Funny / Heavyweights

  • Bears love honey.
    • So do deer.
  • The before-and-after photos of the campers are ridiculously funny.
  • "I see the future President of the United States." "...He's from England..."
  • Lars, particularly at the dance.
    • The campers actually blackmail Lars:
      Camper: Hey, Lars, guess what. We're in charge now! You know what we found out? We found out that if you don't have a job, you get deported! So, Lars, buddy, pal, are you with us or are you against us?
      Lars: I am with you...I love you!
  • The camp bus drives past several fast food restaurants on the way to Camp Hope. Is it any wonder that the campers love it there?
    • The bus ride in general is pretty funny.
      Pat: Hey, Sam, don't lean your head out the window! We lost six kids like that last summer, I'm not going back to pick up your head!
      Sam: Just leave my head, I don't need it anyway!
  • A jerkass MVP yelling fat jokes at the Chipmunks is shut up by Roy when he calmly jabs the kid in the gut with a baseball bat.
  • The Camp Hope sing-along during the end credits.
    • Love Lars' bit.
  • Tony's new career after he's been fired as head of Camp Hope.
    Tony: (door opens to reveal Tony in a fancy business suit, with a suitcase full of crystals) Good afternoon. I know what your thinking. Another guy hawking 'healing crystals' door-to-door. Well I don't like to call them crystals, I like to call them transformational facilitators. (door is promptly shut in Tony's face)
  • This bit while Gerry is writing his letter:
    Gerry: ...We have to resort to more drastic measures.
    cut to the campers chasing a cow, one with a baseball bat in hand
    Random Camper: I WANT MEAT!
  • "...Cher?" note 
  • "Lunch has been cancelled today due to lack of hustle. Deal with it."
  • "Hey! Don't pee in the water! Don't drink the water, he peed in it!"
  • The food-for-all after Tony's been locked up by the campers.
    Julie: Oh my gosh... is that Tim?
    Tim: (dancing around the bonfire, shirtless, covered in chocolate sauce, and chowing down on a bag of marshmallows) WHOOOOO!
    Pat: ...He looks like a human S'more.
  • After the kids have shown their parents the video of how abusive Tony was to them:
    Tony: (Sarcastic Clapping) Oh ho ho ho yes, that was wonderful! Woo, so entertaining! The cinematography, the editing techniques, though I must say, the villain was a bit over the top. (Does a flip from the second story and lands on his feet) Ouch.
  • When Lars tells the campers his name:
    Roy: (amused) Where are you from?!
    Lars: (intimidatingly) Far away.
    (Roy gulps)
    • Before that:
    Lars: Now let's play a game to help us learn each other's names.
    Josh: (Making fun of Lars accent) Ve already know each odder's names.
    Lars: Silence!
  • When Tony interrogates the campers on who smuggled in the candy:
    Josh: The candy belongs to... Seymour Butts.
    Tony: Seymour Butts? Seymour Butts? Who's Seymour Butts, hmm? Who's Seymour Butts?
    Josh: Nobody's seen more butts than you, Uncle Tony! (campers laugh)
    Tony: (whispering) You picked the wrong man to mess with. (walks towards the door)
    Josh: I didn't know I was messing with a man! (campers laugh again)
    Tony: (sarcastic laugh) We have a comedian! Hey, I like comedians. (serious face) Perhaps I can book you on a tour.
    Josh: You the man, Tony! (campers laugh again)
  • The next morning, Josh is gone for unexplained reasons, so rumors about what happened naturally circulate. Among the highlights:
    • "I heard that they kicked him out, and his parents were so mad, they wouldn't let him come home. They left him at a bus stop all alone at midnight."
    • "Well, he's dead."
    • "He pulled a knife on Tony, and he's locked up in a juvenile delinquent center. Now he's living in the park in New York with a guy who has no legs."
  • The scene where Tony weighs the campers:
    Lars;Okay, everyone, clap your hands!
    Tony: We've reached the midpoint of our great experiment. Parents' Day is just around the corner, and I think they're gonna be very, very pleased. Remember to wear your name tags. I don't think they'll recognize you. Now it's time to see what the Perkis system means in pure loss of poundage. This is the moment we've all been waiting for. Phillip Rubinoff, step up, son. (Phillip steps on the scale) All right, let's see how you're doing, you little whippersnapper. (weighs him; is a bit disappointed) You're two pounds heavier than when you came to camp... but we can fix that. All we have to do is decrease his food intake and increase his metabolic output. All right! Step off the scale, son. Muscle weighs more than fat! All right! Okay! Gerald Garner. Step on up, Gerald. Hello, Gerald. Moment of truth. (weighs him; annoyed) ...You've gained nine pounds. Have you been cheating? Turn off the camera. Let me make something very clear. The Perkis system does not work with cheaters like Gerald Garner, okay? How can I sell an infomercial about fat kids who can't keep their piggy little snouts shut?! Who's gonna buy that? Step off the scale. Okay. Turn on the camera. Josh Birnbaum, step on up! Get on the scale, son! All right! (weighs him; immediately annoyed) Get off the scale.
  • The Ironic Echo to Tony's "wake up" message when Tony is captured:
    Gerald: (on boom box) Wake up, Tony. Tonight is Evaluation Night. The key word here is "value." Do you have any? No way, because you're a loser! A loser with a skinny wiener! So, relax... and repeat after me. I am a loser. I smell. I have no friends.
    Tony: Shut... that... OOOOOFFFFFFF!!! (grabs the cage but is shocked by the cage's electric current and falls down)
  • Gerald's dad is kinda funny in how uncaring he is when Gerald calls him to complain about the sorry state of the camp. He says, "I did not send you to GO-KART CAMP." It's like "go-karts" is the only part of the conversation that he heard. Doubly funny in that when his dad actually sees a video about what he and the other campers have been going through, he asks Gerald in a concerned tone, "Why didn't you tell us about this??" He did!

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/Heavyweights