Carly: Sam.. THAT'S TWENTY-SEVEN THOUSAND! * Sam falls off chair*
- iWant More Viewers: PEE ON CARL
- Additionally, the cop who brings Spencer back to the apartment is named Carl.
- iDream of Dance: Sam, during her dream:
- iSpy a Mean Teacher: Freddie's giant plastic piece of pie.
Sam: (holds up a large plastic fork) Hey look, it even comes with a giant fork!
- Carly and Freddie are trapped in the teacher's closet.
Carly: We're in a very serious situation here, Freddie. This is no time to bust a move!
Freddie: I guarantee you, in twenty years, I will be Carly's second husband.
Carly: What happened to my first husband?
Freddie: Nothing you can prove.
- iWill Date Freddie:
Mrs. Benson: "You won't get respect if your back's not erect!".
- iPromise Not To Tell: Spencer's casual attempts to turn on his new lamp while speaking with Carly
- Not to mention when Carly and Spencer are both screaming "RAMPU!" at the lamp, Freddie comes in, sees what they're doing, looks at the camera, and sloooowly backs out...
- iHatch Chicks: Sam and Cary hear one of the missing chicks in the drain, and they flip a light-switch. Buuut it turns out to be the garbage-disposal instead. The good news was the chick was in a pipe, not the garbage disposal, but Carly's scream made it hilarious.
Carly: What's the temperature in here?
Carly: Turn the heat up to ninety!
Spencer: Ninety degrees?
Sam: No, ninety pickles! Yes ninety degrees!
- iStakeOut: "WATCH ME SPANK YOUR DADDY!"
- iWin A Date:
Gibby: I'm all Gibby. And you know what that means?
Carly: Tell her what it means Gibby!!!
- iSaw Him First:
Carly: "I have a date with Shane tonight!"
Carly: What's that supposed to mean?"
Sam: "Why don't you ask your new helping bra!?"
Carly: (gasps) "That's it! I'm out of here!"
(Carly walks out, walks back in)
Carly: "This is my house."
(Sam walks out)
Carly: (defensively) "There's nothing wrong with a little help."
- Sam's hilarious tirade after being given a 526-dollar tip by an adult hired by Carly and Freddie in iOwe You. Admit it, watching a 15 year old girl crazily dancing on top of the counter, showing other customers her tip before stuffing her face with their fries, eating chili directly on the pot and sticking a plunger right onto her boss's face before dancing out of the door made you laugh out loud.
- iStage An Intervention has one for Carly/Spencer and one for Sam.
- Sam delivering a rant against the audience of the Video Game Channel.
Sam: "Stop watching the Video Game Channel, you big bunch of losers; you're wasting your lives! Get a job, kiss a girl, do something!" (turns to reporter) "...No offense."
- Carly confronting Spencer about his Pak-Rat addiction.
Carly: (hoses Spencer) "What about the labradoodle sculpture for that important doctor guy!?"
Spencer: "He's not picking it up 'til Sunday..!"
Carly: "Today is Sunday!" (hoses him again)
Spencer: "It is?"
Carly: "Yes! You have a problem; you're addicted to Pak-Rat!"
Spencer: "I am not!"
Carly: (hoses him again) "Admit it!"
Spencer: "No! I am not addicted to Pak-Rat!" (gets hosed again) "Would you stop squr-" (gets hosed again) "I'm addicted to Pak-Rat!"
Carly: "I know!" (hoses him again)
- And at the very end of the episode:
Spencer: Carly? Carls? Hey?
Carly: (sleepy) Hmmmmmm?
Spencer: Did you play Pak-Rat all night?
Carly: Mm-hmm. It's so fun...
Spencer: Yeah...all right, kiddo. Go on up to bed.
Carly: Carry me... (he does) It's such a fun game...
Spencer: I know.
- Near the end of iChristmas:
Carly: "Thank you, Mitch."
Mitch: "Thank you."
Carly: "Why thank me?"
Mitch: "Because, if it weren't for you, I would have never gotten my wings." (the computer screen shifts down to show a plate of chicken wings)
Carly: "...Chicken wings?"
- In iTwins, this exchange.
