Charlie's reaction to "Gene" the cow in the Pilot episode
Charlie: Well "somewhat" doesn't sound good.
Charlie: Is that a cow?
Walter, Peter, Astrid, and the cow watching SpongeBob from the same episode. True to form, Walter comments that it's "quite profound for a narrative about a sponge."
Olivia visits Walter and Peter's apartment in the middle of the night. During the usual conversation, Walter keeps shuffling across the floor towards his son. The slow buildup makes it that much better when he shocks him.
Plus it looks like a funny dance anyway.
Honestly, half the times Walter opens his mouth.
Peter: Are you okay? Did you take something? Walter: Psychedelics? No, not since Thursday.
From the episode, "Midnight", while in a nightclub searching for a syphilis infected vampire with a raging fever.
Woman: Now you're my kinda guy. What is that?
Peter: It's a hand-held thermal imaging radiometer: It tells me if you're hot.
Peter: So, you're definitely hot. But I'm looking for someone with syphllis.
Woman: Ooookay. *practically flees*
*Peter walks off with the biggest troll face you have ever seen*
Broyles: I remember when the suspect being human was a given, not an option.
Dunham is negotiating with a suicidal man on a rooftop, who is influencing a number of other people to also prepare to jump. Cut to Peter and Walter talking at ground level, where a woman plummets onto a car behind them.
Then there's Walter demonstrating how a radiological treatment made a woman's head explode using "Mr. Papaya" who has been outfitted with big googly eyes and pipe-cleaner limbs. "This is upsetting, 'cause he is the friendliest of fruits." Mr. Papaya goes splat. The Cow moos in surprise.
What makes it even funnier, is Peter turns to the cow with a look of, "Did that cow just say what I was thinking?"
Followed right after by:
Walter: It's a far more effective demonstration with living tissue... I have some expendable gerbils in the back room—
Episode 2x07, "Of Human Action". Walter briefs a tactical squad on how to use the headphones which counteract mind control:
"My son's teddy bear emits a white noise... As you listen you may feel a sense of deep tranquility, as if you had returned to your mother's womb... Once you are ordered to put on the headphones, do not remove them under any circumstances. If you do, you may die a gruesome and horrible death. Thank you for your attention and have a nice day."
In Snakehead, one of the fanged eel-monsters bites Walter on the arm and latches on, and Walter refuses to remove it because he thinks he's getting high.
Walter explains to a group of young children at a science museum about how the majority of Magellan's circumnavigation expedition died horrible deaths on the voyage. He then rationalizes why it was a success by telling them that if they looked under their beds at night, a monster might devour them, but their brothers and sisters might hear the noise and investigate and learn something about the monster, so their horrible, horrible deaths would not be in vain. It's at that point that a nearby adult asks him if he works there and he explains that he is just a member of the museum. The very next scene:
Walter: They had no right to revoke my membership, no right! Astrid: Walter, you terrified those kids. Walter: Children should know the truth.
From the very first episode.
Walter: "Only thing better then a cow is a person; unless you need milk, then you really need a cow."
In "The Equation", Walter sings Christmas music in the hopes of trying to remember what is behind the abductions.
Let's just say half of "Brown Betty". One highlight is Rachel singing the episode's first big musical number. In Walter's voice. While in the real world Astrid and Ella look at the singing and dancing Walter like he's lost his mind.
Singing corpses. That is all.
No it's not. What makes it even funnier is the fact that Anna Torv somehow managed to keep a straight face.
"Do Shapeshifters Dream of Electric Sheep?" has a stoned Walter giving a lecture to a group of Massive Dynamic scientists, including describing the taste of brain, starting to get undressed and spouting off lines like this;
Walter: You, with the red hair. Random scientist: It's black. Walter: I see red.
Followed by an exchange between Nina and Peter who are observing the whole debacle:
Nina: He's a bit unorthodox. Peter: He's also tripping his brains out right now. You know that, right?
There was an even better one in that episode.
Walter: Did you get everything on the list? Astrid: Yep. [Holds up porn magazine and portrait of George W. Bush] I don't even wanna know.
Season 3, "Entrada" has an excellent new word from Walter as he reacts to Peter's falling into Fauxlivia's, as Walter puts it, "Vagenda". The best part it that it is unclear whether the pun was intentional on Walter's part. The second best part is the reaction shot to the line. It is amazing. Just watch...
After Peter get's a call about Olivia being trapped in the other world, we have this little nugget:
Bolivia: "Who was that?" * Beat* Peter: "Apparently I'm eligible for unprecedented savings."
