Josh Groban hitting on Will's mom. Specifically the face he makes when she says she's drunk and "not making very good decisions".
Quinn at the Celibacy Club meeting: (completely straight-faced) "If the balloon pops, the sound makes the angels cry."
Puck saying "I had sex with your mom. No, seriously: I cleaned your pool, and then I had sex with her... on your bed. Nice Star Wars sheets."
The entire football team doing the dance from Beyonce's "Single Ladies." In uniform and pads. In the middle of the game. And doing it WELL.
Puck, after a dream about Rachel: "When I woke up, I knew it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew and the Good Lord wanted me to get into her pants."
The glee club on Sudafed.
Especially Finn's real life :D face while singing.
Kurt: "They [the other male members of the Glee club] rejected my offer to do their hair in cornrows, and all my ideas were derided as too costly because they involved a variety of exotic bird feathers."
Finn: "Then I came up with the best baby name of all time: DRIZZLE."
Will: "Ken, your commitment to football is about as long as your shorts."
Artie: "I wanna be very clear... I still have the use of my penis."
Sue: "In fact, I like minorities so much that I'm thinking of moving to California to become one!"
Sue: "Think this is hard? Try living with hepatitis, that's hard."
"That was the most offensive thing I have seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair."
Sue's "Dear Journal..."
Sue: "I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home, and punch you in the face."
Puck's cheesy grin during "Proud Mary" at the end of Episode 9
In Acafellas,when the new choreographer hired by the club proceeds to insult Rachel's appearance, Finn's height, and Kurt's clothes and kicks out Mercedes for her weight and Artie for not being able to walk, Rachel tells him, "You're fired. And I'm taller than you."
Rachel and Artie in Wheels:
Rachel: "We didn't think Artie would take it personally."
Artie: "Well, you're irritating most of the time, but don't take that personally."
Puck's fake crying when he goes to Sandy with his "disability."
"The doctor said the shark severed my spine!"
"And this is why I never go to the aquarium!"
Sue: "You think that's hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told that 'We're going in a different direction.' That was hard!"
Santana: Brittany, you're supposed to be in your wheelchair.
Brittany: I lost it.
Also, another Brittany moment from Wheels:
Kurt: Everyone raise your right hand.
(Brittany raises her left hand)
Kurt: Your right hand, Brittany.
(Brittany continues with her left hand until Santana actually shows her which is which.)
Mr. Schue: I want you to all pick a song out of this hat.
Brittany: I bet the duck is in the hat.
Also from Ballads:
Kurt: I could totally sing this song with Finn, but screw him if thinks he's taking the Diana Ross part from me.
Yet again in Ballads, when Kurt tells Finn that Finn's father had a weapon when charging onto the field (comparable to Finn going to dinner with Quinn's parents and telling them about her being pregnant) and Finn goes, "You think I should bring a gun?"
The terrifying twist on "Endless Love" as sung by Mr. Schue and Rachel, complete with voiced-over thoughts of various characters regarding the song and/or the singers and Puck's completely non-sequiteur thoughts about his going commando.
"I LOVE the days when I don't wear underwear... Full commando..."
Artie's reaction to Will and Rachel singing "Endless Love".
Also from Ballads:
Kurt: (talking about Finn) I don't know why I find his stupidity charming, Finn steals a peek at Brittany's test. I mean, he's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows.
Finn's kung-fu moves as he tries to psych himself up in the Fabray's bathroom.
After Suzie calls the Schuesters in flashback:
Terri:(to Susie Pepper on the phone) "Listen, you little psycho, this is Will's wife. And if I don't get enough sleep, my anti-depressants won't work, and then I'll go crazy, and I'LL KILL YOU."
Everyone is taking a name out of a hat it is Tina turn, and she takes... Other Asian
Mike's irritated look on his face after this is what makes it for this Troper
Finn telling Quinn's parents that she's pregnant through the song "You're Having My Baby". (There are shades of Heartwarming as well.)
Kurt's "call me" gesture at Finn and Finn's reaction during "Lean On Me".
Sue: As soon as a cheerleader rolls herself out in a wheelchair, she becomes decidedly less effective at cheering people up!
"Glee Club... Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers it only comes back stronger, like some kind of sexually ambiguous horror movie villain."
Sue:(talking to Will) I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me.
Sue: I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.
Yet again, Sue.
"I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs."
Puck, about how Finn will react if Puck and Quinn decide to raise the baby together:
"Sure he'd be pissed at first, but once he realized he didn't have to deal with this anymore, he'd bake me a damn cake!"
"I'm gonna say this as nicely as I possibly can, but you look like a... sad clown hooker."
Kendra, after Quinn says she wants to keep the baby:
Kendra: I'm gonna have her babysit my kids. Five minutes alone with those little mongrels and she'll have her tubes tied!
The deaf glee club member blatantly signing "They look like they're crazy..." to their friend during New Directions performance of "Crazy In Love/Hair."
Are you questioning my badass-ness? Have you seen my guns??
The montage of photos that were taken as a result of Rachel joining as many clubs as possible, no matter how ill-suited for her they may be, just so she can be in as many photos as possible. It starts out mild, with stuff like Speech Club and Mock United Nations Club, but eventually ends up in stuff like Muslim Students Clubnote She's Jewish. and Black Students Union. What really seals this as a crowning moment of funny though is the totally deadpan/ irritated looks she gets from everyone else in the more egregious photos.
The Black Students Union one is even funnier if you recall that the pilot episode briefly mentioned that Rachel was adopted by two gay men, who both artificially inseminated the same woman so they wouldn't know for sure who was the biological father. One of them is black. The fact that Rachel obviously is not just adds to the humor.
Later in the episode she suggests that she and Kurt start a GayLesbAll.
Brittany: If it were, Santana and I would be dating.
"Push It". Just, "Push It".
Sue in Sectionals:
Sue: I'm reasonably confident you'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian.
''(a bit later)
Sue: Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester. You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination horror!
"I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels."
Principal Figgins on the youtube video Sue was blackmailing him with:
Figgins: Oh Sue, I put it on youtube myself, and it only got two hits! Let me break it down for you, nobody cares!
Figgins: NO! NOT THE CHILDREN!
The what-do-you-say-when-you-answer-the-phone opening to Mr. Schue's speech completely backfiring.
Mr. Schue: What do you say when you answer the phone?
Mercedes: What up?
Artie: Who dis be?
Kurt: (very matter-of-factly) No, she's dead, this is her son.
Mr. Schue: Okay. Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, liked to say "Ahoy!" [rest of speech]
Brittany: "Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?"
Sue, during her Vogue video (Made by Kurt and Mercedes): "Will Schuester, I hate you!"
Kurt's face immediately after.
Brittany: "Sometimes I forget my middle name."
Emma telling Will (deadpan serious) how she plans to do the nasty with him Friday night.
Sue claiming Madonna's album True Blue was released on her sixth birthday.
Mercedes: ... Wouldn't that make you, like, thirty?
Sue: Twenty nine.
Jesse St. James: "Just come out so we can talk... Or sing about it."
Kurt in episode 16 : "And I had splenda for breakfast!"
The Glee club performing Can't Touch This to improve their reputations... and getting shut down by the librarian, who thought it was "cute" and wanted them to perform it at her church.
Mr. Schue interrogating the glee club kids about the Glist and Kurt pointing out that Shue is obviously watching way too many Law And Order reruns.
The "Run, Joey, Run" video.
Will is introducing Jesse to the Glee Club:
Brittany: Mr. Schue, is he your son?
Bryan Ryan (Neil Patrick Harris) and Sue deciding to have "angry sex" after their debate over which department should get school funding.
Bryan: You know I'm still cutting half your funding.
Sue: You win some, you lose some.
Made extra funny when you realize that both actors in the scene are gay.
Will finding out that the one girl that Bryan Ryan (Neil Patrick Harris) wanted Terri but she was "the one who got away" for him. Complete with Spit Take and Will telling Bryan about his marriage and divorce.
Special mention goes to Kurt's little "'Cause I'm a freak, baby!"
Tina's vampire speech to Figgins.
The Guys perfoming "Shout It Out Loud" in full KISS makeup and costume, especially Puck's "whore lips"
Rachel: [Without my voice,] I'm just this spoiled, annoying only child.
