Funny: Hudson Hawk
- "Bunny! Ball-ball!" Cue small dog being shot out of a window over a cliff.
- "STOP HELPING ME!"
- The "Hawk On A Stretcher" sequence.
- "How am I driving? Call 1-800-I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE!"
- Lying on a stretcher being dragged down the highway, Hawk catches a discarded cigarette and, after taking a single puff, discards it with a disgusted mutter of "Eww, menthol."
- "Hey mister, are you gonna die?"
- "Tollbooth!? ...Exact change?!?!"
- The ambulance containing the mob guys exploding for no other reason than it just did.
- The cherry on top is Hawk's reaction to it as he rides by: "Cesar, Anthony? (another large explosion for no reason) You okay?"
- The entire Curare dart scene. Just...everything about it.
"The good news is, you will be completely unparalyzed in about 2 minutes. The bad news is, that only gives you 5 seconds to defuse the bombs."
- Just before the bomb on his forehead goes off, Snickers gets in a last request:
"Maybe it's a dud?"
- "Suck on that, you Centrally Intelligent scumsicle!"
- The fact that the Mayflowers have absolutely no fucks to give about being Card Carrying Villains.
- Particularly the fact that they got the idea for their Evil Plan from an airline magazine, as though they really were just looking for any excuse they could find to Take Over the World.
- "Gooooood, Yogi."
- "I feel like a dolphin that's never tasted melted snow" and everything else about Anna's fake drug trip.
- Guess you won't be attending that hat convention in July!
- "Swinging on a Star" and "Side by Side" are both awesomely performed while subsequently robbing a museum and blowing up a castle.
- "I want to be treated like an adult." "Sure. Now go to your room." (nose flick, complete with goofy sound effect)
- Butterfinger trying to order French fries...in Italy.
- Hawk's Bugs Bunny-style reaction to the Mayflowers saying "Don't hurt him."
- Hawk's first meeting with the Marios. "Were you not New Jersey's third largest crime family, I'd tell you to kiss my ass. However, given your status, I will say: Slurp my butt."
- When Hudson finds out that Anna is a nun.
Hudson Hawk: Those better be tears you're crying, Tommy.
Tommy Five-Tone: [laughing and trying not to show it] They are!
- "So, when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking butler-head motherfucker getting here?" Enter Alfred. "Any minute now, Mr. Gates."
- "You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally-Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!"
- Followed by an Offhand Backhand right into Kit Kat's face.
- And Kit-Kat's nodding afterwards, as if saying "Yeah, I deserved that."
- "God, I miss Communism! The Red Threat! People were scared, the Agency had some respect... and I got laid every night."
- Eddie jumping off the roof and falling through an almost literal Plot Hole to land on a recliner in his parole officer's apartment.
- Eddie's been in jail too long.
Tommy: What do you want to do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? Broadway tix? Seduce women? Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks?
Eddie: What's Nintendo?
- The two-liner by the guards in the art house.
Guard 1: 673 'Wong's in the phone book.
- The weird girl with Pooky the Elephant.
Mother: Courtney, stop it, you're embarrassing your country!
- Hawk's gaffes with Anna.
Hudson: Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite for a job in the art community?
Anna: Some of us warthogs are less constipated than others.
- This exchange:
Darwin Mayflower: I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!
Hudson Hawk: Betty Jo Biarski? I can get you an address on that if you want.
- The Running Gag of Eddie being thwarted at every attempt to drink a cappuccino:
- First, Tommy brings him one when he picks him up at the prison, but he spills it when Tommy slams the brakes in anger.
- Then, he gets one at the 5 Tone, but it gets shot out of his hand before he can do more than smell it.
- Then, he gets ahold of one at Anna's apartment, but it's so pumped full of sedatives that it ruined the taste.
- Finally, finally, after all is said and done, he gets to sit down with a cappuccino. This time, he throws it back like a shot, as though predicting another interruption should he try to savor it.