Funny / Injustice 2

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     The Comic 
  • In the first issue, Harley offers Batman a pink cupcake, and says there were two. She challenges him to guess what happened to the other cupcake.
    Batman: You ate one.
  • Issue #2: The Helmet of Fate holds untold power. And several sucker arrows at the back, courtesy of Connor Lance-Queen, to poor Kent Nelson's exasperation.
    Doctor Fate: Dinah Lance. Oliver. Please ask your son to stop shooting me in the head.
    Oliver: (seeing a half-dozen arrows on the back of the helmet) Hmm. Good grouping.
  • Calendar Man begs Evil!Batman not to kill him... because it's his birthday.
  • "The most secure location on the planet" is Batman-speak for "there's a really well-wrapped Christmas present under the tree". So says Harley Quinn. Killer Croc asks out of curiosity what Batman would get for Christmas:
    Harley: Sadness. In black.
  • Dinah's proposal to Alt!Oliver Queen is a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, but there's still some chuckles to be had. The awkwardness leads Ollie to ask Batman to do "that thing where people turn around and he just disappears". So Batman does exactly that. "Seriously, how the hell does he do that?"
    • This leads Connor to ask what's going on. "Your dad and I are getting married." His response?
    Connor: (beat) Ew.
  • In issue #6, Green Arrow explains to Harley that he's not their universe's Ollie, so he has no idea about their relationship in this one. Harley states that in this universe, she had an affair with him. Cue a mass Big "WHAT?!" from Ollie, Dinah and Batgirl. Harley chuckles and reveals she was just kidding. She adds that she did hang out with Ollie (platonically) in The Quiver. Cue another puzzled Ollie; when Harley explains she and the other Ollie renamed the Arrow Cave "the Quiver", Ollie looks nonplussed for a moment, then smiles and admits that it was a better name for his lair.
  • In issue #8:
    • Connor tells Bats that his dad told him that Batman was the best in the world at moping.
    • Damian snarking I'm Standing Right Here when Bruce muses about how angry Damian is. Bruce retorts that glaring at Alfred isn't helping.
  • In issue #13:
    Ted:note  I know this is supposed to be a secret, but Batman gave me the head's up that you were getting married. So I... I missed the first one. Me an' the Justice Society were fighting a lava monster in another dimension.
    Dinah: Yeah, those interdimensional lava monsters have no appreciation for important life events.
    • This exchange:
      Jefferson: Do you understand your role, Connor?
      Connor: I'm the ring bearer, Mr. Pierce.
      Oliver: Yes, and what do you do?
      Connor: I bear the ring.
      Oliver: You wait outside, and when the music starts playing, what do you do?
      Connor: I take the ring...
      Oliver: Yes.
      Connor: ... AND I THROW IT INTO THE FIERY PIT OF MOUNT DOOM!
      Oliver: (to Bruce, as Jefferson guffaws) Did you put him up to that?
      Bruce: Maybe.

     Intro Quotes 
  • Supergirl vs. Batman
    Supergirl: Hard to tell, but you look grumpy.
    Batman: Kryptonians give me headaches.
    Supergirl: You're in for a doozy.
  • Atrocitus vs. Supergirl
    Atrocitus: You could wear a Red Ring...
    Supergirl: Red jewelry's kinda for old ladies.
    Atrocitus: MOCK ME AT YOUR PERIL!
  • Supergirl vs. Atrocitus
    Supergirl: You gonna spit up on me, Atrocitus?
    Atrocitus: Irritating female...
    Supergirl: Y'know who else does that? Babies!
  • Bane vs. Harley Quinn
    Bane: I will destroy you with one hand.
    Harley Quinn: What's the other one gonna be doing?
    Bane: Silence, clown!
  • Blue Beetle vs. Harley Quinn
    Blue Beetle: Shall we duel, Your Highness?
    Harley Quinn: How about slaps and tickles at ten paces?!
    Blue Beetle: Just my luck... freak of nature...
  • Harley Quinn vs. Wonder Woman
    Harley Quinn: How's it feel being the villain?
    Wonder Woman: You're the villain, Quinn.
    Harley Quinn: The lady's crazier than I am!
  • Supergirl vs. Supergirl
    Supergirl 1: Do I actually have a sister?!
    Supergirl 2: Pfft, as if.
    Supergirl 1: How dare you get my hopes up!
  • Supergirl vs. Supergirl
    Supergirl 1: Kara Zor-El?
    Supergirl 2: Who wants to know?
    Supergirl 1: Kara Zor-El.
  • Supergirl vs. Supergirl
    Supergirl 1: What's your deal?
    Supergirl 2: I'm Supergirl! You playing dress-up?
    Supergirl 1: More like...beat-em-up!
  • Blue Beetle vs. Batman
    Blue Beetle: It's Beetle versus Bat!
    Batman: Bats eat beetles.
    Blue Beetle: ...that escalated quickly.
  • Atrocitus vs. Blue Beetle
    Atrocitus: You are a bug, Blue Beetle...
    Blue Beetle: Whatever you say, cat lady!
    Atrocitus: DEX-STARR SHALL GNAW ON YOUR BONES!
  • Superman vs. Blue Beetle
    Superman: Are you sure about this?
    Blue Beetle: Nope! But I'm here.
    Superman: I'll give you points for honesty.
  • Green Arrow vs. Firestorm
    Green Arrow: So, has Bruce ever sat you down for... the talk?
    Firestorm: How young do you think I am?
    Green Arrow: Not that talk, Firestorm.
  • Blue Beetle vs. Supergirl
    Blue Beetle: I'm no fan of hitting girls.
    Supergirl: Heh, you'll be lucky to tickle me.
    Blue Beetle: Yep, I kinda would be.
  • Captain Cold vs. Dr. Fate
    Captain Cold: Doctor.
    Dr. Fate: Captain.
    Captain Cold: Just need a priest and we can walk into a bar.
  • Doctor Fate vs. Captain Cold
    Doctor Fate: Part of you is still good, Captain Cold.
