Funny / Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

From the book

• The fellytone call. Obviously, the narrative reason for why Ron is shouting is so that Harry can hear what he's saying, but it has some rather funny consequences:
  Ron: HELLO? HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? I- WANT- TO- TALK- TO- HARRY- POTTER!
  (Ron was yelling so loudly that Uncle Vernon jumped and held the receiver a foot away from his ear, staring at it with an expression of mingled fury and alarm.)
  Uncle Vernon: WHO IS THIS? WHO ARE YOU?
  Ron: RON- WEASLEY! (Ron bellowed back, as though he and Uncle Vernon were speaking from opposite ends of a football field) I'M- A- FRIEND- OF- HARRY'S- FROM- SCHOOL!
  Uncle Vernon: THERE IS NO HARRY POTTER HERE! (now holding the receiver at arm's length, as though frightened it might explode) I DON'T KNOW WHAT SCHOOL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN! DON'T YOU COME NEAR MY FAMILY!
  (And he threw the receiver back onto the telephone as if dropping a poisonous spider.)
  Ron: (in a later letter to Harry) Happy Birthday, Harry! Look, I'm really sorry about that telephone call... I asked Dad, and he reckons I shouldn't have shouted.
  • Harry asks himself in exasperation why Hermione couldn't have called instead. Being muggle-born, she at least knows how to work a phone, and "would probably have had enough sense not to say that she went to Hogwarts". It shows how much of a magic-phobe Uncle Vernon is, that the fact it was a wizard calling was more disturbing to him than that he had been speaking in All Caps.
• The note Ron sends with his birthday present to Harry:
  Harry — this is a Pocket Sneakoscope. If there's someone untrustworthy around, it's supposed to light up and spin. Bill says it's rubbish sold for wizard tourists and isn't reliable, because it kept lighting up at dinner last night. But he didn't realize Fred and George had put beetles in his soup.
• Floating Aunt Marge. Full-stop.
• The Monster Book of Monsters. They're such a hassle to handle for the manager of Flourish and Blotts, the Wizard bookshop in Diagon Alley.
  "I'm never stocking them again, never! It's been bedlam! I thought we'd seen the worst when we bought two hundred copies of The Invisible Book of Invisibility — cost a fortune, and we never found them."
• This exchange:
  Percy held out his hand solemnly as though he and Harry had never met and said "Harry. How nice to see you."
  "Hello Percy," said Harry, trying not to laugh.
  "I hope you're well," said Percy pompously, shaking hands. It was rather like being introduced to the mayor.
  "Very well, thanks..."
  "Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you old boy—"
  "Marvellous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing."
  Percy scowled.
  "That's enough now," said Mrs. Weasley.
  "Mum!" said Fred, as though he'd only just spotted her, and seized her hand too. "How really corking to see you!"
• Arthur tells Harry and his family that the Ministry is providing cars to take them to King's Cross. George jokes that the cars are actually for Percy's sake, with Fred adding that they'll have little flags on the hoods with HB on them, short for Humongous Bighead. Everyone except Percy and Molly laugh at this... meaning that Hermione and Mr. Weasley found it funny as well.
• After dinner, Percy is seen yelling at Ron because he can't find his Head Boy badge; the culprits prove to be the twins, as they show Harry that they've once again altered Percy's badge to say something silly.
  "We've got it," Fred whispered to Harry. "We're improving it."
  The badge now read Bighead Boy.
• Professor McGonagall's response to Professor Trelawney's prediction of Harry's death:
  McGonagall: You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don't let you off homework today. I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in.
  • Immediately before this, McGonagall comments that the class is looking even more sullen than usual:
    Hermione: Please, Professor, we've just had our first Divination class, and we were reading the tea leaves, and—
    McGonagall: Ah, of course. There is no need to say anymore, Miss Granger. Tell me, which of you will be dying this year?
  • What precipitated McGonagall's concern? She showed off her Animagus form and no one applauded, and she notes that it was the first time that ever happened.
  • Professor McGonagall being drier than the sherry at Christmas lunch.
• Professor Boggart Snape, in a green dress, with a red handbag, and a stuffed-vulture hat.
  • Later on, at Christmas, Dumbledore seemingly gets in a little dig at this when he gets Snape to pull a Christmas Cracker — and out pops a stuffed-vulture hat. Which Dumbledore then cheerfully dons himself (and bear in mind that there's almost no way that he wouldn't know about the Boggart incident). Presumably, being an incredibly stylish wizard who possesses an undeniable amount of "I do what I want" confidence, Dumbledore pulled the hat off superbly.
  • Speaking of Boggarts, there's also Hermione's taking the form of Professor McGonagall who told her she failed every subject. Even Ron can't stop laughing, mainly because he predicted earlier that Hermione's worst fear was doing poorly in school.