Melanie: "Maybe Sam hates you."
Freddie: "You are Sam!"
Melanie: "Really? Would Sam do... this?"
(Melanie kisses Freddie)
Freddie: (distressed) "You swore we'd never do that again."
Melanie: "I didn't swear anything." (leans in again)
- In iFight Shelby Marx, Spencer suffers from short-term memory loss. As a result, he asks the same questions over and over, until Carly gets fed up with it.
Spencer: "So how was school today?"
Carly: "IT BLEW UP, OK?"
- Another one of his side effects is uncontrollable muscle spasms. He ends up flinging a full tub of popcorn out of Gibby's hands TWICE ("Not cool, man") and slapping Shelby Marx.
- In iFight Shelby Marx, Freddie locks Nevel in the ring after the match.
Nevel: Ok, Freddie, I'm not scared of you.
Freddie: That's cool. Gibby! Lights!
(Gibby turns a spotlight on Carly)
Carly: Hello, Nevel.
Nevel: I'm not scared of you, either.
(Gibby turns a spotlight on Sam)
Sam: S'up, Nevel.
Nevel: Ok, you I'm scared of.
- And when Shelby has a spolight fixed on her:
Shelby: Hi, Nevel.
Nevel: Oh, dear.
- In iRocked the Vote, after Wade Collins explains that he needed the prize money for his mother, who is sick in the hospital.
Carly: "Aww! His mother needs surgery..."
Spencer: (deadpan) "...She's not gettin' it now".
- Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie.
- iPie: This exchange when Spencer is trying to get a pie recipe:
Trudy: How about we move this party to the couch?
Spencer: The couch is broken...
- Sam:(flatly) Oh my gosh, the bear ate Freddie (actually in a bear costume). Bad bear! (hits Freddie with an umbrella, knocking him to the ground)
- Freddie: (gets to his feet) Never do that again!
- Sam: You're not the boss of me. (hits Freddie AGAIN with the umbrella, knocking him down)
- From iTake On Dingo, "SIT DOWN, GLENN." Something about the way Miranda Cosgrove delivers that line is just hilarious!
- Then there's the butter sock.
- iGo to Japan: Carly and Sam have a discussion about what is more important- pudding or legs- while on swing sets and barefoot.
- iThink They Kissed: Freddie managed to pin Carly to the ground.
Carly: Whoa! When did you get so strong?
Freddie: Same time the voice got lower!
- iCook: Carly getting absolutely belted with a pillow so hard it split the cover.
- Also, Spencer and Nug-Nug finally meeting in the Groovy Smoothie, complete with slow motion hug.
- Carly: Where are the meatballs?
Sam: Right about here (pats stomach), being dissolved by my stomach acid.
- iSpeedDate: Spencer tries to give Carly The Talk.
Spencer: "Come here, we need to talk."
Carly: (sits down) "What about?"
Spencer: "Well... OK. You're going to a dance tonight. You know... with a new guy."
Spencer: "So I just think it's time you and I had a little talk about...“"
Carly: (interrupts) "I'm not having this conversation."
Spencer: "Thank you so much!"
- In iFind Lewbert's Lost Love, Carly tries to tell Marta that perhaps it won't work between her and Lewbert. Marta knows exactly what's going on.
"You want me out of the picture so you can have Lewbert for yourself!" (beat) Carly:
"Lewbert for my... the... I'm fifteen!"
- iSaved Your Life: Everything Mrs. Benson says, included but not limited to:
Mrs. Benson: (About the flowers Carly brought over for Freddie) "I soaked them in bleach and pounded them with a mallet."
Mrs. Benson: * leans over right next to Carly's ear* "It should have been you."
Also the overly long security code for Freddie's room
- iWas A Pageant Girl: The dress removal scene.
Carly: And thanks for being gentle!
Sam: *after taking the dress* I feel hot!
Carly: I feel violated!
- iEnrage Gibby: Freddie trying to talk to Gibby.
(Gibby smacks Freddie's coffee out of his hands) Freddie:
That was a chai latté!" Gibby:
"Yeah, well I'm gonna make you a die
(Unabashed of his Incredibly Lame Pun
)Yeah. I said it."