    Captain Cold: Yeah, my trigger finger!
    Doctor Fate: ...hmm, perhaps I was wrong.
  • Batman vs Poison Ivy
    Poison Ivy: Selina's billionaire sugar daddy.
    Batman: Green with jealousy?
    Poison Ivy: Don't flatter yourself.
    • Even funnier when it's noticed that Batman doesn't deny this accusation at all.
  • Green Arrow vs. Brainiac
    Green Arrow: Why are all the aliens I meet despots?!
    Brainiac: Earth's leaders are little different.
    Green Arrow: ...got me there.
  • Gorilla Grodd vs. The Flash
    Grodd: Hold still, puny hero.
    Flash: Sorry. Restless leg syndrome.
    Grodd: I'll tear them from your hips!
  • The Flash vs. Gorilla Grodd
    Flash: Like the threads?
    Grodd: Your costume's ridiculous.
    Flash: At least I'm wearing pants!
  • Green Lantern vs. Green Arrow
    Green Lantern: Billionaire social justice warrior...
    Green Arrow: I'll take that as a compliment!
    Green Lantern: [scoff] You and your bleeding heart...
  • Joker vs. Robin
    Damian: I'm no Jason Todd.
    Joker: He's pathetic. You're contemptible.
    Damian: And you're both.
  • Joker vs. Scarecrow
    Joker: I just love these Arkham reunions!
    Scarecrow: I spiked your punch.
    Joker: Naughty naughty, Scarecrow!
  • Bane vs. Green Lantern
    Bane: I thought you supported the Regime?
    Green Lantern: A hundred percent Team Batman now!
    Bane: My least favorite team.
  • Superman vs Green Arrow
    Superman: This won't be a fair fight.
    Green Arrow: Seems only sporting I give you a chance.
    Superman: That was actually kind of funny.
  • The Joker vs. Darkseid
  • Harley Quinn vs. Harley Quinn
    Harley Quinn 1: Hey, good lookin'!
    Harley Quinn 2: Whatcha got cookin'?
    Harley Quinn 1: A knuckle buster parfait!
  • Captain Cold vs. Green Arrow
    Captain Cold: Move, Arrow, and I'll blast ya!
    Green Arrow: Why's it gotta be a cold gun?
    Captain Cold: "Captain Tropical" doesn't roll off the tongue.
  • The Flash vs. Wonder Woman
    Flash: Hitting me won't be easy!
    Wonder Woman: You're only the fastest man alive, Barry.
    Flash: ...I see what you did there.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Green Arrow
    Harley Quinn: Ollie! I quiver with joy!
    Green Arrow: Archery puns, really?
    Harley Quinn: Don't be so cross...bow.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Aquaman
    Harley Quinn:: Docs now say fish remember faces.
    Aquaman: I'll never forget yours!
    Harley Quinn: [gasp] It's true!
  • Black Canary vs. Harley Quinn
    Black Canary: You said "girl's night out", Harley.
    Harley Quinn: Well, we're out, ain't we?
    Black Canary: This isn't what's meant by "doing shots".
  • Batman vs. The Joker
    Batman: We're not doing this anymore, Joker.
    Joker: You're breaking up with me?
    Batman: I'm breaking you.
  • Batman vs. The Joker
    Batman: You're supposed to be dead.
    Joker: Maybe we're both dead, Bats!
    Batman: Then this would be Hell.
  • Green Arrow vs. The Flash
    Green Arrow: My earth's Flash would like a word.
    The Flash: I can imagine what that word is...
    Green Arrow: I'd tell you, but this is a family show.
  • Captain Cold vs. The Flash
    Captain Cold: Good thing you're wearing longjohns.
    The Flash: I'm going commando under here!
    Captain Cold: ...ugh, TMI!
  • Captain Cold vs. Firestorm
    Captain Cold: Fire 'n' ice...
    Firestorm: Heh, a played-out theme, don'tcha think?
    Captain Cold: Got a soft spot for the classics.
  • Captain Cold vs. Harley Quinn
    Captain Cold: Back off, Harley.
    Harley: Aye-aye, Cap'n! Heard ya had a cold anyway...
    Captain Cold: (in a mockingly sweet tone) If anyone's sick, precious, it's you!
  • Batman vs. Harley Quinn
    Batman: Dinah said you woke up screaming for Joker.
    Harley: ...yeah, that dream was really Not Safe for Work.
    Batman: Should I be concerned?
  • Harley Quinn vs. Batman
    Harley: We're gonna take care of Wonder Woman, right?
    Batman: By "take care of", you mean "put in jail"?
    Harley: ...yeah, that's exactly what I meant...
  • Harley Quinn vs. Batman (again)
    Harley: Ya ever gonna trust me 100%?
    Batman: I don't trust anyone that much.
    Harley: Fine! I'll settle for 80.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Cheetah
    Harley: My, what big claws you have!
    Cheetah: The better to slash off your face, my dear.
    Harley: You know the wolf dies, right!?
  • The Joker vs. Cyborg
    Joker: Boop beep dop boop boop!
    Cyborg: ...what are you doing?
    Joker: That's robot for "you're dead"!
  • The Joker vs. Atrocitus
    Joker: What's big, red, and ugly all over?
    Atrocitus: DON'T SAY IT!
    Joker: ...so you've heard it already.
  • The Joker vs. Deadshot
    Joker: Guns, guns, guns...where's the art?
    Deadshot: I don't get paid extra for creativity.
    Joker: Philistine...
  • The Joker vs. Green Arrow
    Joker: I understand you have a family...
    Green Arrow: Stay away from them, you son of a bitch.
    Joker: Oh, so you've met my mother?
  • The Joker vs. Captain Cold
    Captain Cold: I'm pretty funny too, y'know.
    Joker: Let's hear what you got!
    Captain Cold: I'm more into physical comedy.
  • The Joker vs. Scarecrow
    Joker: I guess we are somewhat alike.
    Scarecrow: We're both agents of chaos.
