This bit is a great example of how the simplest lines can sometimes be among the funniest:
Kate: Get upstairs.
Kevin: I am upstairs, DUMMY!
The pizza boy scene:
Movie: Who is it? Pizza boy: It's Little Nero's sir, I have your pizza. Movie: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here. Pizza boy: Okay. [puts the pizza down] What about the money? Movie: What money? Pizza boy:[rolls eyes] Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir. Movie: Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? [Kevin fast forwards the TV] Pizza boy: That'll be $11.80, sir. [Kevin pauses and deposits the money through the dog door. Kevin un-pauses.] Movie: Keep the change, you filthy animal. Pizza boy: Cheapskate. Movie: Hey! I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts fulla lead! One...two...ten! [cue tommygun and the pizza guy getting the hell out of there with all haste]
Harry tells Marv to check the house to see if anybody's there.
Harry: Go check it out. [Marv just sits there. Harry looks at him, waiting. Marv looks back at him.] Marv: Now? Harry: No, tomorrow egghead, NOW! Go ahead!
Kevin does the same gangster movie gag on Harry and Marv, with the addition of firecrackers in a pan to make things a little more believable.
The traps Kevin set up for Harry and Marv:
Kevin shoots Harry's groin. Harry makes a squeaky little scream of pain.
Harry climbs the slippery stairs the first time and slips.
Followed by several little screams and squeals as he threw the spider on Harry's chest and reaches for his crowbar to smash it with.
Harry:(waking up) What are you doing, Marv? Marv:(whispers) Harry... don't move. Harry: Marv? Marv:(whispers) Don't! Move. (getting ready to strike) Harry:(very worried) Marv, what are you doing? Marv? (Marv hits Harry's chest, missing the spider who crawls back to Buzz's room) Harry: AAAGH!! Geeez... Marv: Did I get him? DID I GET HIM?! Where is it? Where is it? Harry: NEVER MIND WHAT YOU GET! (grabs Marv's crowbar and hits him with it) HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, HUH?! YOU JERK!! Get that kid!
After successfully bluffing his way passed a supermarket cashier, the bottoms of Kevin’s grocery bags burst open on his walk home, spilling his groceries onto the pavement.
Kevin having to face his fear of his basement furnace in the first movie by telling it to "Shut up." and it does.
Marv: Yeah. Kids are scared of the dark.
Harry: You're afraid of the dark too, Marv. You know you are.
Buzz implying to Kevin that he ate the last cheese pizza and that if he wants any somebody's gonna have to barf it up. He then tells Kevin to get a plate so he can throw some up for him and Kevin attacks him causing chaos in the kitchen.
Kevin telling Santa he wants his family back for Christmas and names all the family members he wants back finally saying that if Santa has time he'd also like his rude Uncle Frank back as well.
Marv sticking his head through the doggy door and stares into the barrel of a BB gun. He does the smile equivalent of an Oh Crap.
"Look what you did, you little jerk!" (What kind of uncle says that to his nephew?)
Uncle Frank's half-assed attempt of showing sympathy on the plane.
Uncle Frank: Horrible. Horrible. If this make you fell better: I forgot my Reading glasses.
And this little exchange once the two crooks are inside the house:
Harry:[seeing Marv in bare feet, his shoes having got stuck in tar in the basement] Why the hell did you take your shoes off? Marv:[seeing Harry covered in bits of feathers that got stuck on him] Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?
"I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! Families suck!"
Any scenes involving Harry and Marv.
Harry and Marv getting hit in the face by paint cans that Kevin sends swinging their way.
Harry: You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil!
In a Deleted Scene, Harry and Marv sing to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" with altered lyrics. This Troper strongly suspects it was improvised.
Home Alone 2
As the hotel staff chases Kevin through the hotel, they chase him into a room, where Kevin suddenly puts on Angels with Even Filthier Souls to slow them down:
Movie: I knew it was you. I could smell ya getting off the elevator! You was here last night too, wasn't ya?
Tim Curry: Yes, sir. I was.
Movie: You was here...and you was smoochin' with my brother.
Tim Curry: I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.
Movie: Don't gimme that. You been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff...
Security Guard: [seeing his nametag reading "Cliff", he is shocked as everyone looks at him, also shocked] No! It's a lie!
Movie: I could go on forever, baby.
Tim Curry: I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man.