• Snape delivers the Wolfsbane Potion to Lupin while Harry is in his office. Harry thinks Snape is trying to poison him to get the DADA job. Harry gives one unsubtle hint after another to Lupin, who just smiles and seems completely oblivious to what he's suggesting, when he surely knows exactly what Harry is thinking. How he didn't burst out laughing is a Riddle for the Ages.
• When the Fat Lady flees her portrait after Sirius attacks it, it's Peeves who has to tell Dumbledore where she's fled to:
  "Ashamed, Your Headship, sir. Doesn't want to be seen. She's a horrible mess. Saw her running through the landscape up on the fourth floor, sir, dodging between the trees. Crying something dreadful," he said happily. "Poor thing," he added unconvincingly.
  "Did she say who did it?" said Dumbledore quietly.
  "Oh, yes, Professorhead," said Peeves, with the air of one cradling a large bombshell in his arms. "He got very angry when she wouldn't let him in, you see." Peeves flipped over, and grinned at Dumbledore from between his own legs. "Nasty temper he's got, that Sirius Black."
• After Harry faints during his first encounter with a Dementor, McGonagall brings him to her office and summons Madam Pomfrey to make sure he's okay. What is her response when she enters the room and sees Harry?
  "Oh, It's you is it? I suppose you've been doing something dangerous again"
• After Harry ends up in the Hospital Wing (again) after his first Quidditch loss, he notices that someone is missing from the team gathered around his bedside:
  Harry: Where's Wood?
  Fred: Still in the showers. We think he's trying to drown himself.
  • "...and Ginny Weasley, blushing furiously, turned up with a get-well card she had made herself, which sang shrilly unless Harry kept it shut under his bowl of fruit."
• Ron gets so sick of Malfoy's Dementor impressions that he throws a crocodile heart at him and hits him square in the face.
• Snape gives Ron a detention of washing the Hospital Wing bedpans (hoping that Ron will notice Lupin isn't there and connect the dots about Lupin being a werewolf). Ron's response is to wonder why Sirius Black hadn't hidden in Snape's office when he broke into the castle, because, "Then [Black] could have finished [Snape] off for us!"
  • On a second read-through of the series, this becomes even more darkly humorous because Ron might not actually be wrong.
• Fred and George telling Harry how they got the Marauder's Map.
  "Well … when we were in our first year, Harry — young, carefree, and innocent —
  Harry snorted. He doubted whether Fred and George had ever been innocent.
  — well, more innocent than we are now — we got into a spot of bother with Filch."
  "We let off a Dungbomb in the corridor and it upset him for some reason —
  "So he hauled us off to his office and started threatening us with the usual —
  — detention —
  — disembowelment —
  — and we couldn't help noticing a drawer in one of his filing cabinets marked Confiscated and Highly Dangerous."
  "Don't tell me — said Harry, starting to grin.
  "Well, what would you've done? - said Fred. - George caused a diversion by dropping another Dungbomb, I whipped the drawer open, and grabbed — this."
  • Particularly funny because that's pretty much exactly the way the Marauders would want someone to find it.
  • Later in the same chapter, when McGonagall describes James Potter and Sirius Black as Hogwarts' biggest troublemakers, Hagrid says he reckons Fred and George could give them a run for their money.
• Fudge's encounter with Sirius Black in Azkaban. It seems creepy at first until the full details of the plot are revealed later.
  "Yet I met Black on my last inspection of Azkaban. You know, most of the prisoners in there sit muttering to themselves in the dark; there's no sense in them… but I was shocked at how normal Black seemed. He spoke quite rationally to me. It was unnerving. You'd have thought he was merely bored — asked if I'd finished with my newspaper, cool as you please, said he missed doing the crossword. Yes, I was astounded at how little effect the Dementors seemed to be having on him — and he was one of the most heavily guarded in the place, you know. Dementors outside his door day and night."
  • Fudge didn't know that Sirius was using his Animagus form to throw off the Dementors and that's how he stayed sane. And it was thanks to that newspaper that Sirius saw the picture of the Weasleys with Peter Pettigrew (in his rat form) perched on Ron's shoulder. So let's recap: this whole plot got set in motion because a bored prisoner asked the Minister of Magic for his paper.
  • The fact that Sirius managed to stay looking "cool and bored" while in Fudge's presence is pretty on-brand for him.
  • Even funnier? Sirius is in Azkaban — presumably he does not have a quill and ink. Just what did he intend to use to complete the crossword? Did he just do it all in his head? Even better is that Fudge didn't even notice this fact.
• Before the Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw match, Percy's girlfriend Penelope Clearwater (the Ravenclaw Prefect he started dating last year) asks to inspect his newly-returned Firebolt. Percy jestingly accuses her of trying to sabotage the broom, revealing that they have a bet of ten Galleons on the outcome of the game. Then, once Penelope puts the broom down…
  "Harry, make sure you win," said Percy, in an urgent whisper. "I haven't got ten Galleons."