Finn: Don't say that; there's so many awesome things about you.
Finn: ...Look, he's not gonna say you'll never sing again.
Will seducing Sue. In all it's cheesy glory.
Rachel calling out the piano player to sing a duet with her mother, commenting, "He's always just...around."
Will trying to come up with an excuse for why Rachel has to sit in the back seat:
Will: I'm just... concerned for your safety.
Rachel: [charmed] Really?
Will: Um... No. Not really.
Quinn giving birth in the middle of "Bohemian Rhapsody," complete with her lines sometimes meshing with the lyrics. More specifically (since a lot of that was other kinds of Emotional Torque), her screaming "YOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCK!" at Puck during a particularly nasty contraction.
Finn looking down at his nametag to check if the store has been renamed "Losers 'n' Things".
Sue in Journey:
"I have to be honest, Will. I'm having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today because your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about 'livin' on the Bayou!'"
Will in Journey, and the fact that it takes Finn a moment to get it.
Will: "We have got something that other groups don't!"
Will: "Finn's dancing!"
Run Joey Run. YMMV on if the song is as horrible as they say but the performances, Puck's and Rachel's especially are so overblown it's impossible not to laugh. Bonus points as Rachel spends the whole video with a melodramatically wide-eyed expression which has to be seen to be disbelieved.
Rachel: "I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to LIVE!"
Sue: "I spend large chunks of each day picturing you choking on food. And I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that the two of us went to a zoo and I shoved your face into one of those pink inflamed monkey butts that weeps lymph."
Kurt's expression and silent 'Oh my god' during Bust a Move when Will is trying to get him to dance at about 'the girl is stacked'. No, scratch that. Everything Kurt does during that song is hilarious. He picks up a tambourine and plays it by himself in the corner at one point.
At the end of Theatricality when their all walking away from the camera, Kurt reaches out and touches Finn's costume. Finn reaches over to feel Kurt's... and Kurt scoots away shaking his head.
Hell, Finn showing up in that costume was a laugh riot.
Kurt: Oh... my god.
Terri: "This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep."
Kurt in Vitamin D:
Kurt: I don't understand how lightning is in competition with an above-ground swimming pool.
Will: ...Just go with it.
Kurt: "Aaand, we have a jumper."
Will: "I have in my hand a Spanish quiz in which one of your Cheerios misspelled her name & answered every question with a drawing of a sombrero!"
You have to look SO hard to get this one, but in Throwdown, when Sue recruits her "Sue's Kids", Artie is hilariously clinging to Mercedes in the background. It loses something in the writing.
Specifically, Sue identifies "her" kids as Santana, Wheels, Gay Kid, Asian, Other Asian, Aretha and Shaft. Insulting, yes, but made funny by Kurt's look of suppressed panic at "gay kid" and Tina and Mike's momentary confusion over which one of them is "Asian".
Just the idea of a mashup of "I Could Have Danced All Night" and "The Thong Song"
Also from "Mash-Up," after Kurt's self-slusheeTaking the Bullet, "Someone get me to a day spa! STAT!" And the Glee girls immediately take him into the ladies room to help him out.
Kurt's facial expressions/weeping over the hood of his "Baby" while Mercedes sings "Bust Your Windows" with the Cheerios doing her backup dancing.
Mercedes interrupting the club's rendition of "You're The One That I Want":
Mercedes: Aw, HELL to the naw! Listen, I ain't up for this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyonce, I ain't no Kelly Rowland.
The whole scene where Santana's propositioning Finn, especially the way her tone goes from seductive to annoyed in about three seconds as she almost immediately loses her patience with him, and her reasoning behind it.
Santana: [berating] Look, Finn, it's high time you lost "the Big V." Everything about you screams "virgin!" You're as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Doll. It's exhausting to look at you. [alluring] So c'mon, Finn. Let's do the deed. It'll be great for my image, and Sue will promote me to head cheerleader. It's a win-win.
Finn: But what's in it for me?
Santana: I don't know, you...get to have sex, and make Rachel jealous? I meant for me. It's a win-win for me.
Kurt squirming and glaring indignantly whenever anyone touches him in the first few episodes, best of all when Rachel drags her hand through his hair and over his face during "You're The One That I Want." First he raises one eyebrow as she touches his hair, attempts to kill Rachel with his eyes after the face bit, and he can be seen trying to fix his hair as he sings (still glaring) for about ten seconds afterward.
Kurt's consistent pride and indignance (at pretty much everything) throughout the entire show.
when Kurt's about to be thrown into the dumpster again in Showmance:
Kurt: (glaring at all of them) One day you all will work for me.
This becomes even better when you know that it was ad-libbed. Oh yes. Worship the Colfer.
Burt's speech to Kurt about Brittany. It's more his delivery than anything. You just get the feeling that he was given the same speech about respect and protection when he was around Kurt's age but that, ever since Kurt turned three, he thought he'd never have to give it to his own son, causing his awkward fumbling. Of course, this goes hand-in-hand with a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming where he tells Kurt that his son can be whoever he wants to be but that, when Kurt figures out who that person is, Burt would like to know him.
And then of course, there's this:
Burt: If things get too serious, just make sure you use protection.
Kurt: We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality, they know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them!
Puck: What's up with this Gaga dude? He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?
Kurt:Lady Gaga is a woman! She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing; the most theatrical performer of our generation. And she changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners.
Brittany: It's true.
Puck going on and on to Mercedes about why Super Mario Bros. 3 is the greatest video game ever,
In "Laryngitis", Rachel's performance of "The Climb" and Kurt's "Pink Houses". Made even better by the club's WTF expressions, especially Brittany's enjoyment of both.
"It doesn't mean you are gay. It just means that you are awful." Sue is great in bringing people up...
Sunshine and Rachel have a vocal catfight (although Sunshine is under the impression it's just for fun) to Lady GaGa and Beyonce's "Telephone" in the girl's bathroom. Sue walks in on them, promptly yells "SHUT UP!", looks at them like they're crazy, and walks out without saying another word. Doubles as an Awesome moment.
After Sunshine explains she doesn't understand Rachel (due to her having headphones in) Rachel assumes she can't speak English.
Join glee club it is fun. Swaying in background can be fun.
Puck telling Sam he has a big mouth and then asking how many tennis balls he can fit into it.
Sam: I don't know, I've never had any balls in my mouth. Have you?
Britney/Brittany has SO many. Santana telling Carl he could "drill [her] whenever", a pamphlet that reads "There's hair down THERE?!", a David After Dentist reference by Rachel...
Santana flirting with Carl becomes even funnier after seeing the events of 'Sexy' and 'Born This Way', how it was just her trying too hard.
There's also Jacob Ben Israel and the AV President's mental "orgasm" during Glee's "Toxic" number at the Homecoming assembly.
Also the butt sweat stain. Squicky... but Sue's fixation on it made it hilarious.
Just about every word out of Brittany's mouth in Brittany/Britney. Besides her amazing speech revealing her full name (Brittany S. Pierce) as the reason she doesn't want to sing Britney songs, there's also this little gem from the end of the episode:
Rachel: ...and I realized that I was crushing you in my hands, like a little baby bird...
Brittany: Wait, Finn can fly?
Santana bitching out Carl just to get anesthetized in "Brittany/Britney":
"Look, my dad is a doctor. A real doctor, not a 'tooth doctor'. He like, went to college or something. But the point is, I have a killer health care plan that pays for everything. So get up in my grill, because Britts and I want to get our anesthesia on!"
Brittany/Britney had the incredibly pathetic facebook group to get the glee club to perform Britney Spears at an assembly.
—-> Kurt: [when asked why he's an atheist, and that you can't prove there's no God] You also can't prove that there isn't a dwarf living on a teapot on the dark side of the moon that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs, but it seems pretty unlikely doesn't it?
"Is God an evil dwarf?"
Kurt's wonderful facial expressions in "Dammit, Janet."
And speaking of Sue, her little spiel on Halloween.
And of course, because no episode is complete without Brittney:
Kurt: So what are you gonna be for Halloween this year?
Brittany: I’m going as a peanut allergy.
Emma and Will's reaction to Carl's way early enterance in Rocky Horror Glee Show.
