- "Hey, kid, don't repeat my mistake." *Little kid salutes*
- "Aliens have long nights."
- Arakawa route.
Koizumi: (shocked) That means the tenth heroine must be... ARAKAWA-SAN?!Kyon: (equally shocked) I don't care! [Text: He really doesn't.]
- To those who prefer English dubs, Crispin Freeman's performance makes this scene even more hilarious.
- Pillow catapult!
- "So, Koizumi... I love you." Cue Koizumi blushing and turning all Bishōnen and Haruhi making a hilarious face like she just felt her brain explode. (Also, Reality itself starting to crack.)
- There's also Haruhi's song during Tug-o-war. "See it bloom, see it bloom! See the bright red tulip bloom!"
- "Trick or treat. Search and destroy."
- You made Mikuru cry!
- "Kyon, here's your firework."
- "I'm a taxi driver, just passing through."
- For moon watching, Achakura makes Nagato's apartment look like the surface of the moon... causing her to become very, very small. When Nagato returns home, the alien is mesmerized by Achakura's tinier form. Then Kimidori-san sells her for 300 yen.
Caption: Purchased on the moon.
- Hell, pretty much every scene with Achakura. The poor girl just can't catch a break.
- Mikuru and Tsuruya admire Haruhi's Picasso-esque chocolate bust, only for Haruhi to explain that she meant to make one of Kyon. Yuki tells Haruhi that it has an accuracy rating of 99.8%, but for reasons incomprehensible to people who rely only on sight.
- Yuki makes sculptures that look exactly like unmelted chocolate bars. Tsuruya and Mikuru declare this amazing, while Haruhi says she finds it amazing how pointless the feat seems.
- Tsuruya commanding the wind to blow Mikruru through the air, or something like that.
- It's a Raging Storm, actually...
- From the very first episode, sheep Mikuru ("Teeter totter, teeter totter.") and sheepdog Haruhi trying to get her to jump through a flaming hoop so Kyon can count sheep to fall asleep.
Kyon: I CAN'T SLEEP WHILE SHE'S BEING TORTURED!
- Hell, the very opening. An Astronomic Zoom on Haruhi.... and the camera smacks her in the face.
- Episode 12, the episode where Kyon and Itsuki get all dolled up as hosts for Valentine's Day, has this gem:
Itsuki: ... and I'm Itsuki, the Crimson Super Ball. Guess why they call me that. Hollaaaa~
- "Hi, I'm a hawk."
- When the SOS Brigade has a fire drill, Haruhi tells Churuya-San to stay behind and put out the fire, armed only with a water pistol. She fails to make it outside in time for Haruhi's roll call, so Haruhi declares Churuya dead, despite her peeking out of the classroom window.
- Kyon telling Ashakura that thinking of him causes her to have a faster heartbeat and trouble sleeping because she's going to die.
- The video game Churuya's Great Adventure, especially when Churuya-San suddenly starts flying through the air and shooting ships. It Makes Just As Much Sense In Context.
- Kyon's reaction to being in bed with Churuya and Ashakura sleeping on either side of him:
Kyon: (deadpan voice) What is this chaos?