Carly: "I have a date with Shane tonight!" Sam: "Obviously!" Carly: What's that supposed to mean?" Sam: "Why don't you ask your new helping bra!?" Carly:(gasps) "That's it! I'm out of here!" (Carly walks out, walks back in) Carly: "This is my house." (Sam walks out) Carly:(defensively) "There's nothing wrong with a little help."
Sam's hilarious tirade after being given a 526-dollar tip by an adult hired by Carly and Freddie in iOwe You. Admit it, watching a 15 year old girl crazily dancing on top of the counter, showing other customers her tip before stuffing her face with their fries, eating chili directly on the pot and sticking a plunger right onto her boss's face before dancing out of the door made you laugh out loud.
iStage An Intervention has one for Carly/Spencer and one for Sam.
Sam delivering a rant against the audience of the Video Game Channel.
Sam: "Stop watching the Video Game Channel, you big bunch of losers; you're wasting your lives! Get a job, kiss a girl, do something!" (turns to reporter) "...No offense."
Carly confronting Spencer about his Pak-Rat addiction.
Carly:(hoses Spencer) "What about the labradoodle sculpture for that important doctor guy!?" Spencer: "He's not picking it up 'til Sunday..!" Carly: "Today is Sunday!" (hoses him again) Spencer: "It is?" Carly: "Yes! You have a problem; you're addicted to Pak-Rat!" Spencer: "I am not!" Carly:(hoses him again) "Admit it!" Spencer: "No! I am not addicted to Pak-Rat!" (gets hosed again) "Would you stop squr-" (gets hosed again) "I'm addicted to Pak-Rat!" Carly: "I know!" (hoses him again)
And at the very end of the episode:
Spencer: Carly? Carls? Hey? Carly: (sleepy) Hmmmmmm? Spencer: Did you play Pak-Rat all night? Carly: Mm-hmm. It's so fun... Spencer: Yeah...all right, kiddo. Go on up to bed. Carly: Carry me... (he does) It's such a fun game... Spencer: I know.
Near the end of iChristmas:
Carly: "Thank you, Mitch." Mitch: "Thank you." Carly: "Why thank me?" Mitch: "Because, if it weren't for you, I would have never gotten my wings." (the computer screen shifts down to show a plate of chicken wings) Carly: "...Chicken wings?"
In iTwins, this exchange.
Melanie: "Maybe Sam hates you." Freddie: "You are Sam!" Melanie: "Really? Would Sam do... this?" (Melanie kisses Freddie) Freddie:(distressed) "You swore we'd never do that again." Melanie: "I didn't swear anything." (leans in again) (Freddie flees)
In iFight Shelby Marx, Spencer suffers from short-term memory loss. As a result, he asks the same questions over and over, until Carly gets fed up with it.
Spencer: "So how was school today?" Carly: "IT BLEW UP, OK?"
Another one of his side effects is uncontrollable muscle spasms. He ends up flinging a full tub of popcorn out of Gibby's hands TWICE ("Not cool, man") and slapping Shelby Marx.
In iFight Shelby Marx, Freddie locks Nevel in the ring after the match.
Nevel: Ok, Freddie, I'm not scared of you.
Freddie: That's cool. Gibby! Lights!
(Gibby turns a spotlight on Carly)
Carly: Hello, Nevel.
Nevel: I'm not scared of you, either.
(Gibby turns a spotlight on Sam)
Sam: S'up, Nevel.
Nevel: Ok, you I'm scared of.
And when Shelby has a spolight fixed on her:
Shelby: Hi, Nevel.
Nevel: Oh, dear.
In iRocked the Vote, after Wade Collins explains that he needed the prize money for his mother, who is sick in the hospital.
Carly: "Aww! His mother needs surgery..." Spencer: (deadpan) "...She's not gettin' it now".
And after Spencer gives back the yo-yo he was playing with, only with the two plastic sides broken off...
Spencer: "Come here, we need to talk." Carly:(sits down) "What about?" Spencer: "Well... OK. You're going to a dance tonight. You know... with a new guy." Carly: "Mmm-hmmm." Spencer: "So I just think it's time you and I had a little talk about...“" Carly:(interrupts) "I'm not having this conversation." Spencer: "Thank you so much!"
Also in iSpeedDate:
Freddie: "Girls who are rude to me don't get a bag of bacon." (holds up bacon) Sam:(really fast) "Whoa, Freddie, I never realized what a hot handsome hunk of boy you really are."
In iFind Lewbert's Lost Love, Carly tries to tell Marta that perhaps it won't work between her and Lewbert. Marta knows exactly what's going on.
Marta: "You want me out of the picture so you can have Lewbert for yourself!" (beat) Carly: "Lewbert for my... the... I'm fifteen!"
iSaved Your Life: Everything Mrs. Benson says, included but not limited to:
Mrs. Benson: (About the flowers Carly brought over for Freddie) "I soaked them in bleach and pounded them with a mallet."
Mrs. Benson: * leans over right next to Carly's ear* "It should have been you."
Also the overly long security code for Freddie's room
iWas A Pageant Girl: The dress removal scene.
Carly: And thanks for being gentle!
Sam: *after taking the dress* I feel hot!
Carly: I feel violated!
iEnrage Gibby: Freddie trying to talk to Gibby.
(Gibby smacks Freddie's coffee out of his hands) Freddie: That was a chai latté!" Gibby: "Yeah, well I'm gonna make you a die latté! (Beat) Gibby:(Unabashed of his Incredibly Lame Pun)Yeah. I said it."
