> Experience mirthful shenanigans.
My, there's quite a list of knee-slappers! Feel free to examine them in more detail.
Due to the constantly updating nature of Homestuck, all spoilers are left unmarked.
Like the others, Jade is asked (read: commanded) to do something silly, in her case "squeal like a piglet and fertilize some plants". It is stated, however, that she has more important things to do. So what does she do? She squeals like a piglet and fertilizes her plants! All while shouting "Oh God this is so much fun!" It's at this point where we learn that Jade isn't quite like the other kids.
The comic where you tell WV to "sacrifice his mayoral sash for more cables" is really hilarious.
After playing "Hot and Cold" (mostly cold, freezing, frozen fucking tundra) with Jade's Memory modus and getting three of the wrong items from her deck, we get this gem:
"Congratulations, you advance your matching skill to the new level: YUKON HERO: LEGACY OF THE FROSTBITE AMPUTEE."
TG: thats what you see / a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together / radially effervescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine / turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong
Made more hilarious by the ending, that being that adiosToreador blocks Dave at the end of that conversation, which is the opposite of how many conversations with the trolls go.
The last update Andrew did before leaving for a week begins here and ends with, uh, this. But it easily overlaps with horror and possibly Heartwarming Moment and/or Tear Jerker, but really it's just such an over the top scene that it's simply incredibly hilarious in spite of all that. What makes it even better is the aforementioned fact that it's the last update in a week. Andrew's comment in the thread:
But I guess all this can be discussed into the ground in the coming week. Over what shall heretofore be known as THE WEEK OF THE GREAT ROBOSMOOCH OF 2010.
GA:Maybe I Should Upend This Load Gaper Over Your Head
AG: No, don't!
GA: Im Still Learning The Interface
GA: It Could Happen Accidentally At Any Moment
The narration when Tavros crashes through Vriska's bedroom wall is hilarious.
He is having a devil of a time, what with being paralyzed from the waist down and all.
Your shadow has been trapped underneath your useless torso the whole time! Honestly, where else would it be you stupid sack of shit?
Everyone knows this because it is in the classic tale, PUPA PAN. Young Pupa flies through the window of a fairy girl's respiteblock, falls on the floor, and has trouble getting up like an enormous pansy.
Karkat sets up a bulletin board using Trollian so he can send memos to all the other trolls, but it turns out to be incredibly frustrating and impractical because of weird time shit. When his future self signs in to tell him this is dumb, he bans him. Yes, he bans his future self.
He does it again in his second memo.
CCG: IF I WERE FUTURE ME, WHICH I GUESS I AM, I WOULD READ THIS AND BE ALL OVER IT, LIKE DAMMIT KARKAT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.
CCG: GET TO THE POINT.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH.
CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
And then this happens:
CCG: HOLY HELL.
CCG: THIS IS EXHAUSTING.
CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE.
CCG: OK, MAYBE I'LL TAKE A MINUTE TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND GET BACK ON TOPIC HERE.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: NO YOU WON'T.
FCG: THIS ONE WAS PARTICULARLY NAUSEATING IN RETROSPECT, I'M SHUTTING THIS DOWN.
FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.
FCG closed memo.
Yes. Karkat from the future (Almost a month in the future, actually) banned current Karkat and closed the memo himself.
Also in the second memo, there's Tavros trying to explain what happened with Vriska, and failing miserably at not making it sound weird.
PAT: sHE TRIED TO KISS ME,
PAT: wELL, sHE DIDN'T TRY, sHE ACTUALLY DID,
PAT: aND THEN, kIND OF DROPPED ME,
PAT: aND ALSO WE ARE WEARING COSTUMES,
PAT: wOW, i'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL,
Basically, the memos in their entirety. All the memos. All of them.
Except for Aradia's memos to her past duplicates, which are more awesome / horrifying.
The real reason Karkat decided to troll John backwards: He was so embarrassed by inadvertently revealing his hatecrush that he decided he could never again speak to John at a point in the timeline when John would remember it.
Also from the same conversation, Karkat unloading a blistering list of epithets, paragraph long, against his much-despised hatecrush for the first time, only to be completely derailed by John's cheery "hi karkat!" It only gets funnier from there, leading up to the reveal of said hatecrush.
EB: you mean platonic hate?
"HUMAN ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD."
"See you soon!"
Reexamining the video, John is wearing a spade shirt for most of it. Karkat develops/realizes Kismetic feelings as he watches. Now go to Terezi watching Dave....who has a heart shirt on.
R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN. Just... yeah. Terezi opens the memo to discuss the stupidity of Karkat's plan to troll the humans and it only gets better from there. Karkat from closer and closer in the past keeps on interrupting until he comes over and starts messing with Terezi's keypad. They ban and unban and reban each other until finally at the end:
FGC: 1 JUST THOUGHT 1 WOULD 4DD ON3 L4ST R3M4RK TO TH1S S1LL1N3SS
What makes this one great? You can tell that finally, Karkat isn't just being crabby and running all caps just out of habit. No, for the larger portion of the memo, you can clearly picture him abso-fucking-lutely furious for so many reasons.
Dave's reaction right after Karkat's opening speech
CTG: ok later windbag
?CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF
?CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.
?CG: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY DAVE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS
?CG: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO FUCK WITH YOU)
CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you
?CG: FUCK OFF.
CTG: haha wow bingo
Because Dave is completely and totally correct.
Karkat's reaction to finding a bucket in Alterniabound. (It's in the room where you see Karkat's reaction to creating himself and the others.)
Speaking of which... Karkat's reaction to creating himself and the others.
Much of Alterniabound is hilarious, especially Tavros disregarding Equius' warnings about stairs and pretty much all of Karkat's conversations with the other trolls, particularly Nepeta, Equius, and Gamzee.
Equius needs his own mention.
Equius: D —> Is this where we embrace jocularly, as if we are "bros"
AA: maybe if i behave in a manner s0 rand0m AA: parad0x space w0nt kn0w h0w t0 handle it! AA: blah BL00P blee BLUH!@#$%^&*()_+ AA: didnt see that 0ne c0ming did y0u pspace??? + ?*rand(413^612) AA: oh look and now i suddenly refuse to type zeroes in my sentences AA: isnt that crazy! who thought that was even a possibility AA: bslick never would have imagined THAT little vestibule of probability was tucked somewhere in his huge glistening blow sack AA: ribbit ribbit ribbit AA: WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT AA: I JUST CONTROLLED THE RIBBITS AND I DID IT DELIBERATELY
I can't be the only one who chuckled at seeing that Jade's obstacle for entering the medium was a pinata in the shape of Bec
Jack taking Cal and Bro's Shades for his own...because he killed him and Davesprite. Horrible? Yes. But the sight of a dog-headed Physical God snagging an grinning orange puppet and casually donning a pair of Kaminashades has to be seen to be believed.
And she's...completely fine with it. She acts very understanding of Tavros and his cultural misunderstanding. She's not angry or even mournful. In fact she's grateful that he saved her life. Then they bond over the loss of their respective guardian figures at the hands of Tavros. Sure she was freaked out for awhile, thinking the Blue Haired Dummy did it, then thought it was suicide, and would have liked it if he had told her what had happened, but all in all takes it very well.
Then it turnshilariousagain when Vriska shares her two boondollars with Tavros regarding the whole thing.
From [S] Wake, when Tavros confronts Vriska, she gives him the same thumbs-down Bro gave Dave. Tavros responds by holding up the severed head of one of his host plushes and making the neck-slashing gesture Dave made. Vriska responds by waving around his severed legs, making the same gesture at her waist.
