Any time the phrase "inner goddess" is uttered. Among the things it does is a "salsa merengue," and waving pom-poms like a cheerleader, and it is once said to be like someone who has had an ice-cream snatched from it.
There's also the line from Fifty Shades Darker: "My inner goddess is doing a triple axel dismount from the uneven bars." "Triple axel" is a jump in figure skating. Dismounting the uneven bars is done in gymnastics.
Every time the "subconscious" is mentioned. Interestingly, the "subconscious" isn't really her subconscious, because she's clearly aware what the subconscious is doing (such as wearing half-moon spectacles) which is fully conscious.
Every time Ana goes "Oh my!" or "Holy crap!" and wants to masturbate at the sight of Christian Grey.
Every time a foil packet (euphemism for condom) is mentioned during a sex scene.
Every time a euphemism for vulva is used, e.g. "my sex" or "down there."
Every time a euphemism for penis is used, e.g. "incredible length".
"I would like to bite that lip."
Christian's explanation for why he does BDSM: "Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, Ana!" You don't say, Chris. You don't say.
"Moving down, I push him into my mouth. He groans again. Ha! My inner goddess is thrilled. I can do this. I can fuck him with my mouth."
"My very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle."
"I'm a ho with dirty sex hair."
"His eyebrows widened in surprise."
Ana's mental response to the news that she just had "vanilla sex" with Grey: "I thought it was chocolate fudge brownie sex that we had, with a cherry on the top."
In the beginning of the first novel, Ana is using Grey's toothbrush on purpose. It's supposed to convey her physical longing for him, but it comes off as disgusting rather than sexy/romantic. When she later tells him about it, for absolutely no reason at all, he's pleased by it.
Ana: I feel so naughty.
The fact that the author obviously isn't familiar with the BDSM subculture.
TFS and Doug Walker reading it is completely hilarious with all of them doing either one of their (famous) roles or impersonating different characters.
The George Takei one is particularly amusing, since he shares a Catch Phrase with the narrator. The one with Morgan Freeman (sorta It's actually a voice imitator named Josh Robert Thompson) also includes some pretty hilarious commentary.
Comedian Andrew Orvedahl's thoughts on the infamous passage "His voice was warm and husky, like melted dark chocolate fudge caramel, or something," which rightfully belongs here, too:
…"Or something"? You're the fucking author! You get to decide what that "or something" is; that's part of your job while writing a book! Like she's just sitting there, writing, and she was like: "His voice w- I'm hungry for dessert, what does a voice sound like? …Eh, you'll figure it out!"
E. L. James attempted a Twitter question-and-answer session. Itwentpoorly.
"Did you write intentionally badly so people would suffer pain, but discover they enjoy it?" "Which do you hate more, women or the English language?" "#AskELJames I need advice on making a BIG romantic gesture. Should I put a GPS tracker in her phone and make threats if she tries to leave?" "#AskELJames what's it like telling millions of women it's okay to be in an abusive relationship as long as he's rich. Asking for a friend." "#AskELJames Can you confirm that you will be writing the story of Ramsay Bolton from his perspective, showing he is just misunderstood?"
The movie received either the highest, or near-highest ratings even in countries lenient towards sexual content like the Netherlands, Germany or Scandinavia. In France, the movie only got a 12 rating (the next lowest is Sweden and Denmark with a 15 rating, which is still the highest rating in those countries). And then the fact that the Media Watchdog of France thought the rating was too high and deserved the equivalent of an All-ages rating. Let that sink infor a minute.
Alternatively, the fact that France rated it so low isn't so much a commentary on French cultural values as it is a commentary on the movie itself.