Veronica: I just wish I could hold him one more time...
The climax to the Spencer/Mrs. Gibson sub-plot in iFix A Popstar. Both of them start seeing relatives in them (Spencer sees Gibby, Mrs. Gibson sees Carly), they both freak out. And it's hilarious.
iBloop: When Drake Bell enters in character as Drake Parker.
iBelieve In Bigfoot: The squirrel "wrestling" scene.
Carly: "I see some trees, some bushes... and oh, two squirrels wrestling." Freddie: "Carly?" Carly: "Mm-hmm?'' Freddie: "The squirrels are not wrestling." Carly: (pauses) "Oh."
Spencer: "Hey, did you see those squirrels?" Carly: (very quickly) "Don't talk about it!"
iBeat The Heat: Oh, Spencer.
Spencer: (as fast as humanely possible) It is a fifteen kilowatt liquid propane generator with a nine hundred and ninety-three cc pro-guard thirty-five horsepower v-twin engine yeah I said all that.
Mrs. Benson: "When the temperature gets too high, the elderly will start to die!"
Spencer: "That is a creepy rhyme."
Carly, realizing that there are way too many people in their apartment, loudly asks for just a few people to leave. As she opens the door, at least fifteen more people come running in the apartment.
iGot a Hot Room: Upon hearing his great-grandmother's watch was insured for $82,000, Spencer's pants drop by themselves, for no particular reason.
Accountant: (deadpan) "Look down."
The Fire Chief's reaction to Spencer introducing himself
Fireman: "Yeah. We know who you are."
Spencer telling Sam and Freddie to move out of his way as he runs upstairs when Carly screams her room's on fire, and then as they follow him up, he turns and runs back down the stairs, screaming at Sam and Freddie to move out his way, before sprinting across the apartment and running out of the door, closing it on Sam, Carly and Freddie before they can reach it.
After Carly's room has been rebuilt
Freddie: You got your room back.
Gibby: Except for all your old photos and other personal items that can never be replaced.
iSam's Mom: Carly completely freaks out when being trapped in a very tiny room with Sam and her mom at the family therapist's office. Sam and her mom manage to have a touching reconciliation while Carly is crawling over the place, bleating like a goat!
This gem, as well:
Spencer: Stairs! Stairs! Stairs!
iGet Pranky: Spencer's pranking montage was just hilarious.
At one point, he wiggles his butt around in an elderly couple's face.
iStart a Fan War...pretty much any scene with Spencer and Aspartamay. Like this one:
Aspartamay: You have the breath of a dastardly goat with infected gums.
Spencer: Your words have no bite. For they are spoken by a gutless thief. Sprung from a lineage of cowards and hog farmers!
(The crowd gasps in shock.)
Aspartamay: ...Okay, seriously dude, you take that back right now.
Spencer: No returns, man. I put it out there and it's staying out there!
Not to mention Spencer's dramatic entrance... followed by him announcing that someone should fix that steam pipe that burst outside the door.
Almost everything in iPity The Nevel that was supposed to be funny had me smiling, from the egg-shooter, to Moonlight Twi-Blood, to the "Drink From The Shoe" part.
iParty With Victorious: Spencer in Kenan Thompson's hot tub and Sikowitz from Victorious scaring the living crap out of him when he pops out from under the water yelling. Also a still in shock Spencer's incoherent speech afterwards.
Everything with Mona, Spencer's ex-girlfriend. Mona is still broken up over him shattering her heart...and her leg.
After Freddie says he just realized something, Gibby says so did he and that there are no yellow foods. The others start naming yellow foods, which is funny enough. But then Gibby starts naming yellow foods. It's much funnier in context...
During the Leave It All To Me/Make It Shine mash-up, Kenan just bursts into the room and "sings" the "'Cause I'm telling you just I feel" line from Leave It All To Me and swiftly exits the way he came. What really makes it, however, is the dumbfounded looks on the iCarly crew's faces afterwards.
in iApril Fools, the repeated running gag of characters being hit in the head with stop signs.
"Oh my god, this freaks me out": Steven Shay's reaction upon seeing the Baby Spencer sketch.
Gibby when Colonel Shay arrives: "Ohhh, so Spencer's not her dad?"
Freddie interrupting the final iCarly introduction.
Freddie: And I'm Freddie! ...Yeah, I interrupted the the introduction. What're they gonna do, fire me?
The show's original soundtrack is worth a mention, since it also has tie-ins with several Season 1 episodes. The four main characters simulate being DJs throughout the disc, inserting intermissions between tracks. It seems all of them are in incredibly snarky moods (emphasis on the girls) while doing their dialogues.
Freddie: Let's play an improv game. You start by saying one word, and we just keep going until it turns into a story. Sound fun?
Carly: Not really.
Spencer: I'm tired.
Freddie: Come on. Okay, I'll start. Yesterday...
Carly: Wet. (deadpan) Fun game.
Freddie: (sighs in defeat) I'll play the next song.
Sam: Hey, check out what I bought today.
Carly: You went to Build-a-Bra without me?
Freddie: Can we talk about ANYTHING else?
Carly: Ooh! You got the glow-in-the-dark straps!
Sam: I know. Does Build-a-Bra rock or what?
Carly: So rocks.
Freddie: Oh-kay, next song!
Michelle Obama winning a bag of nuts and bolts.
Michelle: Yes, now I can finally finish building that robot!
Bodyguard: *whispers something in her ear*
Michelle: Oh, I wasn't supposed to mention the robot?