    Joker: But I'm the pretty one!
  • The Joker vs. Blue Beetle
    Joker: One of the musical mop-tops, from Liverpool!
    Blue Beetle: Might as well be speakin' Greek, brah.
    Joker: Ugh. Never trust anyone under thirty.
  • Cyborg vs. Scarecrow
    Cyborg: What's your deal, anyway?
    Scarecrow: I create fear and disruption.
    Cyborg: Online, we call that "trolling".
  • Green Lantern vs. Scarecrow
    Green Lantern: Ugh, between you and Sinestro, I can't sleep.
    Scarecrow: I know what keeps you awake...
    Green Lantern: Yeah, too much coffee and dumb villain banter.
  • Scarecrow vs. Poison Ivy
    Scarecrow: Rejecting your own people?
    Poison Ivy: For being botanophobes.
    Scarecrow: ...said the anthropophobe...
  • Firestorm vs. Scarecrow
    Firestorm: How about a little fire, Scarecrow?!
    Scarecrow: A film reference?!
    Firestorm: ...next time, Professor, I'll do the trash-talking./I'll send you over the rainbow...
  • Green Arrow vs. Superman
    Green Arrow: Shouldn't have messed with Dinah.
    Superman: She scares me more than you, Oliver.
    Green Arrow: ...Some days she scares me too.
  • Harley vs. Mr. Freeze
    Harley: Can you make me a pony?
    Mr. Freeze: It will make the twilight sparkle.
    Harley: [laughter] I was hoping you'd say that.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Mr. Freeze
    Harley: One snow cone, please!
    Mr. Freeze: You dare mock my suffering?!
    Harley: Just tryin' to break the ice.
  • Black Canary vs. Black Canary
    Black Canary 1: Ollie couldn't handle two of us.
    Black Canary 2: He'd like to think he could.
    Black Canary 1: All men do.
  • Green Lantern vs. Robin
    Green Lantern: I'd rather deal with your boss, kid.
    Robin: I'm nobody's sidekick, Jordan.
    Green Lantern: Spoken like a true sidekick.
  • Green Lantern vs. Robin (again)
    Green Lantern: Know your role, Junior.
    Robin: Time you showed me some respect!
    Green Lantern: Okay then, Mister Junior.
  • Black Canary vs. Green Arrow
    Green Arrow: What now, pretty bird?
    Black Canary: You haven't been a good boy.
    Green Arrow: Ooooh... My Safe Word is "Arrowcave".
  • Black Canary vs. Green Arrow
    Black Canary: (sexily) Now you're gonna get it.
    Green Arrow: I think I have a crush on you.
    Black Canary: You can't flatter your way outta this.
  • Black Canary vs. Green Arrow
    Black Canary: You booked Connor's sitter, yeah?
    Green Arrow: No... I thought you were going to?
    Black Canary: Now you're really gonna get it...
  • Power Girl vs. Captain Cold:
    Power Girl: I'm stranded in the wrong universe.
    Captain Cold: Don't give me your sob story.
    Power Girl: You see any tears, snow bunny?
  • Power Girl vs. Brainiac:
    Power Girl: You blew up Krypton!
    Brainiac: What is your point of origin?
    Power Girl: Krypton!
  • Superman vs. Harley Quinn:
    Superman: Want to hear a joke?
    Harley Quinn: Aw, gee, this oughta be somethin'.
    Superman: Harley Quinn vs. Superman.
  • Jay Garrick vs. Reverse-Flash
    Jay Garrick: Do you enjoy hurting people?
    Reverse-Flash: I take pride in a job well done.
    Jay Garrick: Find a new line of work, friend.
  • Mister Freeze vs. Reverse-Flash
  • Reverse-Flash vs. Reverse-Flash
    Reverse-Flash: Who're you?
    Professor Zoom: I'm Professor Zoom, and I'll-
    Reverse-Flash: Sorry, lost me at "Professor Zoom".
  • Superman vs. John Stewart
    Superman: That power ring packs quite a punch...
    John Stewart: There are many like it, but this one's mine.
    Superman: Is that so...?
  • Deadshot vs. John Stewart
    Deadshot: The army didn't teach me to shoot.
    John Stewart: I was a USMC scout sniper.
    Deadshot: Go ahead, demonstrate.
  • Superman vs. Superman
    Superman 1: Tell me something only I would know.
    Superman 2: Two words: beef bourguignon.
    Superman 1: (genuinely flabbergasted) ...That's impossible!
  • John Stewart vs. Power Girl
    John Stewart: Are you...uh...y'know...?
    Power Girl: Ugh. Single? Yes, and happily so.
    John Stewart: I was going to say "Kryptonian".
  • Darkseid Vs Green Arrow
    Green Arrow: You sure this is your smartest play?
    Darkseid: There are no errors in Darkseid's judgement.
    Green Arrow: That's okay, stupidity should be painful.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Reverse-Flash
    Harley Quinn: You got a funny name?
    Reverse-Flash: I won't dignify that with a response.
    Harley Quinn: Clearly, you're emotional about it...
  • Reverse-Flash vs. Darkseid
    Reverse-Flash: Your future isn't too bright, Darkseid.
    Darkseid: What are you saying, worm?
    Reverse-Flash: That an apocalypse awaits Apokolips!
  • Cyborg vs. Green Arrow
    Green Arrow: Victor, I can't open my pickle jar.
    Cyborg: Try more pushups.
    Green Arrow: I'll share 'em with you!
  • Blue Beetle vs. Green Arrow
    Green Arrow: Going down, bug boy!
    Blue Beetle: Really? That's all you got?
    Green Arrow: It's an off day for me.
  • Jay Garrick vs. Jay Garrick
    Jay Garrick 2: It's tough enough being in the future.
    Jay Garrick 1: I know. Now there's two of us.
    Jay Garrick 2: Just thinking about it makes my head spin!
  • Jay Garrick vs. Jay Garrick
    Jay Garrick 1: You can't fool me, Thinker!
