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  • The Dawn of Man:
  • "The Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen..." *CRASH!* "Oy... Ten! Ten Commandments! For all to obey!"
  • The Roman Empire:
    • "Funkytown" on a boombox.
    • Oedipus: "Hey, Josephus!" / Josephus: "Hey, motherfucker!"
    • The Roman senate.
      Senator: Fellow members of the Roman senate, hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich, or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose, and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?
      Rest of the senate: FUCK THE POOR!
      Senator: Good.
    • "I'm sorry Sir, I flunked flank." "Flunked flank? Get the flunk out of here!"
    • "Have you heard about this new group the Christians? They are so poor...that they have...only one God!"
    • "MOVE THAT MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT!!"
    • Eunuch test, anyone?
      • "He's dead!" "Hmm."
    • Empress Nympho choosing her escorts to the midnight orgy!
      Empress Nympho: (singing) Yes no no no no no Yeas no no no Yeas no no yeas no no no no no no YES! no no no no YES no no no no no no no no no...wait a minute... YEEEEEESSSS!
      Servant: You made some pretty big decisions!
    • Bea Arthur's scene.
    • The Last Supper:
      Jesus: Yay yay so you say, but one who sits amongst us has already betrayed me this night.
      Apostles: Who? Who could it be?
      Comicus the Waiter: JUDAS!
      (Judas gasps)
      Comicus the Waiter: Do you want a beverage? Try the mulled wine, it's terrific!
    • During the chase...
      Soldier: Have you seen a pack of Trojans?
      Pharmacist: I just sold out!
    • "Ah, but the servant waits, while the master baits."
    • The heroes getting away from the bad guys by firing up a huge joint.
    • Julius Caesar pulls a gold medallion out of his butt and tells his advisor "Wash this!", to which the advisor very exasperatedly says "Yes, Sire." The Professional Butt-Kisser can only be pushed so far.
    • The Roman soldiers getting stoned due to Josephus's enormous joint and doing the Lindy Hop with each other.
  • The Spanish Inquisition:
    • Seriously, trying to convince the Jews to convert through a song-and-dance number? Highly Awesome and hilarious. Perhaps the best part of the movie.
    • "Send in the Nuns!"
    • "Let's face it, you can't Torquemada anything!"
  • The French Revolution:
    • The salesmen.
      Salesman 1: Get yer apple cores! Freshly picked from the garbage of the rich!
      Salesman 2: Rats! Rats! Nice dead rats for sale! Perfect for rat stew, rat soup, rat pie, and the ever popular, Ratatouille!
      Salesman 3: Nothing. Nothing! I got absolutely NOTHING for sale!
    • "Your Majesty, you look like the Piss Boy!"/"And you look like a bucket of shit!"
      • This moment itself is funny enough that it made Harvey Korman laugh— it was Mel Brooks' attempt to break him after Korman promised that he would never laugh and break character. The joke was ad-libbed and broke him, and then was kept, performed with another take, because it worked.
    • "It's DeMonet!"
      • "Hello Da Money, and don't correct me!"
    • "Let's end this meeting on a high note." *sings*
    • "What fool put a carpet on the wall?"
    • Madam Defarge gesturing widely with her knitting needles and accidentally popping a breast, which slowly deflates with a balloon noise.
    • "We don't even have a language! Just a Stupid Accent!"
  • History of the World Part 2 Trailer
  • "Could you please step on the same foot at the same time? My tits are falling off!"
  • Nobody mentioned the Last Supper yet? JESUS!
  • "I hate it when someone gives away the ending."
    • When they pose for the painting.
  • Cesar's Palace
  • "Oh, a bullshit artist!"
  • Moses being mugged.
  • "The rest of you... will run with MUCUS!"
  • Comicus fighting Marcus:
    Marcus: Goodbye, head! (raise his sword)
    Comicus: (grabs his arm) Hello, balls! (kicks him in the family jewels)
  • The fact that so many elements of this movie would be shamelessly recycled in later works like Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

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