Movie: All right. I believe you. [mobster pulls his gun on them] But my tommygun don't! Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.
Tim Curry: On your knees. [everyone gets on their knees] I love you!
Movie: You gotta do better than that!
Hotel Staff: I love you!
Movie: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give ya 'til the count of three to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, four-flushin' carcass out my door! [the hotel staff scramble out of there with all haste] One... two...! [cue tommygun firing and the hotel staff diving for cover out in the hall] Three! [Kevin mouths the mobster's words] Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! [shoots some more] And a Happy New Year. [one last shot]
Tim Curry:[as he and the staff begin crawling away as the hotel guests peek out] Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There's an insane guest with a gun!
"Suck brick, kid!"
The exchange with the concierge (played by Tim Curry of course) and Kevin operating the shower. Kevin has rigged up the inflatable Bozo to silhouette behind the shower curtain, making it out to be his dad. He's playing the recording of Uncle Frank singing "Cool Jerk" by the Capitols on the Talkboy that he recorded near the beginning of the film. The concierge walks in and is standing in disbelief when Kevin turns the inflated Bozo and this exchange, complete with gestures, occurs:
Recorded Uncle Frank: Get out of here, you nosy little pervert, before I slap you silly!
Tim Curry: [some sort of anguished cry] *runs out of the bathroom*
Recorded Uncle Frank: Oh, we're cooking, Frankie!
Tim Curry: *hits and knocks over endtable* Oof! *replaces endtable and runs out of the room*
This becomes especially funny when you consider one of Tim Curry's earlier roles...
When Harry and Marv first spot Kevin and surprise him on a crowded New York street. Kevin's initial response? To scream as loudly as possible.
"That was the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs."
Marv falls into the basement through a huge hole Kevin cut in the floor. He stands up and wrenches his back so that he's staring straight up, and declares "Wow, what a hole!"
Kevin throwing down bricks at the bandits, hitting Marv each and every time.
Marv's unexpected encounter with an electrified sink. Cue frantic screaming that gradually increases in pitch the longer it goes on, and his brief transformation into a screaming skeleton. Röntgen would not approve.
Near the end of the movie we have this gem between Kevin's mom and one of the hotel employees
Kevin's mom: "What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?"
Hotel Employee "The boy had a very convincing story."
Kevin's mom: (angrily) "What kind of idiots do you have working here?"
Harry unknowingly lights his own head on fire with a light cord that Kevin rigged up to a blowtorch. He inexplicably starts casually walking around the room—despite being able to tell Kevin's not there—for a few seconds before noticing his head is on fire only by looking in the mirror. He panics and after realizing that the sink faucets don't work because the plumbing is busted he does a handstand on the rim of the toilet not knowing that the liquid in the toilet is actually kerosene that Kevin poured in there. The resulting explosion blows up the entire first floor of the house but miraculously Harry survives with only a singed scalp and some soot on his face and teeth.
Marv looking like a Death Metal version of Ronald McDonald after getting hit with a bag of cement mix.
Marv: I'm gonna murder that kid. ACHOO!!! *coughs*
Marv and Harry both hamming it up as they try to fake Kevin out by pretending to get hit with the paint cans, having anticipated that he would try this, while Harry counts them off. They do not expect the lead pipe that knocks them down a moment later:
Marv:[as the pipe comes swinging their way]Oops. [the pipe slams in their faces, knocking them down the stairs, into the hole in the floor and onto the basement where they lie] Marv: That's...three. [Kevin cuts the string holding the pipe, causing it to roll down the stairs.] Harry:No... [The pipe hits them again.] Marv: That's...four!
The ham-tastic way in which Marv delivered this response, suddenly straightening up, thrusting out his chest and putting his hands on his hips.
Kevin: You guys giving up? Have you had enough pain?
Throughout the early parts of the search through the booby trapped house, Harry is doing his damned best to make sure he doesn't fall for any traps again. He fails to do so obviously, but it's just so hilarious watching him constantly testing doorknobs and checking whether or not anything he touches will set off another trap.
Admit it, the transition shot from the Grinch's evil smile to Tim Curry pulling one of his own was pretty funny.
"I'm not apologizing to Buzz. I'd rather kiss a toilet seat."
At the end of the film, before Buzz does his speech for Kevin, he tries to get everyone's attention by blowing a whistle. Instead, he blows a rasberry.