    Jay Garrick 2: I'm you, not your arch-villain!
    Jay Garrick 1: That's exactly what you'd want me to think!
  • Black Canary vs. Firestorm
    Black Canary: It's a look, I'll give you that.
    Firestorm: Says the lady who fights in fishnets.
    Black Canary: I don't hear my fans complaining./I'd like to see you pull off fishnets.
  • Mister Freeze vs. Blue Beetle
    Mister Freeze: Demonstrate the Scarab's recuperative methodology.
    Blue Beetle: Might as well be speaking Greek, brah.
    Mister Freeze: Show me how it heals your wounds.
  • Blue Beetle vs. Mister Freeze
    Blue Beetle: Wow... meeting you is just so cool...
    Mister Freeze: Cheap puns are beneath you, Beetle...
    Blue Beetle: Thanks! ...I guess...
  • Mister Freeze vs. Robin
    Mister Freeze: I'll aid Superman if he'll aid my research.
    Robin: Uhh... no.
    Mister Freeze: Your ego makes you snowblind.
  • Captain Cold vs. Mister Freeze:
    Captain Cold: The Rogues never liked you.
    Mr. Freeze: Because I am the true master of cold.
    Captain Cold: How about I freeze your head?
  • Captain Cold vs. Blue Beetle
    Captain Cold: I hate bugs.
    Blue Beetle: Beetles are insects, not bugs.
    Captain Cold: Well, that changes everything./You're still getting squished.
  • Blue Beetle vs. The Flash
    Blue Beetle: Slowin' down, old-timer?
    The Flash: Careful, I'll photobomb your selfies!
    Blue Beetle: ...not cool, man.
  • Robin vs. Deadshot
    Robin: I just had a great idea.
    Deadshot: Put your hands up and surrender?
    Robin: Hah! No, I'm gonna shoot you with your own guns.
  • Blue Beetle vs. Scarecrow
    Blue Beetle: So, you really full of straw?
    Scarecrow: No, something much worse.
    Blue Beetle: Better not be glitter.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Swamp Thing
    Harley: Why do I always get the big guys?
    Swamp Thing: Because you have a big mouth.
    Harley Quinn: Leave the humor to me, pal.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Superman
    Harley: You ain't so tough, Superman.
    Superman: What gives you that idea?
    Harley Quinn: Alfred knocked your freakin' ass out!
  • Harley Quinn vs. Black Adam
    Harley Quinn: Ooh, lightning lad!
    Black Adam: You dare mock me, child?
    Harley: (in a mocking impression of Adam) You dare mock me, child?
  • Darkseid vs. Atrocitus
    Darkseid: I am Lord of Apokolips!
    Atrocitus: You are nothing to a Red Lantern!
    Darkseid: On your knees, fool!
  • Darkseid vs. Aquaman
    Darkseid: Submit, Aquaman, or die.
    Aquaman: Should I be intimidated?
    Darkseid: If you have but one shred of intelligence.
  • Darkseid vs. Brainiac
    Darkseid: How will you survive my Omega Beams?
    Brainiac: Your power cannot touch me.
    Darkseid: Challenge accepted.
  • Darkseid vs Deadshot
    Deadshot: Any last words?
    Darkseid: Shoot yourself and spare me the trouble.
    Deadshot: I'm not taking requests.
  • The Joker vs. The Flash
    Joker: Here's a newsflash! Life is a meaningless joke.
    The Flash: Life has meaning if we give it meaning.
    Joker: Get all your advice off bumper stickers?
  • The Joker vs. Captain Cold
    Joker: Oh Captain, my Captain.
    Captain Cold: Whitman? Seriously?
    Joker: A little culture wouldn't kill you.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Firestorm
    Harley Quinn: Hey, you've got a campfire on your head.
    Firestorm: We're not here to sing kumbaya.
    Harley Quinn: If I want s'mores, I'm getting them!
  • Blue Beetle vs. Aquaman
    Blue Beetle: The Scarab says you talk to fish.
    Aquaman: That's a gross oversimplification.
    Blue Beetle: But it sure fits easy on a bumper sticker.
  • Captain Cold vs Batman
    Captain Cold: A new ice age is coming.
    Batman: You need a new catchphrase.
    Captain Cold: You don't have to be a jerk about it.
  • Cheetah vs. Catwoman
    Cheetah: Mine are real, Catwoman.
    Catwoman: We better be talking about claws.
    Cheetah: And they are spectacular!
  • Vixen vs. John Stewart
    Vixen: (accusingly) Long time, no talk, John.
    John Stewart: (embarrassed) Uhhh, I meant to call you, Mari.
    Vixen: I'm not the type who waits by the phone!
  • John Stewart vs. Vixen
    John Stewart: I'm still the same John you knew.
    Vixen: So you're definitely losing this fight!
    John Stewart: Oh, you're gonna do me like that now?!
  • Vixen vs. Grid
    Vixen: I almost feel sorry for you, Grid.
    Grid: Why do you feel sorry?
    Vixen: You don't know you're about to be recycled!
  • Vixen vs. Jay Garrick
    Vixen: I gotta say: Brainiac was a real bastard.
    Jay Garrick: Language, Miss McCabe. You're a superhero.
    Vixen: (admiringly) And you're seriously old-school.
  • Jay Garrick vs. Vixen
    Jay Garrick: You make one heck of a Sidekick, Vixen.
    Vixen: I'm the star of my own show.
    Jay Garrick: Well, then. Partners it is!
  • Jay Garrick vs Gorilla Grodd
    Garrick: You must be Gorilla Grodd.
    Grodd: I'll suck the marrow from your bones.
    Garrick: Yep... Fits Barry's description to a T.
  • Firestorm vs Jay Garrick
    Firestorm: Welcome to the bonfire.
    Garrick: If I'd known, I'd have brought hot dogs.
    Firestorm: I'll toast you like a marshmallow.
  • Harley Quinn vs Brainiac
    Harley: You've got a funny name.
    Brainiac: Brainiac inspires humor?