We finally learn what Eridan's planet was, and more to the point that he spent most of the game genociding the angels which lived there. They may have been his consorts. Nobody would visit his world nor would he leave since nobody would take up killing duty in his place. Oh, and they're tough enough to take sustained fire from a legendary weapon. It's even funnier when Karkat tries to explain how he screwed up and Eridan doesn't get it.
The comic takes a sudden turn to the grimdark, but veers out again when we see Karkat's reaction to what just happened.
Especially funny because it's almost a meta joke - that's basically everyone's reaction.
In [S] Kanaya: return to core, the description when examining the dragonsuitnote \The red thing next to the teleporter is one of the sweeter finds.
The stuff in Dad's wallet modus is hilarious. In addition to the literal ton of shaving cream, Dad had also stored away ten tons of pipe tobacco, the tickets to Cirque Du Soleil (presumably from that visit that banned), and a spare car. In his wallet.
Followed swiftly by John's thoughts on his fathers interest in Mr. Foxworthy:
Those redneck jokes were so corny and stupid. You secretly suspected your father was mostly arrested by the man's mustache. Maybe he fantasized about shaving the man's egregious furry lip? This seems like a reasonable theory to you.
AG: Yes, she was a ghost, and then 8ecame a ro8ot. Then she 8ecame a THOUSAND ro8ots. Then Jack killed them all 8ut one. Then she 8lew up. Oh, and she also had that exact 8izarre laptop you are using right now. How weird is that?
Dave: Resist great urge to play Bro's Xbox. As usual, you fail to resist the urge. You start thrashing up stunts something uncannybrutal on your quest forOH GOD DAMMIT.
Vriska, Eridan, and Gamzee appear to be facing off in what is sure to be an epic (or horribly-one-sided) battle. Kanaya, now revived, also shows up, and it's the first time anyone has seen her since she died. What happens next? Kanaya, now glowing, rushes over and kicks Gamzee in the crotch bone bulge, sending himover the cliff.
You forgot the best part: hooooooooooooooooooooonk
"He says, you mean the very same droll who couldn't manage the one simple task assigned to him, to steal the White Queen's ring from the very same adoring, wonderful girl and master and friend in question? Wait. He says he just means girl. Just girl. You didn't hear any of that. You don't say anything."
Aradia's conversation with a dead Aradiabot and an unconscious Sollux.
TA: FUCK, i cann0t BELIEVE i just made that face.
AA: just as if you stay in one place for too long the geometry of space surrounding you will become unreliable
AA: you may swat the air to your left and discover you have just slapped yourself!
AA: yes sollux that would probably be pretty weird
Kanaya summarizing Aradia's bizarre sequence of transformations:
GA: You Mean
GA: Being A Ghost And Then A Frog And Then A Robot And Then A Fairy
AA: but it sure sounds silly when you list them all like that
Doc Scratch attempting to be civil to Spades Slick. While Slick is clubbing his enormous white head with his trademark horse hitcher.
[You're not going to stop, are you. It will be very difficult to discuss our points of mutual interest like this. I was prepared to go about it in a civilized way, even though I knew very well I would spend the first several minutes of our meeting sitting on the floor while being flogged. I have even prepared a bowl of candy for you, which I know you will enjoy. Courtesy is important, Jack. Do you have anything at all to say? Any form of communication you care to attempt beyond the sound iron makes against my head repeatedly? No, of course not.]
And let's not forget evidence that he really was synthesized from Lil' Cal.:
[There should be no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with this interaction. Try to think of me as one of your kindly human uncle figures. In fact, if I were in your presence now, I would offer you candy to prove it.]
Even though [S] Seer: Descend is generally sad and a bit frightening, it still has its light moments, like when Rose meets up with John, signalling the first meeting between the children. John can't understand a thing Rose is saying because she's speaking like an Eldritch Abomination, and when Rose tries to tell John that his dad is dead, John asks if he's in trouble. Rose responds by pulling her velvet pillow out of nowhere* most likely her sylladexand yelling her frustration into it.
While the big multi-story flash from 07/02/11 is mostly Heartwarming Moments and tear jerkers, one segments stands out for being funny as balls: the Liv Tyler and Courtyard Droll Chase Hour! Guest featuring WV.
Dave and Rose's increasingly inaccurate sports metaphors in the 07/14/11 update.
Was anyone else hearing Tim and Eric's 'SPORTS!' song playing in their head as they read that?
Before all of the unpleasantness on the asteroid happened, Jade gave Karkat a mildly self-deprecating phrase to use as their chat password. Karkat...blows it a little out of proportion.
CG: LET'S SEE IF I CAN REMEMBER, IT WAS PRETTY ELABORATE IF I RECALL, OK HERE GOES.
AH's monologue as he sneaks up on Scratch is pretty amusing as well.
My heartbeat falls in rhythm with the clock as I draw close to my prey. I leave nothing to chance, for you see it is the most dangerous prey of all, a four foot tall asshole in suspenders who wont shut up. Wait for it, Hussie. Wait for it...
In fact, let's just say all the Alt Text is hilarious.
In the flash beforehand, everyone in the vicinity 'fills a quadrant' with Gamzee, but gets stopped by Karkat. Kanaya attempts to ashen-mediate between Karkat and Gamzee, Terezi tries to go caliginous for him, and Karkat is later revealed to be pale with Gamzee, which leaves Sollux as flushed. Instead, he has mixed flushed/caliginous feelings, and starts yelling at what he thinks is Gamzee... but is facing the wrong way, and is yelling at Li'l Cal instead. It's hilarious.
"Earlier this morning you thought you heard the mail truck, even though the mail never comes in the morning. But just to be sure, you rushed downstairs to check, even though due to recent events, you are FORBIDDEN FROM LEAVING THE HOUSE. Alas, it was not there, and you sort of spaced out at the sky with a goofy grin on your face for no great reason"
We did see the part where she stared up at the sky.
Strider's touching and entirely disturbing monologue about the power of his puppetry.
TT: If it puts your mind at ease, I'll be the one pulling the strings here.
GG: Oh yes?
GG: Then this whole affair will be one of D. Strider's grand productions in puppetry?
TT: I will be the unseen hand whose nimble digits are behind every subtle twitch in our session's bulbous foam ass.
TT: At least those gyrations not happening by the volition of its own quivering absorbant proboscis.
TT: If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word.
TT: I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss.
TT: Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself.
TT: For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war.
TT: There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say.
TT: Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family.
TT: Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere.
John writes a letter to his friends on the back of a poster, but feels it shouldn't just be crumpled up and tossed. So what do they do? Use a bucket to hold the letter, only to realize at literally the last second that trolls hate buckets "for some reason". Hilarity Ensues, along with a return of a certain famous expressionon Karkat's face.
Karkat jokingly freaks out at the possibility of having his eyes burned out by the Green Sun and asks if "one of you awesome dudes has a radical pair of shades I can borrow?" Kanayaobligesnote with Equius's shades.
All of the dialogue with the kids and the trolls in front of the green sun, but the end of Rose's exposition is especially hilarious.
ROSE: Don't be ridiculous. It won't take nearly that long.
ROSE: It'll only take about three years.
KARKAT: THAT'S NOT SO BAD I GUESS.
KARKAT: WAIT, HOW LONG ARE YEARS SUPPOSED TO BE AGAIN?