• If there are some readers who think the Quidditch scenes are a bit dull, Lee Jordan's commentaries at least were generally very entertaining.
  • During Gryffindor's match against Ravenclaw, which is also Harry's first time using the Firebolt in gameplay, Lee spends more time gushing about the features of the Firebolt than actually taking about what's happening in the match.
    Lee: Chang's Comet is just no match for it, the Firebolt's precision —balance is really noticeable in these long —
    McGonagall: JORDAN, ARE YOU BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE FIREBOLTS?! GET ON WITH THE COMMENTARY!
  • Lee's opinionated commentary on a particularly brutal Quidditch final against Slytherin:
    Lee: THIRTY-ZERO! TAKE THAT, YOU DIRTY, CHEATING—
    McGonagall: Jordan, if you can't commentate in an unbiased way—!
    Lee: I'm telling it like it is, professor!
    
    Lee: (after Malfoy grabs the end of Harry's broomstick to prevent him from catching the snitch) YOU CHEATING SCUM! YOU FILTHY, CHEATING B--
    McGonagall: (not even bothering to tell him off, as she was shaking her fist in Malfoy's direction, her hat had fallen off, and she too was shouting furiously)''
  • And the mention of Lee swearing so badly into the microphone that Professor McGonagall tries to take it off of him. Also, his hitting on Angelina Johnson when she gets the Quaffle.
• Draco Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Marcus Flint decide to dress up as Dementors and go out on the Quidditch pitch trying to scare Harry. Too bad for them, they have no idea that Lupin has been giving Harry private Patronus lessons. So, when Harry sees them during the match, he casts a Patronus so strong that it knocks them over and they get tangled in their robes, and everyone immediately realizes they aren't real Dementors because Dementors don't fall over. It's even more satisfying when they get owned again by Professor McGonagall after the match.
• When the Gryffindors return to the common room after Sirius breaks in, Fred immediately says "Excellent, are we carrying on [with the post-game party]?"
• After Sir Cadogan is fired for letting Sirius into the Gryffindor common room with Neville's passwords, the Fat Lady gets her old job back, but demands extra protection in the form of a squad of security trolls. In what can only be described as the equivalent of a dick-measuring contest, the trolls are seen often comparing the size of their clubs.
• The trio first attempts crystal gazing at Divination class:
  And so they began. Harry, at least, felt extremely foolish, staring blankly at the crystal ball, trying to keep his mind empty when thoughts such as "this is stupid" kept drifting across it. It didn't help that Ron kept breaking into silent giggles and Hermione kept tutting.
  "Seen anything yet?" Harry asked them after a quarter of an hour's quiet crystal gazing.
  "Yeah, there's a burn on this table," said Ron, pointing. "Someone's spilled their candle."
• Ron snarking during Hermione's last divination lesson, where he remarks that the crystal ball is informing him that there would be a lot of fog that night. Even Hermione thought it was funny.
• Trust Fred Weasley to comfort you when you lose a pet.
  Fred: (to the grieving Ron after he thought Scabbers was eaten by Crookshanks) And [Scabbers]'s been off-color for ages, he was wasting away. It was probably better for him to snuff it quickly — one swallow — he probably didn't feel a thing.
  Ginny: Fred!
• When Harry (who is under the Invisibility Cloak) and Ron go up to the Shrieking Shack, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle show up to mock (what they think) is a lone Ronald Weasley. Harry, taking advantage of his invisibility, lobs mud at them, to Ron's delight. The book describes it as Ron having to hold onto a nearby fence to keep himself from falling over with laughter. Malfoy, now dripping with mud, frantically asks where that came from and who threw it, Ron's magnificent on-the-spot response?
  "Very haunted up here, isn't it?" said Ron, with the air of one commenting on the weather.
• When Harry gets caught in Hogsmeade by Draco Malfoy, Malfoy then tells Snape. Snape catches Harry trying to sneak back in.
  Snape: What would your head have been doing in Hogsmeade, Potter? Your head is not allowed in Hogsmeade. No part of your body has permission to be in Hogsmeade.
  • Snape notices the Marauder's Map in Harry's hands and takes it, thinking he can get it to reveal where Harry has been. Too bad the Marauders had the foresight to what the map should do if Snape tries to use it.
    "Show yourself!" Snape said, tapping the map sharply.
    It stayed blank. Harry was taking deep, calming breaths.
    "Professor Severus Snape, master of this school, commands you to yield the information you conceal!" Snape said, hitting the map with his wand. As though an invisible hand were writing upon it, words appeared on the smooth surface of the map.
    "Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
    Snape froze. Harry stared, dumbstruck, at the message. But the map didn't stop there. More writing appeared beneath the first.
    "Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
    It would have been very funny if the situation hadn't been so serious. And there was more...