Via motorcycle through the wall
Duets - Rachel's and Finn's singing "With You I'm Born Again". The expression on Finn's face was utterly goofy. The rest of the Glee cast' faces were priceless.
From "Never Been Kissed":
"STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN. >:(" Mike is saying this to Bieste.
"I've never actually almost killed a civil servant before."
Rachel's cry of "Spiiieees!"
Brittney massaging Artie's leg at Breadstix and then wondering why she's getting no reaction.
Blaine after he and Kurt confront Karofsky: "Well, he's not coming out anytime soon."
When the boys describe Beiste as being hard on the outside but soft and fluffy on the inside, Sam's response is "Like a chocolate turtle." Finn's response - "Totally, you're nougaty!" What really sells it is the look of "I'm surrounded by crazy people" on Kurt's face.
Holly's recollection of Cameo, an unruly former student of hers. "Tricks? You some kind of magician substitute? I'm a Christian, and that devil magic stuff OFFENDS ME!" (rushes Holly and punches her lights out)
Rachel getting rushed by Santana when she tries to sub for Will. Santana's held back by the others, but her yelling in really ghetto Spanish makes Rachel scream.
"Oh my gosh, I open my mouth and a little purse falls out!" (Mercedes imagines Kurt saying that after he and Blaine have conversation consisting entirely of "Gay gay gay-gay gay gay")
Not to mention the little "How did that get in there?" and Mercedes' hilarious "WTF" face.
Will in a nutshell:
Puck: Mr. Shue, can we do that new Cee-Lo song?
Will: Mm, no. Come on, guys, there's gotta be a Journey song we haven't done yet!
Bieste reprimanding the team about spraying athlete's foot medicine in teammates eyes. Sue comes in, they argue (sorta), then Sue walks off. Bieste sprays said medicine in the air in Sue's general direction then, seeming to realize what she did, turns back to the team and just points to the medicine and goes "No."
Holly Holiday teaching the Spanish class:
Cuantos veces Lindsay Lohan estuvo in rehab? cinco veces!
From Kurt's English class:
Brett, the kid next to Kurt: Are you smoking anything? 'cause this is trippy!
Kurt: You smell homeless, Brett. Homeless.
"Everyone work on your bipolar rants!"
The club trying to fool Holly:
Holly: Let's start with some introductions. My name is Holly Holliday, what's yours? Go!
Puck: I'm Finn Hudson, I'm quarterback in the football team.
Santana: I'm Rachel Berry, his loud, loud girlfriend.
Brittany: I'm Mike Chang.
Will talking about his love of Singin' in the Rain:
Will: When I'm sick there's only one thing that makes me feel good.
Artie:(wisely) Gin and juice...
Will: *confused face*
Emma's office's pamphlets are sort of a stealth Running Gag. She has some really unnerving ones, such as "Help! I'm In Love With My Step Dad!"
“...Which is why I just prefer to think of the homeless as outdoorsy. So shine on urban campers. You smell like adventure.”
Brittany asking Tina why Artie just lays there when they make out...
Kurt's response as to Finn asking if having a flock of doves at their parents wedding will make things "messy". "That's why we're going to feed the doves glitter, Finn." Finn thinks this is a great idea, which makes it better.
Later in the same scene: "I've been planning weddings since I was two. My Power Rangers got married and divorced in so many different combinations they were like Fleetwood Mac."
They were seen in season one. In fact, in Karofsky's first appearance he is on the hockey team.
Blaine serenading Breadstix patrons with "Silly Love Songs". as he looks at Santana, who has had no romantic luck at all today, he sings the line "Sometimes it doesn't come at all". The look on her face is priceless.
The little "sorry" shrug he gives her is just the cherry on top too.
Seems a little harsher in hindsight as of "Sexy."
Santana vs. Lauren.
Santana (after having her ass handed to her): That's how we do it in Lima Heights.
Bieste (carrying Santana off over her shoulder): Let's get you to the nurse...
Then Puck AFTER the fight:
Puck: Please go out with me...Just, please...
Tina breaking down while singing 'My Funny Valentine' to Mike, the look on his face is hilarious.
Kurt gets so mad during "When I Get You Alone" that he just stands there grumpily. And when Blaine gets close to him he puts on an overly saccharine smile, only to switch back to his frown hilariously as soon as Blaine leaves.
Also, Blaine sliding up to the register holding a pair of socks.
Kurt's face after Blaine sings the "keep your toys in the drawer tonight" line never fails to make this troper crack up.
Jeremiah's face during that line is pretty hilarious too.
The abrupt scene change when the number ends. It goes from all the (many) Warblers helping Blaine loudly serenade his crush, dancing around the store and making a big spectacle of themselves to a shot of Blaine outside, worriedly asking Kurt "Was it too much?"
This troper couldn't help but giggle madly at Blaine's attitude change towards Valentine's Day after getting rejected by the GAP guy.
"It's puppy love. It's adorable." to:
"Don't they have anything without these stupid little hearts? Gross."
Puck's confession about how terrible Juvie was: "People with no families, people who look at you like you're a dog they can't wait to kick the crap out of... and they kept taking my waffles."
All the guys having to constantly flick their hair out of their eyes after getting Justin Bieber hairstyles.
Especially Finn, as his hair isn't actually long enough to warrant the hair flicking, yet he does it anyway.
Puck's hoodie with the built-in Bieber fringe. It looks adorably ridiculous.
When the show suddenly jumps to Lauren fighting stage fright by imagining everyone in their underwear. It happens rather suddenly, and Sue in particular may induce a Spit Take.
Sam getting his geek on with Santana had me in stitches, but the resulting exchange even more so:
Sam: *clearly pleased with himself* That's my James Earl Jones impression.
Specifically Finn's explanation to Rachel of the different drunk girl archetypes. Santana is the Hysterical Woman, Quinn & Lauren get angry at Puck, Mercedes & Tina laugh uncontrollably, Brittany turns into a stripper and Rachel becomes needy.
As well as drunk Blaine:
Kurt: (to Finn) I'm still trying to impress Blaine. Can't get too sloppy. *looks over at Blaine flailing about wildly* Clearly he doesn't have the same concern.
Blaine: (also to Finn) It is so cool that you and Kurt are brothers! I mean, brothers! Like, whoa! You're sooo tall.
Even funnier is Kurt's innocent expression of "What? What are you looking at me like that for?" as he casually moisturizes.
Rachel's immediate reaction after kissing Blaine:
"Your face...tastes awesome."
When Schue calls out the kids for using alcohol before a performance:
Quinn: Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?
Brittany(to Mercedes): That's so racist!
"Tik and also Tok by Ke -dollar sign- Ha.
"Hair of the dog that done bit yo' ass." Oh, Artie
Figgins had asked the glee club to perform at the anti alcohol assembly, and they decide to perform "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha. Rachel gives them a weird mixture of things she founds in her dads' liquor cabinet and cough syrup. The number goes pretty well until Brittany pukes all over Rachel towards the end of the song. Then everyone starts throwing up.
Also Brittany's line after throwing up the alcohol and cough syrup drink on Rachel: "Everybody drink responsibly."
When Kurt comes over to Rachel's to see how her date with Blaine went they sit to talk on the stage and there's a bra in the backround.
Mr. Schue marking papers, giving them all A+ and giving comments like Nice Try and a smiley face.
Tina finding out about Brittany and Artie. Bonus points for Quinn's awkward expression since she's caught in the middle of this conversation.
Tina: So you and Artie are officially dating now?
Brittany: Deal with it. When you guys fooled around, did he ever like just lied there?
Brittany explains to the glee club that she knows she's pregnant because a stork is building a nest outside her window, so it's obviously bringing her baby. When they cut to Rachel's reaction shot, her look of incredulity is priceless.
Everyone's look in that scene is hilarious. Santana's made me laugh for several minutes.
What I remember the most from that scene is Sam's expression. As opposed to the shocked reactions of the other Glee members, he just simply smiled amusedly like he's used to Brittany's outlandish statements. Remember he just joined Glee in S2 and doesn't know Brit as long as the rest of them.
Emma's fear of the hose monster. Well, pretty much anything done by Emma in this episode.
