Funny: Home Alone
- This bit is a great example of how the simplest lines can sometimes be among the funniest:
Kate: Get upstairs.Kevin: I am upstairs, DUMMY!
- In the beginning, the cop (actually Harry in disguise) is trying to talk to Kevin's parents. Unfortunately, every kid he asks is a visiting cousin, who act unhelpful. Eventually, he gripes, "All kids! No parents! Must be a fancy orphanage!"
- Kevin's scream when he slaps aftershave on his face. Even better when he does it again. You think he'd learn after the first time...
- And this gem from Kate while on the phone in Paris:
Kate: (angry) "Somebody pick up. PICK UP!"
- Kevin uses Angels with Filthy Souls to pull a prank on the pizza delivery boy:
Johnny: Who is it?
Pizza boy: It's Little Nero's sir, I have your pizza.
Johnny: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here.
Pizza boy: Okay. (puts the pizza down) What about the money?
Johnny: What money?
Pizza boy: (rolls eyes) Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Johnny: Is that a fact? How much do I owe ya?
(Kevin fast forwards to the right point)
Pizza boy: That'll be $11.80, sir.
(Kevin pauses and drops $12 through the dog flap. Kevin then plays the next clip)
Johnny: Keep the change, you filthy animal.
Pizza boy: [starts to walk away] Cheapskate.
Johnny: Hey! I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts fulla lead! One...two...ten! (cue Johnny using the tommygun. The pizza guy runs to his car with all haste)
- Harry tells Marv to check the house to see if anybody's there.
Harry: Go check it out.
(Marv just sits there. Harry looks at him, waiting. Marv looks back at him)
Harry: No, tomorrow egghead, NOW! Go ahead!
- Kevin does the same gangster movie gag on Harry and Marv, with the addition of firecrackers in a pan to make things a little more believable.
- The traps Kevin set up for Harry and Marv:
- Kevin shoots Harry's groin. Harry makes a squeaky little scream of pain.
- Marv then sticks his head through the doggy door to see just what happened...and stares right into the barrel of a BB gun. Cue "Oh, Crap!" Smile.
- Harry climbs the slippery stairs the first time and slips.
- Marv slipping down the basement stairs the first time ("Ow!"), and then when the crowbar falls and hits him in the head.
- Marv steps on a nail, and then he screams in pain while grabbing his foot. Then he falls off the stairs. And this is after the tar on the steps has removed his socks.
- Harry spits on his other hand to check if the door knob is safe. Satisfied, he opens the door and gets his head torched. After putting out the fire with snow, he runs back and kicks the door down.
- Marv steps on the ornaments. "I'M GONNA KILL THAT KID!!!!"
- Kevin shoots Harry's groin. Harry makes a squeaky little scream of pain.
- Marv's reaction to suddenly getting a face full of tarantula, which is somewhere in the vicinity of "EEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Harry: (waking up) What are you doing, Marv?
- Followed by several little screams and squeals as he threw the spider on Harry's chest and reaches for his crowbar to smash it with.
Marv: (whispers) Harry... don't move.
Marv: (whispers) Don't! Move. (getting ready to strike)
Harry: (very worried) Marv, what are you doing? Marv?
(Marv hits Harry's chest, missing the spider who crawls back to Buzz's room)
Harry: AAAGH!! Geeez...
Marv: Did I get him? DID I GET HIM?! Where is it? Where is it?
Harry: NEVER MIND WHAT YOU GET! (grabs Marv's crowbar and hits him with it) HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, HUH?! YOU JERK!! Get that kid!
- After successfully bluffing his way passed a supermarket cashier, the bottoms of Kevin’s grocery bags burst open on his walk home, spilling his groceries onto the pavement. He gives an Aside Glance of exasperation into the camera.
- Kevin having to face his fear of his basement furnace while doing laundry by telling it to "Shut up." and it does.
- The following:
Marv: Yeah. Kids are scared of the dark.Harry: You're afraid of the dark too, Marv. You know you are.(Beat)Marv: No I'm not!
- Buzz screaming at the end "KEVIN! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM?!?!"
- Buzz implying to Kevin that he ate the last cheese pizza and that if he wants any somebody's gonna have to barf it up. He then tells Kevin to get a plate so he can throw some up for him and Kevin attacks him causing chaos in the kitchen.
- Kevin telling Santa he wants his family back for Christmas and names all the family members he wants back finally saying that if Santa has time he'd also like his rude Uncle Frank back as well.
- "Look what you did, you little jerk!" (What kind of uncle says that to his nephew? And what kind of family stares the kid down in agreement?)
- Uncle Frank's half-assed attempt of showing sympathy on the plane.
Uncle Frank: Horrible. Horrible. If this make you fell better: I forgot my reading glasses.
- Kevin and his mom finish their discussion.
Kevin's mom: Say good night, Kevin.
Kevin: Good night Kevin!
