Funny / History of the World Part I

  • The Dawn of Man:
    • The inevitable afterbirth to the first artist — the first critic.
  • "The Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen..." * CRASH!* "Oy... Ten! Ten Commandments! For all to obey!"
  • The Roman Empire:
    Senator: Fellow members of the Roman senate, hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich, or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose, and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?
    Rest of the senate: FUCK THE POOR!
    Senator: Good.
    • "I'm sorry Sir, I flunked flank." "Flunked flank? Get the flunk out of here!"
    • Eunuch test, anyone?
      • "He's dead!" "Hmm."
    • Empress Nympho choosing her escorts to the midnight orgy!
      Empress Nympho (singing): 'Yes no no no no no Yeas no no no Yeas no no yeas no no no no no no YES! no no no no YES no no no no no no no no no...wait a minute...YEEEEEESSSS!"
      Servant: You made some pretty big decisions!
    • Bea Arthur's scene.
    • The Last Supper:
    Jesus: Yay yay so you say, but one who sits amongst us has already betrayed me this night.
    Apostles: Who? Who could it be?
    Waiter: JUDAS!
    (Judas gasps)
    Waiter: Do you want a beverage? Try the mulled wine, it's terrific!
    • During the chase...
    Soldier: Have you seen a pack of Trojans?
    Pharmacist: I just sold out!
    • "Ah, but the servant waits, while the master baits."
    • The heroes getting away from the bad guys by firing up a huge joint.
  • The Spanish Inquisition:
    • Seriously, trying to convince the Jews to convert through a song-and-dance number? Highly awesome and hilarious. Perhaps the best part of the movie.
    • "Send in the Nuns!"
    • "Let's face it, you can't Torquemada anything!"
  • The French Revolution:
    • The salesmen.
    Salesman 1: Get yer apple cores! Freshly picked from the garbage of the rich!
    Salesman 2: Rats! Rats! Nice dead rats for sale! Perfect for rat stew, rat soup, rat pie, and the ever popular, Ratatouille!
    Salesman 3: Nothing. Nothing! I got absolutely NOTHING for sale!
    • "Your Majesty, you look like the Piss Boy!"/"And you look like a bucket of shit!"
    • "It's DeMonet!"
      Count DeMonet: I'm Count Da Money... DeMonet, DeMonet!
      • "Hello Da Money, and don't correct me!"
    • "Let's end this meeting on a high note." * sings*
    • "What fool put a carpet on the wall?"
  • History of the World Part 2 Trailer
  • "Could you please step on the same foot at the same time? My tits are falling off!"
  • Nobody mentioned the Last Supper yet? JESUS!
  • "One of you will betray me." "But who? WHO?" "Judas" "Aaahh!" "Can I get you something?"
  • Cesar's Palace
  • "Oh, a bullshit artist!"
  • Moses being mugged.
  • "The rest of you... will run with MUCUS!"
  • Comicus fighting Marcus:
    Marcus: Goodbye head! (raise his sword)
    Comicus: (grab his arm) Hello balls! (kick him in the family jewels)