ESPECIALLY when she decides to sing "Afternoon Delight" as the song for celibacy.
Kurt sticking his fingers in his ears and going "lalalala" when Burt announces that it's time for The Talk.
Kurt: I've tried watching those movies, but I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once, and they all have mothers and god, what would their mothers think, and why would you get that tattoo there?!
Holly Holiday and the cucumbers.
Finn: Wait, cucumbers can give you AIDS?
Holly: Apparently my cucumber demonstration made it impossible to watch Veggie Tales the same way ever again. I personally thought it made watching that show hilarious.
Blaine meeting Sue for the first time. Particularly since he doesn't actually have any lines in that scene. The way his facial expression slowly changes from politely confused to an openmouthed gape of horror gets this troper every time.
When Holly mentions that having sex with someone means that you are having sex with everyone that that person have had sex with, Brittany gets the greatest Oh Crap-face ever.
When Brittany thinks she's pregnant and Santana promises not to tell anyone. In a matter of seconds, the news have reached Artie:
Brittany: Please don't tell anyone, okay? Especially Artie. (walks away)
Santana: Yeah, sure. Your secret's safe with... (to Tina) Oh my god, Brittany's pregnant!
Tina:(to Puck) Oh my god, Brittany's pregnant!
Puck: It was only a matter of time.
Lauren: For what?
Puck: Brittany to get pregnant.
Lauren:(to Artie) Congratulations!
Artie: For what?
Lauren: Oh, you didn't hear? Your girlfriend's preggo. You're gonna be a baby daddy!
"Big Ass Heart," Puck's original song. In its entirety. Especially:
"When they go shopping, it gets its own damn cart."
As well as the opener:
"It's called Big Ass... Heart."
In "Original Song," Finn saying "Whoa. Scary Quinn. Okay."
"Trouty Mouth" which Santanna sings to Sam which goes into deep detail into how much his mouth is like several fish mouths. Sam is not happy.
When Santana says she wrote a second verse of it and Sam raises the sign he wrote for Mercedes' song ("Hell No")
Also from that scene, Mike's timing for answering Sam was just hilarious.
Santana: I wrote this for Sam, it's called "Trouty Mouth".
[Camera zooms in on Sam]
Sam: Wait, what's it called?
Mike: [Leans into his close-up] Trouty Mouth.
Brittany saying that her favorite song is "My Headband," the song that Rachel wrote.
Sue punching out the presenter when Aural Intensity lost in "Original Song".
"My husband is verbally abusive, and I have been drinking since noon."
Kurt's annoyed expressions during "Misery."
Especially the one right at the start that screams "Bitch, you did not just throw paper on me!"
After Blaine proposes his duet idea to the Warblers:
Blaine: Pavarotti's voice was silenced by death, and I don't want to silence anyone else's voices—Pavarotti would roll over in his tiny, tiny little grave.
Kurt: The placement of which has yet to be determined.
Blaine's idea about a costume change for Regionals: Red ties with blue piping instead of blue ties with red piping. Everyone's outraged reactions are just hilarious.
Random Warbler: This is a kangaroo court!
Every single one of Kurt's expressions in "Sexy" was absolutely hilarious. From his growly faces during "Animal" to his quiet horror as Burt gives him The Talk.
When Kurt is trying to be sexy in "Animal," Blaine is giving him the best "WTF?" faces.
Not to mention that, when Kurt tries again in his bedroom mirror and it doesn't work he says "How am I supposed to be sexy when I have all the sexual experience and knowledge of a baby penguin?" Something about Chris Colfer's delivery of that line gets this troper every time!
Santana: First of all, anything you do became my business when you decided to toss that slushie up in my grill.
Karofsky: I think I can take a couple of queers and a girl.
Santana: Ha. See here's what's gonna go down. Two choices: You stay here and I crack one of your nuts—right or left, that's your choice—or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh, and also? I have razor blades hidden in my hair. Mm-hm. Tons, just all up in there.
Made even funnier by the fact that she pulls out the razor blade cell phone from her hair after Karofsky leaves.
Blaine's "dapper shove" against Karofsky. It was hilariously ineffective.
What may be the most ridiculous use of Chekhov's Gun in existence: Hermaphrodite Nazi Sympathizers The goofy grins on Brittany and Artie's faces are priceless.
From "Born This Way", Emma reveals her shirt representing her embracing her own flaw of being... ginger. This troper literally fell over laughing.
Santana's shirt simply says "Bitch". And Brittany giving her a shirt that says "Lebanese" not as a joke, but because she thought that was actually the correct term.
Santana: Brittany, I'm Hispanic!(looks at the shirt again) ...Wait, was that supposed to say "lesbian?"
Brittany: That is what it says, right?
Will's shirt says "Butt Chin".
Puck's shirt says "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointing at his penis.
"I've gotta gay. Go. I've gotta go."
The look on Blaine's face after her mix-up is also a mixture of hilarious and adorable.
Santana's entire monologue as she forms a dastardly scheme to get back Brittany. But the best one was her saying: "Holy crap, I'm a closet lesbian AND a judgmental bitch, which means one thing: I have awesome gaydar."
"The only 'straight' I am is straight up bitch."
Sam's t-shirt said "Trouty mouth"
The giant goofy smile on Finn's face right before he clocks Rachel.
Blaine's over-the-top and almost grotesque sad face at the end of "Somewhere Only We Know", which is so hugely Narm that it becomes extremely funny.
From "Rumours": "Oh, how I've missed your insanity!"
Brittany; "Don't look at me like that. Just because I'm doing this interview doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you. I know you started smoking again. She's talking to her cat, Lord Tubbington.
The cat's name is LORD TUBBINGTON.
Previously on Fondue For Two, Tina using her appearance to cheerfully refute that rumour about Asian men. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Mike.
Santana (about Brad the piano player): "He's just furniture. [turns to Brad] No offense." [Brad shrugs]
Trumped even more that the disguise change from Bowie to Coulter takes all of six seconds, which a confused Terri lampshades.
Also, Sue drinking the cocoa powder she ordered dressed as Bowie to try to imitate his eccentricities.
A combination of this and Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Mike whispers in Kurt's ear during the end of Rumours, and Kurt promptly takes Sam's guitar, which Sam is currently playing, straight out of his hands, causing a confused, affronted look in Sam. However, before Sam can react beyond that look, Puck and Mike pick him up and hoist him onto their shoulders.
Maybe it is just This Tropers warped sense of humour, but after all of Santana's Gayngst, this bit of dialogue was hysterical:
Finn: "What Prom-Queen Candidate is spending a whole lot of time in her closet?" That is garbage, Quinn is claustrophobic.
Rachel: [Without missing a beat or giving a shit] No, that's Santana. Read the next one.
Quinn wants to be prom queen because they live 5 years longer than normal people. It's because they smile a lot and everyone knows smiling helps fight disease.
"Prom Queen" is full of funny moments and awesome one-liners:
Sue's "interrogating" Artie in "Prom Queen," complete with dental kit, which ends with this piece of dialogue:
What, no mention of Finn's liking Kurt's prom ensemble? "Dude, that rocks, it's like gay Braveheart." Were it anyone else but Finn, this troper would have wanted to smack him... From Finn, it was hilarious and adorable in a supportive brother way.
Kurt: "Eat your heart out Kate Middleton!"
Lauren regarding her yellow prom dress attempt: "I look like a lemon meringue pie." Brittany's response? "I think you look delicious." So very Brittany.
Jesse [To Finn]: You kinda sing and dance like a zombie who has to poop.
When Jesse thanks Santana for auditioning, she snaps at him and wonders why that's all he has to say when he was scribbling on his notepad the whole time. We then get a shot of his notepad, where there's a doodle of a cat.
The entirety of Kurt's dance and body movements during "Some People". Made even funnier for better or for worse by the fact that Chris Colfer (Kurt's actor) himself choreographed it.
While Rachel is singing "My Man", there's this really random, cheesy, slow-motion cut-away shot of Finn just smiling into the camera for what seems like a good 7 or so seconds.
Lauren and Santana's entire (INCREDIBLY one sided) fight. Complete with Santana being dragged away from a somewhat bored Lauren, still screaming and clawing for round two. She is a feisty one!
