Funny / Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

From the book:

  • Draco Malfoy, when he's Transfigured into the Amazing Bouncing Ferret, and McGonagall's reaction to it.
    "What - what are you doing?” said Professor McGonagall, her eyes following the bouncing ferret’s progress through the air.
    “Teaching,” said Moody.
    “Teach— Moody, is that a student?” shrieked Professor McGonagall, the books spilling out of her arms.
    “Yep,” said Moody.
    • There's a second moment inside the first: this is about the third time in the series that she's dropped those books. The Gryffindor students seriously need to buy her a bookbag.
    • As they all sit down for lunch, Ron tells Harry and Hermione not to talk to him so he can fix the incident in his memory forever. Then when Hermione starts talking about how Moody could have injured Malfoy, Ron angrily tells her she's ruining the best moment of his life.
    • Also, later on in the lead up to the Yule Ball, when Hermione dismisses another attempt by Ron to learn who she's going to the Ball with, Malfoy chimes in from behind them with one of his usual remarks about who'd go with "the long-molared Mudblood". Harry and Ron round on Malfoy at this, but Hermione waves at someone behind Malfoy and says "Hello, Professor Moody!". Malfoy jumps in horror at this and starts looking around for Moody, only to then see he's still at the staff table eating dinner, much to Harry, Ron and Hermione's amusement.
    Hermione: [scathingly] Twitchy little ferret, aren't you, Malfoy?
  • Harry Potter's secret heartache? What's ailing you now?
  • Re: Arthur Weasley's eccentricities:
    Molly Weasley: Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody.
    Fred Weasley: Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn't he? Birds of a feather.
  • Divination homework, doing a month's worth of self-predictions filled with every human misery possible. "You seem to be drowning twice." "Oh am I? ... I'd better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging hippogriff." Made even better by the fact that Professor Trewlaney loved it. It's even more hilarious when almost all of his made-up predictions come true (in a matter of speaking) during the course of the book such as nearly drowning twice.
  • Just after Harry opens the egg and it emits a horrible screeching noise:
    George: I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing. Maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower.
  • Dumbledore meeting Rita Skeeter is exactly what you think it is and he one-ups Skeeter. Don't believe us?
    Skeeter: How are you? I hope you saw my piece over the summer about the International Confederation of Wizards' Conference?
    Dumbledore: Enchantingly nasty. I particularly enjoyed your description of me as an obsolete dingbat.
  • Another case, where Harry and Dumbledore are trying to cheer up Hagrid after Skeeter writes about his being half-giant:
    Harry: Really, you shouldn't worry about what that Skeeter cow- er, sorry Professor.
    Dumbledore: I have gone temporarily deaf and have no idea what you just said, Harry.
    Harry: Erm... right.
    • And soon after:
    Dumbledore: My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I'm not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery...
    • Plus:
    Dumbledore: Really, Hagrid, if you are holding out for universal popularity, I'm afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time.
  • The book starts off an important character-developing subplot for Hermione which resonates for the rest of the series; her well-intentioned but sadly misguided attempt to improve the welfare of elves. Unfortunately, her new organization got off to a terrible start when she named it Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.
    Ron: And you think we want to walk around wearing badges saying "spew", do you?
    • The organization has a different funny name in each translated edition. In the Hungarian edition the acronym spells "monkey", in French it's "dirty", in Portuguese it's "drool", in Spanish and Swedish it's "fart", in Latvian and Croatian it's "vomit"... and in Dutch? "Stichting Huiself voor Inburgering en Tolerantie"translation , whose acronym should be clear.
  • The old wizard Archie, who, attempting to pass as a Muggle, wears Muggle clothing... which, unfortunately, happens to be a nightgown.
    Ministry wizard: Muggle women wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear these.
    • Absolutely hilarious as read by Stephen Fry in the audio books.
      • The humor is even more heightened with the fact that Hermione of all people promptly gets the giggles and has to leave the line until Archie is gone.
  • When Harry meets Percy at the Yule Ball and Percy mentions how he's been promoted "As if he were announcing his election as supreme ruler of the universe." Earlier the narrator mentions that Snape was as likely to just let his students relax during class (due to the Yule Ball approaching) as nominating Harry his only heir.
  • After Fred mentions the Yule Ball:
    Ron: Who're you going with, then?
    Fred: Angelina.
    Ron: What? You've already asked her?