- And this little exchange once the two crooks are inside the house:
Harry: (seeing Marv in bare feet, his shoes having got stuck in tar in the basement) Why the hell did you take your shoes off?
Marv: (seeing Harry covered in bits of feathers that got stuck on him) Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?
- "I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! Families suck!"
- Any scenes involving Harry and Marv.
- Harry and Marv getting hit in the face by paint cans that Kevin sends swinging their way.
- In a Deleted Scene, Harry and Marv sing to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" with altered lyrics.
- "When I get older and get married, I'm living alone!"
- After hiding from the Wet Bandits during their first break-in attempt, Kevin decides to be brave and call them out since he's "the man of the house". Oh, he is so Tempting Fate with this one.
Kevin: Hey! I'm not afraid anymore! I said, I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore! (Then comes creepy Old Man Marley and his shovel) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (And the screams continue for a good twenty seconds as he runs into the house, including screaming right into the camera)
- The infamous scene where Kevin slaps on after-shave and screams, becoming, what the commentary acknowledges, as the shot that sold a million posters. The funny thing is that at Macaulay Culkin's age at the time, that after-shave shouldn't even be affecting him.
- The deleted scenes are outright hilarious. But the topping is one of Harry and Marv singing their own rendition of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" while driving, with more appropriate lyrics.
- Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern's interviews for the featurette, in which they're completely unapologetic for their characters' actions:
Stern: They're a bunch of rich fat cats and we're gonna rip 'em off!
- On the set, Chris Columbus didn't want the cast and crew to curse in front of the kids, so he instituted a Swear Jar. Apparently, Joe Pesci filled it in one day.
- This exchange when the officer Harry in disguise talks to Peter.
Officer (Harry): Are you Mr. McCallister?
Officer (Harry): The Mr. McCallister who lives here?
Pizza boy: Good, because somebody owes me $122.50.
- Fuller and his sister are staring at "Officer" Harry with open mouths.
Harry: How are you kids doing, good? A lot of action around here today, huh? Going on vacation? Where are you going? (still gawking at him) You hear me or what? Going on a trip? Where are you going, kid?! (a knock on the door) Ha!
Home Alone 2
- The hotel staff chases Kevin into his hotel suite, where Kevin suddenly puts on Angels with Even Filthier Souls and does a much more over the top version of his previous use of the movie on the pizza boy in the first film to slow them down:
Johnny: Hold it right there!Mr. Hector: This is the Concierge, sir!Johnny: I knew it was you. I could smell ya getting off the elevator! ...You was here last night too, wasn't ya? [beat]Mr. Hector: ...Yes, sir. I was.Johnny: You was here...and you was smoochin' with my brother!Mr. Hector (taken aback) I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.Johnny: Don't gimme that. You been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff...Security Guard: (everyone looks to the guard whose nametag just happens to reads "Cliff", he is shocked as everyone else) It's a lie!Johnny: I could go on forever, baby.Mr. Hector: I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man.Johnny: All right. I believe you. (Johnny pulls his gun on them) But my tommygun don't! (everyone is horrified) Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.Mr. Hector: (whispers) On your knees. (everyone gets down on their knees) I love you! (Kevin snickers in the other room)Johnny: You gotta do better than that!Hotel Staff: [in unison] I love you!Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give ya 'til the count of three to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, four-flushin' carcass out my door! (the hotel staff scramble out of there as fast as they can) One...Mr. Hector: Open the door!Johnny: Two...! (Begins unloading his tommygun on them, laughing maniacally. The hotel staff dive for cover out in the hall) Three! (Kevin mouths Johnny's words as he ducks into the stairwell) Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! (Johnny shoots another burst. Kevin pokes his head out on cue) And a Happy New Year. (one last shot)Mr. Hector: (as he and the staff begin crawling away as the hotel guests peek out) Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There's an insane guest with a gun!
- "Suck brick, kid!"
- The exchange with Mr. Hector the concierge (played by Tim Curry of course) and Kevin operating the shower. Kevin has rigged up the inflatable Bozo to silhouette behind the shower curtain, making it out to be his dad. He's playing the recording of Uncle Frank singing "Cool Jerk" by the Capitols on the Talkboy that he recorded near the beginning of the film. The concierge walks in and is standing in disbelief when Kevin turns the inflated Bozo and this exchange, complete with gestures, occurs:
Recorded Uncle Frank: Get out of here you nosy little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly!Mr. Hector: (some sort of anguished cry) (runs out of the bathroom)Recorded Uncle Frank: Oh, we're cooking, Frankie!Mr Hector: (hits and knocks over endtable) Oof! (places endtable upright and limps out of the room)
Kevin: My tie's in the bathroom. I can't go in there, 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'll grow up never feeling like a real man.
- This becomes especially funny when you consider one of Tim Curry's earlier roles...
- Speaking of that scene, Kevin got the recording while his Uncle Frank was in the shower, while getting his tie.
[His parents stare at him in confusing]
Kevin: Whatever that means.
