Funny: Fifty Shades of Grey

  • Not in the work itself, but various celebrities reading it.
    • TFS and Doug Walker reading it is completely hilarious with all of them doing either one of their (famous) roles or impersonating different characters
    • The George Takei one is particularly amusing, since he shares a Catch Phrase with the narrator. The one with Morgan Freeman (sorta ) also includes some pretty hilarious commentary.
    Ana: I like your kinky fuckery.
    "Morgan Freeman": Yeah, more like bullshit douchery.
  • For the interview, Kate had planned to ask Grey if he was gay, for no apparent reason.
  • Any time the phrase "inner goddess" is uttered. Among the things it does is a "salsa merengue," and waving pom-poms like a cheerleader, and it is once said to be like someone who has had an ice-cream snatched from it.
    • There's also the line from Fifty Shades Darker: "My inner goddess is doing a triple axel dismount from the uneven bars." "Triple axel" is a jump in figure skating. Dismounting the uneven bars is done in gymnastics.
  • Every time the "subconscious" is mentioned. Interestingly, the "subconscious" isn't really her subconscious, because she's clearly aware what the subconscious is doing (such as wearing half-moon spectacles) which is fully conscious.
  • Every time Ana goes "Oh my!" or "Holy crap!" and wants to masturbate at the sight of Christian Grey.
  • Every time a foil packet (euphemism for condom) is mentioned during a sex scene.
  • Every time a euphemism for vulva is used, e.g. "my sex" or "down there."
  • Every time a euphemism for penis is used, e.g. "incredible length".
  • The fact that E.L. is obviously unfamiliar in how to give a blowjob. For fuck's sakes, she talks about "swirling his penis with my tongue".
  • "I would like to bite that lip."
  • Christian's explanation for why he does BDSM: "Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, Ana!" You don't say, Chris. You don't say.
  • "Moving down, I push him into my mouth. He groans again. Ha! My inner goddess is thrilled. I can do this. I can fuck him with my mouth."
    • "My Christian Grey-flavored popsicle."
  • "I'm a ho with dirty sex hair."
  • Ana's mental response to the news that she just had "vanilla sex" with Grey: "I thought it was chocolate fudge brownie sex that we had, with a cherry on the top."
  • "He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue stringwhat?!and gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me."
  • The fact that the author obviously isn't familiar with the BDSM subculture.
  • In Fifty Shades Darker, Ana and Christian go to Jose's art show. To their surprise, several people recognize Ana and they soon find out why: an entire wall is dedicated to photos of her (that she didn't know existed). (This part is, by the way, blatant plagiarism of Blue Is The Warmest Color). Christian immediately purchases every picture.
  • In the beginning of the first novel, Ana is using Grey's toothbrush on purpose. It's supposed to convey her physical longing for him, but it comes off as disgusting rather than sexy/romantic. And when she later tells him about it, for absolutely no reason at all, he's pleased by it.
    Ana: I feel so naughty.