    "Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."
    Harry closed his eyes in horror. When he'd open them, the map had said its last word.
    "Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."
  • Especially funny since the real Mr. Moony is currently working at Hogwarts. The following scene is hilarious as well, with Snape accusing Lupin of, essentially, giving it to Harry, while Lupin pretends like he has no idea what Snape's talking about.
  • Harry's reaction, which is basically halfway between breaking down laughing and being terrified.
  • "Surely you don't need such a very old piece of parchment? Why don't I just — throw this away?"
  • Ron lying his ass off on cue to vouch for Lupin falsely dismissing the map as a Zonko's joke product.
• Lupin tells Harry that the Marauders would've found it very funny to lure Harry outside the school.

  Harry: Did you know them?

  Lupin: We've met.

• Harry tells Snape that, "my father didn't strut." Given how egotistical James is seen to be as a teenager two books later...
• After months and months of learning to "care" for the insanely-boring Flobberworms by poking lettuce down their throats, Ron tries to cheer up a despondent Hagrid by asking "How are the Flobberworms?" Hagrid's answer: "Dead. Too much lettuce."
• Harry also mentions that he likes butterbeer, which he's not supposed to know about because he's not allowed in Hogsmeade. He quickly tells Lupin that Ron and Hermione brought him some, but Lupin still looks a bit suspicious. He's very obviously thinking, "This is James' son and Sirius' godson, who owns an Invisibility Cloak. Yeah, right."
• Going into the Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch match, Wood reminds Harry ad nauseum that he needs to catch the Snitch after Gryffindor has a considerable lead in order for them to win the Quidditch Cup.
  Wood: So you must catch it only if we’re more than fifty points up. Only if we’re more than fifty points up, Harry, or we win the match but lose the Cup. You’ve got that, haven’t you? You must catch the Snitch only if we’re —
  Harry: I KNOW, OLIVER!
• Multiple fights between Gryffindor and Slytherin students break out in the weeks before their Quidditch match, due to the sheer amount of tension, which culminates in a fourth year Gryffindor and a sixth year Slytherin being sent to the hospital wing after leeks sprout from their ears.
• Harry experiences a Nightmare Sequence the night before the Quidditch Cup final where Oliver Wood scolds him for oversleeping, saying he had to use Neville to replace him as a Seeker. The nightmare then transitions into the Slytherin Quidditch team riding dragons, with Harry falling from the sky after realizing he somehow forgot his broomstick. It takes him a few seconds after waking up to remember that he's safe and the Slytherins aren't allowed to ride dragons.
• The ever-immortal scene of Hermione slapping Malfoy hard enough he staggers. It leaves Harry, Ron, Crabbe, and Goyle flabbergasted, and Ron actually has to hold her back from hitting him again. So Hermione tries to curse Malfoy. What's better is it's implied she slapped him with her non-dominant hand, since she draws out her wand with Ron holding her slapping hand.
  • Harry later admits that it's all he can do to keep from imitating her as Buckbeak's trial grows nearer and Malfoy does his best to gloat about getting the hippogriff executed.
• The narration briefly notes that Sirius, as a dog, leaps off Harry's chest and knocks him over. Sirius used Harry as a springboard!
• Sirius has no idea how to react to Hermione calling him "Mr. Black". He's probably thinking, "Oh, god, I've become my father. Or, worse, my mother."
• This exchange when Lupin is explaining how he knew Harry, Ron, and Hermione would try to sneak out to see Hagrid and watched them on the Marauder's Map:
  Lupin: You might have been wearing your father's old cloak, Harry-
  Harry: -How d'you know about the cloak?
  Lupin: (waving his hand impatiently) The number of times I saw James disappearing under it. The point is...
• While leaving the Shrieking Shack, the characters obviously need to bring the unconscious Snape with them and Sirius does the honors, levitating him a few inches off the ground with magic. It's noted that Snape's head keeps bumping against the ceiling of the tunnel as they go and that Sirius isn't bothering to keep that from happening. Childish pettiness repays pettiness.
• Hermione freaking out when riding Buckbeak with Harry.
  Hermione: Oh, I don't like this. I really don't like this!
• Harry's confused reaction during the Time Travel sequence. At one point, he has trouble understanding who Hermione was referring to, present-future them or present-past them.
  • Hermione's pedantic correction of Harry:
    Harry: We were walking down to Hagrid's three hours ago...
    Hermione: This is three hours ago, and we are walking down to Hagrid's.
• After Harry and Hermione help Sirius escape, Snape bursts in, screaming about how he doesn't know how this happened, only that "THIS! HAS! SOMETHING! TO DO! WITH! POTTER!"
  • As angry as Snape and Fudge are, Dumbledore seems quite amused by the events.