—> Blaine: "I want to do something the Warblers would never let me do - a big Broadway number!"
Kurt (looks up from where he's been doing a dance move on the floor): "No, those are mine."
And they've only gotten funnier as time goes on. Chris has admitted on Twitter that he writes the skits and he's trying to make Darren crack. They've escalated to puns on most of the cities/arenas, Oprah Winfrey impressions, pet names, Kurt and Blaine's first adopted child being named Toronto, Kurt's former exotic dancer name being Ontario...if Darren doesn't crack, fandom probably will!
The one that really got this troper was the former exotic dancer name. Darren managed to stay in character and had Blaine respond with a very intrigued little "Oh really?" (What teenage boy wouldn't be intrigued about their significant other having an exotic dancer name?) So Chris, apparently not satisfied with not breaking Darren's character had Kurt respond with the line that gets this troper every time: Kurt, former baby penguin gives him what is unapologetically a sex kitten, come-hither voice, and says "You'll see during the encore." Aww, the baby penguin's all grown up! Darren Criss may not crack up, but this troper dies every time.
The a cappella version of "Yeah." The song itself is Crowning Music of Awesome, but it's so funny in the show because of how incredibly ironic it is; they're all in these angelic, pure-looking white dresses, grinding and rapping.
It's also funny because they all look about forty.
Puck and Lauren, after less than ten minute in the hotel, trying to access Happy Hour.
Puck: I'll have a Manhattan. *Lauren nods*
Barista: Do you even know what's in a Manhattan?
Puck: Yeah. Me. For the first time, so I'm gonna celebrate with a cocktail.
Right before the CMOH that is "For Good," Kurt and Rachel break into a stage and get noticed by a guard. He sees right through their flimsy excuses.
Santana's going off on Rachel in Gratuitous Spanish in the hotel after their loss while being held back by Quinn, Mike and Sam - translated
Listen, I'm from Lima Heights Adjacent, and I'm proud. You know what goes down in Lima Heights Adjacent? Bad things!
Made funnier by the fact that it's called 'Lima Heights Adjacent', which means it's opposite Lima Heights, thus in the more middle class area. Made evident in 'Britney/Brittany' when Santana says her father is a doctor.
And no love for the end of Dustin and Will's talk?
Dustin Goolsby: You're tearing up. People are starting to stare. I bet they think I just broke up with you.
Dustin's line to Will before that had me laughing all the way through what was supposed to be a very touching moment:
Dustin Goolsby: (after Will says he loves his glee kids) They're hideous. At least my kids are attractive. Yours look like they haven't been baked properly.
In "Original Song," during Kurt and Blaine's duet at Regionals, look at Puck. He's nearly in tears and seems genuinely moved. Doubles as Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
Hell, look at Puck during any performance in the latter half of season 2. Each and every single time, he looks moved to tears.
Also from "Original Song" - The Warblers unequivocally declaring that There Can Never Be Any Duets Ever No Way No How, only to hear that Blaine wants to duet with Kurt, and immediately doing a one-eighty so fast it makes viewers' heads spin. Complete with Wessmirking as he bangs his gavel. Clearly, the Warblers know what's up.
Quinn quits the Glee Club and gets a punk makeover...and immediately starts hanging out with Bizarro Universe versions of Mercedes, Lauren, and Rachel.
Rachel: Hello, Quinn. Hello...skanks.
Puck's Oh Crap in the moments before a food fight starts. "Oh god, no."
What does Beiste bring to lunch? An entire chicken.
Yes, but now it's been lampshaded. When Will asks her if she eats a whole chicken every day, she replies that she eats one every meal.
Emma finally learns what being turned on feels like.
Kurt and Rachel's reaction to seeing a crowd of people exactly like them.
Sugar going off on Will in the hall when he tells her she can't join the club.
Sugar: I worked that song like a hooker pole.
Hell, anything Suagr does in this episode. Her song especially, but also her introduction.
Sugar: I have self-diagnosed Aspberger's Syndrome, which means I can say pretty much anything I want.
Emma assuming that Kurt and Rachel are dating and pointing out it's the only combination the club hasn't tried. Before handing Kurt a pamphlet entitled Me and My Hag!
Britanny has this amazing cross-eyed face in You Can't Stop the Beat that has to be seen to be believed.
The Cheerios during Blaine's rendition of "it's not unusual". it starts innocent enough, but towards the end you see Santana distracting Blaine so the others can pour lighter fluid on the piano. Quinn flicks a cigarette and boom.
Brittany proudly stating that the capital of Ohio is "O," and Will.I.Am is the president.
The Unicorn posters. They're so...pink.
Santana (to Kurt): These are toned down. Originally, the unicorn was riding you.
One of the Skanks threatening to stab a girl with what looks like a plastic spork.
At least they managed to correct themselves by the end of the episode.
Jock: Say U2 is overrated!
"Pot O' Gold"'s "How Sue C's It" has such gems as:
Sue: "If we want to pacify our future Chinese overlords"
Sue: "2004 dollars, Ohio! That's a years salary for a public school's Math teacher, wasted!"
One of Lima's funeral homes is a crematorium, and they double as a pizza parlour.
From "The First Time"
Artie saying Brittany called him the wrong name during and after sex.
Calling him the wrong name alone isn't what makes it funny. Calling him the wrong name four times is.
Santana saying Finn is terrible in bed, describing it as "like being smothered by a sweaty out of breath sack of potatoes that someone soaked in body spray."
Drag Queen Wednesday. That is all.
Blaine: "It doesn't look very scandalous." Kurt: "Au contraire! Just look at all these... glamorous drag queens. Look, there's Cher, and Tina Turner and... Is that Lucy or Reba?" Blaine: ...That is Ginger from Gilligan's Island." This troper nearly fell off her chair laughing.
Brittany lost her virginity at summer camp. Alien Invasion.
From "Mash Off": Santana telling Rachel that her mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator's.
Puck saying a reason he and the sub teacher should get together is that he's hot and she's hot.
Also him standing by his locker so he can catch Shelby's eye, then booking it across the school and throwing a nerd out of the way to stand by his locker so he can catch her eye again. Her reaction is nothing short of Flat "What.".
Though Santana's insults are undoubtedly cruel, most of them are also bloody hilarious.
Sue's political ads.
"You're skinny, like all the crops on your family's farm died!"
The entirety of Hot for Teacher.
From "I Kissed A Girl":
Kurt: If I want to win I'll have to pull a JFK.
Rachel: You're going to shoot Brittany?!
Puck writing in "Ross Perot" also qualifies.
"Student Council Elections" and "REAL ELECTION". Also, contrast the length of the queues.
From "Hold On To Sixteen": Finn, upon seeing Sam, as a stripper, on stage in just boxers. "That's an image I'm never gonna be able to get out of my mind."
Santana saying that even she felt something stirring in her "lady loins" when she saw Sam.
Mike tells his dad that he missed the application deadlines for the dance colleges. Tina then tells him that she already sent them all in just in case his dad changed his mind. Though she kinda had to forge his signature.
Finn finds Blaine giving a rather thorough beat down to a punching bag. Blaine explains that, due to his bullying he took up boxing. Not funny. The funny part - "I also started the Dalton branch of fight club. Which I obviously can't talk about."
Slightly meta, but this review of the episode, told entirely from the perspective of Michael Chang Sr.
You can just tell that Chris Colfer and Darren Criss are desperately trying not to laugh at Kurt's (overre-)acting, from forgetting to turn on the oven to going "Christmas is cancelled!" over being outbid on a necklace.
Finn's gift to Rachel is a pig which is sent to a family in Africa, so they can fatten it up and eat it.
Rachel: You got me a dead pig for Christmas?
Finn: It's not dead yet. They have to fatten it up first.
Rachel knows Finn doesn't know what to get her for Christmas, leading to this exchange:
Finn: Who told you?! Was it Kurt?
Kurt [breezing past]: Yes.
In the Christmas episode the meeting where Sue is asking Artie, Kurt and Blaine to get New Directions to sing to the homeless. Blaine's facial expressions especially were hilarious.
"Yes/No": Sam and Finn's discussion about synchronized swimming. Sam: "Swimming is sexy!" Finn: (muttering) "Not if its synchronized!"
