Funny: Horus Heresy

  • At the beginning of Know No Fear, Ultramarine Sergeant Thiel has been marked for discipline and censure due to a serious, unspoken crime. Half-way through the book, after the Word Bearers have begun their devastating attack, it's revealed that his crime was... running theoretical combat scenarios on how to fight and defeat other Space Marines, mainly because he'd already run through every other possible opponent. His commanders found this borderline treasonous and had sent him to Guilliman for punishment just as the Heresy came to Calth.
    Gage: [standing on the ruined bridge of Guilliman's flagship]...That was his infraction?
    Jaer: Looks bloody pitiful from where we’re standing, doesn’t it?
    • Looks bloody foresighted to this troper.
    • At another stage in Know No Fear, it describes the technology involved in a Land Speeder, and then specifically calls out that the Ultramarine behind the wheel is "driving it like an idiot".
    • In very the beginning of Know No Fear there's one sentence that's just inherently funny for some reason:
    [Guilliman] realizes that his brother is not, in fact, mistakenly trying to kill him.
  • Frater Thematica, Ironwrought of the Iron Hands Legion in Angel Exterminatus, who is pretty much the Professor Farnsworth of the 30k Universe. Examples of his tinkering include methods of stabilizing Medusa's tectonic plate movement (by causing devastating planetary earthquakes) and inventing lethal quantum rearrangement weaponry (by siphoning starship reactor energy at the most inconvenient of times). He has almost been thrown out of the Mechanicum AND the Iron Fraternity for his experiments.
    Vermanus Cybus: What do you have to do to be exiled from a bunch of scholars?
    Frater Thematica: Oh, that's easy. Both the Mechanicum and the Iron Fraternity has threatened me with expulsion many times. Dangerous experiments, radical thinking, untested weaponry. That sort of thing.
    Vermanus Cybus: The amount of times you've almost blown us up, I almost wish they had.
  • In The Unremembered Empire, Guilliman has found himself stuck with a permanent "escort" of Space Wolves, led by Faffnr Bludbroder, who have been ordered to stick by his side like glue. This includes when Guilliman is laying out the red carpet for his brother Lion El'Johnson, made doubly-awkward considering the long standing grudge between the Wolves and the Dark Angels. Roboute, stoic, stately Primarch of the Ultramarines, is just so annoyed Faffnr is making an already uncomfortable reunion that much worse.
    Guilliman: You’re a pain in the arse, you know that?
    Faffnr: Indisputably.
    • In addition to the trouble he is causing Guilliman, Faffnr's real Sitcom Arch-Nemesis is Drakus Gorod, the Commander of the Invictus Guard. As head of Guilliman's Honour Guard, Gorod makes his feelings about a man whose stated intentions are kill his Primarch know. After an Alpha Legion attack on Guilliman's private quarters:
    Faffnr: We were told not to go in. Told it was your orders.
    Guilliman: They were my orders.
    Gorod: Dogs must always wait at the doorpost until the master lets them in. Good dogs, that is. Good dogs stay at the edge of the firelight, waiting for scraps, until they are allowed near the hearth.
    (Faffnr and Gorod Death Glare each other before one of the Wolves whispers in Faffnr's ear)
    Faffnr: (smiling) No, Bo Soren. I cannot let you do that. Though it would be funny to watch.
    • Also in "The Unremembered Empire" Dantioch trolling Konrad Curze about how Pollux escaped him: "The faith and will of good men,’ replied Dantioch. ‘When they stand together against infamy, the galaxy fights for them." U mad, Night Haunter?
    • The little detail that in the far future, the Bard is known as Shakespire and Hamlet is called Amulet.
  • In Scars, Malcador casually remarks that he once advised the Emperor to make the Primarchs sisters rather than brothers, figuring that there would be less of the division and rivalries inherent in male siblings. Rogal Dorn is not amused.
    • Even more amusing when Malcador informs Dorn that even the Emperor thought he was joking.
  • In the beginning of Scars, a group of initiates are instructed to run a marathon course for as long as they can. At the end, the last initiate running, delirious out of sheer exhaustion, tries climbing up one of the Space Marines observing the exercise.
  • During a rare family gathering at the triumph on Ullanor, the assembled Primarchs are casually riffing on each other. After being baited by an increasingly irritating Fulgrim, the Khan shoots him down with one sentence. He's probably referring to rumours of the bio experimentation. Probably...
    Fulgrim: I heard from a contact on Mars, Jaghatai, that you do strange things to your ships.
    Jaghtai Khan: I heard you do strange things to your warriors.
  • The Remembrancers are a brotherhood created to record mankind's greatest triumphs. They are painters, poets, actors, writers, sculptors, all representatives of High Arts... and in Fear To Tread, there's one that draws comic books. "People love to read those", apparently.
  • In the audio-drama "Honour to the Dead", a Brother Gaius of the Ultramarines tells a five-week-old baby, in all sincerity;
    "You are very small."
  • Lorgar's frustration with the two heads of Kairos Fateweaver being so self-contradicting in Aurelian:
    Lorgar: Which one of you is telling the truth?!
    Both heads: I am.