  • The fact that Snape is totally and completely correct. It has everything to do with Harry, and Dumbledore knows it because he's the one who sent Harry.
• A bit of Black Comedy but after Harry and Hermione help Sirius escape, denying Snape both the prospect of revenge on his schoolboy nemesis and being granted the Order of Merlin First Class, Harry notes that every time they're in the same room for the rest of the term, Snape is constantly flexing his fingers "as though just itching to wrap them around Harry's throat".
  • From the same paragraph: Malfoy is equally outraged about Buckbeak's escape, seeming to take it as a personal insult that "he and his father had been outwitted by a game keeper."
• Sirius uses Harry's name, but gets money out of his own Gringotts vault to buy Harry a Firebolt. The Goblins don't care if a convicted criminal uses their banking services. They still get paid either way!
• The ending, in which Harry casually reveals to Uncle Vernon that he has an escaped wizard prisoner godfather. You can almost hear the Oh, Crap! in Uncle Vernon's voice.
  "Godfather?" sputtered Uncle Vernon. "You haven't got a godfather!"
  "Yes, I have," said Harry brightly. "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though…keep up with my news…check if I'm happy…"
• Harry tells Dumbledore about Professor Trelawney's prophecy, and Dumbledore still manages to get a passive-aggressive dig in.
  "Who'd have thought it? That brings her total of real predictions up to two. I should offer her a pay raise...."

From the film

Aunt Marge had too much gas...

• The coda to the Aunt Marge balloon scene. As Harry stalks off, Aunt Marge is visible bobbing and floating off into the distance. Brief, no dialogue, just some distant sound-effects, and it's one of the funniest moments in the films.
  • While Aunt Marge is swelling up, a button pops off, hits Dudley square in the forehead, and knocks him down to the floor. When he manages to get back up, it happens again.
• During the Aunt Marge scene, as Uncle Vernon is attempting futilely to prevent Marge from floating away, he gets lifted off the ground himself, and so does Ripper (clinging onto his ankle). Then we get this gem.
  Aunt Marge: Don't you dare!
  Uncle Vernon: [Lets go of Marge] Sorry!
  • The music immediately after this is fantastic. As Aunt Marge drifts offscreen, it builds up to a final "duh duh [beat] DUH DUUUUUHH!"; the music you hear after a magician finishes his act!
  Uncle Vernon: COME BACK!!!
  • The way Petunia just slowly waves at Marge as she floats away. It's almost like she's so confused that she doesn't know what else to do.
    • Fridge Brilliance in that, for all her faults, Petunia did love her sister—after hearing Marge insult Lily at the dinner table, Petunia's face is about half "is there anything we can do?" and half "buh-bye now, don't come back too soon."
• Boggart Snape is somehow funnier when translated to live action. As soon as the cupboard door opens, a sinister musical theme starts playing, which gets up a notch when Boggart!Snape pokes his head out, as if a Boggart choosing the form of a teacher is absolutely terrifying.
• The first time Harry sneaks into Hogsmeade using the Marauder's Map, he makes his presence known to Ron and Hermione by first lobbing snowballs at them from a distance. Then he creeps up on them under the Invisibility Cloak, pantses Crabbe and kicks him in the back, lifts Goyle's scarf to spin him around, and finally drags Draco away by the feet. The three then run off, while Harry takes time to mess with Ron's hat and Hermione’s hair before taking the cloak off.
  • Whilst trying to run away from the Shrieking Shack, Draco stops at Crabbe (still trying to pull up his pants), and pushes him back into the snow for no real reason.
• The UST between Hermione and Ron. The first is during the lecture where Buckbeak is introduced and Hermione, in a panic, grabs Ron's hand. He proceeds to give her this amazed look, and she shoots him a glance that says "Don't you say a word". The second is when they're visiting the Shrieking Shack, and Hermione asks if he wants to get closer. After a short uncomfortable pause, she specifies that she meant closer to the shack.
  • The first one gets lampshaded by the RiffTrax:
    Mike: Hermione casts the "give Ron a boner" spell.
• When Hagrid asks who wants to ride Buckbeak, everyone backs up a step, making it look like Harry has just volunteered.
  • Apart from Neville, who looks around, realizes what everyone's just done and ducks behind a rock with an expression of utter panic on his face.
  • When Hagrid calls Harry over, Ron walks up and gives Harry a nudge forward.
  • Hagrid gives Harry some not-especially-encouraging pointers: "Now you have to let him make the first move. It's only polite. So, step up. Give him a nice bow. Then you wait and see if he bows back. If he does, you can go and touch him. If not... well, we'll get to that later."
    • Once Harry and Buckbeak have landed, in the background throughout the scene, you can see Neville sitting on the rock — he then dives behind the rock as Buckbeak begins attacking while Harry presses himself against a tree to be out of the way of the angry Hippogriff. You can also see students jumping over the brick wall to get away!