Peter: I'm sure he was just teasing. You just run in there, get your tie, get out, and don't look at... anything.
- When Harry and Marv first spot Kevin and surprise him on a crowded New York street. Kevin's initial response? To scream as loudly as possible.
- When he's in the clutches of Harry and Marv in public, how does he escape? Take a giant squeeze out of the ass of the lady in front of him and passed it off as his captors doing it; she punches them both out and he escapes.
- "That was the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs."
- Marv falls into the basement through a huge hole Kevin cut in the floor. He stands up and wrenches his back so that he's staring straight up, and declares "Wow, what a hole!"
Marv: Harry! I've reached the top! [takes one step forward, falling into the massive hole down to the basement.]
- And before that he had to suffer a gauntlet of pain just to get up the front steps and into the door, starting with being pelted by bricks, followed by repeatedly getting shot by a powerful staple gun in the butt, groin, and nose. After having enough and kicking the doors open he proudly shouts:
- Kevin throwing down bricks at the bandits, every single one hitting Marv on the spot.
- Marv's unexpected encounter with an electrified sink. Cue frantic screaming that gradually increases in pitch the longer it goes on, and his brief transformation into a screaming skeleton. Röntgen would not approve.
- Near the end of the movie we have this gem between Kevin's mom and one of the hotel employees
Kevin's mom: "What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?"Hotel Employee "The boy had a very convincing story."Kevin's mom: (angrily) "What kind of idiots do you have working here?"Hotel Employee: (proudly) "The finest in New York."
- At the bag exchange, though it crosses into Overly Long Gag.
"Give this to Kevin." *passes bag to next person* "Give this to Kevin", "Give this to Kevin", etc, "Here you go Kevin". *beat, passes bag back* "Kevin's not here" "Kevin's not here"...
- Then Dad double-takes and shouts "WHAT?!"
- "KEVIN!!!!" Mom promptly faints.
- Harry unknowingly lights his own head on fire with a light cord that Kevin has rigged up to a blowtorch. He inexplicably starts casually walking around the room—despite being able to tell Kevin's not there—for a few seconds, and doesn't realize what has happened to his head until he glimpses at the mirror. He panics and after realizing that the sink faucets don't work because the plumbing is busted, he does a handstand on the rim of the toilet, not knowing that the liquid in the toilet has been replaced with paint thinner. The result is an explosion that blows out the entire first floor of the house but miraculously Harry survives with only a singed scalp and some soot on his face and teeth.
- Marv looks like a Death Metal version of Ronald McDonald after he gets hit with a bag of cement mix.
Marv: I'm gonna murder that kid. [bet] ACHOO!!! *coughs*
- Marv and Harry both hamming it up as they try to fake Kevin out by pretending to get hit with the paint cans, having anticipated that he would try this, while Harry counts them off. Sadly, they fail to anticipate the lead pipe that knocks them down a moment later:
Marv: [as the pipe comes swinging their way] Oops.
(the pipe slams in their faces, knocking them down the stairs, into the hole in the floor and onto the basement where they lie)
(Kevin cuts the string holding the pipe, causing it to roll down the stairs)
(the pipe hits them again)
- The ham-tastic way in which Marv delivered this response, suddenly straightening up, thrusting out his chest and putting his hands on his hips.
Kevin: You guys giving up? Have you had enough pain?Marv: NEVAH!
- It cannot be overstated how much Daniel Stern hams it up in this movie.
- At the end, Kevin is wishing the pigeon lady a Merry Christmas, while Buzz gets Kevin's hotel bill:
Buzz: Oh, dad...(cut to outside)Peter: KEVIN! YOU SPENT 967 DOLLARS ON ROOM SERVICE?!?!!!
- When Kate and Peter wake to find that they've overslept. Again.
Kate and Peter: We did it again! (Aside Glance) Argh!
- Throughout the early parts of the search through the booby trapped house, Harry is doing his damned best to make sure he doesn't fall for any traps again. He fails to do so obviously, but it's just so hilarious watching him constantly testing doorknobs and checking whether or not anything he touches will set off another trap.
- Admit it, the transition shot from the Grinch's evil smile to Tim Curry pulling one of his own was pretty funny.
- "I'm not apologizing to Buzz. I'd rather kiss a toilet seat."
- At the end of the film, before Buzz does his speech for Kevin, he tries to get everyone's attention by blowing a whistle. Instead, he blows a raspberry.
- Mr. Hector looking like he's about to cry after Kate slaps him.
- When Kevin photographs the sticky bandits outside the toy store. "Hey guys! Smile!" - Marv does. Harry grimaces.
- This exchange
Frank: You better not wreck this trip you little sourpuss. Your Dad's paid good money for it.Kevin: Oh, wouldn't want to spoil your fun Mr Cheapskate
- Meta: "Home Alone in 5 Seconds".
Marv: (voiced dubbed by John McClane) How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?
Harry: (kicks Marv) Shut up!