Funny / Gone

Despite the mostly depressing and macabre features of this chilling series, there are many witty characters and a great sardonic dialogue that keeps the readers spirits up just that little bit above 0.

WARNING: Although explicit spoilers have been hidden, some of the quotes strongly hint at them.


  • Sam: Welcome to Perdido Beach, where our motto is; Radiation? What Radiation?
  • When Howard confronts the group over the golf cart Astrid calls him an "Invertebrate."
  • Caine: I wish there were some way we could be friends, Sam...(smashes his face into a wall) Sam: (winces in pain) I can tell you're just dying to be my new homie.
  • Astrid: Its what president Rosevelt said... Quinn: You know the only good thing about this was that I got away from history class. Now history class is following me.
  • Astrid: ... And then the turbines generate electricity that goes into the whole town. Quinn: You mean they aren't powered by giant hamsters on wheels? I was misinformed.
  • Sam: Anyone know how to drive a car? Quinn: I've seen it done on TV before. Astrid: Well, I have seen heart surgery on TV before, but I am not trying that. Quinn: "You watch heart surgery on TV? That explains a lot, Astrid."
  • Caine: I was always different to other people Sam. Sam: Let me guess; you're secretly a wizard who was raised by muggles. Caine: (smiles) (uses telekinesis to slam Sam into a wall) Yeah, kind of..
  • Chunk: I was born in July. You know what that makes me? I'm a cancer." Drake: (grinding teeth) You got that right.
  • Astrid: Ninth graders with machine guns; It's hard to make that a happy story. Sam: Yeah. The phrase 'ninth graders with machine guns' isn't exactly followed by 'have a nice day'.


  • Caine: Hand me my pants.
  • Diana: Oh look, Drake's trying to think.
  • Diana: We're sitting in the dark, ready to sell our souls for another peppermint, with enough uranium to give a terrorist a wet dream.
  • Caine: Come on Goose. You're doing great. Duck: Duck. Caine: Can you feel the Darkness, Goose?
  • Brianna: Don't worry Sam. I won't let you fall. Sam: Then whats the helmet for? Brianna: In case you fall.
  • Caine: Is it safe to go in? Jack: What could be dangerous about a nuclear fuel spillage?
  • Caine: (having a nightmare) HUNGRY IN THE DARK! HUNGRY IN THE DARK! Diana: Not this again. Caine: (wakes up) What? Diana: Hungry in the dark; it's one of your greatest hits.
  • Drake: (stroking machine gun) This is nice. This is really nice. Diana: Maybe you two should get a room.
  • Drake: I had a hard life. Hard for my parents, I mean. It wasn't that bad for me.
  • Caine: You know what I am? Sam: Crazy?


  • Sam: You need anything? Howard: Aside from a hambuger, a peach pie, a bucket of ice cream, a DVD, a phone, a computer, and a one way ride out of crazy town? Sam: Yeah aside from that. Howard: Then I'm good.
  • Astrid: That's your solution; have a cookie? Sam: No, my solution is to run away until this is all over. But a cookie never hurts.
  • Howard: Hey, thanks for stopping by. I'd offer you some tea and cookies, but all we have is boiled mole and artichokes. Plus, we kind of have a dead girl in the living room.


  • Virtue: I'm going to refuse to do puberty. It makes you stupid.
  • Sanjit: It's Sanjit. It's a Hindu name. It means 'invincible.' Lana: That's great. Sanjit: Invincible. I can't be vinced. Lana: That's not even a word. Sanjit: Go ahead: try to vince me.
  • Sanjit: If you had balls, I'd say you'd have a big brass pair.
  • "Diana let her towel drop. Caine made a noise like a strangled animal."


  • Drake: Babies need milk. And you're the cow Diana; moo.
  • Penny: Fuck you!note  Caine: I think you meant fuck you, your highness.
  • Diana: Sam, I'm pregnant; not crippled.
  • Jack: Brianna's been weird lately. Ever since we came up to the lake. She's like, all... Dekka: She's like all what, Jack? Jack: Like all... I don't know. Like she wants to... you know... Dekka: No, I don't know. So if you've got something to say, spit it out. Jack: I don't know. Like, be friendly with me. Like, she made out with me the other day. Dekka: Poor you. (Sam deliberately crashes the car to avoid Jack's imminent beatdown)
  • Sam: No girl is an island. Astrid: Seriously? You're misquoting John Donne? To me? Sam: Hey, maybe I've spent the last four months reading poetry. You don't know.


  • Prosecutors decided that the FAYZ was a separate dimension, and therefore not under California State Law.
  • Diana: Pretty soon you'll start... developing. Gaia: Developing? Diana: Never mind; I'm so not ready for that conversation.