Woman to Sam: "I've never seen big lips like yours on a white guy and one of your nipples is higher than the other!" *Sam crosses arms over chest*
Burt, Finn, Carole and Will talking about Finn's plan to enlist in the army.
Burt: You know what I want. I'm gonna need someone to take over the shop, while I'm in DC, and if I let your brother do it, he'll have all the grease monkeys wearing white dinner jackets. [Will hides a smile, and Finn cracks up laughing.]
"Screw this, I'm getting a whole cheesecake." *Kurt raises his hand and clicks his fingers*
And then, to Rachel, "Make that two cheesecakes." *Kurt clicks his fingers again*
Sue's congratulatory "I have been bested; I'll just have to call David Boreanaz," speech after Coach Beiste reveals that she and Cooter eloped.
The kids try to guess the weeks assignment by sounding out the letters as Schue writes them on the board. "Mmmm...aaa..rrr...y...mm..eee!" "Question mark!"
"I taped this to my under-boob. If Kurt had taped it to his junk, we never would've heard the end of it. We'd have had a week of songs about it."
I'm gonna be honest here: just the word "under-boob" has this troper laughing.
Kurt and Santana's discussion of how to get back at Sebastian for slushying Blaine with a rock salt laden slushie in an attempt to slushy Kurt. It Makes Sense in Context, I swear. This troper can't decide whether Kurt calling him "Sebastian the criminal chipmunk;" Santana's total Refuge in Audacity suggestion of dragging Sebastian bound and gagged to a tattoo parlour to get a tramp stamp that says "You're my one-millionth customer!"; or her comment that she doesn't want to go to college in a FEMA trailer at a prison is funniest - so just the entire scene. Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, because we see Santana's soft side and her wanting to help Kurt and Blaine and respecting Kurt's dislike of violence and telling him that they will beat Sebastian without resorting to violence.
Every time someone asked Sue "with who's vagina?" cracked me up. It was mean, but damn, I did not see that coming.
"Sue, you can't have no baby. You are old as a hill. You won't give birth to no child, you gonna give birth to a grandchild. You gonna get in them stirrups, and you gonna push and push, and a full grown adult is gonna pop out with a briefcase and a job, talking on a cell phone. [...] What you need to do is wake up and smell the menopause. You are done as coach, and all the hormones in Thailand can't change the fact that you are done as a woman. What you need to do is start praying that you give birth to a child that likes to eat sand, because that's all that's coming out those old wrinkly boobs."
Will's Spanish speaking abilities.
Will- "Where are you all gonna be in 30 years?" Rachel and Kurt- "Broadway! Twinsies." What's funny is that when they say "twinsies", they sound so bored.
The entire club's reaction to David. Especially Puck, who looks back and forth during David and Santana's performance of "La Isla Bonita", as if he can't figure out who to oggle.
I kind of pegged Puck's reaction as him being distracted by the Frickin' Laser Beams. Also absolutely hysterical.
It looked like Puck was high and the laser beams were tripping him out.
What about when he asked if he could perform before "Sexy and I Know It"? The way Kurt said "Oh God, yes please," and later started pulling at his collar and fanning himself had this troper in stiches.
This little part made me laugh- Rachel: Cutest. Sugar: Smile. Artie: Ever (realizes what he just said.)
Emma's pamphlets to help Mercedes and Sam: "So You're a Two-Timing Ho" and "So You're Dating a Two-Timing Ho".
'Please Don't Hog My Fiance's Nog.' That is all.
Heart: Rory and Artie one-upping each other to win over Sugar. Also Sugar hiding presents under everybody's seats. Everybody's.
Sugar: Except you, Artie. Your chair moves so your surprise is in the [wastebasket/potted plant] over there
Puck with chocolate all over his face: "I found mine ten minutes ago."
Brittany and Santana's almost kiss scene, when Figgins appears out of no where and yells "TEEN LESBIAAAAAANS." It's funnier than it sounds, trust me.
Its short, but when Santana is complaining about the lack of complaints regarding Finn and Rachel kissing, it gives a brief short of her with a look of pure disgust.
Also, Figgins' comment immediately afterward:
Figgins: Believe me, I'd much rather see you and Santana kiss than the so-called Finchel.
In the same number, Blaine offers Kurt the mic, and he refuses, only to pull out his own microphone.
Every scene in the Berry household. The cherry on top is Rachel's routine.
Rory realizes that he'll have to compete with Artie over Sugar.
Rory: This is a four-leaf clover. I'm going to give t to you, because you need all the luck you can get.
Kurt: Do you people just carry those around?
The God Squad's discussion on 'Is Gay Okay?' turns into one of these pretty quickly. For one thing, Sam wastes no time in pointing out the elephant in the room.
Sam: Well, three out of four of us are in Glee club, which means we kinda sing to gay people every day.
And then later:
Mercedes: One in ten people is gay, which means one of the disciples was probably gay. I think it's Simon, because it's the gayest sounding name.
Quinn: Jesus never said anything about gay people. It's a fact.
Sam: Maybe he didn't want to hurt Simon's feelings.
It might turn out to be less funny later, but Nick's line of, "That's- exactly what it looked liked," is funny due to his utter sarcasm in the face of Dave's complete lack of subtlety.
The reveal that Lord Tubbington is addicted to Ecstasy
The Berrys and Hudson-Hummels discussing how the Finn-Rachel wedding is a terrible idea. And their plans to stop it.
Carole: And once he puts his mind to something, there is no getting him off of it.
Hiram: Same with Rachel. At this point, even Patti Lu Pone herself couldn't talk her out of marrying Finn.
Leroy: Barbra could.
Hiram: Maybe Barbra...
Burt: Who's Barbra?
Hiram: But, since Babs is probably shopping in her private underground mall right now (you know she has her own mall?) Here's what we're gonna do. When the justice of the peace says "Does anybody here object?"
Burt: Yeah, hell yeah! I do!
Hiram: We all say "We do!" with feeeeeeeling. Burt, you will run interference with Finn. Carole, you will distract the Justice of the Peace with your feminine wiles. I will hustle Rachel out the side door and into our waiting car where you, Leroy, will drive (I don't drive) straight to Broadway. And if that doesn't start to get our baby girl back on her career track, I don't know what will. Are we agreed?
Burt: If you're gonna do something, do it now.
Hiram: New plan. I'm gonna fake an epileptic seizure.
Leroy: You're not an epileptic.
Hiram: That's why I'm gonna fake it.
Brad the piano player's silent fist pump when Sue throws Mercedes' phone away and smashes it.
Cooper's Acting "Master Class". ALL OF IT. Blaine's increasing exasperation makes it just that much better.
"I'm sorry, are you talking to me? I couldn't tell, because you're not POINTING AND SHOUTING!" (paraphrased).
Kurt's reaction to the first appearance of Cooper Anderson.
In "Saturday Night Glee-ver", Brittany releases a a sex tape of her an Santana, which is kinda funny and kinda creepy. Except she spiced it up by adding clips of Lord Tubbington doing household chores, which makes it hilarious.
In "Dance With Somebody", Kurt and Blaine's conversation in Emma's office. While things get serious fast for the two boys, one of Blaine's lines made me literally laugh out loud. It turns out Kurt has been slipping bronzer in Blaine's lotion, because he'd "look better with a little color." Only, it turns out Blaine only uses the lotion on his hands, and "It looks weird when a person just has tan hands, Kurt!"
Another Funny Moment from Kurt and Blaine's couple therapy. When Kurt defends himself, saying that he already told Blaine how he felt through song, Emma discreetly tucks away one of her special pamplets: "Say Sorry With A Song."
The fact that the 'therapy session' starts out with this conversation basically sets the comedic tone for all of the above:
Blaine: Are you... qualified... for that [couples counseling]?
Emma: Well, not really... (offhandedly) or... at all... but Sam and Mercedes came to talk to me and you know I - I think they found it pretty helpful.
Blaine: ...Yeah... I'm - I'm pretty sure they broke up...
Emma: Gosh, they seem like such a good fit too, right?
Brittany feels bad about Quinn not being able to dance with her during "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
Brittany: And Quinn, you're still dancing in my dreams. And you can also fly and breath fire.