• Pretty much all of Harry's confusion at going back in time, since Hermione takes her sweet time telling him in the movie, but the best part being right after he sees his past self for the first time.
  Harry (two seconds away from freaking out): This is not normal.
• Dumbledore can make a simple "good night" funny.
  Dumbledore: Well?
  Harry: He's free. We did it.
  Dumbledore: Did what? Good night.
  • At one point during the hospital scene, Dumbledore pats Ron's leg a couple of times (which was in a cast), making the latter whimper in pain.
  • And then, as Ron is freaking out after seeing past!Harry and Hermione vanishing when they use the Time-Turner right as their present selves walk through the door:
    Ron: How did you get there? You were-I was talking to you there... and now you're there...
    Hermione: What's he talking about, Harry?
    Harry: I don't know. Honestly, Ron, how can someone be in two places at once?
    (Harry and Hermione burst out laughing)
• Also, Ron's ever-increasing bewilderment about Hermione showing up in class out of nowhere.
  "When did she come in? Did you see her come in?!"
• Lupin's response to Neville naming Snape as his greatest fear, made even better by the DVD subtitles: "Snape. [nodding; murmurs] Yes, frightens all."
• Hermione, all pissed off, threatening Malfoy with her wand against a rock wall. She gets to calm down a little and turns her back on him. Malfoy almost immediately recovers his smug look just before she delivers a punch to his face.
  Hermione: That felt good.
  Ron: Not good, brilliant.
  • If you can find or replay this in slow motion, Malfoy has just enough time to realize that he's pushed Hermione too far, as evidenced by the smug smirk on his face turning to a brief moment of sheer "Oh, Crap!" just before Hermione's fist connects.
• Scabbers being chased by Hermione's cat. Hilarious in Hindsight when you remember that's Peter Pettigrew. One can imagine what's going through the disguised sycophant's head as he's almost catfood.
• In the scene where Hermione is getting the Time Turner ready to use, Harry, curious, reaches out for it. Hermione promptly slaps his hand without looking up from the device, or even breaking the stride of her speech.
  • If you look in the background as Hermione turns back the Time Turner, you'll see someone getting wrapped head-to-toe in bandages.
• This Call-Back to CoS, where Ron's random Catapult Nightmare gives us this gem:
  Ron: Spiders! Spiders! They want me to tap dance. I don't wanna tap dance!
  Harry: [complete deadpan] You tell those spiders, Ron.
  Ron: Okay, I'll tell them... [passes out]
  • This also serves as a reference to GoF, where Barty Crouch Jr. makes an Imperiused spider do tap dances for the class in the book.
• When Hermione is looking at herself from behind while their present selves are hiding behind the pumpkin patch.
  Hermione: Is that really what my hair looks like from the back? ^note For an extra layer of funny, think of this line as a Meta-Joke to Hermione's Adaptational Attractiveness in the movies. This was probably the very first film where they didn't bother trying to keep her hair bushy as the books describe it.
• Sirius's deadpan remarks about how James used to think he was more agreeable as a dog, but he doesn't like getting fleas, are rather entertaining.
  • Note that Sirius is recounting this as he and Harry are carrying Ron, whose leg is broken, out of the Shrieking Shack. Ron has a look on his face that just screams that he is in no mood to listen to Sirius's memories.
• The scene where the invisible Harry attacks Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle outside the Shrieking Shack after they call Hermione a Mudblood. This includes throwing snowballs at them, pantsing Goyle and shoving him to the ground, grabbing Crabbe's scarf and spinning him around by it, and dragging Malfoy across the snow by his feet. All the while hiding under the Invisibility Cloak. Then after they retreat, Harry, still invisible, plays with Ron's hat and Hermione's hair before finally revealing himself.
• Upon Hagrid learning he's the new teacher for Care of Magical Creatures, he nearly knocks over the staff table, sending the goblets weaving, earning laughter from the students, including Harry, Ron and Hermione. Of course, it's immediately followed by Dumbledore's warning about the dementors.
• The Fat Lady holds everyone in Gryffindor up just to show off to the students that her voice can break the glass she's holding, much to their exasperation. It doesn't work, and instead of giving up and letting them in, she cheats by smashing the glass from the pillar next to her, and pretends that her voice really did break the glass. No one is impressed.
  Fat Lady: [as she lets the impatient Gryffindors in/under her breath] Plebes.
  • By the reaction of Harry and Seamus, this isn't the first time she's done this. She just does it to annoy the Gryffindors.
  • If you look closely at that scene, you can see Neville apparently trying to cover Trevor (his toad)'s ears. It's as hilarious as it is adorable.
• Easy to miss, but when Fudge arrives in Hogsmeade in a carriage, Hagrid politely opens the door for him... only to accidentally tear the whole door off. Fudge appears to mutter, "Oh, Hagrid..." and leaves the poor guy awkwardly holding the door.
  • Fudge then takes great care to step over a pile of horse dung only to step right back into it as Rosemerta starts laying into him about Dementors driving her customers away.
• Though meant to be a Tearjerker moment, after finding out that Sirius Black is his godfather and best friend of his father during their school days, Harry, hidden beneath his invisibility cloak and barely holding his emotions together, rushes out of the Three Broomsticks. As he's running down the snowy streets, Harry pushes through a choir of Christmas carolers, but because he's invisible, it visually appears that they all just suddenly fell over for no apparent reason.
• When Snape catches Harry walking out in the corridors at night after curfew and asks Harry what he's doing walking the corridors, Harry quickly says that he's sleepwalking.
• Daniel Radcliffe's delivery of the "abnormally large nose" line. Of course, it's contrary to how the books portrayed it (i.e. Harry doesn't read it aloud, and he's one part amused and two parts scared half to death), but Dan's cheeky expression as he reads it makes it hilarious.
  • Remember the Running Gag from earlier in that scene? The elderly man in the portrait who was constantly aroused, and subsequently annoyed by Harry's shining Lumos on the walls and would constantly tell him to "Put that light out"? Well, here's where a Running Gag gets turned into an MoF when Snape, after just being humiliated by the Marauder's Map, his confidence dashed, and being utterly degraded by being proven wrong by a longtime rival, gets his head chewed off by the same portrait of an elderly man in pajamas for shining the Lumos spell right in its face. Snape obeys, but with a look of what could be only Tranquil Fury on his face.
    Portrait of Old Man: Are you deaf? Put that light out!
• When the Knight Bus is driving recklessly through town, it drives down a dark alley and is about to hit an old woman crossing the street, and the driver is able to bring the bus to a complete and abrupt stop mere inches from the woman. Unfortunately, it also catapults Harry out of his seat and flies him violently into the windshield. Then it happens again when it reaches the Leaky Cauldron, just barely nudging a car enough to set off its panic alarm. Both times Harry lets out the funniest little squawk.
  • While waiting for the old woman to pass, the Shrunken Head starts counting down, and either unknowingly or deliberately screws up the order in one spot:
    Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, three-and-a-half, two, one-and-three-quarters...!
    (old woman safely passes by a hairline)
    -YES! (Knight Bus rockets forward again.)
  • That shrunken head on the Knight Bus, throwing Puns everywhere.
    "The Leaky Cauldron. Ey, if you have the pea soup, make sure you eat it before it eats you!"
  • His laugh.
  • The deleted scene of the bus nearly missing the turn.
  • Setting foot in the Leaky Cauldron, Tom the innkeeper offers Harry pea soup. Harry just looks slightly startled and declines.
• This gem.
  Harry: I saw myself conjuring the Patronus before! I knew I could do it this time because — well, I've already done it! Does that make sense?
  Hermione: NO! (Buckbeak starts to go into a dive) But I don't like fly-AAAAAAAAHHHHH! (Harry just whoops the entire time)
• Prof. Trelawney being (in her view) brutally honest (but actually incorrect) with Hermione.
  Prof. Trelawney: From the first moment you stepped foot in my class, I sensed that you did not possess the proper spirit for the noble art of divination. You may be young in years, but the heart that beats beneath your bosom is as shriveled as an old maid's, your soul as dry as the pages of the books to which you so desperately cleave.
  • Then after Hermione storms out of the classroom in rage:
    Prof. Trelawney: Was it something I said?
  • At the beginning of that scene, when Harry and Ron are crystal-gazing, Ron has nodded off while Harry seems to have slipped into a daydream and is just staring into space. Then Professor Trelawney comes over to their table and they both sit up and try and look alert.
• A number of small moments during Professor Trelawney's first scene, in Harry's first divination class.
  • When she first speaks, she talks about people having sight...only to then hit the table as she gets up, apparently not seeing it there.
  • When she tells the class to "look beyond!" and dramatically gestures to the ceiling. Most of the class look in the same direction, as if imagining her to actually be indicating something.
  • Her whole interaction with Ron, who looks slightly alarmed throughout.
    Trelawney: Your aura is pulsing, dear! Are you in the beyond?! I think you are!
    Ron: (nods nervously) Sure.
• While Harry is waking up from falling off his broom due to dementors storming the Quidditch field:
  George: (to Ron) Let's walk you off the Astronomy Tower, see how you look after that.
  Harry: Probably a right sight better than he does now.
• Snape giving an annoyed response to Hermione after he ignored her raised hand but she answered his question anyway.
  Snape: That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger. Are you incapable of restraining yourself, or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?
  • To top it off, Ron actually agrees with Snape. Then said professor punishes Hermione by deducting 5 points from Gryffindor.
• It comes in the middle of a tense scene, but while Snape has him at wand-point, Sirius dares to tell him to "go play with his chemistry set." Considering that he and the Marauders bullied him back in their school days, it has the tone of "Why don't you go do nerdy things, you nerd?"
  • The lines before that, with Lupin trying to de-escalate, are pretty funny too:
    Lupin: Severus, don't be a fool.
    Sirius: He can't help it, Remus, it's bound to be a habit by now.
    Lupin: Sirius, be quiet.
    Sirius: Be quiet yourself, Remus!
    Lupin: (throws up his hands in a wordless "I give up")
    Snape: Listen to you two, quarrelling Like an Old Married Couple.
• When Harry and Hermione try to rescue Ron, they end up having an encounter with the Whomping Willow. At one point, Harry ends up losing his glasses and Hermione ends up taking a ride on the Whomping Willow's branches. When he puts his glasses back on, he sees Hermione flying toward him and she grabs onto his shirt. In a Looney Tunes-esque moment, Harry gets a second to look at his shirt and then at the audience, realizing what's about to happen next, before he gets dragged along.
• Harry tries to sneak into Hogsmeade during the second trip by using his Invisibility Cloak. Unfortunately, it's snowing and he leaves footprints as he is walking. Fred and George spot the tracks, walk up and grab him, and drag him back into the castle.
  Fred: Clever, Harry.
  George: But not clever enough.
  Fred: Besides, we've got a better way.
• Snape orders the class to turn to page 394, and Ron complies... one... page... at... a... time. Until Snape notices.
• Draco Malfoy turns out to be not such a bad artist. His magical drawing of Harry getting smacked by a Bludger and zapped by lightning is actually pretty comical.
• Getting past the tear-jerkiness of the Buckbeak execution, if one thinks about it, Hermione on the hill is mourning the death of a pumpkin, since Time Travelers Hermione and Harry just took Buckbeak away from being executed.
• "I usually have a very sweet disposition as a dog. In fact, more than once, James suggested that I make the change permanent. The tail I could live with — but the fleas, they're murder." Sirius's tone of voice implies that he has, on at least one occasion, given himself a tail when not in his Animagus form.
• Ron whimpering "Nice doggy," as werewolf!Lupin readies to attack them.
• When Cornelius Fudge is assuring Harry that the Ministry of Magic doesn't send people to Azkaban for blowing up their aunts, Tom, the Leaky Cauldron tavernkeeper, chortles and points at Fudge, before the Minister turns to him, prompting Tom to stop, which implies that Fudge has blown up his own relatives before.
• When Lupin comes to rescue Sirius in the shack, we get the following sentence from Sirius: "Well, you'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you, Remus?" Lupin's face just shows that Sirius has frequently used that joke before and Lupin is really done with it now.
  • The fact that Sirius is making these jokes now implies that Sirius may not have actually gone crackers in Azkaban... because he was already nuts.
• What does Lupin find funny and use to defeat his full moon boggart?... A farting balloon flying around the classroom.
• Harry wincing in sympathetic pain and rubbing the back of his head as Hermione throws a rock at his past self.
  Past!Harry: (Inside Hagrid's hut) Ow!
  Present!Harry: (Outside next to Hermione) Ow! That hurt!
  Present!Hermione: Sorry.
• In another case of "the actors are basically the characters", an interview revealed that Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint hated the cat that played Crookshanks, while Emma Watson thought he was adorable.
• The housekeeping witch at the Leaky Cauldron knocking on a door, only for the occupant to roar so loudly it blows her hair back. She just says she'll come back later.
  • Even better? Watch her magical cleaning tools. They inmediately bolt to the nearest open room just before the door opens!
• Harry's fight in his room with The Monster Book of Monsters.
• Fudge and Dumbledore come out of Hagrid's hut but don't notice time-travelling Harry and Hermione smuggling Buckbeak away because they're looking out at the grounds, chatting about the strawberry fields that were laid by Headmaster Dippet. What's funny is that Macnair, in order to have missed Harry and Hermione, must have been listening to that conversation, since he's as baffled as they are when they turn around and find the hippogriff gone.
• When Hagrid is announced as teacher, everyone claps, including Crabbe. Draco glares at him and gives him an annoyed nudge, the rest of Draco's gang (Goyle, Pansy and Pike) remain seated. It's a nice Call-Back to the last film.
  • In the script, Crabbe and Goyle rush over to join Harry and the other Gryffindors to get a look at Harry's new broom before Malfoy stops them both without even looking. It seems Malfoy has gotten used to them preferring Harry over him.
  • Seamus’ boggart is deleted from the final cut, but behind the scenes footage as well as interviews reveal that Seamus would’ve used the spell to make a mummy do a silly dance, with the rest of the class mimicking the dance. When Crabbe wants to join, Malfoy smacks him on the head (with his ’wounded’ arm) as if he’s a dog.

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