that, but they must have gotten their legal license in "Close the Cover Before You Strike" School.