    Harley: Whoops, thought it was Brain Freeze!
  • The Joker vs. Brainiac
    Joker: How nice~, you saved me a spot!
    Brainiac: In my collection? Never!
    Joker: ...a spot to stab you in, genius.
  • The Joker vs. Brainiac (again)
    Joker: It's a Brainiac whack-attack!
    Brainiac: Your mind is human...yet not.
    Joker: It's called insanity, try it sometime!
  • Captain Cold vs. Deadshot
    Captain Cold: C'mon, Deadass!
    Deadshot: Watch how you talk to me!
    Captain Cold: Oh, I'm all done talking...
  • Deadshot vs. Captain Cold
    Deadshot: Cold...you're not leaving here alive.
    Captain Cold: When did I get on your bad side?
    Deadshot: When the check cleared.
  • Deadshot vs. Bane
    Deadshot: Just fists, Bane? You nuts?
    Bane: I need no weapons, Deadshot!
    Deadshot: Time to scramble those huevos.
  • Deadshot vs. Bane (again)
    Deadshot: ¡Hola, amigo!
    Bane: Do not butcher my language!
    Deadshot: Fine, I'll just butcher you.
  • Deadshot vs. Cyborg
    Deadshot: Hello, robot.
    Cyborg: I'm a cyborg, hence the name.
    Deadshot: I'll sell your organs and your spare parts.
  • Blue Beetle vs. Green Lantern
    Blue Beetle: Hal Jordan?! No way!
    Green Lantern: You a Green Lantern fan?
    Blue Beetle: Not after your heel-turn, bro!
  • Green Lantern vs. Blue Beetle
    Green Lantern: Butterfly wings...precious.
    Blue Beetle: Is your ring full of fairy dust?
    Green Lantern: More like whup-ass!
  • Blue Beetle vs. Brainiac
    Blue Beetle: Blue Beetle, coming at you!
    Brainiac: You are of no interest to me.
    Blue Beetle: ...I think I'm interesting. / ...says every girl at school...
  • Deadshot vs. Deadshot
    Deadshot 1: Only one of us is the best shot.
    Deadshot 2: Guess the other will really be a deadshot.
    Deadshot 1: That is so meta.
  • Deadshot vs. Gorilla Grodd
    Deadshot: Who taught you to speak?
    Grodd: No one taught me, fool!
    Deadshot: Maybe someone could teach you to shut up!
  • Deadshot vs. Wonder Woman
    Deadshot: Are you just gonna deflect the bullets?
    Wonder Woman: Finding out might kill you.
    Deadshot: (nonchalantly) Eh, I'll try anything once.
  • Green Lantern vs Swamp Thing
    Green Lantern: I fly, you don't. I win.
    Swamp Thing: I can grow wings, Lantern.
    Green Lantern: Okay, now it's a contest.
  • Cyborg vs. Brainiac
    Cyborg: I want nothing to do with you.
    Brainiac: We are similar. Almost family.
    Cyborg: "Uncle Brainiac"? No thanks.
  • Harley Quinn vs. Brainiac
    Harley: Where am I on that scale o' yours?
    Brainiac: At best, a 4th level intellect.
    Harley: Only three spots to Number One!
  • Blue Beetle vs. Brainiac
    Brainiac: You are nothing without the Scarab.
    Blue Beetle: My mom would disagree.
    Brainiac: Mothers lack objectivity.
  • Batman vs. Batman
    Batman 1: Wearing my cowl? You're asking for it!
    Batman 2: From you?
    Batman 1: From every goon who wants to kill me!
  • Poison Ivy vs. Bane
    Poison Ivy: You smell like a gym locker.
    Bane: Perhaps I should rub you all over me!
    Poison Ivy: You would find it a nauseating way to die.
  • Poison Ivy vs. Green Lantern
    Poison Ivy: You're part of the problem.
    Green Lantern: Come on, Ivy, I recycle!
    Poison Ivy: Not when you burn jet fuel!
  • Poison Ivy vs. Captain Cold
    Poison Ivy: Captain Cold.
    Captain Cold: I'm surprised you don't dig me, Ivy.
    Poison Ivy: You're right! Kiss me.
  • Poison Ivy vs. Brainiac
    Poison Ivy: My pheromones don't work on you.
    Brainiac: Carnal pleasures do not interest me.
    Poison Ivy: That's both sad and pathetic.
    • Even funnier when you consider that, in her Arcade ending, she does manage to seduce him.
  • Captain Cold vs. Superman
    Captain Cold: Finally, a shot at the big guy.
    Superman: Be careful what you wish for...
    Captain Cold: Just a chance to freeze your ass.
  • Gorilla Grodd vs. Blue Beetle
    Grodd: Batman sends a boy to tame me?
    Blue Beetle: At least I'm not a big dumb monkey.
    Grodd: There were three errors in that statement.
  • Firestorm vs. Superman
    Firestorm: These flames aren't just for show!
    Superman: I've stood on the sun, Firestorm.
    Firestorm: That is seriously freaking cool!
  • Catwoman vs. Harley Quinn:
    Catwoman: Nice outfit.
    Harley: Yours is just... alright.
    Catwoman: Take that back.
  • Power Girl vs. Supergirl
    Power Girl: How many friggin' Earths are there?!
    Supergirl: Should we form a support group or something?
    Power Girl: I don't even know where to start.
  • The Joker vs. Red Hood
    Joker: We're both dead! How are we here?
    Red Hood: This is Hell, and I'm the devil!
    Joker: ...how I missed your witty repartee.
  • The Joker vs. Red Hood
    Joker: Didn't I kill you, already?
    Red Hood: Guess I got better!
    Joker: Not for long...
  • Red Hood vs. The Joker
    Red Hood: Joker...you son of a bitch.
    Joker: Here to haunt your every dream!
    Red Hood: I ain't afraid of no ghost!
  • Red Hood vs. Blue Beetle
    Red Hood: You might actually beat me, Jamie.
    Blue Beetle: You really think so?