A Blink And You'll Miss It moment, but when Puck wryly admits he hasn't been a very good friend since he tends to sleep with his friends' girls, Mike and Blaine give him suspicious glares!
Before the aforementioned couples' therapy with Emma, Blaine publicly chews out Kurt when he finds out about Chandler and Kurt's texts. His method of humiliation? Singing "It's Not Right, But It's Okay," in front of the entire Glee club. As the song begins, the camera switches between Blaine singing, Kurt defending his actions with an 'I-can't-believe-you're-doing-this' face, and the various other glee club members' expressions, ranging from Mike's plain incredulous face to Will's '...Oh God more teenage drama' face. The conflict between Kurt and Blaine aside, it becomes hard to tell what the writers want us to laugh at more; Blaine and Kurt's over-the-top ways of dealing with their fight, or everyone else's expressions in the background.
To elaborate: While Kurt has a gorgeous voice, he fails completely at conveying the smoldering, dangerous, seductive sexuality that is the hallmark of the stage Phantom. It's just so utterly campy and corny it becomes delightful.
And poor Tina, his Christine, keeps having to follow him around the stage looking like a robot because he keeps moving around!
It's an hilariously overdone parody of Sarah Brightman's infamously affect-less Christine.
Rory and Artie get headaches after "The Rain in Spain" due to excessive head banging.
Blaine playing the tambourine on a pizza box during The Rain in Spain struck this troper, but YMMV.
Finn's drawing of a bush that looks like a bear.
Blaine: Am I hiding behind a bear?
Finn: It's not a bear, it's a bush.
Blaine: It looks like a bear.
Rory: Maybe it's a shrub.
Kurt thinking of ways to make his performance better, including singing in German and performing in the nude. He also considers adding more candles to the stage.
Blaine: Oh God, no. No more candles.
Am I the only one who thinks Roz and Sue are purespun comedy gold team? I cracked up every time both of them were on screen.
Roz's nicknames for Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, Sugar and Santana are particulary hilarious.
Roz: Shannon, write these names down as placeholders: Hat Rack, Asian Horror Movie, Little Oprah, Rojo Caliente, Salsa Caliente.
When Roz tells the girls off for the Cell BlockTango this troper almost died laughing.
"What're you looking at, Jar Jar Binks?"
The Prom theme: Dinosaurs. Brittany was inspired by the new girl Joe, who reminds her of a cavewoman.
Mike geeking out seeing all of the dinosaurs.
Blaine without hair gel, and everybody's reaction to it.
Burt Hummel, Congressman, mechanic, and general awesome dude's graduation present to his son. He explains that he felt like, after his first wife died, their relationship was a bit on stumbling blocks because he didn't know how to relate to his son - until he saw Kurt doing the Single Ladies dance. Cue Brittany and Tina coming out and backing him up to do the number just like they'd done for Kurt. Also counts as a massive Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
Mercedes jokes that they should just lock the choir room doors and stay there forever.
Brittany: We could use the wastebasket for a toilet. And we can eat Joe because she's been here the shortest and we know her the least.
Blaine's (and oftentimes Burt Hummel's also) reactions to... just about everything. At most times, these seem to be the only two characters who are aware that they're on the crazy train with the Mc Kinley students and all their antics. Blaine seems to take it all in semi-amused stride, with occasional "THIS IS NOT NORMAL." moments, while Burt is in constant disbelief.
A background CMOF happens during 'Goodbye', in the scene where Mr. Schuester and Finn talk in his office. When Mr Schue admits to planting weed in Finn's locker the first day, the camera briefly zooms in on his notice board, where there's an article reading, "Priority #1- Help the Kids."
The competition for The New Rachel, with Brittany, Blaine, Tina, and Wade fighting over the lines to Call me Maybe, shoving each other out of the way, and Blaine changing his final pose about three times in the space of a second.
And then Blaine wins, prompting this response from Brittany.
Brittany: I had a song in my heart Blaine Warbler, and now that song is dead. And soon the corpse of my dead heart song is going to smell.
Sue's daughter Robin, who's name reminds her of "spring, new beginnings, and [her] favourite dead BeeGee".
Wade/Unique's reaction to being slushied: "Unique's eyes...They are on Fire!" (all done in her sassy voice)
"Now I know how Jesus feels in his house at the North Pole."
Blaine inserting a rant about Brittany not letting him use his hairgel at the prom into his speech for class president as if that were the first step to the end of democracy was a hilarious little tie in to his comment back in the prom episode that hair- care-product-usage is a constitutionally protected right.
"It leads to burning books, which probably leads to burning people."
A super hero sidekick appreciation club exists at Mc Kinley apparently. Cue Blaine jumping around in a knockoff Robin suit. (The fact that the club exists and yet Glee club is still bottom of the social pecking order might also be considered one.)
The club later becomes the focus of "Dynamic Duets" four episodes later. It was a beautiful site.
Kurt's reaction to Finn walking into the kitchen in "The Break-Up":
Kurt: I'm gonna take this down to the park and watch drug deals go down.
Left Behind club. That is all. And, during the discussion of the rapture during the club.
Marley: Aren't you half Jewish?
Marley: So would you ascend into the heavens half as fast?
Also during the left behind club, while Kitty is speaking, we get a brief shot of Joe, who just looks spectacularly unimpressed.
In "The Role You Were Born To Play", Sue's "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Marley and Wade/Unique. I was laughing so hard, I'm not sure I heard everything.
Millie's sheepish "Well..." expression and Sue's "Oh God, not another one" expression right after that are what made it for this troper.
In "Sadie Hawkins", Tina's love song going completely over Blaine's head. Completed by his slowly dawning horrified expression when she flat-out says his name.
Her song montage included Blaine sneaking behind the serving counter in the lunchrooom to give Sam and Tina bigger portions (and throwing his hands up with the biggest 'I didn't do anything' expression when the lunchlady returns to shoo him) and Tina checking out his ass in maths class.
Puck's entire speech to Kitty is pretty much the writers giving radar the double-bird.
"Baby Got Back" performed as a show choir ballad was absolutely hysterical.
Hunter's temper tantrum at the Lima Bean caused by his 'roid rage.
Hunter: What the hell is this? Did you put Splenda in my latte? (throwing stuff around) You're a barista! You don't think!
Sam: Here comes the biscotti throw.
Hunter: (still throwing things) You need to remember like six things, and one of them is that the sugar comes in the brown packets, and the Splenda is in the yellow! I freaking hate Splenda!It tastes like- like pencils!Why are you putting pencilsIN MY LATTE?!
Sue lampshades the plot-hole of how frequently the graduates show up.
Sue: What is with you glee club ex-pats? Don't you have jobs? You have to have some source of income so you can pay the staff of scientists who service your teleporters that you all clearly own since you're constantly showing up here!
Granted, Santana is more understandable than the others, since Louisville is closer to Lima compared to New York, Massachusetts, LA, and wherever Mike's school is, and she has her mom's nest egg to pay for the trips.
"There are a lot of badass Asian divas out there. Lucy Liu, Bai Li, BD Wong..."
"Did you vapo-rape my ex-boyfriend?"
Marley to Ryder as he nervously taps his foot against the ground.
Marley: Okay, what is going on with you? Did you get more of those 11-hour energy shots? Because there's a reason they're illegal in Canada.
Ryder (quickly): Nothing's going on, what could be going on, it's history class. *smiles*
"Girls (and Boys) on Film"
Sugar is an absolute goldmine in this episode.
Sugar: We should do The Artist so we don't have to sing!
When Will tells the kids they'll be doing movie songs:
Kitty: (to Marley) You don't get dibs on 'Les Mis' just because you are the poster.
Finn and Artie convince Emma's parents to give up her location by posing as members of an anti-ginger bullying club. Complete with wigs.
Even funnier when you that Emma's parents clearly don't recognize Finn with the copper wig despite that Finn was the best man at their daughter's wedding
And Gingers are supposed to smell like copper.
Santana announces that the first thing she did after moving into Kurt and Rachel's apartment was root through every pocket and drawer. Because she was bored. Bonus for the audience seeing just how thorough and messy her search was, and yet nobody even knew it had happened until she told them.
There's also her epic takedown of Brody, which contains several great lines.