The letter that John places inside said bucket also qualifies; he's unaware of the fact that trolls reproduce by depositing their genetic material in buckets, and that as a result trolls consider buckets obscene. In that light, the fact that he opens the letter with "it is john, jade, and dave sprite. we all contributed to the contents of this bucket!" is nothing short of hilarious. As a whole, the letter is basically worded as awkwardly as possible.
Davesprite insisting on defiling the poster John writes the letter on. When John doesn't let him, Davesprite acts as if he's being denied something that's rightfully his. And then he draws on it anyway with sprite powers.
After weeks about wondering about the other three letters in R??? Lalonde and D??? Strider's first names, we finally get some more information. Specifically, we know one more letter: their names are Ro?? Lalonde and Di?? Strider. Teasing Creator at its finest.
And just when we're about to find out Roxy's name... a cat's tail is covering the last two letters. HUSSIEEEE!
And again with Dirk's name and a miniature Maplehoof. Hussie has all the Trolling Creator credentials down. All of them!
The version of Detective Pony edited by D. Strider, starting here
You're cool with dabbling in the FINE SEQUENTIAL ARTS, and your work could be viewed by some as BORDERLINE PORNOGRAPHIC. And to those philistines you'll be heard wondering, what the fuck do you mean BORDERLINE?
After finishing his conversation with future Karkat, Karkat proceeds to respond to the memo that he had created ten minutes ago because he wants to antagonize a version of himself that's 10 minutes away. What really hammers it in is the chat bubble above his head, which shows Karkat yelling at Karkat, who's yelling at Karkat, who's yelling at Karkat...
Dave and Karkat's most recent interaction ends with Karkat grabbing Dave's cape, and Dave telling him to knock it off, resulting in this:
DAVE: i cant believe i seriously just said dude dont touch my cape to somebody and was serious about it
KARKAT: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAY. KARKAT: I GOT A LAB FULL OF HUMANS, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING, AND A TORTURED PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE FULL OF TOTALLY HYSTERICAL EMOTIONS AND UNAIRED GRIEVANCES AT PRACTICALLY EVERYBODY. DAVE: karkat is broken guys
Karkat: Dave, read this trashy troll romance novel. It will fix everything.
It's not just Rose's utterly hilarious expression that does it, but the fact that she grabs the book and runs away without moving her arms or legs at all.
It gets even funnier when you think about it: Karkat doesn't even really react or yell at her for it other than just stare at her. That means he's used to it because SHE'S DONE IT BEFORE.
Moving back a few updates, there's this. Not only is the image itself ridiculous, but the following conversation consists almost entirely of Karkat trying to explain the nuances of troll romance while Dave keeps getting distracted by the absurdity of the cover.
KARKAT: THE GUY ON THE LEFT IS AN OLD CALIGINOUS FLAME FROM THE MALE LOWBLOOD'S PAST, AND HAS REENTERED THE PICTURE. AGAIN, NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. HE CAN CONTINUE TO COURT HIS MATESPRIT AND KISMESIS WITHOUT CONFLICT. IT'S A PERFECTLY AMICABLE ARRANGEMENT THAT EVERYONE'S TOTALLY DOWN WITH.
DAVE: what is that huge beefcake troll even doing
DAVE: is he grinding against the little dudes shoulder what is even going on
Hilarious in Hindsight: Made even funnier when you see Calliope's theories over the meaning of the art and how two people fighting over a pen while one tries to draw penises is a dead ringer for her brother's artwork.
You cannot beat Strider in a counter-troll-off. HE IS SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS!
This is eventually followed by Kanaya silently and wordlessly wondering about their desperate need for an auspistice, and, presumably, the fact that it will almost inevitably be her, with a confused "what the hell" expression on her face.
CD's attempt at sending Jack help along with the message, "You're welcome." With a picture of him winking.
The Running Gag of Jack killing the guards making his own escape harder.
That is not how you convince someone to do something. You're supposed to save the stabbing until AFTER you intimidate him into doing what you want! How exactly is a dead guy supposed to pick up some keys for you?!
Being the other guy, who happens to be a sentry Jack just killed, which acts as a Relax-o-Vision from Jack fighting a regulator lug.
And in the midst of all this, we have the return of the shot of Hussie throwing his gun at Lord English (complete with LE's unchanging expression), whilst the singer is going on about an incident where they aggrieved several rappers.
Jane's Dad has officially gone overboard with the notes.
The fact that Dave of all people is making that face just makes it better.
Dirk stopping to high-five Meenah in the middle of a dramatic scene is hilarious due to the sheer over-the-top-awesome mood whiplash and incongruity.
Roxy couldn't quite bring herself to kiss Jane. So Dirk kicks her out of the way and does it for her. The look on Roxy's face is hilarious.
Then, after Jake kissed Dirk's head, he notices that Dream Dirk, Jane, and Roxy are behind him. Once again, Jane and Roxy's faces are priceless.
Jane doesn't quite get to stand up straight on the board, does she?◊
Squarewave yelling out "YEAH DOGG!!" when Dirk goes to corpsesmooch Roxy.
The Page class outfit has speedos!?
Terezi revealing to Dirk that he's now visible. Made all the more funny due to her rather up-and-personal sniffing of him in the previous pages.
Act 6 Intermission 3
In the first part of the Intermission game:
If you go left of Aradia and return, she will point you right. Using Jake's "double pistols and a ;)" motion. Complete with *nk-nkt* sound effect and a cheesy dimpled smile.
When Aranea wishes Meenah good luck in her plans, Meenah calls Sekret the best and gives the funniest animated smooching motion ever seen. It Gets Better realizing she's a sea-dweller pouting like a fish face.
Meenah finds a sewing machine in a chest near Kanaya. Just as Meenah believes she can sell it for big bucks, Kanayastaresherdown, scaring her to return it back into the chest.
Dave shooting down any attempt to be him.
Also, Dave owning Meenah for her forced sense of self-esteem.
Kankri referring to the conversation as an essay, lecture, sermon, and word dump at various points.
It's also amusing when he manages to butt in on a conversation on the other side of the map.
Rose ninjas away a troll romance novel from Meenah, despite being on another map entirely.
Meenah runs into Hussie in the first room, and he urges her to bring him a horse. A treasure chest in the third room contains Spades Slick's ruined horse hitcher. If you take that back to Hussie, he will follow you around like a Pikachu for the rest of the game. Much to Meenah's horror.
As an added bonus make Hussie follow Meenah and then open the chest that Hussie was hiding in.
Meenah finds Scottie Dogs in a chest. Considered a delicacy, she can make big bucks, but eats some instead. Totally Worth It.
Ask Latula to join, and she responds with...a handplant on her skateboard, complete with her legs animated and up in the air.
When Kankri talks to Porrim, it starts off as a social justice debate which Porrim abruptly interrupts to point out the grubsauce on his face, and then yell at him when he wipes it on the sleeve of the sweater she made for him. The result is Kankri with Fireball Eyeballs. Even in the Pre-Scratch universe she was mothering him.
The tumblr #hashtags that appear under the various chats of the characters, working as both inner monologue and Lampshade Hanging.
This pair that appear in reference to post-Scratch Mindfang and Redglare, mixed with Fridge Horror: #Mindfang gave you five #and left you hanging.
After the first mini-game, Hussie shifts the focus to John, since we haven't seen him in a while. There's about fifteen pages of build-up and zooming into John's house. But, instead of something epic happening... John and Jade are watching Con Air.
John then has the SHOCKING REVELATION THAT... that the movie actually really sucks. It's the two's faces in the panel that really sell it.