    Red Hood: HELL NO! You're dead meat!
  • Red Hood vs. Captain Cold
    Red Hood: Nice gun, Leonard.
    Captain Cold: Right back at ya.
    Red Hood: We gonna be friends now?
  • Black Canary vs. Vixen
    Vixen: We've got two things in common, Dinah.
    Black Canary: Good looks, quick wit, and a killer right hook.
    Vixen: Make that three things.
  • Gorilla Grodd vs. Flash
    Gorilla Grodd: Enjoy ruling the world?
    Flash: I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
    Gorilla Grodd: As yours, I'm disappointed.
  • Captain Cold vs. Catwoman
    Captain Cold: Heard you like dangerous men.
    Catwoman: Capes are cooler than... parkas...
    Captain Cold: I'm practical, sweetheart.
  • Catwoman vs. Robin
    Catwoman: I met your mother once.
    Robin: No woman could surpass her.
    Catwoman: That's why you don't have a girlfriend.
  • Red Hood vs. Deadshot
    Red Hood: Ready to duel with the devil?
    Deadshot: Take your shot. Make it count.
    Red Hood: One shot? But I brought all these bullets.
  • Red Hood vs. Doctor Fate
    Red Hood: Ra's Al Ghul saved my life!
    Doctor Fate: Ra's Al Ghul denied fate.
    Red Hood: I don't see the downside.
  • Aquaman vs. Joker
    Aquaman: I hoped never again to see your face.
    Joker: But my smile brightens any room!
    Aquaman: I'll be fine in the dark!
  • Green Arrow vs. Poison Ivy
    Green Arrow: I'm growing tomatoes. Got any tips?
    Poison Ivy: Choke on them.
    Green Arrow: No salsa for you!
  • Aquaman vs. Green Arrow
    Aquaman: So Grodd's gone from your head?
    Green Arrow: You'll know if I start monkeying around.
    Aquaman: Yes, he's gone.
  • Red Hood vs. Cheetah
    Red Hood: The hell do you think you're doing?
    Cheetah: I go where the hunt takes me!
    Red Hood: You're going into a woodchipper!
  • Red Hood vs. Firestorm
    Red Hood: Bruce says you're something special.
    Firestorm: I can go nuclear in seconds!
    Red Hood: Lots of people can do that.
  • Red Hood vs. Harley Quinn
    Red Hood: Call me the Red Hood.
    Harley Quinn: Put 'em up, Robin Hood!
    Red Hood: Know what? Just call me Jason.
  • Joker vs. Green Arrow (Again)
    Green Arrow: There's a rule with fighting clowns.
    Joker: Do tell, Green Arrow.
    Green Arrow: Always go for the juggler.
  • Red Hood vs. The Flash
    Red Hood: You still represent the Regime?
    The Flash: Relax, I'm on your side.
    Red Hood: Never tell the man with a gun to relax!
  • Red Hood vs. Jay Garrick
    Red Hood: I don't think I've ever met a bigger goody-two-shoes.
    Jay Garrick: I'm about to land one on your posterior.
    Red Hood: Good luck with that, Garrick.
  • Red Hood vs. Red Hood
    Red Hood 1: Ahh, the smell of gunpowder...
    Red Hood 2: You can't smell with a hood on.
    Red Hood 1: Upgrade your gear, poser!
  • Brainiac vs Captain Cold
    Brainiac: Your weapon is trifling.
    Captain Cold: Then I'll just punch you in the face.
    Brainiac: Even less effective.
  • Aquaman vs. Firestorm
    Aquaman: Looks like you could use some water.
    Firestorm: I'm just here for the big fish.
    Aquaman: Batman must be so proud...
  • Black Canary vs. Aquaman
    Black Canary: You were a jerk to Bruce.
    Aquaman: You will address me as royalty!
    Black Canary: You were a jerk to Bruce, your highness.
  • Cyborg vs. Sub-Zero
    Cyborg: Better hope you've got good defense!
    Sub-Zero: You would have better luck damaging a glacier.
    Cyborg: Rhetorical question, genius.
  • Green Arrow vs. Sub-Zero
    Green Arrow: I brought plenty of fire arrows.
    Sub-Zero: You are choosing to suffer...
    Green Arrow: Geez, spoiler alert...
  • Power Girl vs. Sub-Zero
    Power Girl: Sell your ice cream somewhere else.
    Sub-Zero: This realm must prepare for Kombat.
    Power Girl: I said beat it, Frosty!
  • Sub-Zero vs. Cheetah
    Sub-Zero: Why assume I will be easy prey?
    Cheetah: You lack killer instinct.
    Sub-Zero: I have engaged in Mortal Kombat.

     Clashes 
  • Atrocitus vs. Supergirl
    Atrocitus: THIS IS FOR CALLING ME A BABY!
    Supergirl: Wow, need a diaper change?
  • Batman vs. Atrocitus (doubles as a Shout-Out to The LEGO Movie)
    Atrocitus: You'd be a perfect Red Lantern!
    Batman: I only come in black!
  • Batman vs. Joker
    Batman: You're definitely a headache!/I'm ending this nightmare.
    Joker: #GrumpyBat!
  • Black Canary vs. Brainiac
    Black Canary: Gonna put my fist right up your-
    Brainiac: Humans are obsessed with scatology!
  • Black Canary vs. Green Arrow
    Black Canary: I can go all night.
    Green Arrow: Promise!?
  • Black Canary vs. Joker
    Black Canary: Gonna put my fist right up your-
    Joker: It could use a polish!
  • Blue Beetle vs. Atrocitus
    Blue Beetle: Who names their cat "Dex-Starr"?
    Atrocitus: YOU'LL NOT RIDICULE ME AGAIN!
  • Blue Beetle vs Flash
    Beetle: Am I fast, or are you slow?
    Flash: It's a little of both.
  • Cyborg vs. Supergirl
    Cyborg: Friend request denied!
    Supergirl: Ugh, I'm heartbroken.