Kitty: I have a confession to make. For the past six months I've said behind your back and in front of your face that you're poor and fat and mousey and boring and that you dress like Zack Galifianakis. I apologize.
Jake: I am singing your favorite song from your favorite romantic movie. Marley:(jokingly)The Hunger Games?
"I felt like a gay horror movie was unfolding before my eyes."
From "Feud", after Kurt and Rachel evict Santana from the apartment and she gathers up her things and leaves.
Rachel: Pretty sure she just took my comforter.
Kurt: Bitch stole my pillow.
Sue's Nicki Minaj impression. All of it.
Kurt buys a pillow shaped like an arm and half a torso to help himself sleep. Later he buys ones for Santana and Rachel, and gives Santana's a sex-change.
After telling Blaine that he's fine with his gay crush, Sam hugs the other boy.
Cue Unique taking out one of her fake breasts and offering it to Blaine
Unique: Ooooh, you might need some woman parts to help you sell that.
Roz Washington. Just... Roz Washington.
Roz: And that is why you've all signed up with Dr. Fong to get a couple of those fatty ribs removed for flexibility!
And again, to Becky:
Roz: Maybe the fact that you grew from an itty-bitty fetus into a full-size adult in less than a calendar year has made you cocky, Robin Sylvester, but around here, we like our protein shakes to taste like human food and not some crazy peanut butter stem cell sauce that you cooked up on your Island of Dr. Moreau!
Anything and everything about the speech she makes Blaine and Becky repeat. Especially Blaine's "Wtf" face as he does it.
Mercedes talking to Jake about harnessing his full potential:
Mercedes: Look, Jesus wrote in the Bible somewhere, "Do not hide your light under a bushel." You gotta let it shine. Are you gonna argue with our Lord and Savior Jesus?
Jake: I mean, I'm Jewish...
Mercedes: That's okay, so was he!
"All or Nothing":
Brittany returns from her appointment at MIT with a serious Diva attitude and starts bashing on every member of the Glee club. It's either a CMOF or really, really disturbing (or a little bit of both.)
The entire MIT plotline, especially if you have seen Brittany's ditzier moments.
Sam calls Santana. Her response?
Santana: Did hell just freeze over or did you just white chocolate butt-dial me?
And Santana has put Sam's name in her phone as "Lips".
Brittany: Welcome back to Fondue For Two. Tonight’s guests are two sworn enemies, who became friends, then became enemies again, then became friends again, then enemies and then everybody stopped caring.
The identity of the celebrity father of Sue's baby is revealed:
Sue: And just in case you're wondering, Michael Bolton is a fantastic lover. We did it all night, Will. We did it every which way.
A mix between a CMOH and this, during Brittany's farewell speech to the New Directions.
Brittany: Mike Chang, Blaine, and Jim, you all are like my brothers.
Joe: (teary eyed) My name is Joe.
Additionally, she keeps up her streak of referring to Unique as Mercedes, and Unique doesn't even care anymore.
"Love, Love, Love"
Several kids quipping about the lives of The Beatles, except for Unique.
Unique: I don't know too much about The Beatles, I'm a little on the black side.
Blaine holds a meeting with Ryder, Sam, and Jake about helping cheer up Tina. The other three boys get distracted talking about the delicious cakes she was eating.
Followed soon after by the four of them posing as Paul, Ringo, George, and "half-black" John Lennon - complete with spot-on accents and the girls squeeing over them dressed as 60s teenagers.
The moments after we're introduced to the new Alpha Bitch Bree.
Artie: She seems nice. Kitty: She's a stone cold bitch and she's out to destroy me. Artie: Oh.
When the New Directions kids and the Vocal Adrenaline run in to the Haverbrook School's choir practice during "Help!" one of the kids turns to one of his friends and deadpan snarks "Oh, great, it's those Mc Kinley nerds again!"
"Tina In The Sky With Diamonds":
When Artie gets nominated for Prom King, you can briefly see a "how did this happen?" look on his face.
Kitty gets nominated for Queen. Her response:
Kitty: But I'm a sophomore.
Though Sue explains that all proms this year have been merged into a giant, mutant, "Brundleprom".
Tina begins a solo of "Revolution". During the middle of it, the bell rings and the entire class gets up to leave, cutting the solo short.
Sue gives Will an extremely long-winded, extremely hilarious explanation of why she is making the whole school get vaccinated. Among other things, it involves a documentary she saw about FDR and the fact that Mercedes just visited Lima after being in Los Angeles, which has just experienced an outbreak of meningitis.
When campaign posters are put up supporting Kitty for Prom Queen, the Glee club angrily confronts her, reminding her that she agreed to support Tina. Despite her denials of this, no one believes her, not even Artie. She has this to say about it:
Kitty: Why does no one believe me? *beat* Oh right, habitual liar.
Santana: I want yeast in my bagel. Not in my muffin. *laughing with bagel*
It's then followed up by her producers paying her entirely in Yeast-i-stat. And later her male manager at the diner stealing a box of it.
Bree's incredibly long and vicious speech about how Kitty needs to run for prom queen this year lest another glee member wins again, complete with seamless transitions between her normal bitchy tone and a cute bubbly voice meant to emulate Kitty.
Sue's disbelief that Bree is a cheerio, stating that she's sure she would've remembered a black girl on the team since "we don't see many of those".
Everything Sue says during this speech melds Funny, Awesome, Heartwarming — She wants Bree to go after New Directions because she thinks that having adversity to overcome will bring out the best in them. — and Refuge in Audacity "Chocolate Cheerio," anyone?
"The Quarterback". Yes, even thisepisode provided some moments of levity.
Kurt and Sue plant a memorial tree for Finn, but it's stolen the next day by Puck. Later, he and Beiste are having a heart to heart and it comes out that he stole the tree.
Beiste: You gotta promise to put the tree back Puck: I didn't take the tree. *beat* Fine, I took the tree. It was a garbage tree though, it wasn't big enough. Beiste: ...they grow, you know?
Also from Puck and Beiste, when he lashes out in the locker room and knock over a trolley.
Merely the sight of the guys trying to pull of Lady Gaga's outfits from Applause. It works for some, but for others it's hilariously awkward.
Tina, Kitty, and Unique try to bring Gaga's theatrical aspects into their performance of a Katy song, which involves plans to steal live tigers from the zoo. Later:
Unique: I tried to break into the Lima Zoo to get us live tigers but - PLOT TWIST! Lima doesn't have a zoo! Why did we think it did?!
Really the whole episode can be summed up in one quote:
Kitty: We are a bunch of Gagas trying to out-Katy the Katys who just did a Gaga song featuring Marley as Katy!
Bree's caution-tape Gaga outfit as an attempt to mess with the club, and Sue's flabbergasted reaction to it. They then go on to preemptively lampshade how ridiculous it is that the entire club will be referring to themselves as "Katies" and "Gagas" throughout the whole week.
Sam gets mad at Marley for not wearing her Gaga costume during the performance because she wasn't comfortable with it.
Sam: Well get over yourself! You think I’m just comfortable up here with no shirt on? Marley: Uh, yeah. You probably are.
Unique's take down of Bree, including calling her a "penis-flytrap".
Sue telling Will she installed a unisex bathroom for Unique to use... only to be revealed it's a port-a-potty bolted down to the floor in the choir room. Unique says he/she feels like she's in a nightmare, and then Tina walks out of it:
Blaine: [disgusted] Tina! How could you? Tina: What? It's convenient. Jeez, get your priorities straight.
Will: Unique doesn't need to use the port-a-potty.
Tina: There's nothing wrong with the port-a-potty! [gets into it]
Blaine arriving in glee club before everyone else:
Santana in her Mrs Claus gig had this troper dying of laughter. She's so humongously unnapropiate with her comments to the kids asking for presents, it becomes hilarious. From telling a kid he needs to lose weight, to rejecting another one because he looked Jewish... And then there's this gem:
Santana (kid just asked for a toy laptop): Why don't we just get you an I-Pad? You can't even get porn on whatever you asked me for. (cue Rachel and Kurt's horrified faces)
Santana as a Christmas elf is priceless as well. Right after Rachel complains that her Christmas elf costume makes her look like a candy stripper, Santana comes out with an even raunchier one: