Funny / Hot Shots!

  • The Drill Sergeant Nasty telling one of the pilots that the next time he sees their ugly face that it's to be shaven. Said pilot is a rather attractive woman.
    Sergeant: Suck in that chest!
    Female pilot: (inhales and makes her breasts stick up more)
  • "Why are you mad at me? He's the one who ate your father!"
  • Admiral Benson's war wounds:
    • He had most of his bladder blown off at Guadalcanal.
    • He has a shell the size of a fist in his head (from Pork Chop Hill), and the only way his hairpiece stays on is by having a quarter of his head magnetized.
    • Has sensitive ear canals because he took a bullet in Corregidor. He's able to pull a piece of cloth in one ear and out the other.
    • He can't smell because his nostrils were fried in Panmunjom.
    • His skull has been made of CorningWare ever since Normandy.
    • He has ceramic eyes, due to a bazooka in the face at Little Bighorn or Okinawa... "the one without the Indians."
  • Admiral Benson's first address to the recruits:
    Benson: I look out there on all you wonderful guys and I say to myself, 'What I wouldn't give to be twenty years younger. And a woman. You know, I've personally flown over 194 missions and I was shot down every one. Come to think of it, I've never landed a plane in my life.
  • Before take-off in training:
    "Show me what you can do.
    Copy that, Purple Fluffer Nutter.
    Roger that, Milli Vanilli Chilly Willy."
  • Washout ejects...right into the underside of Deadmeat's plane.
    Washout: Do me a favor, don't land!
  • "Wendy, I can fly!"
  • The horrible doctor when Dead Meat is taken to the hospital:
    Doc: We gotta work fast. I got a lunch.
    Topper: I think you're missing the big picture, Doc.
    Doc: Nurse, check his penis; is it longer than mine?
    Nurse: No, Doctor.
    Doc: Good. Now this is gonna hurt. (bites Dead Meat's nose)
    Dead Meat: Ow!
    Doc: Nurse, give me 15cc of morphine, quickly! (puts the needle in himself)
    Topper: Can you save him?
    Doc: Can't be sure. I'm not a good doctor.
  • "Morale on this base is shot to hell. Just look out there. (looking at a painting) Quiet. Hardly a man moving. Roy? ROY! (swats hand down) Ugh. Huh? I even went to school with that man. It's just not the same. Been ignoring me all day. Remind me to send him a note."
    • In the same scene, his total 180 on Dead Meat Thompson, who he was praising earlier:
    Block: Sir, may I say something? I know Harley acted irresponsibly. But his kind lives on the edge. Always willing to take a chance. Now, we need Topper for this mission for just that reason.
    Benson: I like your thinking, Colonel. Besides, Thompson wasn't that good a pilot anyway. He only had a small family. The kids are a pain in the ass. The wife's on the sauce. Poor bastard's better off dead.
  • This, when the crew is out at sea:
    Benson: Holy Cow! My cap blew off! Swing her round. We'll pick it up.
    Officer: But, sir, we're on the mission.
    Benson: Good thinking. We'll pick it up on the way back. We gotta mark the spot, though. Put Robinowitz in a life raft. Have him row in circles until we return.
    Officer: It could be days.
    Benson: (slightly annoyed) ...Then put some food in the life raft, for God's sake, man. Do I have to think of everything? We'll tape his favorite shows, he won't miss anything!
  • When Topper and Kent fight, they put in mouth guards but this causes them to be unable to understand what each other is saying. Then Topper punches Kent:
    Kent: Augh! My face!
    Topper: My hand!
  • On take-off for the mission, a small yipping dog chases after one of the planes taking off.
  • Deadmeat's funeral. Upon hearing the twenty one gun salute, Admiral Benson pulls out his sidearm and returns fire. He's even carrying grenades with him.
  • When a pilot pulls his plane into a handicapped spot, a wheelchair-bound man comes up to him, yelling, "Have you no decency?!"

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/HotShots