Davesprite leaving a noteon John that parodies the "fatherly notes".
if you are reading this it means you have finally come to your senses on a way shitty movie. by realizing cage sucks you have taken your first and biggest step towards not being a total embarrassment to the egbert family name.
John rages so hard he actually passes out.
Pretty much every new character in Part 2 of the Intermission game could qualify for this page: Mituna (a parody of image boards), Meulin (a parody of Tumblr Fangirls), and Kurloz (whose Lord English cult, while horrifying, is even more hilariously surreal in its language than Gamzee's), and Cronus (who's just an exaggeration of all of Eridan's worst traits).
Kankri jumping into conversations out of nowhere whenever something potentially "triggering" is said.
Meulin and Kurloz signing in animated gifs.
The fact that Gamzee's codpiece from his God Tier outfit shows up in this game as an important item in order to advance.
Actually, that event is perfectly skippable.
Also, in that update, you can be Gamzee's ancestor and find Gamzee himself. Eventually, Gamzee tells his ancestor to shut up if you talk to him... AND HIS ANCESTOR NEVER SAYS A SINGLE WORD.
While Kurloz mind controlling Meulin is incredibly terrifying, the fact that she still uses cat puns and tags while exhorting Lord English is actually pretty funny.
Mituna's introduction: like Latula, he is first seen skateboarding along the rails to land in front of Meenah. However, his ends with him falling on his face, and he stays there on the ground until you become him.
Later, Meenah tries to give Mituna some encouraging words after she stops Cronus from abusing him. Mituna has one of his outbursts, and Meenah remarks, "Well, at least no one can say I didn't try." Mituna's response? a "YOU TRIED" Star image!
As Cronus, you can open a hidden chest to find Hussie, who offers to date him and starts following him around. But if you then talk to Cronus' lusus, Hussie will tell Cronus he was just using him to get close to his seahorse and rides off on its back.
Kankri is mostly a dick in this section, but he does have one spectacular CMOF calling back(/forward) to The Sufferer...
N9w j9in me in tagging 9ur discussi9n with righte9us warnings, as we c9nsecrate y9ur disadvantage in the h9ly annals 9f Pr96lematics.
We now see that John has headed over to the Land of Sand and Zephyr/Land of Maps and Treasure area and has encountered Tavros. Tavros has been shown sleeping next to the ring that Hussie had earlier and John picks it up only for Tavros to blurt out that he's proposing to Vriska who may/may not be his matesprit.
John hiding the ring behind his back and Tavros trying to grab it, but his hand keeps being swatted away by John.
Vriska starts expositing on things such as Lord English just like Aranea.
Rufioh's speaking style is exactly like Dante's on tumblr, right down to calling Meenah gangster like Dante called Rose and Jade. Looks like we have something else to wait for him to get up to... (Looks like he found out already.)
Furthermore, Rufioh's comment that Meenah is the only one of his friends who hasn't hit on him. Going by that, we can assume that Kurloz, Mituna, and freaking Kankri have all made a pass at him.
In the final room, Meenah comes across Hussie who is angry that John stole the ring he proposed to Vriska with. Meenah offers to sell him one of her own...for the price of $2,485,506, the exact amount raised by the Kickstarter. Hussie wavers, but ultimately agrees, asking her not to tell anybody since he promised he'd use that money for something else.
Most of what Damara says when you translate it into English. As well as what she does say in English.
The name of Equius' counterpart - Horuss Zahhak. Say his name out loud and then remember what Equius has a huge obsession about.
Hussie you rat bastard. You shattered our trust in the sacred [S].
During the "Mini-Strife" between all of the incarnations of the Alpha and Beta Trolls, if you look closely in the crowd of Trolls, you will see an Equius in a maid outfit. (Look near the bottom of the screen, just right of center.)
The part of the Mini-Strife where Meulin and Nepeta immediately go to each other to start talking about shipping, as well as Cronus hitting on Eridan, with the latter admitting that even he is disturbed by him (mostly agreeing to a date to get him to leave him alone). The strife as a whole could also be an example of this, with the sheer absurdity of what has to be every single timeline of the trolls (at least the ones not Deader than Dead), both pre- and post-scratch, joining up in a strife against the other group/costume party.
Equius getting his sweat into a "large plurality" of Aradiabots, much to the consternation of living Aradia.
Porrim is not impressed with Horuss's equine nature.
Ah. Go+tcha. Hey guys, can I be o+n the o+ther team?
I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE
S9ME9NE IS TRIGGERING ME. THIS NEEDS T9 6E TAGGED.
And Gamzee shows up for no reason.
And Damara asks, "WHAT IS THIS? A HALLOWEEN ORGY?"
Act 6 Act 4 and Act 6 Intermission 4
The fact that the entirety of A6A4 was a single flash showing a look into the future full of Noodle Implements. Jake's also has a Sweet Bro tattoo to match with Dirk's and Jack Noir is still stuck in jail.
Though you'd expect the "Caliborn Intermission" to be packed with horrific stuff from the start, it's actually not surprising, given Caliborn's traits as a character, that it starts out as a darkly entertaining examination of his thought processes, a la Bec Noir's accessorization sequence. The best bits:
He continues to shoot Gamzee for three pages. While walking past him. Each of those pages is a Flash that plays the same sound effects and casual music as the first. And when the shooting seems to end and the body collapses on the ground, Caliborn makes sure to Double Tap.
"Caliborn. Caliborn what are you doing. Stop it."
Caliborn talks to the narrator (Hussie) through the tower console. Because of the locked Caps Lock key, Caliborn can't use his quirk and throws a fit. Why? Because, surprisingly, he never actually uses Caps Lock to type it, thinking that "IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A TRAINING KEY FOR RETARDS...MAYBE ALSO FOR GIRLS. FOR WHEN THEY GET HYSTERICAL AND MAKE THEIR LETTERS SHOUT."
The line "You can't keep down the clown." There's something about it that's just inherently funny.
And the fact that Gamzee's still alive not because he's God Tier, but because he's a clown.
Caliborn: I AM SO. SO. PISSED OFF AT THIS. WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NIGHTMARE.
Hussie: I dunno. Someone who thought it'd be funny watching you struggle with a shitty trackball mouse welded to a counter?
Caliborn: I DEMAND TO KNOW. WAS IT YOU. IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT.
Not to mention that said mouse is WELDED to the countertop.
Hussie officially pisses Caliborn off so much that he swears to kill him. Hussie, of course, already knows this will happen (since it already did) and decides to use it to piss him offsome more.
Hussie: Kawaii me to double death bro!
Gamzee offers Caliborn Crowbar's crowbar. After Hussie lampshades its newly discovered property as a major Chekhov's Gun, Caliborn proceeds to give zero shits about that fact and so smacks Gamzee with it so that he can get around Hussie's "Elevatorstuck Rule," since it then only applied whenever he shot Gamzee. Guess what? Hussie changes the rules and plays the music anyway, except now he's locked the volume control button, it's louder, and it has the effect of scraping the audience's collective ears. Then Hussie adds the following:
Hussie: I just want you to be friends with him, and stop beating him into a coma with a crowbar. Or riddling his sad floppy body with full metal jackets.
Hussie: Although I will admit it is hilarious every time that happens.
Apparently, he's flipped The Bird to Jake for every day of his existence, in part because Jake laughs and finds joy in everything he says, no matter how berating. This is probably not only because Jake thinks Erisolsprite's combination of universal Jerkassery and self-loathing is a comedic act, but also because the combined typing quirk implies that "sir sprite" makes a rather funny voice.