  • Darkseid vs. Harley Quinn
    Darkseid: Why should Darkseid fear you?
    Harley: YOU SINGED MY PIGTAILS!
  • Darkseid vs. Joker
    Darkseid: Darkseid laughs as you perish.
    Joker: Thank you.
  • Deadshot vs. Batman
    Deadshot: My shots are getting closer!
    Batman: But you're still missing.
  • Doctor Fate vs. Green Arrow
    Doctor Fate: ORDER SHALL PREVAIL!
    Green Arrow: You really need to get laid.
  • Doctor Fate vs Captain Cold
    Doctor Fate: You are but a man with a gun!
    Captain Cold: Not what my bank account says!
  • Firestorm vs. The Flash
    Firestorm: You familiar with the laws of physics?
    The Flash: I've broken them all, so... Yeah!
  • Flash vs Blue Beetle
    Flash: I can see why Bruce likes you.
    Beetle: He does? He really does!?
  • The Flash vs Poison Ivy
    Flash: See? Fastest man alive!
    Poison Ivy: Then hurry up and die.
  • Green Arrow vs Captain Cold
    Green Arrow: It's a pleasure to kick your ass.
    Captain Cold: Feeling's mutual!
  • Green Arrow vs. Green Arrow
    Green Arrow: Can't tell which of us is evil!
    Green Arrow: I know! We've both got beards!
  • Green Lantern(Hal Jordan) vs Green Lantern(John Stewart)
    Hal: I'm the real Green Lantern!
    John: Very funny, Hal!
  • Harley vs. Aquaman
    Harley: You kiss like a fish, too?!
    Aquaman: Enough with the fish metaphors.../Only Mera gets to find out!
  • Harley vs Atrocitus
    Harley: You'd make a darn cute plushie!
    Atrocitus: WHAT. IS A PLUSHIE?!
  • Harley vs Bane
    Harley: (imitating Bane) I'll break wind!
  • Harley Quinn vs Captain Cold
    Harley Quinn: Could ya' make me a snow cone?
    Captain Cold: Try asking Mr. Freeze.
    • Becomes a Brick Joke with Harley Quinn vs Mr. Freeze
    Harley Quinn: Could ya make me a snow cone?
    Mr. Freeze: Did Snart tell you to ask me that?
  • Harley vs. Catwoman
    Harley: I love you~
    Catwoman: Then quit yanking my tail!
  • Harley vs. Deadshot
    Harley: Stop tryin' to kill me, will ya?!
    Deadshot: Nah, I'll keep shooting.
  • Harley vs. Flash
  • Harley vs. Green Lantern
    Harley: Green means GO!
    Green Lantern: My fist means STOP!
  • Harley vs. Poison Ivy
    Harley: I love you~
    Ivy: I know~
  • Harley vs. Swamp Thing
    Harley: Make like a tree and leaf!
    Swamp Thing: I hate that joke, Quinn.
  • Joker vs Aquaman
    Joker: You'll be delicious, battered and fried.
    Aquaman: Enough with the fish metaphors!
  • Joker vs. Black Adam
  • Joker vs. Brainiac
    Joker: You're taking the fun out of it!
    Brainiac: The advantage of a 12th level intellect.
  • Joker vs. Cyborg
    Joker: You're breaking Asimov's first law!
    Cyborg: I'm a cyborg, not a robot!
  • Joker vs. Firestorm
  • Joker vs. Green Arrow
    Joker: You got no sense of humor!
    Green Arrow: Hello, boxing glove arrow?
  • Joker vs. Green Lantern
    Joker: Look! Sinestro's behind you!
    Green Lantern: Not falling for that one./Never heard that one before.
  • Joker vs. Red Hood
  • Joker vs Scarecrow
    Joker: More gas, please!
    Scarecrow: You've had enough./Stop having fun!
  • Poison Ivy vs. Supergirl
    Poison Ivy: Kiss me, lover...
    Supergirl: Gross. Not happening.
  • Red Hood vs the Joker:
    Red Hood: Scum like you deserve to die!
  • Reverse Flash vs Jay Garrick
    Reverse Flash: I'll destroy your future!
    Garrick: That would be incredibly impolite!
  • Robin vs. Deadshot
    Robin: Who'd put a hit on me!?
    Deadshot: Anyone who's ever met you.
  • Robin vs. Red Hood
    Robin: This time, you're dead!
    Red Hood: Been dead, done that!
    • Gives the same response in a Mirror Match, when the other Red Hood snarls, "Scum like you deserve to die!"
  • Scarecrow vs. Deadshot
    Scarecrow: Scream in terror!
    Deadshot: Actually, that might be cathartic.
  • Scarecrow vs. Joker
    Scarecrow: You couldn't beat Batman!
    Joker: Best you'll give him is a hangover!
  • Scarecrow vs. Robin
    Scarecrow: Daddy fights better than you!
    Robin: Shut up, Scarecrow!
  • Scarecrow vs Superman
    Scarecrow: Confess your fears!
    Superman: I'm afraid for your safety.
  • Supergirl vs. Atrocitus
    Supergirl: Ready for naptime, baby?
    Atrocitus: YOU'LL NOT RIDICULE ME AGAIN!
  • Superman vs. Bane
    Superman: I'll break you, Bane.
    Bane: That is my line.
  • Wonder Woman vs. Harley Quinn
    Wonder Woman: Say goodnight, Harley.
    Harley Quinn: Goodnight, Harley!
  • Sub-Zero vs. The Joker
    Sub-Zero: You fight without honor!
    Joker: Because this Joker's wild!

     Story 
  • When Green Arrow and Black Canary are planning their fight with Bane:
    Black Canary: One of us needs to distract him while the other snips his tubes.
    Green Arrow: Ouch.
    Black Canary: His Venom tubes, Ollie.
  • Unsurprisingly Green Arrow is full of these. If he faces off against Catwoman in Gorilla City:
    Catwoman: You have no idea what you're doing!
    Green Arrow: Sure, I do! I'm in Gorilla City, fighting against a cat suit lady. This is one for the bucket list.