    Fred: Good point. (calling across the room) Oi! Angelina!
    Angelina: What?
    Fred: Want to come to the ball with me?
    Angelina: All right, then.
    Fred: (to Harry and Ron) There you go, piece of cake.
    • Especially funny compared to Harry's agony over asking Cho.
  • Filch believes that he has finally caught Peeves stealing from a student, and would sure enough have him out of the castle when he presented Dumbledore with Harry's champion egg that he had just dropped while getting stuck underneath the invisibility cloak. Unfortunately for Filch, Moody arrives and takes it away.
    "No!" said Filch, clutching the egg as if it were his first-born son.
  • "[Harry, Ron and Hermione] went into Gladrags Wizardwear to buy a present for Dobby, where they had fun selecting the most lurid socks they could find, including a pair patterned with flashing gold and silver stars, and another that screamed loudly when they became too smelly."
  • Molly Weasley's letter to the Dursleys, absolutely smothered in stamps. ("...Except for a square inch on the front, into which Mrs. Weasley had squeezed the Dursleys' address in minute writing.")
    • The fact that Molly can make the writing legible while that small implies that she's done it before.
    • When Vernon recalls Molly as a 'dumpy woman with a lot of children.'
    Harry frowned. He thought it was a bit rich of Uncle Vernon to call anyone "dumpy," when his own son, Dudley, had finally achieved what he'd been threatening to do since the age of three, and become wider than he was tall.
  • The Dursleys meet the Weasleys. The whole scene.
    • Fred and George seeing Dudley, and "breaking into identical evil grins."
  • On the first day at Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall slips on a wet floor (Peeves' work) and catches the nearest thing for balance, which happens to be Hermione's neck.
  • The whole Blast-Ended Skrewt subplot, especially taking them for walks, and when Hagrid is described ordering the class to come in for extra lessons to observe them "with the air of Father Christmas pulling an extra large toy out of his sack."
    Malfoy: I will not. I see enough of these foul things during lessons, thanks.
    Hagrid: Yeh'll do wha' yer told, or I’ll be takin' a leaf outta Professor Moody's book. I hear yeh made a good ferret, Malfoy.
  • Ron's new miniature owl, Pigwidgeon, features in a number of these, the most notable being when he tries to deliver a letter in the middle of the entrance hall. A bunch of girls coo over him, until Ron grabs him in his fist, which he then shakes at the girls as he tells them to beat it. Pigwidgeon is delighted the entire time.
  • Trelawny gives a long-winded speech about Harry's attributes that point to his birth date and guesses he was born midwinter. Harry corrects her that he was born in July. Doubly funny given that as an international celebrity, Harry's birthday would be a matter of public knowledge.
    • Later, Trelawny repeatedly implies Harry will die a sudden violent death. The first time, he just snaps that he's glad it won't be drawn out. The second time? Yawning as widely and obviously as he can.
      • Ironically, this year, Trelawney - though predicting a load of hogwash! - was incredibly close with the whole "death" business.
    • Fridge Brilliance after reading the seventh book: Harry has a part of Voldemort in him. Voldemort was born in midwinter.
  • Divination is a treasure trove of these. When tasked to look up the position of the stars at the moment of their birth, we get this interaction with Harry and Ron.
    Harry: I've got two Neptunes here. That can't be right, can it?"
    Ron: (Imitating Trelawny's mystical speech) "Ah young Harry, when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born."
    • Later in the same class:
    Lavender Brown: Oh Professor, look! I think I've got an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?
    Trelawney: It is Uranus, my dear.
    • It's then followed up with this:
    Most unfortunately Professor Trelawney heard him, and it was perhaps for that reason that she gave them so much homework.
    • The fact that Trelawney knows an innuendo!
      • Not quite - speaking as a former teacher, it's useful to know possible ways kids could talk inappropriately. Having been a teacher for 13 years at that point, Trelawney would have picked up quite a bit.
      • Also, given that she likely studied Divination and Astronomy rather heavily in her own student years, she's probably heard that one a thousand times.
  • After the Quidditch World Cup is over, the Bulgarian Minister reveals that he can in fact speak English, and was just doing this for shits and giggles and was having fun watching Fudge attempt to mime everything the entire day. Given what later occurs with Fudge, was can't really judge him...