Roxy's drinking again, at least for Jane's birthday party, as we can see by her banner, which reads, "happy birt*day janey!!!! *FUCK."
Turns out she actually quit the habit, but the banner's still great.
Dad's even set up a social network advising Dersites the proper way to wear hats and the like.
The Dersite conversation about HATLIKER sitting on his hat is completely ridiculous. It culminates in Jane's Dad having to tell them that reversing the hat to unsit on it will not, in fact, reverse the damage.
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: on @pipefan413's recommendation i withdraw my motion to unsit on the hat
WANT_MORE_SOCKS changes status to APOLOGETIC.
Then the Condesce shows up, speaking like a gangster. Or Meenah.
The Dignitary has changed his status to DOFFING HAT.
)(IC: @The Dignitary i want ma ring back motha fuck
Ever wonder what would be produced if Complacency of the Learned and Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff switched authors? Now you know.
Culminating in Roxy chastising herself with "DOINT WRITE WHILT DRONK YOU LUSHEY DUMBO".
And what does that Alternian text say? 'You're welcome.'
And then glitter spills out and Roxy cannot take it seriously at all. But then CD comes to the cell door and drops off a few gifts with his signature "You're Welcome" note. Alas, he cannot celebrate with his happy umbrella dance, which he can only perform with the help of his BULL PENIS UMBRELLA.
And of course, CD's wearing a truly ridiculous hat, and it's crumpled, which implies that he may in fact be HATLIKER.
Lil Hal has set up an even more annoying Auto-Responder program for itself called Lil Hal Junior, making Roxy lose her patience with Dirk even faster than usual.
To clarify, this now means that the Auto-Responder has an Auto-Responder. Make it stop!
Dirk and Lil Hal spend so much time mulling over their social and existential angst when preparing to prototype the shades that Gamzee decides to prototype Equius first without consultation. Equiusprite creeps up behind Dirk, and when Dirk turns around, they stand there for four identical beat panels before the former simply says "D —> Hello", Dirk facepalms, and Gamzee honks in glee. And then Dirk just says "Fuck it," and throws the shades in. The glorious result is revealed in [S]: Ride.
At the end of that flash, Gamzee is apparently so moved that he falls to his knees and cries.
She then interrupts Roxy's failed chatlog with Jane by sassing her in a similarly Meenah-esque way.
Jane Alchemizes Calliope and Caliborn's Jujus, which then fuse together into a giant swirled lollipop, and licks them, causing her to go into Trickster Mode. After seeing how all the drama she just went through made her a sobbing wreck, this is one hell of a Mood Whiplash. Even Gamzee was shocked.
Can't you sorta tell that Trickster Mode makes you batshit insane when you're exclaiming such a non sequitur as your no-longer-ambiguous racial identity, right, Jane? (Note: This is Hussie's Take That to the Tumblr Hate Dumb that complained about the Tricksters' canon race.)
At least, all of this applies to the original joke. Because certain people took the joke as license to harass cosplayers and fanartists, Hussie retcons it, adding a few new dancing fruit guys to the joke in the process.
Jake's Big "NO!" on being told Jane is feeling positively CAUCASIAN...I mean PEACHY.
Or if Hussie didn't obscure his Engagement animation for being too "vaguely unsettling." Instead, he has Jane wield a magnifying glass and wear her Poirot disguise so that she and the reader can look for "clues" within it. Some of these "clues" are references to his admirably gyrating bottom, which one can clearly see twerking even with the censor.
Trickster Mode can make so many miracles with love. Not only does Trickster!Jake reciprocate Jane's affection and intentions for marriage and a ZILLION BABIES entirely, but he actually convinces her to quickly begin having relations with him...as soon as they're done with their ADVENTURE on Derse. Oh, and they kidnap Erisolsprite so he can join the ADVENTURE, and he conveys the fandom's thoughts on the matter perfectly:
While looking for Roxy, they decide that they're not "selfless" enough for trying to have Roxy only as a bridesmaid at their wedding. Their solution? She'll be the CO-BRIDE! As with Erisol, Roxy's thought on the matter falls well in line with the fandom's opinion:
ROXY: (oh dear god)
Which leads Roxy to contact Her Imperious Condescension directly asking her to throw her back in jail.
Trickster!Jane's spiral-eyed duckface is hilarious, though still part of the most terrifying sequence in the comic since the deaths of Equius and Nepeta.
When Roxy enters Trickster Mode, Erisolsprite is in the background, lying on the gound.
And CD is in the foreground, with his usual "I have no idea what's goin' on" look and gets knocked down with him.
The sheer fact that CD looks normal in comparison to the Tricksters is amusing.
The rather phallic appearance of Jake's cane, its position relative to a rather physically excited Trickster!Roxy, the nature of the minigame (he has to tug it), and the fact that Jane is watching eagerly is amusing, especially with the accompanying suggestive noises.
On the other hand, Dad looks down at all these shenanigans from his tower, and finds no amusement and no feeling but STERNFATHERLY DISAPPROVAL.
At least, that's what the fandom thought it was going to be. OH HOW WRONG IT WAS, for what followed was the indescribably bizarre alchemization and origin story of the Warhammer of Zillyhoo. And its six brothers and sisters. Complete with the silliest narration in all MSPA canon. (An exception to the rule, however, would be the page for the Unbreakable Katana, an artifact which happened to already be Dirk's sword.)
In the panel after that, Hussie and Caliborn get into an argument, since Hussie went back to ACT 6 ACT 5 ACT 1 against Caliborn's wishes. The next panel after that, [FUCK YOU] ==>, shows Caliborn "breaking" the MSPA website with Crowbar's crowbar again. And, in the bottom of the broken website is a sprite of Hussie riding on Cronus's lusus.
For bonus points, Jane actually reacts to the crowbar hitting the site. You can tell it's not fun for her.
Hussie's discussion with Caliborn about how getting a star is bad for Mario's personal development is quite hilarious.
Why didn't he use warp pipes instead, anyways?
After Jane and Dirk awaken on their quest beds, they have a short conversation:
TT: Jane. GG: What. TT: What happened to the lollipop? GG: I dropped it. I think it fell into the crypt. TT: Good.
In one of the panels of the Alphas' ascension, we get a very good frontal closeup of the ascendant Page's booty shorts .
Post-ascension, the first look seen on Jane's face appears to express the unease of looking at the aforementioned crotch.
The first of the Beta Heroes to arrive is Jade, and what's the first thing she asks her Grandpa/-son about? Go ahead. Guess.
After everything abruptly goes to hell, Roxy ends up kidnapped by an overpowered being before she can even react for the third time in a row, and the look on her face can only be described as "damn it not again"
There's also the Condesce's display of smug satisfaction at the end of the act. Like it or not, her bling surplus will bring about a chortle or two.
There's something hilarious about Dirk's line "I should probably tell him that, but given how I just called him an asshole while wearing orange suspenders, I'm probably the last person he wants to hear from right now."
Act 6 Intermission 5
Not only is Karkat using a crab-shaped walkie-talkie at the troll equivalent of sixteen years old, but he's also attempting completely serious communication with Dave over it. After failing at that, he comes upon an utterly zonked-out Terezi...who's wearing nothing but her shirt, dragon cape, scalemate-themed boxers, and suggestively indigo-colored toenail polish and is surrounded by copious amounts of horns and spilled Faygo, some of which she is drooling. So now Karkat has to face the likely affirmative answer to the question of her and Gamzee's relationship: Did They or Didn't They?