  • Later, if Black Canary faces off against Gorilla Grodd:
    Grodd: Soon, you will kneel before me!
    Black Canary: Kneel before Grodd?! That doesn't sound right.
  • Firestorm's assurance that he finished the fight by burying Wonder Woman under 10 feet of steel, leading to the latter bursting free in three seconds.
  • In the cutscene before starting ch 7 when Superman and Batman are the only two in the room after their groups plan on how to evacuate the cities before attacking Brainiac, Superman removes the tarp covering the top of the table showing that they were using the old Justice League table. What's Batman's response to being called out on this?
    Batman (As casual as he can get): Hm. Forgot that was there.
  • Poison Ivy blatantly implying that Cyborg's lost something... important below the waist.
  • If you pick Catwoman to fight the brainwashed Harley, Cyborg gets tossed around by Ivy off-screen.
    Cyborg: (to Selina) Your girlfriend's a real man-eater!
  • When Harley falls unconscious after being hit by Ivy's pheromones, Catwoman's concerned while Cyborg just shrugs indifferently.
  • When Captain Cold and Reverse Flash attack Wonder Woman, Reverse Flash punches her up a bit before striking a cocky pose beside Captain Cold, who then fires a freeze blast. Wonder Woman easily deflects the attack with her bracers, ricocheting and freezing Reverse Flash, still in the cocky pose.
  • When Brainiac hands the heroes a stinging defeat and seemingly kills Superman, he beams down a message noting their infighting. Hal quips "Did you call in just to gloat?"
  • Just a few seconds after Batman and Superman reminiscence over happier days, Superman kills the moment by sucker-punching Batman.

     Other 
  • The voice Jeffrey Combs uses for Brainiac makes it sound like either Weyoum Took a Level in Badass or Ratchet underwent a Face–Heel Turn.
  • The Metropolis transition from the Ace o' Clubs bar to Memorial Station. After being punched through a wall, the opponent rolls into the path of a speeding van. The funny part is that, regardless of who is being is hit - a well-trained human, a nigh-invulnerable Kryptonian, a psychic gorilla, or anything else - they get launched into the air at a 50-degree angle, hard and fast enough to smash through part of a building before leaving a big dent in the Station proper. And the van keeps going, too!
  • One of the stage transitions has a bit of a blink-and-you-miss it moment when the opponent flies through a cinema screen displaying dancing antropomorphic snacks.
  • Superman's super is funny for the last bit: the Face Palm of Doom. For a brief moment (or if you pause at the right time), there's a deliciously awkward scene of the opponent flailed out into a stop with a nonchalant Superman's hand in their face. It's a pose that strips away any sense of menace or intimidation from the opponent, if only for a second.
  • Supergirl's outro is absolutely hilarious for just one reason: When she leaves the stage by flying upward, she gives the smuggest smile she can muster.
    • Supergirl's "sweep" is blowing hard on a combatant's feet, tripping them up. This is especially hilarious if it's the knockout blow, making it seem like a casual Finger Poke of Doom.
  • The Flash's super is the craziest one so far. After hitting the opponent with a dash that has them spinning, he grabs and takes the opponent back through time to smash the Sphinx's nose with them (when it was getting built) and then back again to smack a T-Rex in the face with them, and then back to the present to smack the opponent with him/herself (from earlier when the super started) while still spinning. The Flash's past self then grabs the opponent's past self and zips away with them to presumably do all this "again".
  • In the player select screen, when the chosen fighters exchange blows, it then slows down for the player to choose a stage. But with Flash (and as a result, Reverse-Flash), he goes into Bullet Time mode and laughs at his opponent at (from his and the player's perspective) normal speed.
  • Upon realizing that all of Scarecrow's battles are actually Fear Gas hallucinations, one realizes that while we're seeing a Humanoid Abomination and his opponent trading blows, in reality, what's actually happening is a weedy doctor in a burlap mask is hitting his opponent over the head with a small sickle and the gas canister.
  • This GameStop trailer for Darkseid. Deadshot, Poison Ivy, and Bane all go to battle Darkseid...only for it to sink in just who they're challenging. They all find an excuse to get the hell out of there.
    Deadshot: I'm gonna need a bigger gun.
    Poison Ivy: Uh, I gotta water my begonias.
    Bane: I forgot, it's leg day.
  • Supergirl's Supermove is completely awesome... but against the likes of the Joker or Harley Quinn? It becomes hilarious.
  • There's something funny about the fact that Poison Ivy's supermove, which involves attacking her opponent with a giant man-eating plant, is named "FEED ME".
  • Captain Cold's ladder mode ending.
    Going after the Regime was one thing, but destroy the planet for Brainiac? You really thought I'd go through with it, Grodd? Really?! F*** YOU!
  • Darkseid's Badass Back part of his Super Move — i.e., a God of Evil essentially making a basketball shot without looking.
  • You remember how in Gods Among Us, Solomon Grundy had a combo called Wants Pants Too? Brainiac has some Decent Pants for gear.
  • On the subject of Gear, Harley will pantomime firing her guns whenever you give her a new pair at the customization menu.
  • One of Red Hood's attacks is so awesome that it's hilarious. It involves getting ready to shoot the opponent, only to realize he's out of ammo. So Red Hood chucks his gun at their head, the force of which ejects the empty magazine, catches the gun, reloads it, then shoots them. All in the span of about 4 or 5 seconds.
  • Most of Scarecrow's lines are Hilariousin Hindsight when you consider who voices him.
  • After depleting Supergirl's first healthbar, The Flash sometimes quips "Who's up for a crossover?"
  • One of Red Hood's quotes after his opponent's first health bar is depleted is a darkly funny Mythology Gag:
    Red Hood: Should I kill you? Let's take a vote!
    • On the topic of funny 2nd round quotes, Superman unintentionally gets one. If you fight Batman and get him down to his last bar, Superman gets into his iconic pose. His quote? "I'm not going back to prison".
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/Injustice2