- One for Q as he notices Bond inspecting a large sandwich:
Q: Don't touch that!
[Bond backs away as if it bites]
Q: That's my lunch!
- General Ourumov, drinking quite frequently from his flask, during the tank chase. Especially "Use the bumper! That's what it's for!"
- The perplexed look on Ourumov's face after Xenia has way too much fun killing the staff of Severnaya, which seems to say, "Really? Trevelyan has me allied with this sociopath?!"
- When Bond find's the Canadian admiral's body with a giant grin on his face stuffed into the closet. It's as if to tell us that if you had a choice of you wanted to be killed, you should choose to have Xenia Onatopp crush you between her thighs...even though he was crying in pain when we last saw him.
- Similarly, Bond's sauna encounter with Xenia strikes a good balance between sex, action, humour and slight hints of Nightmare Fuel; for all that it is a pretty solid fight - with Xenia shrugging off Bond's attempts at escape - and that it is both sexy and slightly nightmarish because of Xenia's killing method, there is something funny about elements of it, including Bond's eventual method of escape... And the fact that Brosnan's 'painface' is on full display when he's at Xenia's mercy.
- "STAND BY YOUR MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"
Valentin: My knee....aches every day. Twice as bad when it's cold. Do you know how long winters last here? Tell him, Dmitri.Dmitri: Well, it depends—Valentin: SILENCE!
- "Who's strangling the cat?"
- When Bond is informed that the cat-strangler in question happens to be the mistress of the man currently pointing a gun in his general direction. Specifically, Valentin Zukovsky informs him of this by shooting between Bond's legs, causing the cushion Bond's sitting on to explode feathers all over the place.
Valentin: [Threatening] That is Irina. My mistress.
Bond: [Trying to school his face appropriately] Very... talented girl.
- And then when Valentin dismisses her:
Valentin: IRINA! TAKE A HIKE!
Irina: (flips him off before storming off)
- And then when Valentin dismisses her:
- Gets even better when you consider that Minnie Driver, who plays Irina, can actually sing.
- The ensuing reaction when Bond asks Valentin (the man he shot in the leg) to do him a favor:
James Bond. Charming, sophisticated secret agent. "Shaken, but not stirred." Ha ha!
- Valentin finds Bond's whole persona hilarious:
- Bond dropping in on the guard in the bathroom: "Beg your pardon. Forgot to knock." [punches the guard out cold]
- "YES! I AM INVINCIBLE!" Cue liquid nitrogen tanks exploding and turning Boris into a Human Popsicle.
- Natalya utterly beating the shit out of Boris in the control room. Even Trevelyan smirks.
- Bond in tank = 1; truck with cans of Perrier = 0. A statue (a soldier on horseback) doesn't come out of it too well, either.
- Does Bond just destroy the statue? Oh no, the statue ends up riding on top of the tank. It's then used to get some St. Petersberg PD cars off his back when it falls off right in front of them.
- Bond removing his belt preparing the piton within during the shootout in the archives. Bond finds himself on the receiving end of a bewildered look from Natalya.
James Bond: Trust me.
- Boris' Villainous Breakdown at the end, from his Oh, Crap! reaction to the antenna malfunction to shaking the computer and screaming "SPEAK TO ME!"
- After Xenia's death: "She always did enjoy a good squeeze."
- During the interrogation scene, Bond and Mishkin are going back and forth, exchanging accusations and insults, when a frustrated Natalya tells them to stop.
"Oh stop it, both of you! Stop it! You're like boys with toys!"
- Jack Wade and his love of stiff-assed Brits.
- When they first meet, Wade flubs the Spy Speak verification code. Bond draws a gun on him and demands to see the Embarrassing Tattoo that he was told Wade would have. When he does...
Wade: ...third wife.
Wade: Wanna hand me that hammer, there, Jimbo... (Bond reaches for a ballpene hammer) No, the bigger one, the sledge.
- Wade's skill in automotive repair
- How Bond handles his psychiatric evaluation per M's orders: seduce the psychiatrist Caroline and take her on a road trip, and during it, race Xenia Onatopp down windy roads.
Caroline (nervously watching Bond race across a mountainside road): I enjoy a spirited ride as much as the next girl, but...
(Xenia Onatopp revs up in her car right next to theirs)
Caroline: Who's that?
Bond (smirking): The next girl!
- Boris messing with Trevelyan as they prepare to activate the Goldeneye satellite.
Alec Trevelyan: Prepare the dish.
Boris: No! It's too early. I am not ready!
Alec Trevelyan: Do it!
* Boris gives an "okay, fine", look*
- Bond's new car has stinger missiles housed behind the headlights, to which Bond muses, "Just the thing to unwind after a long day at the office."
Q: You have a license to kill, not to break the traffic laws.
- Q shows off the exploding pen grenade:
Q: Three clicks (clicks the pen thrice) arms the device, another three (does so) disarms it.
Bond: (takes the pen and clicks it three times at a slower rate than required to arm it) ...how long did you say the fuse was?
Q: (snatches the pen) Oh, grow up, 007!
- And then he demonstrates it:
- Boris' reaction when Bond calls Trevelyan a common thief.
- Bond's response to Mishkin's overly cordial interrogation:
Bond: What, no small-talk? No chit-chat? That's the trouble with the world today. No one takes the time to do a really sinister interrogation anymore. It's a lost art.
- Alec Trevelyan killing a scientist in the facilty can be this to people who have played the game, since killing scientists and civilians is against the mission briefings.
Funny / GoldenEye
For moments from the 1997 GoldenEye game for the Nintendo 64, go here.