What does Karkat ask Terezi when he sees her? It's pretty much turning into a Running Gag at this point.
KARKAT: WHERE ARE YOUR FUCKING PANTS?
Apparently she just passed out alone, since a soda addiction is like alcoholism for trolls and Gamzee has influenced her to behave more like he does. Also, Karkat's complaints and Dave's bantering about Gamzee's Cod Tier outfit are especially hilarious.
The Running Gag of people mentioning that they hate Gamzee. Because, fuck that guy.
DAVE: and as for gamzee fuck that guy with a balloon poodle
DAVE: friendship lesson secured the end
The fact that there is now an intermission inside an intermission deserves special mention, as does the fact that it is only one page long. Hussie actually Lampshades the self-indulgence involved here as though it's only something Caliborn would claim.
Caliborn's reactions to meeting the Felt:
DO THEY GET BETTER THAN THIS.
That depends on what you mean by better.
And how can you ignore how ridiculous the Caltop looks? Or the fact that it appears to be used by bashing your hands against the sides repeatedly?
And Hussie has, within a mere seven pages since the first sub-intermission's end, started another sub-intermission. Clover and Lil' Seb dance together like the adorable little fools they are, the Caltop is still hilarious, and Trace reveals to Hussie that the Lord of Time has committed his most heinous act yet:
Did you kill that cute turtle?
But I can see your past trail.
You're standing there holding a gun, and pointing it at the turtle.
OK. THEN YES.
I KILLED THE TURTLE.
And, having ended the shortest intermission yet, the comic returns to the action with a closeup on John's Adorkable sleeping face.
Tavros asks John, "dON'T ASK ME WHERE MY PANTS ARE,,," subverting the new Running Gag of asking where someone's pants are, Vriska complains about dead Nepetas, Meenah dramatically whispers about her hunt to kill John in Melvillean overtones, and Sollux has DOUBLE EYEPATCHES!
Vriska recruiting a bunch of doomed timeline Eridans as Cannon Fodder is both horrible and hilarious at the same time.
As she is wont to do, Aranea decides to launch into a major exposition as soon as she realizes John hasn't heard it. Naturally, everyone else on the ship has heard most of it already, and John looks totally clueless as to why the other trolls are groaning and facepalming. This isn't the funniest part of it, though: it's actually that Hussie teased the fandom with this cliffhanger as the last update before a five-day hiatus.
The return of Caliborn making his derpy "WORLDBUILDING." face.
The $10,000 reward tier for the Homestuck Kickstarter was for your fantroll to appear in Homestuck, but you had to donate $100,000 for them to survive past one panel. Two people donated $10,000, and surely enough, their fantrolls are completely obliterated just one panel after appearing in the comic.
Keep in mind, even if the fandom scrounged up the 100K to have one character survive past the first panel, where' the guarantee that said character would have lived past the second?
Feferi and Nepeta are back, and they're dressed as pirates.
The entirety of the "interfishin". While Meenah goes to relieve herself, the other trolls inexplicably start playing musical instruments to the tune ofElevatorstuck. When Meenah comes back, she takes a minute to ponder what's going on before deciding to abscond back into the ship. Also, Sollux falls down some stairs...from the other end.
The loading screen is, somewhat unusually, of the blink-and-you'll-miss-it variety, but in it, Openbound's Peanuts exposition booth displays the signs "Gone Fishin" and "The Sylph is OUT."
Not to mention that the "diaper" Gamzee has baby Calliope/Caliborn wearing is a codpiece too.
What really sells it is Gamzee's This Is Gonna Suck expression while he's holding the little monster.
As soon as John inquires about Aranea's term for the Felt's species, "leprechauns," she immediately launches into a discourse on the species that includes explicit callbacks to Caliborn's dispute with Hussie over the species name (whether they're leprechauns or "a 8reed of gnome") and Hivebent's exposition on the quadrants (in the form of a nine-"quadrant" grid of "charms" that look suspiciously like Lucky Charms). Vriska, with great sarcasm, thankfully proclaims, "WASN'T THAT STORY GR8 EVERYONE?" just as Aranea tries to reveal a word describing the Felt's sexuality.
Not to mention the fact Aranea is discussing leprechauns in an update that's posted the day before St. Patrick's Day.
Vriska "bonds" with Aranea, while actually bonding with Meenah through silent ridicule of Aranea.
The closeup on Aranea's annoyed face shows she knows what's going on behind her and she's not amused.
Terezi looks like she's been through the wringer several times.
Karkat forgetting the dancestors' names to the point that "THEY WERE ALL NAMED CARLOS AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED," sitting in a chair in much the same style as the Big Man◊, and then having a tantrum about said chair that prompts Dave to say:
DAVE: i just won karkat tantrum bingo
Karkat telling Terezi that he knows about her tryst with Gamzee:
KARKAT: EVEN IF I DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF, WHICH I *DID* BECAUSE IT WAS *OBVIOUS*, YOU ARE UP HERE ON THE ROOF LYING UNCONSCIOUS IN A PILE OF HONK HORNS AND FAYGO BOTTLES. KARKAT: I AM NOT A MASTER OF DEDUCTION, BUT UNLESS YOU WERE RECENTLY STOMPED ON BY SOME SORT OF GOLEM COMPOSED OF GARBAGE FROM A CIRCUS, IT SEEMS FAIR TO SAY YOU ARE OFFICIALLY DOWN WITH THE CLOWN.
DAVE: just dont come after my booniesnote boondollars dude DAVE: or should i say karkat marx
Karkat soldiering on with the intervention.
REMEMBER PANTS?? YOU USED TO LOVE PANTS!
Terezi's heartfelt confession of how guilty she feels about killing Vriska is interrupted by Karkat's crab walkie-talkie nipping her toe. There is no-one who whiplashes moodsquite like Hussie.
When Hussie suggests that Caliborn have Crowbar "hold on to something important," Caliborn ultimately concludes that he's going to give Crowbar...a boomerang. Hussie also reveals, "in retrospect, [Clover] has always been pretty flirtatious, hasn't he?" and so advises Caliborn to consider "a [STAR HEART HORSESHOE] relationship" with Clover. Caliborn's response is to justifiably spike the caltop on the ground and refuse to partake in the charmrom madness.
John learning about Aradia's motivation for searching for the weapon to defeat Lord English.
ARADIA: i think i mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart
JOHN: ogre sex, or salamander shipping, or something?
ARANEA: Nope! Although I would 8e happy to tell you all a8out those topics another time.
When Aranea mentions "two powerful rings" John (and the reader) immediately pictures Jack and PM. Aranea sees John's thought bubble and tells him that those aren't the rings she's talking about. Probably for the best, since if she were talking about the backstory for those rings we'd probably be getting a recap of Homestuck's first five acts.
The reader's not the only one to realise what the rings in Aranea's story are. Vriska does too, and promptly proceeds to flip the fuck out:
She then mind-controls two Cronuses to run into each other, with a big SLAMPORA. Mituna is watching, but falls over of his own accord.
While it's happening at the worst possible time, it's rather awesome seeing Tavros stand up for himself. The funny part is that Sollux is convinced to follow suit. And he takes Feferi and Nepeta along for the ride like a boss.
Relatedly, Vriska's attempts to convince/force Feferi and Nepeta to stay, pointing out that she gave them naval ranks... only to discover that the ranks she gave them are actually higher than the rank of Captain she gave herself.
