- Tony hacking into the senate committee's computers from his PDA over wi-fi and having it display "WELCOME MR. STARK" in ASCII art. Followed immediately with footage from other people's failed attempts to create Iron Man suits..
Tony: Boy, I'm good...
- In fact, the entire scene was hilarious from Tony's "Yes, dear?" to Senator Stern's launching of a Precision F-Strike at Tony on a live international broadcast.
- Tony's saying that he and Iron Man are one and that to turn the suit over is the same as indentured servitude or prostitution depending on what state you're in.
Tony: I am Iron Man, the suit and I are one. To turn over the suit is to turn over myself which is equivilant to indentured servitude or prostitution depending on what state you're in.
Senator Stern: I'm no expert on-
Tony: On prostitution, of course not, you're a senator, come on!
- Tony's closing statement: "I will continue to serve this great nation at the pleasure of... myself. And if there's one thing everyone can count on, it's for me to pleasure myself."
- The Senate hearing is equal parts funny and awesome, but the best part had to be Justin Hammer frantically trying to block the TV as it's showing Hammer Industries' Epic Fail at trying to reproduce the Iron Man suit. Especially when the top half of the suit twists 180 degrees around. Crosses the Line Twice at its best.
Justin: I'd like to point out that that test pilot survived.
- Made even better by the fact that there were originally just blurry satellite photos to try and prove that other countries had Iron Man level tech, so Tony remotely hacked into the system with his cell phone and patched in video surveillance from these failures, including Hammer's.
- JARVIS is wonderful at providing these moments. For example, in Iron Man 2, when looking at a YouTube video of Tony's senate meeting. "May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir."
- Stark and Pepper running into Hammer in Monaco, who has the reporter from the first movie with him.
Justin Hammer: She's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Magazine. I thought I'd throw her a bone, you know.
Pepper Potts: She did quite a a spread on Tony last year.
Pepper Potts: It was very impressive, very well done...
- A nice little Mood Whiplash after...Whiplash has been causing chaos at an F1 race. Happy Hogan rams Whiplash with a car, then does it repeatedly every time he tries to move. Made even funnier by the fact that Pepper is screaming at Tony and Tony is just saying "Hand me the briefcase" repeatedly while showing virtually no reaction.
(after Happy Hogan runs into Whiplash)
Tony Stark: Who were you trying to hit, me or him?
Happy Hogan: I was trying to scare him-
Tony Stark: Cause I can't tell!
- The first scene between Justin Hammer and Ivan Vanko (in the airplane hangar) has this gem. This is a conversation where Vanko so far has said and done nothing besides sit there and look at Hammer blankly.
Hammer: You and me, we're a lot alike in a lot of ways.
- And as Hammer introduces Vanko to his factory and proposes to get him a password, only for Vanko to completely ignore him and breeze past all passwords in seconds flat:
Hammer: "How'd you do that?"
Vanko: (speaks Russian) "Tvoy soft - govno." ("Your software is shit.")
Vanko: "Software shit."
- Made all the funnier when you know this has been turned into a popular meme among Russian programmers.
- This exchange after Black Widow arrives with Tony just having met her, seen her combat skills, and looked up her resume and lingerie photos on the internet.
Tony: "I want one.
Pepper: No. *smirk*
- One standout scene was SHIELD agent Coulson finding something that looks a lot like Captain America's shield amongst the clutter of Tony's laboratory. Tony asks Coulson to hand it to him, since it's exactly what he needs to deal with his current problem... and shoves it underneath his equipment to make it level.
- This is even funnier after Coulson's Captain America fanboy status is revealed in The Avengers Movie.
- Coulson gets another one earlier; he is assigned to keep Tony from leaving his house. Tony acts like himself, and Coulson just grins and threatens to tase our hero, and then watch Super Nanny while Tony drools into the carpet.
- Hammer's ridiculously hyped Ex-Wife missile's magnificent un-success.
Rhodey: I'm going to bust his bunker with the Ex-Wife!
Tony: With the what?
*missile spends some five seconds charging up, complete with a one-two-three beeping sequence, then flies at Vanko, only to bounce harmlessly off Vanko's suit into a puddle and fizzle out*
Tony: Hammer tech?
Rhodey: (Dejected tone) Yeah.
- Made even better by the almost sheepish whirring noise the launcher makes as it slides back into his suit. And the fact that the Ex Wife makes a fart noise.
- It's more like a Crowning Moment of Snigger, but Tony's spontaneous christening of the Hammer drones as "Hammeroids".
- Tony "entertaining" the guests at his birthday party, completely shitfaced (bottle in hand), all while wearing his Iron Man suit definitely deserves mention.
"A lot of people ask me how I go to the bathroom in my suit." (pause– smile) "....just like that.
- Even funnier is when Pepper calls him out on pissing his pants, he mentions there's a filtration system in the suit and adds "You could drink that water!"
"The party's over... well, it's been over for me an hour and a half ago. BUT THE AFTER-PARTY STARTS IN 15 MINUTES!!!" It's a cue that Tony completely lost it, forcing Rhodey to don the Mk.II silver armor and engage him in suitball-busting combat.
- Tony and Pepper having an intimate moment after the day is saved, only to be disturbed by Rhodes, who had been watching them the entire time.
- "You look like two seals fighting over a grape" has to be one of the highlights of the movie.
- Just the total deadpan delivery between a couple of guys in metal battle suits arguing like five-year-olds.
Rhodes: You look like two seals fighting over a grape.
Tony: Hey, you weren't supposed to see any of that. Get lost.
Tony: How much did you ...
Rhodes: All of it. I've been here a while.
- Rhodes' last lines of that scene:
Rhodes: Listen, my car got taken out in the explosion so I'm going to have to hang on to your suit for a minute. Okay?
Tony: Not okay. Not okay with that.
Rhodes: Wasn't a question. *blasts off*
- Tony having Fury appoint Senator Sterns to present his award for defeating Whiplash. Sterns is clearly not happy about it. Said senator actually gets one himself in the process when he 'accidentally' pokes Stark with the medal pin.
"(to Rhodey) You deserve this. ... (to Tony) And you deserve this. *jabs him* Sorry. It's funny how annoying a little prick can be."
- Many of Fury's lines in the second film are downright hilarious. One example is when Tony is sitting in a giant donut prop and Fury finds him.
Fury: Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut!
(Tony pulls on his shades slightly as a silent Flat "What.")
- The donut in general. Tony lounging around in full armor except for the mask in a donut shop's giant donut, pigging out because he's slowly dying. In character but utterly ridiculous. Fridge Logic reveals a Offscreen Moment of Awesome: he must have walked into the donut shop in his armor to buy those. Like the Uncomfortable Elevator Moment in Spider-Man 2, but even more so.
- Fury ranting to Tony that he isn't the centre of the his universe and Fury has bigger problems. Fury sounds like he's scolding a disobedient child.
- Tony upon seeing "Natalia Rushman" in her Spy Catsuit for the first time, realizing that she works for S.H.I.E.L.D. to spy on him all along.
Tony: Huh? You're.... fired!
: That's not up to you.
- You may regret for leaving your position as CEO now, Tony.
- There's something strangely hilarious about a man wearing millions of dollars of hi-tech weaponry, the head of the world's top espionage agency, and a professional shadow/spy lounging around a doughnut booth like they do it all the time.
- Another example when the two are discussing the fate of the Mk II armor:
Tony: I didn't give it to him, he took it.
Fury: Whoawhoawhoa- he took it? You're Iron Man and he just TOOK IT?! The lil' brother walked in there, kick'd ass and took. Your suit.
- And pretty much the entire exchange while Tony is reading his evaluation to Fury, the latter not saying a word as Stark tries to justify his many flaws.
Tony: "'Mr. Stark displays compulsive behavior.' In my own defense, that was a week ago. 'Prone to self-destructive tendencies.' I was dying, I mean please. And hey, aren't we all? 'Textbook...narcissism? (Looks up at Fury.)
Fury: (Glares back)
Tony: (Looks back down at folder) Agreed...
- Also, the fact that Iron Man is recommended for Avengers Initiative... but "Tony Stark" is not recommended.
Tony: That doesn't make any sense. How can you approve me, but not approve me?
- "I'm Howard Stark... and on behalf of everybody at Stark Industries, I would like to show you... my ass."
- Tony's line when he inserts the arc reactor with its new core into his chest, curing his palladium poisoning and granting him previously unimaginable amounts of power:
Tony: Whoo! Tastes like coconut! And METAL!
- We also have this line:
Vanko: I make salute.
- Black Widow casually macing a Hammer guard as she walks past him. Moments later, Happy, who finally managed to drop the one Hammer guard at the front, turns to yell in triumph, only to see an entire hallway littered with unconscious guards that Romanov casually took down in the same time it took him to defeat just one.
- Tony has some good ones as well. Being chased by War Machine and a swarm of Hammeroids:
Tony: JARVIS, break in! I need to own him!
- One of Hammer's goons threatens to kill Vanko's bird and stuffs it in a bag. When the film cuts back to the scene, the man is dead and the bird is perched on him. Honestly, Vanko's burd is one of the best parts of the film.
- Happy biting the guard's ear in a Mike Tyson-esque fashion. HE BIT HIS EAR!
- Sam Rockwell's glorious performance as Justin Hammer deserves a mention. Especially when he discovers that Ivan Vanko has turned all of his suits into drones.
Hammer: Is that a helmet? Doesn't look like a helmet to me. How are you supposed to fit a head in there? Jack, could you put your head in there? Try to put your head in there.
*Jack plays along and tries to fit his head in the Hammeroid head*
- Justin finally getting sick of Vanko's mocking.
"I don't know if you're aware of this, but I DON'T SPEAK RUSSIAN!"
- The scene just after Tony realizes that his father' old diorama has a secret message in it, suddenly Tony is driving it home with the pieces sticking nearly straight up out of his sports car.
- Tony goes to Pepper's office to apologize, but just about everything goes wrong for him. First, he can't stand the perpetually-moving paperweight on her desk. A miffed Pepper also refuses to deal with it, and when Romanov comes in, the girls team up to give him the silent treatment (despite Pepper feeling threatened by her presence). Worse for Tony, he tried to make a nice gesture to Pepper by bringing her strawberries...except that it's the only thing she's allergic to. And once she leaves, he tries to stop the paperweight from moving but fails. Then he just dumps the strawberries into the wastebasket, and some of them fell on the floor.
- Also, Pepper's reaction when she found out Tony was dying. (Keyword being was.)
Pepper: You're dying?!
Tony: Uhhh. No. I'm not. *veryquickly* Notanymore.
Pepper: What's going on?!
Tony: I was going to tell you, I didn't want to alarm you-
Pepper: You really were dying?!
Tony: You didn't let me-
Pepper: Why didn't you tell me that?!
Tony: I was going to make you an omelette and tell you-!!
Romanov: Hey. Hey! Save it for the honeymoon!!
- On a meta level, it's chuckleworthy that Coulson's actor Clark Gregg didn't know he was going to be in Thor until after telling Tony he was going to New Mexico.
- "Natalie Rushman's" Curb-Stomp Battle with Happy in the boxing ring. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.