Veronica: I just wish I could hold him one more time...
Spencer: You can!
- The climax to the Spencer/Mrs. Gibson sub-plot in iFix A Popstar. Both of them start seeing relatives in them (Spencer sees Gibby, Mrs. Gibson sees Carly), they both freak out. And it's hilarious.
- iBloop: When Drake Bell enters in character as Drake Parker.
- iBelieve In Bigfoot: The squirrel "wrestling" scene.
Carly: "I see some trees, some bushes... and oh, two squirrels wrestling."
Freddie: "The squirrels are not wrestling."
Carly: (pauses) "Oh."
- iBeat The Heat: Oh, Spencer.
Spencer: (as fast as humanely possible) It is a fifteen kilowatt liquid propane generator with a nine hundred and ninety-three cc pro-guard thirty-five horsepower v-twin engine yeah I said all that.
Mrs. Benson: "When the temperature gets too high, the elderly will start to die!"
Spencer: "That is a creepy rhyme."
- Carly, realizing that there are way too many people in their apartment, loudly asks for just a few people to leave. As she opens the door, at least fifteen more people come running in the apartment.
- iGot a Hot Room: Upon hearing his great-grandmother's watch was insured for $82,000, Spencer's pants drop by themselves, for no particular reason.
Accountant: (deadpan) "Look down."
- The Fire Chief's reaction to Spencer introducing himself
Fireman: "Yeah. We know who you are."
- Spencer telling Sam and Freddie to move out of his way as he runs upstairs when Carly screams her room's on fire, and then as they follow him up, he turns and runs back down the stairs, screaming at Sam and Freddie to move out his way, before sprinting across the apartment and running out of the door, closing it on Sam, Carly and Freddie before they can reach it.
- After Carly's room has been rebuilt
Freddie: You got your room back.
Gibby: Except for all your old photos and other personal items that can never be replaced.
- iSam's Mom: Carly completely freaks out when being trapped in a very tiny room with Sam and her mom at the family therapist's office. Sam and her mom manage to have a touching reconciliation while Carly is crawling over the place, bleating like a goat!
Spencer: Stairs! Stairs! Stairs!
- iGet Pranky: Spencer's pranking montage was just hilarious.
- At one point, he wiggles his butt around in an elderly couple's face.
- iStart a Fan War...pretty much any scene with Spencer and Aspartamay. Like this one:
Aspartamay: You have the breath of a dastardly goat with infected gums.
Spencer: Your words have no bite. For they are spoken by a gutless thief. Sprung from a lineage of cowards and hog farmers!
(The crowd gasps in shock.)
Aspartamay: ...Okay, seriously dude, you take that back right now.
Spencer: No returns, man. I put it out there and it's staying out there!
- Not to mention Spencer's dramatic entrance... followed by him announcing that someone should fix that steam pipe that burst outside the door.
- Almost everything in iPity The Nevel that was supposed to be funny had me smiling, from the egg-shooter, to Moonlight Twi-Blood, to the "Drink From The Shoe" part.
- The second scene of iOMG was amusing, too.
Sam: Well at least you learned something.
Carly: No we didn't.
Sam: Oh that's right, you learned nothing.
Carly: We wasted your time!
- The Old Spice parody. Complete with Gibby as The Man Your Man Could Smell Like!
- iParty With Victorious: Spencer in Kenan Thompson's hot tub and Sikowitz from Victorious scaring the living crap out of him when he pops out from under the water yelling. Also a still in shock Spencer's incoherent speech afterwards.
- Everything with Mona, Spencer's ex-girlfriend. Mona is still broken up over him shattering her heart...and her leg.
- "Random Humiliation!"
- After Freddie says he just realized something, Gibby says so did he and that there are no yellow foods. The others start naming yellow foods, which is funny enough. But then Gibby starts naming yellow foods. It's much funnier in context...
- During the Leave It All To Me/Make It Shine mash-up, Kenan just bursts into the room and "sings" the "'Cause I'm telling you just I feel" line from Leave It All To Me and swiftly exits the way he came. What really makes it, however, is the dumbfounded looks on the iCarly crew's faces afterwards.