MEENAH: god damn for a pirate you really know fuckall about nautical junk
MEENAH: pretty embarrassing tbh
Kanaya encounters a drunken Rose, whom WV has enlisted to help him relocate Cantown. The entire exchange is golden:
Rose: [It] Is our responsipility to carry the torch through the abyss whilest keeping it lit, and hic...
And set it pupon the harth of the newd world.
Kanaya: I Think The Torch Is Not All You Have Managed To Keep Lit
While this flash is for the most part creepy, it has yet another replay button gag: if it's clicked, a bunch of other replay buttons come on the screen and most of them repeat the same half-startling, half-hilarious HONK made at the Flash's end. But unlike with the previous replay gags, there's an actual replay button, and it's near the top left corner.
Made even funnier by one of Vriska's lines on the previous page:
VRISKA: Only a complete asshole would make us w8 any longer to get a look at this thing.
Viceroy Bubble Von Salamancer summons undead minions using the CROOK OF FRAILTY. We are then given a choice to name an undead minion.
>Fossilbee Oldington the Third
Vriska's had it with Hussie's Trolling Creator ways and decides that she's just going to hurry up and reveal the treasure, subverting The Unreveal. So she just dumps it on the floor and messily explains what it is, before telling Hussie to suck it.
The reactions of the others make it even funnier. Especially Aradia ":D" Megido.
What she says when John vanishes just in time really sells it, since it seems she's more annoyed than anything.
Caliborn meets Eggs and Biscuits.
Andrew also lets slip why he invoked Spotlight-Stealing Squad during Vriska's arc: to spite her for rejecting his marriage proposal.
Spades Slick opens the wrong door while in Doc Scratch's apartment, and comes face to face with the Scary Wolf Head. Predictably, he is quick to close the door.
Some of the Felt play a game they invented, known as "Table Stickball". Crowbar is the only one who realises they are playing pool.
Just before leaving Scratch's derelict apartment, Spades Slick pauses to set it on fire. Again.
While it's in the middle of a giant sun, no less.
Spades finds out that the "escape route" leads to what appears to be the middle of nowhere. His reaction is quite funny.
The incident with the little Sburb icon results in John teleporting all over the Homestuck multiverse and reacting to everything he encounters. Highlights include his reaction to the infamous Dirk / Jake volcano kiss, The Dolorosa hissingat him, and his teary expression when he finds himself somehow transported into Con Air.
He then finds himself inside the latest sub-intermission, and he and Caliborn have an INTENSESTAREDOWN before Cans knocks John straight out of the panel. A page briefly uses John as a cursor before he zaps back to LOMAX.
Another funny in that sub-intermission is the subtle detail of Caliborn's Jack stabbing Gamzee while Gamzee keeps wearing his usual look of relaxed contentment. It's the way he greets people, remember?
When Grimbark Jade sends out her warning BARKs to the meteor crew, Kanaya hisses in the same protective fashion as the Dolorosa. And when she makes her formal appearance to them, Dave and Karkat exchange the same glances that Jane and Jake made when the Grimbarkness began.
Right before that, Karkat's hysterics when Dave points out that no one actually figured out how to safely stop the meteor they are riding on before it crashes into Skaia.
The fourth anniversary update is a flash, which features John reuniting with the others... as a complete afterthought.
John is bored out of his mind waiting for the others to arrive and starts doing random things (among them making a homestuck logo out of playing cards, watching Con Air and other things) only for the others to get teleported right as he apparently yells something to the heavens. The fun part? They all get teleported in mid air around him and fall to the ground. His face really sells it.
Don't miss Erisolsprite's appearance near the beginning.
In order to create a weapon capable of harming Lord English, Jade alchemises Dave's Royal Deringer with a cueball, only for it to produce... Caledfwlch. That's right, the sword he originally broke, which Hephaestus then turned into the Deringer.
Dave promptly loses his shit and proceeds to rant about the stupidity of his quest, while Jade tries to calm him down.
John accidentally appears in the past, screwing up the timeline (somehow). Dave, being the time guy, is understandably pissed, and give us this little gem:
DAVE: john youre fucking shit up here
DAVE: you being here
DAVE: thats not supposed to happen
DAVE: all this shit were saying now
DAVE: its not supposed to go down like this i can feel it
JOHN: i know!
JOHN: i'm sorry, i would zap away again, but i don't know how!
DAVE: i dont think it matters now dude the pooch is already screwed
Because the character select screen keeps glitching, Hussie compensates the reader with a repeat, in full, of Aranea's leprechaun romance exposition, including the later parts that Vriska interrupted. (Un)Fortunately, those parts are almost entirely glitched, but this is the available legible content, starting with the originally interrupted sentence. Note that she lifts much of this description from a certain Dave pesterlog in Act 2:
8ut first it 8ears pointing out that while for humans reproductive relationships are exclusively heterosexual, and for trolls they are 8isexual, for leprechauns they are exclusively homosexual. Yes you heard right. That means the Felt are all super gay. A graphic description of the reproductive process is as follows:
weird frog penis
magic gnome phallus
8urrowed fuck deep
coarse kermit cock
dragged across each other's gleeful faces
wrist deep in puppet ass
soft 8ul8ous 8ottom
kind of jutting out and impudent
Doubly hilarious is the fact that Hussie added black artifacts, essentially thwarting the main method fans had been using to decode the glitched text.
In ACT 2 of HOMOSUCK, we are introduced to "THE ALPHA MALE" (Dave), who, according to our illustrious narrator, "HAS EXCEPTIONAL TASTE IN PUPPETS" and gets all of "THE BITCHES," including his sister, his mother, Jade, and Jane. How convenient that the narrator claims, "IT DOESN'T MATTER," with regard to the taboos of incest, promiscuity, and, most terribly, inserting characters who aren't supposed to show up until much later.
'John: YA! YAHHH!!! FLY, SHIT BISCUIT! FLY!!! NO, YOU DUMBASS! NOT THIS WAY! GO DOWN! DOWN I SAY!!!
The Alpha Male forges a sword out of the "SMUT" Dirk drew for Caliborn. The tameness of the "FILTHY HUMAN PORNOGRAPHY" certainly doesn't stop John from channeling the elf from Jailbreak and crying upon seeing it, though.
There is something funny about the sight of Karkat roasting a hummingbird skewer over a fire.
Jane radios Jade to come to Derse. The next panel? An even closer shot of her weird Simpsonesquemouth. Especially funny when viewed right after a similar, if less disturbing, closeup of Meenah's mouth appearing a few panels earlier.
In their respective lines, they say essentially the same thing:
MEENAH: we got a whale of a problem here.
JANE: We potentially have a problem that is rather significant in size.
The same style shot is used to cold-open on Jake having an Erotic Dream about Avatar, and Aranea walks in on him.
Aranea then proceeds to slowly lean in for a kiss, but Jake squirms at this advance in a way that's both heartbreaking and incredibly silly.
Amidst Aranea healing Jakes mind and unlocking his power, we suddenly cut to Jade and Jane, commenting on how Jade's ship was stolen... and inappropriately parked.
JADE: maybe we should call in some authority regulators to have it ticketed and towed
JANE: If you really wanted to relocate the vehicle, couldn't you just.
JANE: You know. Teleport it somewhere else?
JADE: but i love watching those guys write their little tickets
JADE: theyre so cute
In spite of all the mayhem arising from Aranea unlocking Jake's full power, we get a panel where Roxy is just nonchalantly laying in her cell which is now full of "perfectly generic objects" along with PGO's halfway developed into matriorbs.
