Funny / Fillmore!
"Oh. Right. Not a problem. We're going with a tripod. It's got wheels and everything."

  • A Wurm in our Midst:
    Danny: "Hey Tony, is your refrigerator running? Like you? (beat) Man that was weak!"
    • Another from the same episode, when it was revealed that all of the library books were missing, played completely serious:
    Fillmore: This ain't good.
    Librarian: 'Isn't'.
    Fillmore: Isn't.
    dramatic fade to black
  • In "Ingrid Third, Public Enemy #1", Fillmore confronts Ingrid, who he saw (supposedly but in reality it was Parnassus) run away from a practical joke shop and drop a pin for the boy band "Dancey Lads". He walks into her house, drops the pin on Ingrid's table, and her reply is to glare at him and say "How dare you bring a Dancey Lads pin into my house!"
  • In "Cry, the Beloved Mascot", when Fillmore accidentally reveals to a student that Lobsty's been lobsternapped, the student runs out into the school's outdoor sports area screaming this news to people, causing all the kids outdoors to spontaneously panic and scream, and a girl and a boy can be heard going "SPIRIT WEEK IS RUINED!" and "I COMPLETELY AGREE!"
    • Also at the start, after someone attempts to pie Folsom (with Ingrid Taking the Bullet and being amazed she took one for Folsom, Fillmore takes the remains of the pie and puts it in a box labelled
    Evidence - Do Not Eat! (That means you, Vallejo!)
  • Fillmore and Ingrid need new walkie talkies, as their old ones have been broken. So Fillmore pulls a bit of trickery.
    Fillmore: Sorry man, I was comin' up to— Hey, Vallejo. Is this your card?
    Drops card, spins around and knocks over projector screen.
    Vallejo: My what? Woah!
    Fillmore quickly picks projector back up.
    Vallejo: Nice catch.
    Fillmore: Huh, listen man, ain't no thing but a chicken on a string.
    Vallejo: Huh?
    Fillmore: Smugly: Exactly! Oh, and uh, could you sign this communications report?
    Vallejo, rightly confused, mindlessly signs the forms for the new Walkies.
    Fillmore: Cool.
  • The principal's monologue about how Checkmatey's victory at the chess tournament would bring glory to the school as she's changing the settings on her massage chair, and that "The void in our trophy case and the void in my heart will be filled! DEEP TISSUE!"
  • From Test of the Tested:
    Folsom: "The last thing I want to see is twelve hundred kids having to take this test over again." *Door slams open*
    Kid in a cow float ring: "We'll have to take it over?! The SATTY-9 Synthesis-Aptitude-Tryout-Test-Yearly was the hardest test I've ever taken! IT TOOK THREE HOURS! I saw spots! I developed this spontaneous French accent! I can't take it again! I can-" *Gets cut off by Fillmore splashing water in his face*
    • And, a few seconds later, as Elliot is being led away from the scene...
    Ingrid: Um, Elliot? The reason to wear boxers is to avoid mooning strangers. Maybe you should get some new ones. Or maybe a big patch. *Elliot realizes his boxers are torn, covers himself, and runs off*
    Vallejo: People, can we cover Elliot's butt please?
    • Don't forget Ingrid's massive discomfort at being around the children who are upset about the test being stolen as they are all in a special therapy session with a weird counselor.
    • There's also this gem: Fillmore and Ingrid are called into Principal Folsom's office so she can lambast them over why the answer sheets haven't been recovered. Her phone is ringing. Her reaction to this? In a very calm, happy voice: "You hear that? That's how it's been since the answer sheets got stolen. I hear it in my sleep. I add milk to my crisped rice cereal and it sounds like my phone!"
    • Also Fillmore tricking Ingrid into thinking the Boys locker room is clear, only for her to get an eyeful of a guy in a towel.
  • In 'Two Wheels, Full Throttle, No Brakes', when they use Ingrid as a distraction to prevent anyone from noticing Fillmore taking a priceless antique scooter during a bocce ball game, one of the metal shop/scooter thief kids in the stands points to her (disguised to the nines in a suit and monocle) and monotonically shouts in a poor British accent:
    Howie: I SAY! That LASS is STEALING my SCOOT-AH!
    • Later, Fillmore uses Vallejo's bike to bring down the culprit, and of course, smashes it. Vallejo's restrained shock is priceless.
    Vallejo: Uh...Fillmore...please tell me that's not my bike.
    • As a student is being led away from a corn maze he was trapped in for several hours he looks at the news camera and begins to babble: "The all looks the same...IT ALL! LOOKS! THE SAAAAAAME!!!!!!!"
  • Vallejo's reaction in "A Dark Score Evened" when Fillmore tells him he assigned O'Farrell as bully Rochelle's bodyguard: "Fillmore, O'Farrell's not trained to use the stapler, let alone bodyguard somebody!"
    • Just the notion that O'Farrell somehow proved incapable of using a stapler.
  • O'Farrell begging to go undercover as a Red Robin and showing up at a briefing in full regalia. He bought the wig and everything! Also, Vallejo's deadpan response to the question of what O'Farrell is supposed to do with the wig: "Lots of things."
  • Any time Vallejo screams, FILLMORE!
    • One memorable one was after Fillmore had caught a mime (long story); Vallejo does his scream and is promptly mimicked, silently, by the mime who proceeds to chew the scenery silently. Without turning around...
    Vallejo: (flatly) Stop that.
  • In "The Shreds Fell Like Snowflakes", O'Farrell's attempts at drawing.
    • First at the patrol meeting...
    O'Farrell: After talking to the victims and filling in the blanks using my artistic and crimefighting gifts, I have put together a detailed sketch of the Shredder. Behold!
    Tehama: Okay, what the heck is that?
    Fillmore: Uh, no offense Danny, but, that kinda looks like Tiger Woods on a very bad morning.
    Ingrid: Oh yeah, and that's his elbow.
    Ingrid: At least I hope that's his elbow.
    • ...And later again at the science fair.
    O'Farrell: I have another sketch. Behold! The Shredder.
    Fillmore: It, uh, kinda looks like an oyster. Without the shell.
    O'Farrell: Wait a minute, Fillmore. Are you telling me that the perp is some kind of mutant oyster?!
    Fillmore: No. No, Danny, I'm not.
    O'Farrell: Okay. Carry on.
    • The first victim in the episode is later found huddled on the floor saying "Ay mamacita" over and over again. His friend goes "Your momma sat on what?!"
  • In the same episode, Sherry thinks Lorenzo's petition was to save the rainforest. She immediately says she's into environmental causes—then applies a cloud of hairspray to her hair.
  • In "Nappers Never Sleep" Lorraine's father is a fountain of them:
    Mrs. Konquist: I almost made it out of the house, and then someone decided to read War and Peace in one sitting!
    Lorraine's dad: I'm on page two-twenty!
  • In "A Forgotten Yesterday" O'Farrel forgets to take off the wire and the entire safety patrol hears his mother lecturing him about hid underwear.
  • The opening to "Foes Don't Forgive" has Fillmore and Third chasing a thief who has stolen the school's entire supply of dried corn. Why? He thinks de-cobbing corn "is murder, man!" And where does he hide it? In the school sauna. He admits it wasn't the best idea as they dodge the resulting tsunami of popcorn.