Broyles: "This is Colonel Broyles with the FBI. I need to speak with your Executive Director immediately — yes, it's urgent. Immediately means urgent."
Third season, first episode: Of course we know that everything Olivia says is true, but when she tells her story to the cab driver, she sounds exactly like your average delusional and paranoidconspiracy nut, complete with such classic Stock Phrases like "The government is after me!" or (concerning the tattoo) "They must have done this to me!":
I can't have been the only one who cracked up laughing when Walter was named CEO of Massive Dynamic.
Walter finds a serum that could help his brain regenerate. Problem. There are three vials, one would help a cat's brain, one will help a human, and one for chimpanzees, none are labeled. Walter blindly sniffs the serum and temporarily gets a partial chimp brain. Hilarity ensues.
Season 02 Premier (About Walter):
Jessup: Is he insane? Peter: Ooh yes.
Astrid in "Os"(s03e14), preparing to dispose of the excess blood Walter's drained from a corpse: "I went to Quantico for this?"
"No, Walter. It's still me." Made all the more funnier by the fact that it actually works.
Seconded. Anna Torv imitating Leonard Nimoy's speech patterns is nothing short of hilarious.
"You may want to escort him, Peter. Yesterday he spent fifteen minutes in front of a utility closet thinking it was the elevator."
Bug Girl flirting with Scarlie, completely ignoring Fauxlivia (who smirking the entire time) and the Hurricane of Puns that follow. Better Yet? He ends up marrying Bug Girl.
Charlie: Don't even start with me...don't ...
Fauxlivia: Bug Girl's got a crush Charlie.
Charlie: Bug Girl's got a crush on the fact that I have spiders in my blood, kiddo.
Fauxlivia: Come on. Everyone's looking for someone who's gonna like them for who they are inside, right?
Charlie: Are you kidding me right now?
She proceeds to mock him all the way back to Fringe Headquarters.
3x19. Peter and Broyles. High on LSD. The later unintentionally. The episode lived up to its name. A bit of Mood Whiplash and Mind Screw when high!Broyles reveals how freaked out he was by his alternate's brutal death... but otherwise hilarious. Highlights include Peter accusing Broyles of being an Observer and Broyles waving and whistling to an imaginary animated bird on Walter's shoulder.
In "Alone in the World," Olivia assures a kid who's afraid of doctors that there's nothing scary about Walter at all. Cue Walter's entrance in full forensic getup, including a blood-spattered lab apron. The reactions of Lincoln, Olivia, and the kid are priceless.
When Peter is a step ahead of Walter regarding what to do with the dead body they've just found and is personally collecting evidence while giving everyone else orders, Alternate Astrid gets a great line:
"Does he always do all of the jobs?"
In case you were wondering why Olivia carries the gun.
Lincoln: *after Peter shoots his attacker in the shoulder* Nice shot.
"You're much prettier than your predecessor." Walter says this to the woman who runs St. Claire's.
"You realise that that's a myth, right?" says the man from an Alternate Universeand an Alternate Timeline who solves crimes about were-hedgehogs, shapeshifting assassins and evil mole babies, once used the amount of adrenalin in a woman's brain to calculate where she died, can operate a doomsday device from the future and has a girlfriend who can set things on fire with her brain.
Walter making sure it's HIS Olivia rescuing him in the hospital in Over There Part 2.
Walter: Olivia...it is you, isn't it?
Olivia: Yes, Walter.
Walter: Prove it.
Olivia: Come on, Walter, we don't have time for this.
Walter: Ah...yes it is you. Wonderful. Hi.
Meta example, the bloopers reels. All of it. Particularly anything that comes out of Joshua's mouth.
Windmark may be evil, but it was hysterical to see him playing casually Simon (the disc-shaped game). It gets even funnier when Broyle walks in and stares, with a completely WTF expression on his face.
The entire scene with Walter's secret stash of Fringe evidence.
Walter: My porcupine man!
Olivia:You had no idea he was doing any of this?
Astrid: I wouldn't have slept at night if I did.
Walter firing an airgun over Astrid's head while Peter watches on and giggles.
In "Five Twenty Ten", we learn more of William Bell's treachery.
Any of Walter's hallucinations in "Black Blotter" that weren't tearjerkers or nightmare fuel. Special mention goes to the extended Mushroom Samba sequence in which Walter figures out the password. To the tune of "The Happy Wander".