When Roxy turns invisible and escapes we get this:
The first thing Jake says in his fully realized, "angelic" form as Page of Hope, in massive, flaming, glowing letters:
...And pretty much everything he says afterwards. Turns out his ultimate form only speaks in dated, hammy interjections.
It turns out that Jake's power is so awesome that Arquiusprite's glasses crack in the process of attempting to fathom it. He thus sweats profusely with arousal and declares this regarding Jake's Power Level:
Jane's feelings towards Aranea for Jade's death do not manifest as uncontrollable rage and despair; instead, she just says this while making this face, as if she's simply pissed and annoyed to an extreme:
JANE: First of all.
JANE: You've got some nerve.
She continues to mumble with similar anger while preparing to do the lifey thing... before everyone's favorite purple clown gets the drop on her.
DAVE: terezi with the dropkick ambush from the fuckin sky
DAVE: go terezi kick his ass
DAVE: still dont have the slightest clue whats going on here but i fully endorse this turn of events
DAVE: terezi do you know whats going on here
DAVE: do you know what happened to jade
DAVE: and where the hell is karkat
DAVE: is he ok
DAVE: ok she looks pretty serious about stabbing that clown
DAVE: i can respect that
DAVE: what about you
DAVE: hey johns hot mom did you see what happened
DAVE: shit i mean
DAVE: johns evil mom
DAVE: did you happen to...
DAVE: ok that was a really embarrassing and inappropriate freudian slip there
DAVE: dont think im gonna rebound from that one
DAVE: im uh
DAVE: im gonna stop talking now
Just as Jane has had enough entertainment from watching Terezi attempt to kill Gamzee, she resumes her struggle to resurrect Jade, and she has "no cause to anticipate further impediments to this simple objective." Just one little problem: as soon as she turns around, Bec Noir, PM, and Dave are all fighting over the body.
Jane: Son of a dick.
Heck, just the way she says that she has had enough entertainment is great.
JANE: Observing this tomfoolery for several minutes has been time well spent. I have no regrets whatsoever.
Dave trying to get PM and Bec Noir to drop Jade
DAVE: you dont think im serious?
DAVE: im serious as a drive to the fuckin vet
DAVE: im not joking you dumb mutts i mean business here
Buying character shirts from the store would yield you some wise words from one, usually the character who wore them:
Tavros: uHH, dON'T gET iN tHE rECUPERACOON, wHILE wEARING tHIS, sO yOU wON'T hAVE tO, uHH, cHANGE, Aradia: i'm 0k with this shirt. maybe y0u are t00. 0r n0t. i'm 0kay with either possibility Terezi: TH1S SH1RT SM3LLS D3L1C1OUS, BUT DONT COUNT ON 1T TO M4SK TH3 PUTR1D ST3NCH OF YOUR D3C31T FROM TH3 PROS3CUT1ON, H3H3H3H3H3 >:] John well... i guess you probably can't do the windy thing, bit that's ok! you can be my trusty sidekick. i'll handle all the windy stuff. Vriska: Hahahaha. You think you have what it takes to wear this???????? Don't you know you have to 8e strong and 8rave to wear this and not 8e an em8arrassment to yourself????????
A fictionalized version, of the Betty Crocker character, is a supporting character in the webcomic Homestuck, wherein she is sometimes referred to as the "Batter Witch". This portrayal is married to a fictionalized version of Mark Twain in the early 20th century. It is strongly implied that she's a malevolent, nigh-immortal alien from another universe, and is using her corporate empire to control the population, and to bring about the ruin of this universe.
Not long after Alternia was released, Andrew announced that another album was already in the works. What did it turn out to be? A Squiddles album!
In somewhat of a meta-example, a fan on the forums by the name of Lotus wrote a 15 pageresearch paper on the ship teasing between John and Rose. The panel immediately after this featured a lotus in the book Rose was reading, before proceeding to be a ridiculously ship teasing conversation.
The reference to lotus is to the ring of Skaia shown here, a few panels before that, which was the immediately subsequent panel to the release of the paper. The conversation was continued immediately as well (as Andrew often updates with several panels at once).
As long as we're going meta, this poor guy's reaction to the absolute terror known as [s] Jade: Wake Up, in a schadenfreude sort of way.
To give an idea as to exactly what "soon" means in this context, using time codes on forum posts, people figured out that Newgrounds went down in about 3 minutes. From EoA5 posting to Newgrounds' demise. That's less than half of the length of the Flash itself.
Hell, Dante's liveblog alone is filled with crowning moments of funny as he reminds us all of precisely how confusing the first few acts are, which combined with the undoubtedly strange feeling of thousands of people egging you on and encouraging you leaves him hilarious nonplussed about the entire thing.
And yes, I saw the “Hello Dante”… I greeted him on twitter… I have to admit, that’s pretty dope. I wonder if he makes this first part so hard to get as an obstacle for those not worthy to get the story… a somewhat right (sic) of passage… maybe I’m just rambling and have no idea what I’m talking about… Back to reading.
While we're looking at Tumblr, you should also check out What the Fuck is Homestuck, where one girl chronicles her reactions right throughout the entirety of the comic, only catching up early into Act 6. She loves using a copious amount of gifs from all sorts of sources, especially when she overexcited.
It's especially funny from the perspective of one who's read the comic: right from meeting him, she hates Gamzee, which just makes her reaction to his freakout in Act 5 Act 2 a hilarious Foregone Conclusion.
Not to mention her reaction to finding out her starsign is Capricorn, as well.
WtFiH: Correct! My star sign is Capricorn! However, Gamzee is- what- wait... oh, oh FUCK ME.
Then, there's this book. At first glance, it seems like an innocent book for kids about how they can be happy in their daily lives. However, a Homestuck fan would find this not-so-innocent. To make things worse, there are similarly-titled books about "filling buckets" and "daily happiness" in the same title and/or book cover.
Another meta example: this article about the Juggalos had someone comment in character as Gamzee (find it near the middle of the third page of comments). Then, Karkat showed up. Then Nepeta joined in on the commenting, followed by Kanaya.
Ke$hastuck: When the MSPA website went down for a few days the fandom went a little more insane than usual and made a world where living (Ke$ha; Lady Gaga), dead (Kurt Cobain), and fictional (Vocaloid; Gorillaz) musicians replaced the kids. May have something do do with Ke$ha's latest single being called "Die Young" and her acting like a Lady Drunk like Roxy. Post-Trickster Mode bonus: Her newest single C'mon mentions lollypops.
Likewise, my second sighting was in the 4/12/13 issue of Entertainment Weekly's back page: a godtier Aradia cosplayer representing "Everything you missed at Wondercon" on the very edge of the Bulls-eye — still cooler than "Kim Kardashian's cameo in Tyler Perry's Temptation, which was just barely off the board.
This Trollmegle conversation. A roleplayer of an obnoxious fanmade lovechild of John and Karkat has a run-in with an absolutely flawless Dave roleplayer. The results must be seen to be believed. Seriously, is this a roleplayer or the actual Dave Strider? Also to be found on the Crowning Moment of Awesome page.
This tweet by none other than Betty Crocker. It might just be an intern running the account, it might be a clever marketing ploy, but the point remains: Homestuck is now read by Rufio, Grey Delisle and Betty Crocker. Homestuck truly is taking over the world.
Operation Dirk, a cosplay skit from NärCon 2013 (Danish, but with English subtitles), where the Alpha kids are trying to find where Dirk has gone... and all the while Jake is trying to star in a musical.
Oh lord. This Gigapause is not going toendwell◊, if this is day 1.