  • Frank Bryce thinking Voldemort and Wormtail are criminals/spies and the wizarding words they use are code. Imagine some guy in an Al Capone accent saying "Quidditch", "Muggles", and "Ministry of Magic" without skipping a beat.
  • Hermione's reaction when she is greeted by Dumbledore at Hagrid's door after she pounded at it and demanded to be let in.
  • Neville Longbottom performing a series of impressive gymnastics while Moody puts him under the influence of the Imperius Curse during a DADA class.
    • Aside from Neville, Dean had to hop around the room while singing "God Save the Queen", Lavender imitated a squirrel, and, whatever he made Ron do, caused him to keep skipping on every alternate step even after the curse was lifted. Moody assures him that it'll wear off in a few hours.
  • Crouch calling Percy, who hero worships him, "Weatherby", much to everyone's amusement.
    Percy: It's classified information, until such time as the Ministry decides to release it. Mr. Crouch was quite right not to disclose it.
    Fred: Oh, shut up, Weatherby.
  • Percy just won't stop gushing about Mr. Crouch. Ron's comment? "They'll be announcing their engagement any day now."
  • Dobby makes Harry a surprise visit on Christmas morning, and Harry's startled scream wakes up his four roommates. The only one who even bothers to react is Seamus, who "sleepily" asks, "Someone attacking you, Harry?" Because Harry Potter being attacked has become so commonplace around here, it's not worth batting an eye. Certainly not worth leaping out of bed like Christmas presents are in the next paragraph!
    • Then when Harry gives Dobby a pair of socks as a present, Dobby is confused by the fact the socks match and thinks the shop made a mistake.
    • The Dursleys' longstanding habit of sending Harry crappy Christmas presents reaches "an all-time low" in this book with their gift of a tissue.
  • Accio practice sees a Charms lesson devolve into minor chaos as student summon the wrong objects and/or send objects flying in the wrong directions, often at dangerous speeds. Of particular note is Professor Flitwick whizzing past the Trio with a resigned look on his face.
  • Harry's first attempt to ask Cho to the ball: "Wangoballwime?"
  • Viktor Krum's total inability to pronounce Hermione's name. First he calls her "Hermy-Own," then after she tries to explain it to him the best he can do is "Herm-Own-Ninny." And then months later he has somehow arrived at "Hermy-Own-Ninny."
  • During the Quidditch World Cup, the referee is distracted by the Veelas' charm, much to the amusement of Ludo Bagman and the spectators.
  • Divination class and Harry and Ron are cracking each other up, so Trelawney decides to make yet another of her predictions of death...
    Trelawney: I would think that some of us might be a little less frivolous had they seen what I have seen during my crystal gazing last night. As I sat here, absorbed in my needlework, the urge to consult the orb overpowered me. I arose, I settled myself before it, and I gazed into its crystalline depths... and what do you think I saw gazing back at me?
    Ron: (muttered) An ugly old bat in outsized specs?
    Trelawney: Death, my dears.
  • Harry tries to see Dumbledore in the headmaster's office after the dream he has in Divination, but doesn't know the password and starts shouting out random names of sweets. He finally succeeds on "Cockroach Cluster".
    Harry: "Cockroach cluster"? I was only joking...

From the film:
  • Ron complaining about Krum: "Ruddy pumpkinhead, isn't he?"
    • Also Ron coming in pale and shaking and looking like he's about to faint because 'He just asked Fleur Delacour out."
    • "Actually, he sort of screamed at her."
    • And this exchange is especially hilarious because of Emma Watson's delivery.
    Harry: What did she [Fleur] say?
    Hermione: No of course.
    Ron shakes his head.
    Hermione: She said yes!?
  • "Hermione... you're a girl!"
  • Hagrid becomes an air traffic controller and almost gets flattened by seven very large flying Abraxan Pegasusess and one enormous carriage.
    • The French are, according to Pottermore, the ones openly breaking the Statute of Secrecy. If their headmistress being half giant didn't already do it, then the enormous carriage pulled by seven very large and very noticeable flying Abraxan Pegasuses will - especially as there are no charms on it to hide it.
  • Fred and George get turned into old people after their attempt to enter the tournament fails - Harry has a look on his face that screams "Shit is going wrong... and it's not going wrong on me?"
  • The Veritaserum scene.
    Snape: Do you know what this is, Potter?
    Harry: Bubble juice, sir?
    • Also where Snape laments that its use on students is "regrettably forbidden."
  • In the studying scene, where Harry and Ron keep on getting caught talking by Snape and get their heads smacked by a book and forced down for their troubles.
    • The uber-annoyed look Snape gives and the precise manner in which he pulled up his sleeves before shoving their heads down was the icing on the funny cake.
  • My eyes aren't "glistening with the ghosts of my past"!
    • Harry Potter, Age 12...
  • When talking about the golden eggs with Harry, Hermione says that Krum hasn't said much about it since he's "more of a physical being." She then realizes what she just said, and they both laugh about it.
  • Filch never does get the hang of that cannon...
  • Dumbledore pausing midway through prepping the champions to ask why Hermione is in the tent. She sheepishly excuses herself and leaves.
  • Plenty at the ball proper:
    • Padma's reaction to Ron's dress robes. Even as she's fishing for a compliment, there's a look on her face that says clearly, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
    • Krum's nodding of his head as Hermione takes his arm; he's thinking "Aww, yeah! I got the girl!". Don't believe me? Look here at 0:33.
    • As the champions and their dates come forward to the dance floor:
    Padma: Is that... Hermione Granger? With Viktor Krum?
    • Filch rocking his cat.
    • And here's a clip.
      • Is it just me... or does the fact that Mrs. Norris smiles mean she likes it?
    • The brief shot of Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory dancing at the Yule Ball is utterly Hilarious in Hindsight. Robert Pattinson has this uber-serious look on his face that makes him look exactly like Edward Cullen.
    • Hagrid's giddy face when nodding to Madame Maxime to ask her for a dance. Later, while slow-dancing, his hand slides down to her... backside and she immediately fixes it back in place.
    • While "Do the Hippogriff" is playing: Flitwick crowdsurfing (not quite willingly) and Crabbe trying to jump on Viktor Krum's back among others.
    • While everyone else is dancing:
    Ron: (regarding Viktor Krum) Ruddy pumpkinhead, isn't he.
    (Parvati and Padma give them equally disgusted looks)
    • After Ron makes it clear he won't ask Padma for a dance and the twins sit, dejected:
    Durmstrang boy: May I have your arm?
    Parvati: Arm... Leg... (rolls eyes to Harry and snorts) I'm yours.
    (Padma, realizing she's stuck with the two boys, gives an utterly miserable look)
  • When Ron is chosen by Professor McGonagall to demonstrate with her at the 'dancing lesson', Harry turns back to Fred and George...
    Harry: "You're never going to let him forget this are you?"
    Fred and George: (They look to each other, look back to Harry and shake their heads) Never.
    Snape: "Take... My... Waist..."
  • Voldemort bum-rushing Harry during their duel at the climax.
    Voldemort: Attaboy, Harry!
  • Karkaroff accuses Snape of being a Death Eater in the Pensieve scene. As Dumbledore rises to speak, Crouch falls forward into a Facepalm.
    • Rita Skeeter's exaggerated gasp when Karkaroff reveals Barty Crouch as a death eater. He means the junior, but everyone (including Skeeter) thought it was the senior.
    • Crouch's facepalm while Dumbledore explaining about Snape's allegiance to Karkaroff seems to scream "This shit again!?"
  • It was said before, but the Amazing Bouncing Ferret scene is absolutely hilarious. Mainly for the fact that Moody ends up shoving Malfoy into Crabbe's trousers. (And Goyle reaches into the front of said trousers and fumbles around in there for several moments. Ferret-Draco also bites Goyle's finger... very fortunately for Crabbe.) Then Professor McGonagall arrives on the scene:
    Professor McGonagall: Professor Moody! What are you doing?!
    Professor Moody: Teaching.
    Professor McGonagall: Is that a- Is that a student?!
    Professor Moody: Technically, it's a ferret.
    • And the face he makes after the whole debacle is over to McGonagall's back.
    • Adding to this is what happens after Malfoy is turned back to normal; getting back to his feet and jumping back in shock at the sight of Moody, Malfoy angrily promises to pass word of this back to Lucius. The expression he makes as Moody chases him round a nearby tree twice before he can escape past him is brilliant:
    • By the end of the film it is revealed that this was actually Barty Crouch Jr., who was a Death Eater, just like Lucius, meaning that the stories he's talking about are of their time together with Voldemort, not of real Moody's time hunting him.
    • Probably the only person who hates Lucius "got off the hook" Malfoy more than Mad-Eye Moody is the person who wound up in Azkaban while Lucius didn't.
    • Made even better - Crouch, in disguise as Moody, is watching Harry on Dumbledore's orders. Who wants to be that, when Harry calls Lucius "vile and cruel" and Draco "pathetic", Crouch is agreeing wholeheartedly?
      • Even better, perhaps? Apparently Moody does not need the stick at all. Crouch chases Draco, without using it, and no-one bats an eyelid at it. This means Moody is just using the stick to look absolutely fucking terrifying, rather than for any practical purposes.
  • Moaning Myrtle showing up to flirt with Harry while he's in the prefects' bath.
  • Neville's reaction during the Second Task after he thinks Harry has drowned and didn't swallow the plant he gave him earlier:
    • And not long after, Harry is shown making a backflip while Neville has his back turned. Upon turning around and seeing Seamus and Dean cheering, he's completely confused.
  • The film has several funny background events that show that, despite being an Academy of Adventure, Hogwarts is still at its core a high school. In particular would be the beginning of the Third Task, where the Beauxbatons girls can be seen dancing like cheerleaders for Fleur while Draco and his cronies are waving flags and Crabbe has painted Krum's name on his forehead!
  • Ron's hilariously ugly dress robes. "Traditional?! They're ancient! I look like my great-aunt Tessie!" (sniffs armpit) "I smell like my great-aunt Tessie!"
    Ron: "Oh, look, Mum's sent me something!" (unwraps package) "Mum sent me a dress. Ginny, this is for you."
    Ginny: "I'm not wearing that, it's ghastly!"
    (Hermione starts laughing)
    Hermione: "They're not for Ginny. They're for you!"
    (the entire Gryffindor table starts laughing)
  • The moment Harry's name comes out the Goblet of Fire, stunning everyone and Dumbledore calling for him, Harry (who's in shock like everyone else) just tries to hide as much as he possibly can.
  • In one of the deleted scenes, after the introduction of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, Dumbledore decides that the students should sing the school hymn in order to entertain their guests. The looks on their faces speaks volumes of how awkward they find it. Even more funny made by Crabbe singing along very enthusiastically and looking at Draco, with him looking all Cool, right? and Draco being Draco answering with a very dull expression, like he wants to say You are so embarrassing.
  • While Harry and Ron are fighting, they put Hermione through an extensive and highly aggravating Tell Him I'm Not Speaking to Him sequence. Finally, Hermione has had enough.
    Hermione: I'm not an owl!
  • Snape going around docking points from the people rocking the carriages... while Karkaroff is trying to get him to show his Dark Mark.
  • It happens during an otherwise deadly serious scene, but when Snape gets ahold of "Moody's" vial and realizes that there's Polyjuice Potion in it and thus "Moody" had been the one raiding ingredients from his stores, Harry (whom Snape had accused of stealing them) angles his head behind Dumbledore to look at Snape with an obvious expression of "See? Told you it wasn't me. Ass."
    • Snape in turn shoots Harry a look that gives the impression that he's disappointed he can't blame Harry for the theft anymore.
  • The nonchalant way Fake!Moody refers to Neville as "The Witless Wonder" during the former's Motive Rant.
  • Sirius sends Harry a letter using a bird with aggressive tendencies.
    Harry: (reading the letter) P.S.: The bird bites. (cries out) Ouch! (The bird has bitten him just as he was reading the postscript.)
  • During the first task, the Hungarian Horntail breaks out off its chains and chases Harry out of the stadium. As it's flying, the dragon's tail slices through the section where all the teachers are sitting and they all scramble out of the way. The teachers are left covered in debris and the Hogwarts students are applauding.
    Fred: Well done dragon!
    • Dumbledore and Moody give a "What the fuck was that!?" look, Fudge looks horrified, McGonagall and Snape are covered in dust but Skeeter looks worse for wear with her hair wild and glasses lopsided; as the dragon flies over them, she's waving her arms wildly trying to bat it away like a fly!
  • Dumbledore visiting Harry in his dorm and talking about the bed curtains:
    I never liked these curtains. I set them on fire in my fourth year. Accidentally, of course.
  • Harry being called "Moral Fibre" by other students due to the praise he got from the judges after the second task.
  • "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
  • As soon as Crouch Jr is revealed, Moody's eye, which has hit the floor, shows it is still apparently connected to him, as it spins around, trying to find out what is going on and where it can see it all best.