Funny / Jeff Foxworthy

  • In "NASA and Alabama" (Games Rednecks Play): "HEY HOUSTAAAAAN! It's dark as crap up here. Wait a minute I did it wrong. Break 1-9!" And it goes uphill from there.
  • In one skit, he remembers a time when he was dating a girl who never told him that she had another boyfriend. Said boyfriend, who is very large, knocks on his door and demands to know what he's doing with her. Foxworthy's retort? "I'm cutting her damn hair, and you're just gonna have to wait, all right?!" in the sissiest, gayest voice you could imagine, because he was thinking with his brain instead of panicking.
  • On his wife, the hypochondriac: "You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have testiculars!"
  • In one skit, he offers a way for designated drivers to have fun: stop at every gas station you come to, pretend to put gas in the tank, then ask your drunk companions to pay for it.
  • In "The Clampetts Go to Maui" (Games Rednecks Play), about what happened when Jeff took his extended family to Hawaii, the in-flight movie on the way down was Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey. Jeff's brother felt the need to point out "You know that ain't them dogs' real voice!" Jeff's sister responds, "Well, thanks for spoiling it for the rest of us!"
  • Later on the same album, he went to visit his brother but found a note on the front door telling him said brother had to run to the office, that he'd be back in five minutes, and the location of the extra key to his apartment.
    Jeff: Your only hope is a blind burglar.
  • "For itchy, watery eyes, it's Flora Flor. Side effects may include..."